The Doctor's Tale (20 page)

Mary’s eyes narrowed. “I might as well tell you the way things are, so you can live in the real world with the rest of us. Your Starr Baby is a junkie that likes to party with the likes of Dr. Freeman. She be up here in those tight pants of hers, and Freeman got his tongue all hanging outta his mouth, like he never saw a woman walk down a hall. I started watching her real close after she stole Miss Lori’s pain meds.”

“What did you just say?”

“Yeah. You heard me right. I done put the pills in a cup on a tray in front of Miss Lori, and you know how she was, drifting in and out. Well, Lori asked me for her pain meds late in the day, and I say, girl, you ain’t due for none so close to the last dose. An’ she say, but I didn’t get anything. I believe Miz Raines didn’t get her pills because Miz Hixson stole ‘em from her when she wasn’t looking. I started to stay in the room and watch while Miz Raines take her medicine in front of me. Miz Hixson liked to throw a fit! Say I don’t respect patient privacy, and she was gonna write me up. I say, go on an’ you do that, Missy. Right about then, I noticed she stopped coming to visit Miz Raines. Only times I saw her after that, she was with Dr. Freeman.” Mary stopped talking and turned to take a glimpse at Eddie’s tear-stained cheek. “I guess maybe I shouldn’t be telling you all of this. But, it’s been going
on about two, three months now, and I’m up to here with it. All’s I’m saying is, I am not surprised.”

“What if I said I don’t believe you?”

Mary shrugged and shook her head. “Don’t bother me none, Mr. Raines. I just felt somebody needed to tell you the truth. You don’t have to believe it. Now, I’d best be going on home. My daughter will be wondering what happened to me.” Her wrinkled face broke into a wide smile. “If it ain’t Dr. Spezia! Why you walking like you on top a bed of nails or sumpin’?”

Though I heard her question, I neglected to answer it. I had no doubt that I probably didn’t look very friendly. “Eddie, we’re going to have to talk about a few things. I’m afraid Miss Hixson’s condition is very serious. It doesn’t look good at all.”

Mary glanced at Eddie. “Don’t you worry too much about Miz Hixson now. Just put your troubles in God’s hands.”

Eddie looked up at the gray sky. “I think God’s sick and tired of hearing from me, if you want to know what I think. First, He takes my wife, and then He sends the cancer to bite me in the lung, and now…” His voice trailed off into tears.

Mary glared at Eddie. “Mr. Raines, God didn’t have nothing to do with Miz Hixson and her party games. You should thank your lucky stars that God’s still talking to you, the nonsense you be talking about Him. If you ask me, He ain’t giving up on you yet.”

“Why don’t you go home now, Mary?” I said. “ I’ll take care of Mr. Raines.”

Mary considered my suggestion and shook her head. “Okay, the both of you take care now. I don’t want to be reading about either of you in the newspapers. I already got enough friends in there.” She grabbed her coat and purse and lumbered toward the massive glass doors that led to the parking lot. “Dark as a cave out there.”

I waited until Mary turned the corner at the end of the hall to speak to Eddie. “There is something you should know, Eddie.” I bit my lip,
searching for the kindest words to say unkind things. There weren’t any.

“Starr is, or I guess more correctly, was involved with Dr. Freeman. You should know that.”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, the nurse told me.”

“What else did she tell you?”

“She said it had been going on for about two or three months.”

“Okay.”

“Did you know this, Doc?”

“No, I had no idea. I mean, I knew that she seemed to have an unusually high level of interest in your wife, considering her relationship with you, but I never suspected that she was stealing Lori’s meds. Frankly, the relationship with Dr. Freeman doesn’t surprise me.”

“Well, it surprises the crap out of me. Ya’ll act so ho-hum about the whole thing, but let me tell you something, Doc—I was—and still am—in love with the Starr that I knew. You didn’t know her like I did.”

For a moment, I considered the man that stood before me. I decided I didn’t need to break his heart for him. He was doing a fine job of it all by himself. “No, Eddie, you’re right. I didn’t. But, that is neither here nor there. The important thing now is that you take care of yourself.”

“But, I can’t just walk away from Starr. Not when she needs me the most.”

I slapped him on the back. “C’mon, I’ll help you get a taxi home.”

“That’s good of you, Doc. But I’m going to visit Starr before I go. I can take the bus. See you later.”

I watched Eddie Raines shuffle down the corridor to the ICU. There was no stopping him, I knew that. Eddie would have to find out all by himself. It was like watching a man jump off of a cliff and waiting for the inevitable crash landing. Well, it wouldn’t be long before I heard one. I turned and strolled to the parking lot to find my car. Suddenly, I felt very tired.

Eddie knew he should go home. All he really felt like doing was getting drunk. Hell, maybe just staying that way forever. He didn’t care
if it was the cancer that killed him or pneumonia or yellow fever. He’d made a mess of his life and he deserved to die, is what he thought. But, before he left for the night, he had to know one thing.

Eddie waited until they all left—Dr. Kinney, the head nurse, and the aide, before he slipped into the room where Starr lay in a bed with tubes and wires coming out of every inch of skin and the sheets. Looked that way to him, anyway. “I love you, Starr,” he said, loud enough for her to hear. He waited for a sign that she knew he was there. As sick as his Lori got, Eddie felt she knew when he was there. Even if they never talked, he could feel the words between them, like some kind of an unbreakable bond.

He didn’t feel anything like that now, no matter how hard he tried to make it happen. With Lori, he never had to try to make anything happen. He realized that now. He realized something else, too. All along, what he really wanted was his Lori back, the way she used to be—all full of herself, pushing life to the line. Standing there, alone and lonely, he shivered in the shadows. He wanted the Hand of Fate to return what it stole from him: Lori, his wife, the love of his life. Until now, he’d thought that Starr could take her place.
You’re a fool, Raines,
he chided himself.
Such a danged fool.

“Hey!” A voice echoed in the empty corridor. “What’re you doing in there?”

Eddie turned and watched Dr. Freeman stagger towards him, his lips pulled back in a sneer.

“I don’t need your help, you wimp. I got this…situation…under control.” His eyes looked glassy, and his words sounded slurred. “Now, get the hell outta here.”

For a moment, Eddie hesitated. Who would look after Starr? Freeman couldn’t look after himself. Dr. Spezia, Dr. Kinney, and Nurse Potts were all gone for the day. He gazed at Starr, and for the second time, felt nothing. He didn’t understand it, and he couldn’t change it. Apparently, Starr felt that way about him for the past two or three months.

He strode out of the room as freely as Dr. Freeman stumbled into
it. Dr. Spezia was right. It was time to think about Eddie for a change. He opened the cold glass door. The night air blasted his face.

He lit the end of a cigarette and started walking.

When Eddie finally boarded the bus that would take him most of the way back to his bungalow in south St. Louis, the sky looked ominous. The crisp air smelled like fresh snow. He slid across the worn seat of the creaky bus, and nodded at the couple behind him. They were holding hands, he noticed that. In his entire life, he never felt more alone.

He coughed again and fumbled in his coat pocket for another handkerchief, maybe a piece of paper towel or a tissue, anything. The dark blood stained his hand. He wiped it on a stray piece of newspaper. It felt peaceful, riding the bus like this, and Eddie considered just staying on for a while. Who knew where he might end up? There wasn’t any reason for him to care anymore—except perhaps Dr. Spezia. Dr. Spezia, yeah. Eddie felt badly about all that had transpired between them, especially since it turned out that, all along, he’d been right about Starr.

“Craziness, that’s what that was,” he murmured under his breath. From his seat, he spotted the corner liquor store, the one that sold that cheap wine Starr liked so much. He decided to get off the bus a few blocks early and buy a couple, or maybe even three bottles, in her honor. That should be enough to toast the beginning of the end of whatever it was they had together. He rose from his seat. Hungry and dizzy, he collapsed on the slick vinyl.

“Hey, you okay back there?” the driver said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie said. He struggled to his feet. “I’m okay. Just lost my balance for a few seconds there. I’ll be getting off at the next stop.”

“You by yourself?”

“Sure thing.”

“What happened to that little blonde you like to run around with, huh?”

“She’s…she’s—”

The driver grinned. “That’s okay. Save it for later. Just buy her some nice flowers. She’ll forget everything.”

Eddie hustled down the steps of the bus. His cheeks felt raw and chapped. Oh, the things he wanted to say! Don’t worry about the little blonde, oh no. She forgot everything already. But what about him, huh? He wanted to forget everything, all of it, and make a fresh start. Next time, he’d know better. He wouldn’t make dumb mistakes. At least, not the same ones.

He pushed the glass door of the liquor store and maneuvered his way through the maze of bottles and boxes. He snatched three wine bottles from a pile in a wire bin and approached the counter, contemplating his new outlook. After seconds of serious consideration, he reached a conclusion. Undoubtedly, he would make the same dumb mistakes. It was his nature to learn everything the hard way. He was the kind of guy that had to experience pain to believe it hurt.

Only two blocks to walk, and he would be at home. It wouldn’t take too long. Dang, he felt weary. Weary, and he guessed he was pretty sick, too. As much as he hated to admit it, yeah, he had the cancer. But did it matter? Nope. Not to one single person, especially himself.

He sensed a presence behind him. Was someone following him? He glanced over his shoulder, and then to the right and left. No one. He was just beaten down by the events of the day, that’s all. Who wouldn’t be?

Ten minutes later, one bottle of wine was gone. He hadn’t even bothered to pour it into a glass. No point, really. To Eddie, the major reason he bought three cheap bottles of wine was to get drunk, as fast as possible. He uncorked the second bottle and swigged half without tasting, his head cocked backwards, his throat open to receive the elixir. Hit me, he thought. Just hit me. Nothing can hurt me anymore.

That’s when he thought he saw Lori.

Eddie blinked. Hard. He blinked again. It was Lori, all right. There she stood, smiling so sweet, like she used to, the way he liked to remember her. An ethereal glow emanated from her filmy figure. Not a halo, exactly—Eddie couldn’t have said exactly what it was, if someone, like say Dr. Spezia, pressed him to describe it. He guessed he would say it was a pale glimmer of light, maybe like a spent firecracker.

“This isn’t funny, Lori,” he said. And it ain’t very nice, neither. Now, I know you aren’t real, but if you are, you stay right where you are. I mean, I guess you went away somewhere for awhile, and now, it seems you’re back, so I guess you know all about what’s been going on.” He gulped some more of the wine and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’ll have to excuse me, baby. I’m getting stinking drunk—yeah, I am. I just left Starr to die in the danged hospital.”

The filmy shadow didn’t nod or move. Yet, Eddie felt sure it was Lori, come back to visit him, just like she said she would. He sure didn’t expect her to look like this.

Eddie’s hands trembled so badly, he could barely hold the wine bottle.

“Baby, aren’t you cold, dressed like that? “Lori—do you know about me? I mean, what Spezia told me about the cancer? Eddie felt stunned; and yet, he was not afraid. This was Lori, after all. “You think I got it, baby?”

The apparition seemed to fade as quickly as it appeared. Eddie tipped his head backwards and finished what remained of the second bottle. He would bet his Pontiac, he just saw Lori. Now, all he saw was a blank wall. Either he just talked to his wife, he was drunk, or he was crazy. Well, what the heck! A man could pick all three, couldn’t he? He wondered with all his heart if the dead could talk to the living. More importantly, who would he ask about such things? Only one name appeared on the radar screen in his mind.

Thomas Spezia, M.D. He would call him—yeah—after he got some sleep and cleared his head. He reached for the third bottle of wine and stumbled on a throw rug in front of Lori’s chair. Eddie collapsed in the cluttered living room, surrounded by shattered glass. Blood trickled from his face, where jagged shards of the wine bottle gashed his cheek and mouth. Slowly, a crimson pool of blood seeped around his neck and his face, and finally, his head. Eddie could not breathe, nor could he take a breath. Time for him to call it a life.