The Door at the Top of the Stairs (11 page)

"I couldn't breathe."

"Why not?"

Jesse reached up and rubbed her temple. "His head—" She pressed harder. “What was left of his head," She put her other hand up and pressed both sides, then buried her forehead in Morgan's shoulder. “His head was covering my nose and mouth. They left his exploded head on me, and I couldn't breathe."

"How did you finally breathe?"

Jesse didn't move for a long time, and Ryland let her remember what she had to remember. She finally turned her face toward Ryland, her head still on Morgan's shoulder. All the tension left her face, leaving her tired and drawn. “I just pushed him off.

They didn't tie me up. They just left us there." She pushed herself up and walked to the door. “We're done, aren't we?"

Ryland heard abject defeat in the statement. She followed her to the door. “Yes, we're done for this morning. I'm very proud of you."

Exhaustion was etched into every line of Jesse's face as she rested her head against the door. “Why, Ryland? I don't want to remember anymore. Why can't I just never remember any of it? It makes me sick, and I'm not sure I can live with what I do remember. What if the rest—" She leaned on her forehead and tears fell from her cheeks to the floor.

Ryland pulled her close and held her. “The rest may very well be worse—it probably
is
worse—but you can live with it because Morgan and I can live with it. I give you my solemn word, no matter what we find, you will not be diminished in our eyes. You are strong. You survived, and you'll continue to survive."

Jesse pushed away from Ryland, tears streaming down her face. “What if I don't want to survive anymore? What if I'm tired?"

Morgan came over and gently took Jesse's shoulders. She turned her so they were facing each other. "We'll do this together, you and I. Ryland will show us where to go, but I promise you won't be going alone. I know we fight a lot, but you need to know I won't leave you. I give you my word on that." She surprised Ryland by putting her forehead against Jesse's. "You have to survive because I need you to survive." She stayed like that a second, wiping away Jesse’s tears with her thumbs, then she straightened and opened the door. "C'mon… Ryland and I'll walk you back to the barn."

The two of them helped Jesse back to her room, then waited until the light went out under the door. Morgan put her arm around Ryland's shoulders, Ryland slipped an arm around Morgan's waist, and they slowly walked back up the path toward home. Ryland stopped halfway home and turned to face her friend. “Morgan, do you remember that young man I told Jesse about? The one who was tortured in Vietnam?"

Morgan nodded.

"What I didn't tell her was that he hung himself. In his note, he said he was too tired to go on. That happens sometimes in my business, and you need to know that. We play God and try to help, but ultimately, sometimes, we lose."

Morgan had known suicide was a dim possibility, but hearing Ryland bring it into the open sickened her. She pulled Ryland closer and continued up the path toward the house, keeping her thoughts to herself.

Ryland tucked herself under Morgan's arm, worried about what would happen if Jesse gave up, and hoping she'd be able to work the miracle she was beginning to think they’d need.

Chapter Twelve

The next morning, Jesse awoke to the sun streaming through her window. She jerked around and grabbed her clock. Seven-thirty. “Shit." She jumped out of bed, threw on her jeans, grabbed a t-shirt and ran out the door. The t-shirt stuck on her head and she pulled it on the rest of the way as she headed for the hay.

Morgan was leaning over the feed table studying the feed book. "They're all fed and doctored, Sleeping Beauty. I don't like doing work I'm paying you to do, so don't make this a habit." She glanced up at Jesse. "I checked Cabo's hooves since you put in here you thought he might have thrush. I didn't see anything, but keep an eye on it anyway."

Jesse nodded and headed toward her apartment.

"I need you with me today out at the Johnson's place. We tore up part of his fence during cubbing the other day, and a couple jumps need work. Get some breakfast and we'll head out."

Jesse reached for her doorknob. “I'm not hungry." She went in to get her boots on.

Morgan turned a page in the book and muttered, “Of course you're not. If I said we didn't have time to eat, you'd be famished."

Jesse came out and walked outside. She jumped in the bed of the truck and made herself comfortable with her back up against the cab. Morgan opened the driver's door. “You can ride inside, you know."

"I'm fine."

Morgan got in and tuned the radio to her favorite classical station. If she didn't have conversation, she'd at least have music.

There were several stops they needed to make before they headed to the hunt fixture to repair the fences; she made a quick list in her mind. They'd need to stop in town for a few supplies, and she had to stop at Jake Tate's place to pick up the come-along he'd borrowed from her to tighten some of his fences.

They pulled into a parking space on Main Street. Jesse stayed in the truck while Morgan went to the bank, then to the hardware store to pick up a few fencing supplies. When she was finished, she ran into the market and bought a few things. Jesse had her head up against the back window, her eyes closed and her arms resting on her knees when Morgan walked back to the truck and tossed a carton of milk and some pastries at her. “Here, you anti-social little shit, eat something."

As Morgan climbed behind the wheel and started the truck, Jesse smiled as she grabbed the pastry and milk. Hunger pangs had tugged at her on the way into town, but she wasn't about to admit that to Morgan. The last of the pastry disappeared as they turned down the dirt road leading to Tate's farm.

Jesse surprised Morgan when she jumped out of the truck and followed her to the pens where some cowboys were branding cattle. The owner, Jake Tate, straddled the top of a cattle chute, pushing some steers forward with a cattle prod. Jesse leaned against the corral fence as Morgan walked over to Jake.

"Jake, looks like you're hard at work."

Jake jumped down off the chute, took off his glove, and shook hands with Morgan. “Good to see you. How's Ryland doing?"

"Better than ever, thanks. How's Julie?"

"She's in the house. Come on in and say hello." He started for the ranch house, but Morgan stopped him.

"I wish I could, but I can't stay long today. I just needed to pick up that come-along I lent you the other day."

Jake nodded. “No problem. It's over here." He started toward the fence but stopped when he saw Jesse. His hands curled around the cattle prod as he stormed over to where she was standing.

"What the fuck are you doing on my land? Get off my property, now!" His face turned an angry shade of reddish-purple as he pointed the cattle prod at Jesse, who cocked her head to the side and smiled slightly.

Morgan came up behind him. “Jake, what's the matter? She's with me. She works for me."

Jake ignored her. “I said get off my property!" Without warning, he shoved the cattle prod up against Jesse's stomach and pushed the button, sending a shock of electricity into her.

Jesse didn't jump. She didn't even flinch. She looked down at the cattle prod, then back up at Jake with a deadly set to her eyes.

All animation left her face as she said very quietly, “They don't hurt as much as you think, Jake, but you're sure as hell gonna be hurting when I'm—"

Morgan pushed herself between the two of them and grabbed the cattle prod out of Jake's hand. “What the hell do you think you're doing, Jake?" Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jesse push off the fence and lunge toward them. She dropped the cattle prod, rammed her elbow into Jesse's chest and pushed her back into the fence.

"Get in the truck, Jesse!
Now!
"

Jake reached over Morgan's shoulder to grab Jesse, and Morgan shoved him in the other direction. Jesse tried to push her aside to get at Jake, so Morgan turned around, grabbed her by the arm and the back of her pants, and threw her toward the truck.

Morgan immediately turned back to Jake and put her hand on his chest. "Just give me the come-along and we'll leave. I'll stop back later and we can talk."

Jake glanced over her shoulder and she quickly looked behind her to see Jesse coming back toward them.

When Jesse registered the storm in Morgan's face, she slowed, then stopped and backed a few steps toward the truck.

Too little, too late as far as Morgan was concerned. She headed for Jesse, who sped up and reached the truck just ahead of her. Morgan ripped open the passenger door and shoved Jesse into the seat before she slammed the door and stalked back toward Jake. "What's all this about? What did she do?" She stood in front of him, her hands on her hips, waiting to hear what he had to say.

Jake walked over, grabbed the come-along and handed it to her. “Don't ever bring her back here, Morgan, or that'll be the end of our friendship." He reached down and picked up the cattle prod before heading to his house.

Morgan hefted the come-along over her shoulder and watched him until he'd gone inside. She turned toward the cowboys who'd been standing next to the cattle chute, watching. Almost all of them had come under Morgan's wrath at one time or another, and none of them wanted any part of it now. They hustled back to work as soon as she looked their way.

Morgan walked to the truck and threw the come-along in the back. She jerked open the passenger door, ordered Jesse out and slammed it shut again. "Get in the back, now!"

Jesse climbed onto the rear tire and swung her leg over the side of the truck. She sat with her back up against the cab and refused to look at Morgan when she opened the driver's side door and got in. Morgan shoved the truck into gear and spun out toward the main road. Jesse had to brace herself against the side to keep from being thrown around inside the bed.

Morgan picked up the truck phone and called Ryland. "Would you mind very much if I kill her?"

Ryland was quiet. Normally she'd think Morgan was joking, but something in her tone told her she was really upset. "What happened?"

"I have no clue, but I'm gonna kill her when we get to Johnson's." Morgan held the phone between her shoulder and ear while she downshifted and slowed to check for traffic as she turned onto the main road.

"Morgan, Honey, I need a little more than that if you want me to help sort things out."

Morgan accelerated onto the main road. When she came up to another car faster than she'd anticipated, she looked down at her speedometer and saw that she was going eighty in a fifty-five mile an hour zone. "Shit." She braked to sixty and tried to calm down. "I don't know what just happened. I stopped at Jake's to get the come-along. Jesse got out of the truck with me. Jake saw her, went ballistic and ordered her off his property. When she didn't move, he zapped her with the cattle prod."

"He
what
?"

"She didn't even move when he zapped her, but I had a hell of a time keeping the two of them apart until I could get Jesse corralled in the truck. She totally ignored me when I ordered her to get to the truck! I'm gonna kill her!"

"Wait a minute, Morgan. He used a
cattle prod
on her? And she didn't jump or move or anything?"

Morgan processed that a minute. "Well, no. She just stood there and kind of smiled…kind of. Then I thought she'd tear him limb from limb, she looked that pissed off."

Ryland paused. “I'm not sure Jesse was dealing with a full deck of cards right at the moment you told her to get to the truck, Morg. I'd bet a lot of money they used a cattle prod on her down in that room, wouldn't you? Actually, I'm relieved she didn't tear
you
limb from limb when you kept her away from him. She really didn't do too bad, considering."

Morgan slowed and downshifted again as she came up to the turn onto Johnson's land. She turned onto the dirt road, all the while considering what Ryland had said. “I see what you mean. All right, I won't kill her. I'll just throw her out of the truck and run her over a few times."

Ryland laughed. “Okay, Honey. I'll see you when you get home."

Morgan sighed heavily. “I love you, Ry."

"I love you too."

"We'll get through this together if you can just keep me sane."

"Yes we will, and yes I can."

Morgan smiled a little as she pulled the truck as close to the pasture as possible. They'd have to walk a mile or so, but that was probably a good thing. She stepped to the back of the truck and opened the tailgate. She pointed to the gate and said, “Get your ass over here."

Jesse considered her options, completely aware that Morgan had wanted to tear her head off at Tate's. She slid to the end of the bed and hung her legs over the edge, keeping a little distance between her and Morgan.

Morgan put her foot on the part of the bumper that extended past the side of the tailgate and rested her arms on her knee. They sat there while Morgan studied Jesse and Jessie studied her boots.

Morgan said, “What was that all about? And don't give me any bullshit...I'm not in the mood."

Jesse looked over at Morgan's boot and shrugged. “I went to his farm a few days before I came to work for you. I asked him about a job, and he laughed. I started to leave, and he said he'd pay me to service his cowboys." She angrily brushed some dirt off her pants. "I made a few choice comments about the size of his dick."

She shrugged again. “I might have mentioned that with a dick that small he's probably been in some pretty tight spots with his cowboys and he probably gave them all the service they needed."

Morgan dropped her chin to her chest and rubbed her face with her hands. She shook her head, then looked up at Jesse again.

"He came after me and we got into a fight." Jesse shifted her gaze up to Morgan's knee. "Well, he's not that big, and I got him in a fireman's carry and threw him into a water trough." She finally met Morgan's eyes. “I guess I kinda’ held his head under the water for a while until he'd almost stopped struggling. Then I left—well, I pulled his head out of the water first—then I left."