The Dragon Bard (Dragon of the Island) (39 page)

“Nay.”

She sighed. “I suppose that’s good. At least I know you’ll still want to bed me.”

“Aye. Indeed, when you are feeling better . . .” He let his voice trail off.

He’d never put his trews back on, and she could see he was aroused. A half dozen emotions washed over her: Desire. Need. Longing. She also felt helpless. And resentful and angry that he could make her feel like this. But her strongest emotion was contempt of herself for being so weak. If Bridei wasn’t so blindingly handsome, she would never have given in and found herself in this predicament. Despair overwhelmed her, banishing every other feeling.

Seeing the look on her face, Bridei’s arousal vanished. She blamed him. He could see it in her eyes. His dismay was replaced by anger. He wasn’t pleased about their situation either. But he’d put aside his own feelings to reassure her. To let her know he loved her and would do whatever he could to protect her and the baby. He was even willing to take her back to his homeland and face his father’s hostility and disdain in order to keep her safe. But all she could think of was that he’d robbed her of her dream.

He inhaled slowly, thinking what a lackwit he’d been. He’d broken all his own rules and let her get close to him. Let her steal his heart. He’d done everything he could for her, including saving her from O’Bannon. And she responded like
this
. By the gods . . . the expression on her face . . . . It was obvious she loathed him.

His insides seemed to grow cold. He’d wondered if bedding a queen would be different than it was with other women. Now he knew. A queen’s heart belonged to her land and her people. No matter what he did, Dessia would never love him the way he loved her.

He fought to recover his composure. It wasn’t the end of the world if she didn’t love him. It really changed nothing. He would still do whatever he could to protect her . . . and his child. Even if she were willing to throw her own life away, he wasn’t going to let her risk the life of the babe she carried.

Looking at Dessia, he felt miserable. Then he remembered the babe and set his jaw. This time he wasn’t going to run away from trouble, but face it squarely and do what needed to be done . . . no matter what it cost him.

* * *

Dessia sat on her cloak beside the lake and stared morosely at the still, glassy water. Always before she’d thought of the Forest of Mist as a place of refuge. Now it felt little different than the underground cell where O’Bannon had imprisoned her. This time, it was Bridei who stood guard. He might claim to know all about pregnant women, but his attitude toward her was infuriating. Treating her like some frail, fragile thing! She wasn’t allowed to search out berries and nuts to supplement their food supply, but had to wait for him to fetch them for her. He also insisted she eat several times a day. When that didn’t help her nausea and she went off into the trees to be sick, he insisted on coming with her. Then when she was finished being ill, he would lead her back to the bed of grass and bracken and have her lie down.

His attitude toward her was endlessly patient and considerate, and it was driving her to madness. She didn’t want him to tenderly stroke her back and wipe her brow; she wanted him to kiss her passionately and make love to her. Was he so repulsed by her condition that he no longer desired her? Or, was it something else? Beneath his solicitousness she sensed simmering anger and stubborn determination. The change in him worried her. But not as much as the change in herself. She was so tired; she wanted to sleep all the time. It drove her to madness. Instead of hiding here in the Forest of Mist, she should be rounding up her warriors so they could make a stand at Cahermara!

But Bridei would never consider such a thing, and the sad truth was that most of the time she didn’t have the energy to argue with him, let alone act upon her desire to do something to regain her lands. What was happening to her? How could the tiny babe growing inside her have changed her so much? She touched her belly thoughtfully. There was no way to tell a babe was growing there; she couldn’t even feel it yet. Bridei had explained that the quickening—when she felt the babe move—wouldn’t happen for a couple more months. That gave her some time, although it was rapidly slipping away. She needed to get started in gathering together her warriors.

Filled with sudden resolve, she got to her feet. She wasn’t going to argue with Bridei about leaving the forest. Nay, she was simply going to do it. Now, while he was away.

She found her cloak, then fetched the bridle from the branch where Bridei had hung it. The mare was grazing by the lake. Dessia approached her cautiously and was relieved when the horse allowed her to put on the bridle. She led the mare over to a fallen tree and climbed on the animal’s back. The familiar nausea assaulted her, and she wondered if she should take some food from their store. But that would take time, and she needed to get away before Bridei returned.

She shook off the weakness and rode in the opposite direction from the one Bridei had taken to go foraging for food. As she recalled, this pathway led to edge of the forest that was farthest from Cahermara. If O’Bannon were waiting for her, he would likely be on the other side of the woodland.

Despite this, she knew a growing dread as she guided the horse along the pathway. Once she left the protection of the forest, she would be very vulnerable. She didn’t even have a dagger or eating knife to defend herself.

As she rode along, she debated what she should do first. Return to Cahermara and try to find a weapon? Or set off for Comlyn's farm? He lived fairly close to the northern edge of the Forest of Mist, and he’d always been one of her staunchest supporters. He would help her, she knew it. And it would be safer to go to him than back to the hillfort, where she might encounter O’Bannon and his men.

Having made up her mind, Dessia urged the horse faster. As she rode along, she thought about what she would say if she encountered Bridei. She would tell him she’d grown restless. Or, perhaps explain that she trying to get used to riding so it wouldn’t be so difficult for her when they set out for Ath Cliath.

At the thought, she set her jaw. She wasn’t going to Ath Cliath; she was staying here, where she belonged.

* * *

Dessia drew the mare to halt and looked around, puzzled. Could she have taken the wrong path? The Forest of Mist wasn’t that big; by now she should be clear of the trees. What was happening? It almost seemed as if the forest didn’t want her to leave.

Frustrated, she turned the horse and started back the way she’d come. In no time at all, she found herself at the lake.
Nay,
she thought,
I won’t give up.
Clucking her tongue, she guided the horse in the other direction.

* * *

Bridei hurried down the forest pathway, worrying that he’d been away from Dessia too long. He couldn’t explain what he feared would happen to her. But ever since he’d found out she carried his child, he’d spent most of his time sick with worry.

Finally, he reached the lake and saw Dessia crouched down by the water, gazing into it intently. “What do you see?” he asked as he drew near. When she didn’t look up or answer him, he said, “Dessia?”

She got to her feet, her mouth set in a grim line. “Nothing. I saw nothing. I’ve been staring at the water for what seems like hours and no vision appeared.” She made an angry gesture. “You look. This place seems to favor you.”

Bridei approached the water and crouched down. As he stared into the dark depths, his muscles tightened with dread. Although he wasn’t much concerned about his own future, he didn’t think he would be able to bear it if he saw a vision suggesting something was going to happen to Dessia or the babe.

He looked and looked, straining until his eyes watered. Nothing happened. Not even a ripple disturbed the mirror-like surface of the lake. He stood up, uncertain whether he felt relief or distress. It was probably best if he didn’t know the future. But doubts still gnawed at him. Was he doing the right thing in taking Dessia away from here?

“What did you see?” Dessia asked impatiently.

He turned to look at her. What if he told her he’d had a vision of O’Bannon and his men taking control Cahermara? Would she finally give up this foolish plan of hers? Nay, he couldn’t lie. Doing such a thing might anger the Goddess. And without the Great Queen Rhiannon’s aid, he felt certain he’d never get Dessia to safety.

“It was the same as for you. I saw nothing.”

The magic hadn’t worked for him either,
Dessia thought with relief. She’d been very afraid the lake would reveal something to Bridei, after denying her. Then she would feel even more miserable. As it was, she felt utterly despairing. She’d had the perfect opportunity to get away and start gathering together her warriors, but the forest had refused to let her leave. Every path she took seemed to go in circles. She’d tried three different routes and always ended up back at the lake. But she wasn’t going to give up. The next day, when Bridei went looking for food, she would try again.

She suddenly realized Bridei was loaded down with bundles. “Where did you get those things?” she asked.

“Cahermara.”

She was startled. “You went to back to Cahermara? I thought you said it wasn’t safe to leave the forest.”

He put down his bundles. From one of the smaller ones, he drew out a bannock and handed it to her. Her mouth watered as she inhaled the delicious scent. The wheatcake was freshly made. “From Doona?” she asked.

“Aye.” His voice changed, becoming gentle. “I thought we needed some supplies. We must leave for Ath Cliath. Now, while O’Bannon isn’t around.”

Nay!
Dessia wanted to shout.
I’m not going! I won’t forsake my duty here!
But in her heart, she knew she had no choice. She looked away from him, trying to hide her resentment. If only she hadn’t given in and made love with him. Yet, it wasn’t fair to blame him. She’d been as out of control as he was. Tears filled her eyes. Why couldn’t she be a normal woman and give into her desires without losing everything?

Shaking off the mood, she asked, “When will we leave?”

“As soon as you’ve eaten.”

She nodded glumly and took a bite of the bannock.

Bridei glanced at Dessia riding beside him and wondered if it would be like this all the way to Ath Cliath. If they would ride along silently, as distant from each other as if one of them was on the other side of the Irish Sea. The bitterness rose up inside him, reminding him that he’d finally fallen in love, but it was with a woman who would never love him back. It didn’t matter, he told himself. What was done was done and he must see it through. He would get to Dessia to safety, even if it cost him every shred of her regard.

* * *

She couldn’t bear this, Dessia thought with a stab of anguish as they rode along. It was bad enough that she was leaving behind everything she’d worked so hard for. But to feel Bridei’s anger, his coldness, was equally wrenching. She knew she’d hurt him. He felt she cared more for her kingdom and her goals than she did for him and their babe. But it wasn’t true. If it were, she’d have found a way to stay at Cahermara.

She knew she must heed the clear message the forest had given her. She was meant to stay with Bridei. Her destiny was with him. But, oh, it was horrible to leave her home. She felt as if her heart had been torn out. How was she to endure it?

They’d been traveling for two days already. When they stopped, she was so weary, she fell into an exhausted sleep immediately after eating. Although Bridei lay near her, wrapped in his cloak, Dessia could feel the distance between them. In the morning, they set out as soon as they’d broken their fast.

She repressed a sigh. Bridei had said it would take them many days to ride to Ath Cliath. She couldn’t stand this grim silence the whole way. While she wasn’t yet willing to speak of the rift between them, she must at least get him to converse with her. Perhaps she could ask him to tell her a story. He’d mentioned the long tale of Arthur ap Uther he’d told at O’Bannon’s settlement while he waited for an opportunity to free her. If he’d been able to fill up several nights with the tale, it would go a long way towards passing the time on this journey.

She cleared her throat and said, “You’ve mentioned King Arthur several times. I’d like to know more about him.”

Bridei looked at her in surprise. Then he nodded and began.

Although Dessia had come upon this idea out of sheer desperation, as he told the story, she found herself caught up in it. Unlike most
filidh
she’d heard, Bridei didn’t simply give dry accounts of alliances and battles. Instead, he made Arthur come alive, and seem as real to her as if she’d truly met the man.

He began with Arthur’s remarkable birth, and all the elements of lust, destiny and magic, which were a part of it. After describing Arthur’s childhood, Bridei told about how Arthur came up with the plan of bringing the warring British tribes together to fight the Saxons. Dessia felt a surge of empathy for Arthur. He’d loved his homeland fiercely and done everything in his power to protect it against the invaders. But when Bridei related how Arthur had sought to convince chieftains who’d been enemies for generations that they should become allies in the war against the invaders, her enthusiasm for Arthur began to wane. That would be like asking her to put aside her differences with Tiernan O’Bannon and fight beside him. Her whole being rebelled at the thought. Even losing her lands seemed better than that!