The Drake Restrained Compete Collection: Part 1 - 4 (The Drake Series Book 7) (39 page)

I kissed her intently, completely focused, and pressed my hips against her, wanting her to know I desired her but I felt nothing in response from her.

Finally I pulled back. I stroked her cheek, and waited. Then, my cell rang and I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the ID.

"Crap," I said, and answered. It was a colleague from the afternoon session asking me where I’d been and wanting me to join them for supper. "Not tonight. No. I have something planned.” He told me to call if I changed my mind and suggested we get together for a meal the next day. "Sure," I said. "Tomorrow before the plenary. See you then." I ended the call and turned back to Kate.

"You really are tired," I said, grasping at any straw to explain how cold she’d suddenly turned toward me. "I'm not feeling the usual response in you."

She yawned and stretched. "Maybe," she said. "It's just so dead here. Nothing to do."

"I can think of lots I want to do." I forced a smile, hoping that something would break that icy reserve that had taken over the usually-warm Kate I’d grown used to.

"Yeah?" she said, her face blank. "Like what?"

"Do I even have to say?"

"Oh," she said and crawled away from me, standing up. "
That
. I'm thirsty. I'm going to get a drink." She took her bag and left the room without a word. I rose from the bed, frowning, and followed her to the hall, watching as she walked across the hall to the vending machine where she bought a drink.

She opened the drink, taking a sip, saying nothing and not acknowledging me in the least as if she wanted me to leave.

"Kate?" I leaned against the doorjamb. "You want to go somewhere?"

She shrugged and returned to the hotel room, walking past me, actually taking care to skirt me so she wouldn’t touch me. I followed her into the living room. She took the channel changer and switched on the television.

"Wonder what channels they get here?"

I sat on the couch, right in the middle, my arms outstretched on the back. On her part, Kate ignored me and flipped through the lineup of shows.

"Come here," I said, trying to use my Dom voice. My serious Doctor voice. She turned and looked at me but only shrugged and put the channel changer down. She sat beside me on the sofa. I knew then that she was either topping me from the bottom or didn’t want me anymore. I patted my lap, determined to play this out no matter where it led. "I mean here."

She sighed dramatically and climbed onto my lap, her hands resting on my shoulder.

"What?" she said, her voice petulant.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I don’t know, Drake. I'm just not
feeling
this."

"What do you mean?" I felt as if my stomach fell out of my chest.

"This," she said pointing between us. "Submission. It's just not there. This feels too much like a traditional relationship. You know. Boyfriend / girlfriend."

"You seemed to enjoy yourself this morning," I said, unable to stop myself from sounding bitter.

"Yeah, but it was just ordinary sex. You rub my clit the right way and I'll come. I could do that with any man. There was nothing kinky about it." She raised her eyebrows.  "Maybe we're just not working out. Now that we're alone, it's just not really," she said as if searching for the word. "Exciting. Lara told me that sometimes, a Dom and sub just aren't compatible. You must really
feel
it. I just don't feel like we're the right match. I want to
feel
, I don't know… really possessed. I
don't
. It’s like, I can't even call you
Sir
and feel it. I mean, Nigel's a Sir. He's an actual Knight and I don’t even call
him
'Sir'."

So that was it. I had totally and completely misread her. She didn’t feel anything for me besides curiosity and I’d failed her test, whatever it was.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I just don't feel it with you. You're really sweet, Drake. Maybe Lara has someone else who I won’t have any history with. Someone really anonymous. I might be able to feel it more with a stranger. You know how this works. What do you think?"

I felt disappointment welling up inside of me, sadness biting at my throat and chest. I watched her face in wonder that I had been so wrong about her. She wasn’t deep and serious, needing someone like me to mine her depths. She was just like all the other young women of her age. Into excitement and the thrill of the conquest.

I’d been so wrong. I’d gotten my hopes up for her so much.

I’d let her in far too deeply and now, I felt a mixture of sadness and like something caught in my throat. Anger at myself and at Lara, for thinking there was a chance with Kate.

"I think you might be onto something," I said, fighting to keep my voice calm.

Kate nodded. "I
knew
you'd understand. You've been doing this for a long time and have lots of experience. I already talked to my parents. I think I'll go back tomorrow morning, try to salvage a couple of days of my vacation."

She was going back to Manhattan already? Then, I had a brainstorm. "And this has nothing to do with the person trying to keep you from being with me?"

"
No
," she said and frowned. "Of course not. Like you said, we could just keep this agreement under wraps."

"Why did you sign the contract?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "I have to admit I was a bit shocked by your contract, but I thought, you know, maybe I needed to just sign the damned thing and take a risk, give it a shot. But once I did, it was like all the thrill was gone. So maybe I expected more than I should have. You know, it was just straight sex after all."

She climbed off my lap and went to her drink on the table, taking a long sip as if she had now completely forgotten about me. I sat there watching her, trying to digest what she’d just revealed.

"Well, then," I said and stood, feeling my chest constrict. "I guess I'll go to the bar after all and meet my colleagues. Have a good trip home."

I left the room, taking my bag and shaving kit with me, closing the door behind me without another word.

As I walked down the hallway to the elevator, I felt as if I could punch something.

That night I didn’t go to the restaurant to meet with colleagues. I was in no mood to celebrate anything, and if I’d been anywhere near to a bottle of vodka, I would have downed the entire thing. Instead, I went for a long walk along the beach while the sun set, the orange rays warm on my face. The sound of the surf was usually calming and peaceful, but it did nothing to comfort me.

“What the fuck, Drake?”
I said to myself as I stood staring at the ocean.
“She’s just a girl.

A fucking
girl
.

There were a million others like her in Manhattan alone.

But I knew I was just rationalizing. I’d found someone I thought was perfect for me. She loved music. She’d volunteered at the Mangaize camp in West Africa during the famine and wrote heartbreaking investigative journalism pieces on the politics of the camps. She came from a good family and was well-educated and well-raised. She was beautiful, she was intelligent and was curious about kink but needed someone like me to safely show her the way.

How could I have been so damn wrong?

I went home early from the conference, not able to face endless sessions about my specialty, despite usually finding them inspiring and invigorating. I spent Saturday alone in my apartment, wandering around in my robe and boxer briefs, not even bothering to stop in at the foundation or go to the fitness club to work out.

Finally on Monday morning, after moping around all weekend watching reruns on television, I called Lara during a break in my cases.

“I was expecting your call a lot sooner Drake,” she said, her voice sounding tired. “What took you so long?”

“Kate already called you to find another Dom?” I said, a stab of pain in my chest surprising me with its intensity.

She laughed. Actually laughed.

“Drake Morgan,” she said, her voice filled with amusement.

“Tell me,” I said, steeling myself for the truth.

“My God, you
are
smitten.”

“Just tell me the truth.”

“No,” Lara said, her voice firm. “You tell me what happened from your point of view first.”

I sighed, not wanting to replay the disaster of a week over again. “You obviously know Kate left the Bahamas after ending it with me. She said she was bored and that she wasn’t feeling it with me. I thought we were good together. I was wrong about her, Lara. You were wrong about her, too.”

“
I
was wrong about her?” Lara said, her voice sounding affronted.  “I’m never wrong about people, Drake. That’s why I’m such a hotshot lawyer.”

“You said Kate was perfect for me. You said she needed someone like me to bring her out of herself. To help her discover her inner sub.”

“And I was right.”

I shook my head, frustrated by her seeming incoherence. “She broke it
off
, Lara. Weren’t you listening?”

“I’m always listening, Drake. Listening to you tell me why you can’t have a life partner and have to keep your submissives limited to just sex three times a week. I’m always listening to your excuses why you aren’t able to have a real relationship.”

“So you should know how hard this is for me. I actually really
like
Kate,” I said, angry that Lara was acting as if this was nothing. “A lot. Too much.”

“It hurt when she ended it?”

“Yes, dammit. It hurt. I still don’t understand how I could be so wrong about her.”

She laughed lightly. “You weren’t wrong Drake. Neither was I. We were both right about her.”

“Tell me what you know,” I said, almost seeing red with Lara. “Quit with all the BS.”

“Oh, Drake. It’s so amusing to hear you all upset over this girl. The great Drake Morgan, the Dom who won’t let anyone get close to him, who keeps his women at arm’s length. Who keeps his heart protected with clauses and rules. Fallen.”

I was ready to hang up. “I’m glad my pain amuses you.”

“So you admit you’re hurt that Kate broke it off.”

“I already said it, damn you. Why are you doing this? Tell me what you know or I’m hanging up.”

“You are so sweet, Drake,” she said and sighed. “Kate wasn’t bored with you. If anything, she likes you far too much, considering your usual demands for keeping your distance. She’s being blackmailed by her best friend over your relationship. This friend threatened to tell Kate’s father about you if she didn’t break it off.”

“What?” Hope surged through me, followed by anger. “Her friend?”

“Yes, her best friend. She found your contract and freaked out. Kate told her she broke it off with you and was despondent. She went to the Bahamas with her father to get away and was totally shocked to see you there. Her friend called her house and was told by Kate’s brother that she’d gone to the Bahamas with her father. She was suspicious and found out that you were at the conference in the Bahamas as well and put two and two together. She called Kate at the hotel and threatened to contact the hospital about you so Kate promised to break it off.”

I sat with my head in my hands, enraged that Kate’s friend would do that to her, and absolutely ecstatic that in fact, Kate hadn’t wanted to end things.

“What did you tell her?”

There was silence on the line for a moment too long.

“What did you
tell
her, Lara?”

“I told her that she should seriously think about what it would mean if your involvement in kink was made public – how it would affect your career.”

“So you told her to what – end it with me?”

“You have to protect yourself, Drake. Is Kate worth the risk? You could have any sub you want. There are dozens I know of right now who would be only too happy to be your sub in training. Think about this, Drake. I mean it. Is she worth it?”

My face was hot with anger. Anger at Kate’s busybody blackmailing friend. Angry with Lara for making Kate rethink our relationship.

“I can’t believe you did that. You of all people? I thought we were friends.”

“We
are
friends, Drake,” she said, sounding impatient with me. “Old friends who know each other better than anyone. You’re a great doctor, Drake. Do you
really
want to put that on the line over a woman? A girl? Snap out of it!”

“Snap out of it?” I said, almost shouting. “Jesus, Lara, I’ve never met anyone as good for me as Kate. She’s everything I could want in a partner. She’s smart and beautiful and loves music and wants to explore kink. I—“

“Then go and get her.”

I sat there, my mouth open. “Go get her?”

“Yes,” she said and laughed out loud. “Go the fuck and get her, you big dumb lout. Honestly, Drake, sometimes I wonder about you. So smart about everything else except your own heart. You’re in love with her. Go and
get her.
She’s yours for the taking, if that’s what you really want.”

“Why did you try to talk both of us out of the relationship?”

She sighed audibly. “Drake. If I succeeded in talking you out of each other, then I’d know you both weren’t right for each other. Go and win her back. If you really are right for her, she’ll be only too happy.”

“Jesus, Lara…”

“Yes, I know,” she said, matter of fact. “Cruel but effective. Now quit your moping and go and get her.”

I did, but before I left for Kate’s apartment, I called Ethan.

“Drake, just the man I wanted to speak with.”

“How’s Kate?” I said, cautious. “When she left, I was concerned for her. She seemed a bit upset.”

“She was upset but wouldn’t say much of anything to either Elaine or me. She’s been moping around the apartment all weekend in her pajamas, barely eating. I’m worried about her.”

“I’m worried about her as well. I think I’ll call her, try to make things right. We parted on a bad note over a misunderstanding.”

“I thought as much, but she was pretty tight-lipped about things. I hope things work out for you both. You know I’m very fond of you, Drake, but I have to think about my little girl.”