The Duke's Shotgun Wedding (Entangled Scandalous) (8 page)

“Why did you change your mind?” Sebastian asked, and waited patiently while Anthony poured another whiskey.

“She scared me.”

Sebastian gave a bark of laughter.

“It’s no laughing matter, Sebastian.” Anthony grimaced in chagrin. “She rode her horse astride, her skills with her bow surpassed any I had ever seen. She
hunted
, Sebastian. And I don’t mean for fox. After a few weeks, I realized how different she was from the women of the
ton
. She made no effort to be demure, and her energy left me dizzy. It had enticed me to think she would make a bloody awesome bed partner—” He broke off at the glare Sebastian sent him, and shrugged. “I’m just telling you my thoughts at the time. But it was mostly the lure of Phillipa that drew me away.”

“Just take care,” Sebastian said evenly. “Did you propose?”

“No,” Anthony said softly. “But I meant for my actions to be interpreted as such. Phillipa had rejected my offer of marriage and I was reeling. Jocelyn and I became friends and I knew she needed to make her estate solvent. I left the locket with her and returned to London to ensure Phillipa was not with child before I made any concrete decisions in relation to her. You know all that happened after.”

“I see,” Sebastian said.

Anthony jerked his chin at the study door. “What was that all about? Her comment about you being absent from her bed?”

Sebastian related the gist of their fight in a cold, clipped voice.

Anthony lifted a bemused brow. “She has heard the rumors about Marissa? Have you explained?”

“What is there to explain?” Sebastian ground out. “I have no desire to dredge up my past mistakes.”

“Jocelyn is your duchess, Sebastian. Do you think the old rumors won’t surface upon her first foray to London? Don’t be blind, man. Many will flock to her side wanting to be associated with you, and there will always be those who thrive on gossip and innuendo, if not outright lies. And really, it is hardly fair to expect her to obey you about Mother without questioning your reasons.”

Sebastian stared at him intently. “Are you saying Phillipa would gainsay your wishes?”

Anthony gazed out at the falling snow. “No, but, I assure you, their temperaments are very different. Besides, I tell my wife the reasons behind my decisions.”

Sebastian threw back the rest of his whiskey. “I do not speak of our mother.”

“Will you ever forgive her? She longs for you, Sebastian, she—”

“Enough!” Sebastian gritted his teeth and slowly unclenched his hands from his glass, fearing it will crack. “I said I will not discuss our mother. Not even with you, Anthony. I do not give a damn what she longs for,” he snarled, and prowled the study with restless energy. “And when my duchess enters society, I have no fear that she will handle herself brilliantly.”

“She will. Even in the short time we have been acquainted, I know her to be fearless and poised.”

Sebastian grunted in agreement.

“Have you read the remainder of Mother’s journals?”

“You know I have not,” he ground out. “I will not discuss her further, Anthony.”

“I read them in one sitting, Sebastian, and you refuse to hear about its contents from me. I believe if you were to read all twelve volumes you would not feel such disdain for her.”

Sebastian glanced at his brother with blank eyes. “I will not discuss this further, Anthony.”

“Well, then,” Anthony murmured, stuck his hand in his trouser pocket, and bounced on his toes a couple of times. The seconds drew out until he said, “So, I see Jocelyn has been busy decorating for the festive season. The place fairly glows.”

“I noticed,” Sebastian clipped out as he rolled down his sleeves and reached for his riding jacket. “Let’s visit the stables. Further talk of Jocelyn’s avowal and our mother are off limits.”

He ignored his brother’s taunting chuckle as they strode outside into the bracing cold. He hoped the cold would help harden him against the rush of emotions he had been feeling since Jocelyn’s heartfelt declaration.

He had not let himself be open to love for years. Not since Marissa’s perfidy. Sweet words and coyly delivered promises of love sickened him.

As he stalked toward the stables, he thought about how his wife had declared herself. There had been nothing sweet, or shy, or remotely coy about it.

His duchess had been bold and unflinching, true to her temperament.

And he had been a complete bastard.

…

June 19
th
1864

Today is Sebastian’s twelfth birthday celebration. I have been ordered to not be there. I deeply wish I could, but I know that Clement will execute his threat to banish me from Sherring Cross if I do not adhere to his demands. There are times I think banishment would be preferable to the cold silence I must endure. I have tried in so many ways to connect with my beautiful boy but he only stares at me with hatred. How I wish I could hug him to me, and tell him how much I love him, and how proud I am of him. My heart shattered as I—

Sebastian closed the journal softly and leaned back in the sofa, his heart squeezing.

After deeply contemplating Anthony’s stance on how Sebastian treated his duchess and their mother, he had approached reading the rest of his mother’s diaries with a calm stoicism he had not expected himself to possess.

Slowly, as he’d read the heart-wrenching words of his young mother, his hatred had tempered and his condemnation thawed. Some semblance of regret had sliced through him, deep and painful. He’d then felt consumed with the need to learn everything about her. Hours passed as he absorbed her words, the crackling of the fire the only sound in the library.

It was through the lines of her diaries, absorbing the passion, the love, the unending need and warmth she derived from her lover, which caused the first pulse of need for more in his life to flare within Sebastian. He had been utterly shocked to realize that he was lonely. He realized how cold and withdrawn he was from everything around him, especially from Jocelyn. He had shuttered himself away from his wife in the same manner his father had done with his mother, and yet, Jocelyn deserved none of his anger.

He was grateful for the small measure of peace he found from the hurt and betrayals of his childhood. He understood some of the pain she’d had to endure being kept away from him. He had always thought she’d chosen to stay away, being too consumed with her lover. But it had been his father’s way of punishing her for her unfaithfulness. Had he known he was punishing Sebastian, as well?

He glanced down at the volume gripped in his hand. She’d written that she loved him wholeheartedly. Her accounts of his many accomplishments and her overwhelming pride in him were unmistakable, even to his biased eyes.

He had six more journals to read. He knew Jocelyn needed to understand his refusal to have his mother at Sherring Cross, and he would explain. But Sebastian still doubted he could have his mother’s presence in his home so soon. He understood her need for her lover, but he still had not forgiven her for it.

His mind shifted to Jocelyn, and his heart became quiet. He thought about the words his duchess had so passionately declared, and an ache settled deep inside him. He could imagine what his silence and coldness must have done to her. He could not escape the knowledge that the past few weeks with her had been the most blissful time of his life.

She loved him. But did he love her? He still doubted he had the capacity to accept and give love. Love was something he had banished from his life years ago out of necessity, but she made him yearn to be loved. That passion his mother wrote about. The need to share, to be comforted, and the joys that are found in laughter. He found it all in Jocelyn. The days of silence had been hell, and he admired the strength it had taken for her to admit that she loved him. The ache in his chest was almost unbearable.

He had the urge to go to her and explain his actions, but he repressed the feelings for now. He himself did not fully understand. He had much to atone for with his duchess, but allowing his mother to visit so soon, Sebastian could not grant her. His wound felt too raw. She would have to allow him to reconcile in his own time. His headstrong duchess would have to concede to his wishes on this, at least.

Chapter Eight

I thank you, Lady Jocelyn, for your warm greetings. Viscount Radcliffe and I are much honored to accept your invitation to Christmas dinner. I am so very thankful that Sebastian is happy to have us in his home, although I confess to being a bit surprised. But most pleasantly so, I assure you. I am looking forward to making your acquaintance.

Yours,

Margaret, Lady Radcliffe

Sebastian’s mother.

Jocelyn had blatantly disobeyed him and invited the woman to the Christmas gathering.

The rage that gripped him unnerved even Sebastian himself.

He read the note for the fifth time, still in disbelief. It had been by pure chance that he had stumbled upon it. He had seen the seal and recognized it as his mother’s lover’s seal. So he had opened it, despite its being addressed to Jocelyn. He could not believe the nerve of the woman.

He realized that he had been too soft on his wife, allowing her far too much latitude. Something had to be done.

He summoned her to his study, and sat down to wait.

She swept into his domain looking glorious as usual, and he girded himself against the desire that flooded through him. Her hair was upswept in the most severe fashion, but the tendrils that curled loosely over her forehead softened the effect. The purple tea gown she wore bared the creamy swell of her breasts and Sebastian itched to pull her into his lap and have his way with them.

“You summoned me, Your Grace?”

He could see the wariness in her eyes. Three days had passed since her declaration of love and he had ignored her completely, not even dining with her. He had needed the distance so he could think clearly. So he could come to peace with all he’d learned about his mother, and unravel why Jocelyn’s words would affect him so. And then this.

She did not understand the full extent of the trouble she was in.

He smiled, but not pleasantly. “Do you have something to tell me, Jocelyn?” He kept his voice deliberately bland, lest he bellow his rage.

“I do not, Sebastian.”

He surged to his feet and stalked around his desk to lean against it. “I detest liars. Have I not made myself clear on that regard?”

Puzzlement shadowed her face as she took two halting steps forward. “I have not lied to you, Sebastian.”

“Then how would you explain this, madam?” He pushed the note forward, and it fluttered to the ground.

She stooped to pick it up. “Oh!” She gasped as she read the contents. Sebastian blinked in disbelief when she had the nerve to smile broadly at him. “I was not sure if she would respond.”

He wondered if she was daft. “How is it that you fail to understand your precarious position…” he murmured softly. Then roared, “You defied me!”

Her body jumped, startled at his anger. “You gave me no choice,” she snapped. “I had no way of reaching you, Sebastian. There has been tension between us for ten bloody days. I have tried in so many ways to mend my thoughtless remark, to explain my feelings, but you have shut me out completely.”

“So you sought to manipulate me by inviting my mother after I have forbidden it?” he asked incredulously. “You have not comprehended your folly, madam. As you so indelicately pointed out, the last woman that tried to manipulate me is dead.”

“I did not try to manipulate you!” She clutched her hands and glared at him. “I wanted to provoke a reaction from you. And I succeeded. Your anger is better by far than the icy detachment you have thus far treated me to.”

“Do you believe so, madam?” he said with chilling softness. “You will retract your invitation, Jocelyn, and you will do so immediately.”

She glared at him mutinously. “I will not. If you will but hear me out—”

“There is nothing to hear, Jocelyn. Retract the invitation immediately.”

“I will not!”

He clenched his teeth, debating how to deal with this…this…flagrant insubordination. It wasn’t so much the invitation that infuriated him as her blatant, willful defiance of his orders. “Where have you been living, Jocelyn?”

“What do you mean?” She sent him a baffled glance.

“Where have you been residing for the past twenty years? Has it been in Lincolnshire, England?”

“I do not understand what your questions have to do with our discussion, but yes.”

“Let me educate you, then. You are my wife. Thus, my property. I am well within my rights to beat you if I so desire, or banish you from my sight. I am trying to understand how you thought you could so blatantly defy me and go unpunished. I believe the best punishment will be to banish you. To Devonshire. And it would be an injustice if I did not beat you first.”

Her jaw dropped in outrage. “You arrogant, egotistical, unfeeling
beast
!”

She launched herself at him.

Her actions so surprised him, he did not brace to check her momentum.

“
Oomph
.”

Her muffled scream as she slammed into him had him letting out a laugh in amazed disbelief. But it was quickly wiped away as her palm swung and caught him solidly on the cheek.

Good God
. He had truly enraged his duchess. Was she really not aware that he would never beat her? He doubted he had the heart to banish her from his sight, either.

“You do not display much prudence, do you, wife?”

Her breaths heaved, making the swell of her breasts rise precariously above the gown. Her eyes darkened to almost black as they glared a furious dare at him.

Just that quickly, he wanted her. A fierce need to possess her surged through him. And not in the slow and languid way of their nights of loving before their falling out.

He needed her. And he wanted her to burn.

…

Sebastian’s mouth crashed down on Jocelyn’s, stunning her at the abrupt turn of his mood.

The intensity of his mouth as it captured hers sent shocks of desire through her whole body. She responded with complete hunger, gripping his dark head tightly to her.

“Oh, yes!” she gasped as he roughly yanked down the bodice of her gown, as though its low cut had been fashioned exactly for his ravishment. His lips covered her pebbled nipple.

“Sebastian,” she cried out.

He stalked backward with her, whipping up the hem of her dress and petticoats, pushing the layers of fabric upward as he trailed his hands up her legs. She gasped into the mouth that kissed her as the back of her knees hit his oak desk. Papers and objects flew, and he lifted her bottom onto the desk. His breath was ragged as he withdrew his mouth from hers and stepped between her thighs, wedging them apart and hoisting her legs to his waist. Then his fingers deftly parted her bloomers, exposing her to the chilly air.

That, and the scalding look of passion on his face sent erotic shivers dancing up her spine.

“You infuriate me,” he growled. “I do not know if I should beat you, strangle you, or kiss you.”

“Do I have a say?” she managed breathily.

His jaw worked as he pulled his member from his trousers. “No.”

Then he angled her hips up and slammed into her in one powerful movement.

The desk jerked. Her scream of pleasure-pain rang in the library. He kissed her brutally before withdrawing and forging home again, slower, but just as powerfully.

“You also drive me mad,” he all but snarled as he gripped her hair, then feasted on her lips again.

Jocelyn reeled with pleasure at the intensity of his lovemaking. It had never been like this before, his control shattered. Weakness infused her limbs, and dark, wanton need seared through her. She tried to rise to meet his thrusts, but with the powerful grip he had on her hips she couldn’t move. She could only submit to his powerful strokes and the merciless pleasure that he rained upon her. He buried his face in the curve of her neck as his hips plunged faster, driving into her over and over, hard and relentless, sending deep shards of pleasure to her very core. She felt his teeth at her shoulder, scraping against her skin, nipping her with erotic bites. Burning ecstasy speared her body, and she came apart in a thousand pieces.

He plunged once more into her convulsing body, and with a harsh roar he tumbled with her, emptying his essence into her.

“My God, Sebastian,” she gasped long moments later, still trembling from the aftershocks of such violent pleasure.

He groaned against her lips before capturing them in a kiss that only served to make her mindless. “I cannot believe I have been absent from your bed for ten days.”

Hope surged through Jocelyn.

“Does that mean I will not be beaten or banished?” she asked breathlessly as he lifted and carried her, still impaled, over to the sofa. She moaned at the sensations that traveled through her at the feel of him hardening inside her again. He sat on the sofa with her straddling him, the skirt of her gown spilling backward over his knees, his morning coat crushed beneath her folded legs and bunched-up petticoats.

“You infuriate me, Jocelyn, but know that I would never lift a hand to hurt you in any way.”

“Banishment, then?”

He grunted and her heart raced at his intent regard.

“I do not have a pleasant relationship with my mother,” he said without preamble. “It has been so since I found her with her lover in the gardens when I was six.”

Jocelyn stiffened in shock. “Oh, Sebastian, I’m—”

He shook his head to cut her off. “The rift only got worse after she married her lover, Lord Radcliffe, only three months after my father’s passing.”

Regret flooded through her, as it dawned what she had done by sending that invitation. No wonder he was furious. “Oh, husband, I am so sorry. If I’d known—”

“I had planned on explaining everything to you tonight. I realized what an ass I have been for not speaking to you as I tried to come to grips with how you make me feel. It was wrong, and I’m sorry for that.”

She blinked, her heart stalling with dread. “H-how do I make you feel?”

“Be silent and listen, Jocelyn.” He nipped at her lips. “You came into my life and completely turned it upside down, when all I wanted was a biddable wife to give me an heir.”

All the hope she’d felt a moment ago fled in an instant, and a noise of anguish escaped her throat.

He didn’t love her. He would get her with child, and then he would banish her, just as he’d threatened. Oh, God, what had she done?

…

Sebastian cursed as Jocelyn stiffened, her muscles tightening, sending shards of pleasure running along his cock, still buried deep inside her. Then she squirmed, attempting to climb off him and get away.

“Be still!” he rasped, his fingers digging into her hips.

“No! I—”

He gave her a shake. “Just listen, damn you!”

He groaned as she wriggled, settling closer on his lap, loving the rush of liquid heat from her, telling him how much she wanted him.

But he needed to finish this conversation before giving in to the arousal. He gripped her hips and gently eased her off him. He grunted at the sensations that travelled through him as her tight clasp reluctantly released him. He tucked himself back into his trousers and drew her down on his lap. He held her chin gently and titled her face up to meet his gaze.

She froze, her eyes questioning, and he went on before she could move. “When you stormed my library, so fearless and demanding, I knew immediately. It was you I wanted, not some vapid miss without a thought in her head.”

He felt her rigid muscles relax a little.

“Truthfully, never did I expect you to enthrall me as you have. The days I spent with you only carried me further and further into my feelings for you, and I began to fear your lure. I withdrew, uncomfortable with the intensity of my emotions. The last time I felt anything close to this, I fought a duel over a married woman…whom society still believes I murdered.”

“Oh!” Her uncertain gaze shifted to disconcerted.

“But what I feel for you is wholly different. You make me burn with life, and yearn to set aside my cold and distant, solitary ways.”

“Oh, Sebastian.” Her eyes softened with love, and she tenderly kissed his face and his lips.

“I am not finished, Jocelyn,” he murmured between kisses. “We will not have this conversation again, so I implore you to be attentive.”

She gave him a radiant smile and stilled.

“I had already decided to break the silence with my mother after reading a series of her journals. I may not fully understand what she did, but I can empathize with her plight, and the agony she felt over her decisions. But reaching out to her was something I wanted to do on my own terms.”

Jocelyn lowered her eyes, toying with the buttons of his shirt. “Can you ever forgive me? I—”

“I know you are not repentant, Jocelyn,” he said wryly.

Her contrite expression melted into a mischievous smile, and Sebastian embraced the notion that for some mysterious reason, her disobedience no longer bothered him.

“When you foray into society as my duchess you will hear many things whispered, and I do not want you to be ambushed. Marissa was my lover both before and after she was married. In a bid to force my hand, she accepted the offer from an earl, hoping that jealously would bring me up to scratch. It did not.”

He grimaced. He had been determined never to marry. Ironically, that had led him into exactly the same situation for which he’d always condemned his mother. He just hadn’t seen that until now.

“I foolishly continued the affair,” he went on. “Marissa wanted me badly enough that she told me lies of her husband’s brutal beatings, hoping I would call him out and kill him.” He swallowed, hating the memories of that time. “As proof, she showed me horrible bruises, which I later learned were self-inflicted. And I fell for it. I challenged her husband to a duel, which he accepted eagerly.” Sebastian traced a finger over the scar on his cheek. “He gave me this, and I almost killed him.”

Jocelyn’s eyes were wide with dismay. “That’s awful,” she murmured.

“As he lay wounded and cursing, I realized he believed it was me abusing his wife so viciously. She’d been lying to both of us. I confronted her, and she confessed she’d done it to be free to wed me. She implored me to actually kill him so we could be together. Of course I wouldn’t, and ended our association. She threatened to kill herself because she loved me so desperately. When I ignored her threats, she later hanged herself. Then the foul rumors surfaced that I strangled her.”