The Dysfunctional Test (10 page)

When the discussion of Mile High Gliding came up around the table, Cam tuned back into the conversation. She didn’t know what that was, but it sounded like an ambulance would be required.

“Ha,” Dad shouted, setting down the newspaper. “The Brewers beat the Rockies last night.”

Justin was displeased. “I could’ve played for them if I hadn’t blown out my knee. We would’ve beaten you then.”

“That’s right,” Troy said. “You played ball in college.”

Heather grinned and kissed Justin’s cheek. “Full scholarship.”

Troy leaned back and crossed his arms. “Fisher was on varsity in high school. Do you still have your equipment?”

Justin nodded. “In the garage, collecting dust.”

Fisher bounced Emily on his knee. “What do you say, Em? Want to play baseball today?”

Around her colorful, no-nutrition-involved cereal, Emily nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah.”

Bernice stood and cleared her place, only to have one of the staff take it for her. She obviously wasn’t used to staff either. “I’ll let you guys go ahead. I’m going to work on Camryn’s dress.”

Mom stood. “I’ll help.”

Troy looked at her. “What’s wrong with your dress?”

Before Camryn could open her mouth, Nana interjected herself into the conversation. “Chubby here doesn’t fit into her bridesmaid dress. It’s a good idea to play ball today. She needs the exercise.”

All aboard the humiliation train
.

Heather stood, dragging Justin with her. “Let’s go pull the stuff from the garage. We’ll meet you all outside.”

Camryn sighed and stood, averting Troy’s questioning glare about the dress. Baseball had to be better than this Mile High nonsense. “I’ll go get changed.”

After running upstairs to put on a pair of shorts and a tee, she went outside to meet everyone. Raising her face to the sun, she breathed deep before heading over the hill. The humidity wasn’t as heavy here as it was at home, but the altitude made up for it. Though the temperature was almost eighty degrees, the air smelled like snow.

Nana had parked herself in a lawn chair along the first base side to watch. They’d set up Frisbees as bases and had a stack of wooden bats behind home plate. Heather tossed her a glove.

Justin grinned. “Rules. Emily doesn’t count as an out. Four balls, three strikes, no infield fly. Two fouls is an out. Yjaka Harold is ump and catcher.”

Heather pursed her lips at Kuma Viola who was applying lipstick in a gruesome shade of plum. “This is baseball, Kuma. Put the makeup down.”

She capped her lipstick. “I’m too old for this.”

“As am I,” Tetaka Myrtle agreed.

“Quit your belly-aching and play,” Nana professed. “I’m not getting any younger.”

Fisher and Justin called out teams.

“Troy,” Justin said.

“Heather,” Fisher countered.

“Anna,” Justin challenged.

By the time they got through the dads, aunts and uncles, it was down to Emily and Camryn. “Emily,” Fisher said.

Camryn sighed and put her hands on her hips. It was gym class all over again. “You picked Emily over me? Come on!”

Troy grinned and looked at Fisher. “We picked first, so you bat first.”

They put Camryn in right field, which was for the best. No action out there. Heather stepped up to the plate and swung at the first pitch. Dad caught it from second base. Justin’s dad hit a ground ball right back to Anna after she pitched it. Dad ran to first to get the out. At her turn, Kuma Viola swung so hard the bat flew from her hands, causing Yjaka Harold to hit the dirt. Err, grass. Nana laughed so hard she burst out in a two minute coughing fit.

“And you picked her over me!” Camryn yelled.

Anna walked Kuma on the next three pitches, probably to save the others from bodily harm.

Fisher stepped up to the plate, and hit the ball right to Camryn. She threw her hand up, going backward, running forward, until she completely lost sight of it in the sun. The ball landed on the grass next to her foot. She stared at it, and as everyone yelled at her, she jerked to react. She picked it up threw the ball to Anna. Well, nowhere near Anna, actually. It wound up closer to Nana. By the time the yelling stopped, Fisher and Kuma had scored. Yjaka Mitch struck the third out.

Camryn walked back to home. Halfway there, Nana shouted, “Move it, missy.”

This was so not her idea of fun.

Anna and Tetaka Myrtle struck out in succession. Justin, Dad and Troy were all on base. Camryn walked to the plate, dragging her bat behind her. Heather pitched her two strikes. Camryn didn’t swing at either.

From her lawn chair, Nana huffed. “You have to swing to hit the ball.”

Is that how this works?
she thought sarcastically.

As Heather brought her arm back to pitch Camryn her third strike, she decided she was going to swing no matter what. She brought the bat forward, connecting with the ball. Camryn pictured herself doing a happy dance until she realized the ball was flying foul. Not just foul, but toward Nana.

The ball sailed right into the center of Nana’s forehead, propelling the eighty-five-year-old woman backward off her lawn chair and onto her back.

Everyone froze. Camryn dropped her bat.

After a long pause of disbelief, they rushed over to Nana, screaming a thousand things at once.

“Jesus, Cam. You killed Nana.” This from Yjaka Mitch.

Well, it wasn’t on purpose!

Anna pulled the collapsed lawn chair out from under Nana and set it upright. Troy and Justin helped Nana to her feet and set her back down in the chair. Someone sent Emily to go get ice. The little girl rushed inside.

Camryn stood back, shaking. The only thing she could see was Nana’s deadly glare aimed right at her, and the large, reddened bump forming between her eyes.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Yjaka Harold asked.

“She can’t see that,” Tetaka Myrtle insisted. “She’s nearsighted.”

“No,” Kuma Viola argued. “She’s farsighted.”

Emily came running back out, cupping her hands. “Here’s ice.”

Anna looked down, picked up Emily, and walked toward the house. “Let’s put that ice in a bag, sweetie.”

“Get off of me!” Nana insisted. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Heather asked. “You have a big bump.”

Nana’s hand flew to her head. “She hit me on purpose!” A wrinkled finger pointed at Camryn.

Everyone turned to look at her. “Oh, come on. I did not! It was a total accident.”

Emily and Anna returned, Mom right behind. “Camryn Covic, you hit your grandmother with a baseball bat?”

Lord have mercy. “It was a ball, not a bat! And it was an accident.”

Perhaps Mile High Gliding would have been a better idea.

Anna, voice of reason, crouched in front of Nana. She put the ice pack on Nana’s forehead. “Does anything else hurt? Your hip? Your back?” Nana shook her head. “Do you feel sick? Blurry vision?” Nana shook her head again.

“Game over,” Fisher declared. “Let’s get her inside.”

“But I didn’t get a turn!” Emily squealed.

Justin took Emily over to home plate to let her have a turn before calling it a day, while the others walked Nana inside.

“I think she should go to the hospital,” said Mom at the door.

“I think you should shut it and mind your own business,” said Nana.

“Guys,” Fisher interjected. “Camryn hit the ball. It couldn’t have been that hard.”

Camryn stood outside as the door closed in her face. For a few moments, she stared at it before deciding to take that walk after all. Maybe she’d complete this perfect day by getting bitten by a poisonous snake.

She walked past Justin and Emily taking batting practice. Emily hit the ball two feet in front of her and cheered. Figures. No wonder they picked the three-year-old over her.

“Where are you going?” Justin asked.

Camryn pointed west. “For a walk.”

“Can I come?” Emily asked.

Camryn looked at her niece and agreed, figuring the hoopla inside would be best without
both
of them.

After dinner, Troy walked into the media room to pick out a movie for him and Cam to watch upstairs. Maybe the Hortons had
Major League
. Now that would be funny. Bernice and Cam were inside the room, Cam wearing a formal purple dress and Bernice standing behind her pinning the hem.

He stopped short. The strapless dress fit tightly around her breasts and waist before cascading to the floor, illustrating her hourglass curves. It was beautiful. So was she. Cam didn’t wear much color, sticking mostly to shades of whites, beiges and black. She looked different in color.

After a few minutes of staring unnoticed, he cleared his throat. “Is this the bridesmaid dress?” he asked.

Cam looked at him, all surprise, then turned to Bernice. “I’ll go change. Thank you for fixing it.” She reached down to grab her clothes from a recliner. “What are you doing in here?”

His gaze skimmed down the length of her, then over to the twelve-foot shelves holding Blu-rays and DVDs by the huge flat screen. “Picking out a movie for us. Any suggestions?”

Her gaze was skeptical, but she shrugged. “Just make sure it doesn’t have clowns in it.”

She walked out and headed for the staircase. Troy grinned. He’d almost forgotten about Cam’s fear of clowns. She’d been the butt of many jokes for that. It seemed a silly thing to be afraid of.

And then he got an idea. A quite dreadful and brilliant idea. Last night he’d gotten Camryn to wish on a star. Logical, composed Camryn did something impractical and frivolous. Maybe he could get her to do it again. A list of things, perhaps. Things not in her norm to bring out another side of her. Make her less tense. See the world for all its beauty.

“That’s a wicked grin on your face, Troy.”

He looked at Bernice. “Yes, it is. Do you have any Stephen King movies?”

Bernice looked at the shelves. “I’m sure we do. Try the second shelf.”

Troy walked over and found what he was looking for. Tucking the DVD under his arm, he told Bernice thanks and headed upstairs.

Cam was just coming out of the bathroom wearing PJs when he walked into their bedroom. He put the disc in the player and sat on the bed. She joined him a second later, sitting and applying lotion to her legs.

He’d never noticed her legs before. Long, shapely…

“I can’t believe I hit Nana with a baseball.”

Snapping his eyes away, Troy swallowed. “She’s okay. Besides, you didn’t do anything the rest of us haven’t wanted to do.”

She shook her head and grinned, causing his stomach to flop.

“What movie did you find?” she asked, not glancing up from her task when the menu popped on the TV.

“Check it out,” he said.

When she looked up at the menu for
It
, and the evil clown poking his head out of a sewer drain, she squeaked and fell off the bed. She crawled on all fours to the bathroom where she stood and crossed her arms, glaring at him.

Troy laughed so hard he thought his side had split open. He fell sideways on the bed, wiping tears, and holding his stomach.

“I’ll have you know, Troy Lansky, that thousands of people suffer from coulrophobia. That’s the official medical term for fear of clowns. An
official medical term
.”

He sucked in a breath and sat up. “Come over here, Cam.”

“Absolutely not. Turn it off.”

He picked up the TV remote and switched it off. She edged out of the bathroom doorway, peeked around the corner to ensure he did as asked, and then sat back down on the bed.

“That was cruel.”

He shook his head. “Listen, Cam. I’m conducting an experiment. Last night you wished on a star. Tonight, you’re going to do something that scares you. It’s all part of a list I contrived.”

“And what if I don’t want to be part of your experiment?”

He smiled. “You don’t have a choice. I have my reasons for the list.”

“And that would be?”

“I’ll tell you at the end of the week. Now, let’s watch the movie.”

She stood swift enough for the curtains to shift in her wake. “No.”

She tried to flee to the bathroom again, but he caught her and dragged her back to the bed. He sat her between his legs and trapped her in a bear hold. “One thing, Cam. One thing that scares you.”

“Why? There’s no point to this.”

“Oh, but there is. Trust me.”

Her shoulders sagged beneath his grasp. “Not on your life.” Pause. “How long is the movie?”

“Four hours.”

“Four hours?” she repeated, her voice several octaves above normal. “That’s cruel and unusual punishment, Troy.”

He laughed. “Come on, Cam. Do something you’ve never done before. It won’t hurt. I promise. We’ll sit just like this the whole four hours if you want.”

He waited her out. One minute, two…