The Earl's Childe (16 page)

“Yes?” Mum called.

“Aimee, the Countess of Perthshire has just arrived with her son,” said Ginny.

With a semi-sneer in the general direction of the castle's driveway, Mum mouthed what I figured was another cuss word and rose to leave. Softening her expression at me, she said, “Go feed Ehrwnmyr now, and come back as quickly as possible. We'll have to figure out how you can still work with him while people are here. I don't want anyone near him right now, do you understand?”

“Yes, Mum.” Before she closed the door behind her, I asked. “Should I tell him? Ermie, I mean? About what we talked about?”

She hesitated, but Dad spoke up. “What do
you
think, love?”

“I think…I think I need him to trust me if I'm going to actually, you know, change him and make him want to be good. Right?”

Dad nodded his approval and gave me a small smile that I was glad to see. But I also saw he was every bit as uncomfortable, worried, and ill about this decision as I was. Mum held the door for me, but already wore an emotional mask, ready to deal with the Countess as if nothing at all was wrong.

I threw my arms around each of my parents, loving the feel of their hugs back, before I took a deep breath and headed out the side door and down to Ehrwnmyr's paddock.

Ehrwnmyr stood stock still inside his gate, blocking it. Only his tail moved, swishing in irritation. I knew it was swishing in irritation because I could literally feel his irritation and anger spiking into my brain as soon as I was within his line of sight.

I was still hurt and angry at his earlier comment about only caring about my family and me because it affected him. But I knew that I'd hurt him before by not telling him everything going on that could affect his well-being. I also knew that when someone said or did something to hurt me, even if it was unintentional, my first instinct was to hurt back, which wasn't good. And I really would like to consider myself a
good
person.

So, I did what I hoped a good person who wanted to mend a relationship would do. As soon as I sensed him in my head, I thought of being apologetic, and as soon as I was close enough where I didn't have to yell, I said what I was thinking. “I'm sorry about this morning…and last night. There was a lot of awful things going on, human things, that I didn't think you'd understand or I didn't know how to talk about…kind of like how I didn't think of the faery dangers you brought up this morning. I'll tell you everything I can now.”

He shifted his weight, but didn't move.
I am listening
.

“Want to eat first?”

I am not hungry
. It wasn't in words, but I recognized his feelings; he wasn't hungry because he was too upset.

I re-explained everything to and through hearing about Joe and his family trapped in Bahrain. Then I told him how I'd wondered if I could send him to save them since he could run so fast and carry so much weight. And I told him how we decided not to, because it was more dangerous to be unprotected if that Unseelie lord that even
Ermie
thought was cruel and horrible attacked us here.

When I reached that last part, about sending him to rescue Joe's family, I felt another cold jolt of emotions through my brain, so hard that I staggered away from the gate. The kelpie stomped a front leg, turned on his back legs so he was almost rearing, and started jogging in a circle. A very angry and hurt circle.

“What?” I rubbed between my eyes, which was throbbing like a brain freeze. “What did I do wrong now? I told you everything! Even about Dad.”

All of a sudden, I realized the kelpie was not just angry and hurt, but
furious
and
betrayed
. When he formed the words in my head, it was like trying to hear someone over a rubbish cell connection. His “voice” was distorted over all his emotions.
You…would have sent…me…into a human…war zone!

The piercing ache in my head fell into a lump of rock in my stomach when he put it that way.

“But…you're fast. You've got powers and stuff…” My voice sounded weak.

I am
not
fast enough to dodge bullets. Nor do they “magickally” bounce from my skin
.

“I…I didn't know.”

He lunged, with a squealing growl that was such a weird mix between horse and dog sounds it grated in my ears. Swinging around, he hammered his hind legs upon the metal gate. The heavy wooden posts on either side cracked at the hinges and latch.

I jumped backward, wondering if there was a way he really could hurt me.

NO. I. CANNOT!
And his voice in my head sounded enraged at that fact. He ran in a circle, bucking.

“I'm sorry!”

He threw his back legs in my direction with another buck, snorting a deep, growling groan. I took another step back, head spinning as he sent a lot of thoughts and feelings at me, like one of those machines that spits tennis balls at you for practice, but on super-high speed. I felt myself crouching and ducking, putting my hands over my face and head as if they would protect me.

What I heard and felt weren't words, exactly, but they triggered things in my head. I'd told him I'd never let him get hurt, that I wanted to protect him. I
promised
I'd let no one hurt him, and even though he'd laughed, he'd listened, and it
meant
something to him. I would have sent him to his death! And I hadn't even thought of that. I hadn't thought of
him
at all. It was as if he was just a thing, like the way I kept telling my dad
not
to think of him. I'd treated him like a slave, a thing I owned.

I. Could. Have. Killed. Him.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking!” I shouted at him as hot, guilty tears ran down my face. “I was just worried for Joe and his family, and you're like this huge magickal thing that even Lord Cadmus and Lady Fana are kind of afraid of, and they can kill people or make them slaves just by looking at them in the eye! I'm sorry! Please, forgive me?”

Ehrwnmyr slid to a stop, facing me.
What?

“Forgive me? I'm so sorry. I never want to hurt you! I wasn't thinking. I won't do that again! Please?”

He stared at me, snorting once, twice. His body shook, and he looked more kelpie than horse—shark-like teeth, lanky body, and a writhing mass of fur, tail, and mane. His eyes glowed brighter. After an almost-painful pause, he lowered his head and chewed.

Turning away from me, he skipped into a trot, and I felt less anger from him.

“Would…would you like me to feed you now?”

You are
not
sending me to a strange war-filled land to rescue the human royals?

“No. But…but…we still need your help here. In case that Unseelie lord attacks…but I don't want you to get hurt doing that either.” I bit my lip. “I don't want
anyone
to get hurt.”

Blood and brine
. He snorted again and shook his body, still trotting.
If nothing else, you are painfully honest, even in your naivete and foolishness
.

The insult seemed tempered with an unexpected gentleness. I swallowed. “Does that mean you don't…at least you don't… want to hurt me now?”

He slowed to a stop and regarded me. I sensed amusement in his stare.
For the moment, no, I do not wish you harm. Certainly not whilst you feed me
. He tossed his head and started trotting in the other direction.

I sighed, headed into the stable, and pulled out the buckets of feeder fish, still swimming lethargically in the cold water.

I approached the gate carefully. As if he sensed my hesitation, he waited on the other side of the pen by his pond while I poured the stinky fish buckets into his trough. He went to eat after I closed the gate.

As he ate, he looked more horse-like, and I sensed the rest of his anger giving way to the contentment of a full belly. I took a few deep breaths, trying to stop my hands from shaking. Leaning my head on the cool metal of the gate, I realized how hot my whole face felt. I didn't leave, though; maybe I could start mending things if we tried working together again. Maybe, at least, if I tried to groom him.

If I could get the courage up to let him out of his pen.

Listening to the chomping, crackling of tiny bones, and slurping, so different from the soft crunching of regular horses eating grain, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, letting my mind wander to what else I should tell him if I were going to be truly honest.

I must have dozed or something, because I jumped at his soft whicker, and I didn't remember hearing him stop eating. Blinking, I looked up as he faced me. No words passed between us, but that was okay. I could feel he was willing to communicate.

“Do…do you want me to brush you and clean your hooves? And, maybe, we can just ask each other questions? About, like, anything?”

He lowered his head a little, chewing in thought.

“And we both get to say ‘I don't want to answer that,' and we both respect that?”

That sounds fair
. He nodded his head in an equine shrug, but I could feel he was more interested than his words said.

I let him out of his pen and started cleaning his hooves, doing my best not to gag at the smell again. “You can go first.”

I finished two hooves before his question came to my mind.
What
do
you want of me?

I stopped, holding up one of his back hooves, thinking. “What do you mean?”

He let out a sigh of his own.
You wish me to protect your family if you fall under attack, and you would wish me not to harm myself in doing so, which I understand now, and appreciate. But that is an immediate thing. What then? You do not use your animals to plough or to work. They are…
pets.
I do not…I
am
not like them. What do you want of me?

That was still an awfully big question, and not one I had a good answer to. “I haven't really thought about it. I just…I just don't want you to go killing anyone. I…I would wish, I guess, for you to, I don't know, maybe become good, and not
want
to kill people. And, if you didn't want to kill people anymore, maybe we could go around and help people. You've got your powers and all, and maybe we could, like,
rescue
people who were in danger or something…does that make any sense at all?”

It makes sense when I remember you are still a child
.

I scowled and dropped his hoof.

I meant no offense. You
are
a child. And innocent. And you think you can change what I am
.

“Doesn't it matter that you have a soul now?”

Ermie stomped his farther-away hoof. Without words, I knew it did…just that he was not happy about it.

Was that your question for me?

“Um…”

I felt and heard his actual chuckle. While it sounded rather creepy, I kind of liked hearing it. He had been teasing me. When I realized that, I couldn't keep myself from sticking out my tongue and going
pththt
, which made him chuckle even more.

While I tried to gather my thoughts about what I
did
want to ask him, which was a million or so things, he picked his head up and looked back over his shoulder through the main door.

“What?” I asked. After a moment, I heard boots on dirt, and Mum walked into the stable.

“Hey, sweetie. Our last student is all settled in and hanging in the common room with everyone else. His mother's on her way back to Edinburgh already, so I came to see how you're doing.”

“Ermie is not Superman and was not happy I just assumed he could dodge or repel bullets in a war zone, but since we're not sending him to go get Joe and his family, we moved past that and are just, kinda, talking.”

Your daughter holds out hope that my forgiveness of such callous oversight suggests that she may change me into some kind, benevolent creature who does not take joy in killing and eating humans
.

You know when people say sarcasm drips from someone's voice? Yeah, I could almost feel the sour honey dripping in my brain from the tone of his words.

Mum smirked. “So, being benevolent and dodging bullets, out of your ability range. What
can
you do?”

“Can that be my question, if it's still my turn?”

I don't know if regular horses can
physically
roll their eyes like humans, but kelpies definitely can.

I suppose. If I may direct my next question to your mother
.

I shrugged. “Fine with me. She knows way more than I do, anyway.”

May I turn around?

I backed away, and he faced Mum, tail swishing.

I can run approximately seven leagues in the time a human can steep, but not for very long and not with extensive accuracy. With accuracy, I can run nearly ten times faster than one of your equine beasts. I can travel atop or under water at approximately half that speed. I can allow someone riding me to breathe underwater as I do. I can also carry or pull about ten times what one of your mortal equines can. And, to clarify what you were told, nearly
all
magick does not work upon me. Save for soul magic
. He tossed his bridle-bound head.
And even that must be extremely powerful to affect me
.