The Earl's Honorable Intentions (19 page)

An endearing blush spread up Hannah’s tearstained face. Her generous lips arched in a self-conscious smile. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

“If you think it means I never want you to leave Edgecombe, except for an occasional visit with your friends, you would be correct.” Gavin found it hard to stop grinning. “But I spoiled my last proposal by offering it too soon and for the wrong reasons. I may not be able to change the past, but I
can
learn from my mistakes. If I do that, they will not truly be failures after all.”

“I like the sound of that.” Hannah beamed her approval. Suddenly the darkened London sitting room seemed full of country sunshine.

“I mean to take my time.” Gavin relished the prospect. “I want us to become much better acquainted. I want to prove to you what a good father and husband I can be. Not perfect, by any means, but to the very best of my ability.”

Hannah hesitated for an instant, then raised her hand to caress his cheek. “Your best effort will be more than good enough for me.”

He believed her—not just in his head, but in the most doubtful depths of his heart. “I promise you, I will be entirely circumspect. I will say nothing more of what is in my heart until after I have observed a proper period of mourning for Clarissa. I owe it to her and to our children to respect her memory.”

“We both do.” Hannah drew back her hand with obvious reluctance.

Her tender touch had been very pleasant indeed, and Gavin was sorry she must stop. Still, he knew it was the right thing for both of them. They would keep their association cordial and professional until the day came when he was free to speak. It would go against his impetuous nature to act with such deliberate restraint. But that would be his tribute to Clarissa...and to Hannah. When the day came that he could make his honorable intentions known, it would be all the sweeter.

A hesitant tap on the sitting room door made them both start as if they had forgotten anyone else in the world existed. Gavin clasped Hannah’s hands and gave them a swift, warm squeeze that he hoped would convey his feelings until he was at liberty to tell her in greater detail.

Then he sprang from the sofa and called, “Come in.”

The door swung open, admitting Lady Benedict, who held tight to Peter’s hand. She cast Hannah an apologetic look, perhaps to beg her pardon for not keeping the child occupied any longer. Gavin was not altogether sorry for the interruption. If he’d spent too many more minutes staring into Hannah’s eyes he was not certain his honorable intentions could have prevented him from kissing her.

“The cook here is very nice,” announced Peter. “She made us up a tray and she gave me a biscuit to hold my stomach.”

A maid bustled in behind them with the tray and set it on the table in front of the sofa.

“Is something wrong, Miss Hannah?” Peter climbed up beside her. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

For a moment, Hannah seemed as if she meant to deny the charge, but her eyes and nose were quite red and she still clutched Gavin’s sodden handkerchief. “I was, but not because anything is wrong. Your father told me he means to come back to Edgecombe with us and that made me very happy.”

No happier than it made him, Gavin reflected, to think of making a true home with her and the children.

“Well, that’s good.” Peter still sounded puzzled by the strange notion of happy tears.

While they were talking, Lady Benedict began to heap food on their plates. A smug little smile hovered on her lips.

Hannah wrapped her arm around Peter’s shoulders. “As soon as you have eaten, we must get you to bed, young man. It is a wonder you have kept your temper so well after such a long day.”

Much as Gavin wanted to return to Edgecombe, see the twins and begin the next phase of his life, his son’s well-being mattered more to him. “Since you have come all this way, we should show you a bit of London before we go home. If you would like to, that is, and if it would not be too great an imposition on Lady Benedict.”

“Not in the least.” Her ladyship’s bright tone conveyed her approval of his suggestion. “It would allow me a longer visit with my dear friend without taking my husband away from his duties.”

Gavin sensed their hostess was eager to learn what he and Hannah had discussed in her absence. He did not mind Lady Benedict knowing that she need not exert herself to find her friend a husband.

He and Hannah would take care of that in their own time.

* * *

Hannah, Gavin and Peter spent an enjoyable few days in London as guests of Rebecca and Sebastian. They took the child around to see London Bridge, Saint Paul’s Cathedral and other sights that might one day provide a basis for his history instruction.

Hannah and Rebecca enjoyed these outings quite as much as the child, having led very quiet lives until recently. What made Hannah even happier was the unspoken sense that she, Gavin and his son were already becoming a family. It still troubled her a little to imagine what Peter’s mother would have thought of her place being filled by her son’s governess. But she hoped and believed the countess had found peace and love beyond human understanding. Surely she would not begrudge the happiness of those she had left behind.

Rebecca helped to set Hannah’s mind at ease on the subject.

“You will be fulfilling the promise you made to her.” She gave Hannah’s hand a reassuring squeeze as the Edgecombe party prepared to depart. “Whatever she may have felt toward you and the earl, there can be no doubt she loved her children with pure, unselfish affection. I am certain she would approve any arrangement that promised to be so very good for them.”

“You talk excellent sense.” Hannah caught her loyal friend in a warm embrace. “I wish I had you near all the time to keep me from fretting about such things.”

“We will see one another far more often now.” Rebecca glowed with delight at the prospect. “And Marian, as well as the others, I hope. Besides, you have another friend now in whom you can confide.”

Her teasing little smile told Hannah exactly whom she meant.

Just then Gavin returned from the kitchen with Peter. They had gone down to thank the Benedicts’ cook for a supply of warm gingerbread nuggets she had baked for him to nibble on the journey home.

“I hope poor Cook will be content here once you go,” Rebecca fretted, not entirely in jest. “I fear she may leave us for a family with little ones she can spoil.”

“Surely she can be patient awhile longer,” Hannah replied, “for you and Lord Benedict to oblige her.”

From the way Rebecca and Sebastian had responded to Gavin’s children, Hannah knew they must be eager to welcome a child of their own. How fortunate she felt that when the time came, she would have a ready-made family.

“Speaking of Sebastian,” said Rebecca, “I hope he will get back in time to bid you farewell. That horrid Bonaparte is almost as much trouble in captivity as he was on the loose. I shall be heartily glad when his future is settled.”

Hannah cast a covert glance at Gavin as she stooped to wipe a crumb of gingerbread from Peter’s chin. The earl’s mouth tightened and his dark eyes flashed in response to Rebecca’s remark. Though he had decided to put the war behind him and concentrate on his family, she sensed that the situation still mattered a great deal to him. She hoped with all her heart it would not be mismanaged again, leaving Gavin prey to undeserved regrets.

He must have been thinking the same thing. “I quite agree, Lady Benedict. I would be the last person to take your husband away from his duties for the sake of civilities.”

No sooner had he spoken those words than Hannah heard voices in the distance, followed by the sound of brisk footsteps approaching. A moment later, Sebastian strode in, looking rather anxious.

“Thank goodness you’re still here.” The viscount addressed himself to Gavin. “I was afraid I might have missed you.”

Gavin started to repeat what he had just told Rebecca, but Sebastian interrupted him.

“This has nothing to do with polite leave-taking. I have been charged by Lord Bathurst to give you this.” He thrust a letter into Gavin’s hands. “Whatever you said to Buckinghamshire the other night seems to have made an impression. The Board of Control has withdrawn its objections to the use of Saint Helena as a place of exile for Bonaparte.”

“What wonderful news!” Rebecca cried.

Hannah swept Peter into a joyful embrace.

“Are you certain?” Gavin tore open the letter and began to read it, his eyes darting back and forth. “This is an end to it, then?”

“An end to what?” Peter demanded. “Why are you all so happy?”

“Because it is an end to many years of war.” Hannah strove to explain in a way a child might understand. “And an end to the worry that it might begin again.”

She sought to catch Gavin’s eye to communicate her delight at this new development and her pride in him for the part he’d played. When she glanced toward him, she did not see the wide smile she expected, but a furrowed brow and an anxious scowl.

Sebastian clearly noticed, too. “What is the matter? What does the letter say?”

“Just a lot of political nonsense.” Gavin’s lips curled upward then, in the most grotesque parody of a smile Hannah had ever seen.

She suspected it must be for his son’s benefit and she was certain of it when he addressed the child. “I say, Peter, would you mind going out with Lady Benedict to check if our carriage is ready?”

An opportunity to do anything involving horses distracted the boy from his father’s abrupt change of mood. “I shall be glad to, Papa.”

Rebecca quickly grasped what was required of her. She took Peter’s hand and headed away with him. “Perhaps we can stop by the kitchen and see if Cook might spare some carrots for your horses.”

The minute they were out of earshot, Sebastian asked the question that clamored in Hannah’s mind. “What does Lord Bathurst
truly
say?”

The viscount did not question Hannah’s right to be there, for which she was grateful.

Gavin heaved a sigh. “The government has resolved to send Bonaparte to Saint Helena, but they want
me
to go along as his custodian. In recognition of my intense desire to ensure that he should never again pose a threat to peace in Europe.”

Hannah lifted a hand to her chest, for her heart felt as if it might plummet into her feet. She should have known a happy future with Gavin and the children was too good to be true. What had she ever done to deserve such happiness?

Another thought rose up to comfort her. It urged her to trust in the infinite generosity of divine love and seek to be a channel of it.

“Dash it all,” Sebastian muttered. “I have no doubt you would be an ideal man for the post but.... What will you do?”

Gavin looked from the letter to Hannah and back again, all the while silently shaking his head.

“I will leave you to think on it,” said Sebastian as he discreetly withdrew.

When he had gone, Gavin looked up at Hannah again. The painful struggle that waged within him showed on his rugged features and in the stormy depths of his eyes. It was as vicious a battle as he had ever fought, for it was not against an oppressive enemy who must be vanquished at all costs. Instead, it was a severe contest between two greatly desired events, each of which must exclude the other. Such a battle could yield no true victory—only bitter disappointment and regrets.

Or could it? Perhaps in surrender and sacrifice, Hannah could help him find peace. Was that not more important than winning what
she
wanted at the cost of his peace of mind?

“I think you should go.” Those were the hardest words she’d ever had to speak—welcoming her worst fear. Yet once they left her lips, she knew they were the right ones.

The look of bewilderment that came over Gavin might have made her laugh under other circumstances, but not now. Instead it compelled her to make him understand. “I know how important this is for so many people and how much it means to you. I also realize what I should have all along—that you are not using this as an excuse to abandon your children. I know you will come home to them...and to me, at your very first opportunity.”

The furrows in Gavin’s brow smoothed out and the rigid set of his mouth relaxed.

“If you want the children and me to come with you to Saint Helena,” she continued, “we will.”

Though she meant it with all her heart, Hannah could foresee many difficulties.

When Gavin shook his head, she found herself torn between disappointment and relief. “Alice and Arthur are not yet weaned, and it is a long voyage. The children would be much better off at Edgecombe.”

It was not an easy decision for him, she could tell, but one he made out of tender concern for his children’s well-being. For the first time, Hannah could truly believe her father might have felt the same way when he’d sent her and Sarah to live with his sister. “Then I will look after them until you return, as governess or mother, whichever you think best.”

“You would...marry me...right away? Won’t you mind what people might say?”

“A little,” she admitted. “But your peace of mind matters more to me than the comments of others. Do what you must and you may rely on my complete support.”

A sincere, mellow smile replaced Gavin’s earlier look of perplexity. “I know I can rely on you. That was something I sensed even when I did not much care for you otherwise.”

With slow, deliberate steps, he approached her. “I want you and the children to be able to rely on me, as well. How can I do that if I am an ocean away, playing nursemaid to General Bonaparte? I do not believe Molesworth would approve of that in the least.”

He tossed aside the letter and took her hands in his. “What is more important, it is not what
I
want for our family and our future. I know I said I would not speak of it yet, but just this once, I must. I love you, Hannah, with all my heart and I could not bear to be parted from you for any reason. I want to put the war and all the other troubles of our past behind us. I want us to embrace the future with love and happiness.”

His voice rang with confidence and certainty that gladdened Hannah, and yet... “What about General Bonaparte? Who will serve as his custodian if you do not? Is there a chance he might not be sent to Saint Helena if you refuse to go?”