The Edge of Nowhere (41 page)

Hayley splashed water on her face while behind her she heard the
snick
of a match being lit. She smelled the tobacco burning because the cold breeze from outside was blowing the smoke right back into the room instead of taking it away. Hayley kept splashing her face, ignoring the other girl.

Jenn said, “Uh . . . I think you’re clean now, Hayley.”

Hayley turned off the water. She grabbed some paper towels from the dispenser, and she dried her face. She put her glasses back on, which gave her a much better look at Jenn’s smirking face.

“So,” Jenn said. “You and the undersheriff had
quite
the talk. Maybe you should be more careful when you start accusing people of stuff.”

Hayley ignored her. She turned to walk out of the restroom, but Jenn was away from the window in a flash. She tossed her cigarette onto the tiles of the floor and let it lie there burning. She blocked Hayley’s path.

Hayley said, “Excuse me?”

“You’re not excused.”

When Hayley tried to get by her, Jenn was a wall. Her small body was entirely muscle. Hayley realized that the other girl looked like something the wind could blow away, but she was a rock.

Jenn said, “I never figured you for a snitch,
Hay
ley. One word from me, and Dylan’s going to know all about what you told the undersheriff. So . . . you want to do something to stop me?”

What Hayley wanted to do was to slap her silly. She wanted to punch her right in the face. But although she was taller than Jenn McDaniels, she knew she wasn’t a match for her. Jenn was as tough as uncooked beans, and she was just the kind of girl who itched in places only a brawl could scratch.

She said, “Here’s what I’m figuring out about you, Jenn. You sort of
like
having Derric in that hospital bed. You sort of like feeling important to him, to his parents, to his recovery even. But the deal for you is that he has to
stay
in that coma for you to be important, doesn’t he? Because if he wakes up, you go back to being just Jenn McDaniels, the girl everyone tries to ignore because she’s such a pain in the butt.”

Jenn’s face drew together like a fist. Hayley knew she’d hit her mark. But she hated herself for descending to the other girl’s level. That wasn’t who she was.

“You,” Jenn said, “don’t know the first thing about me. Fact is, you don’t know the first thing about anyone, Derric included. You think him and you have some special relationship that’s all about
Aff
-rick-a, but here’s the deal: That’s just your excuse for getting your hands on him. You want to hook up and here’s the way. ‘Oh, Derric, tell me all about Uganda.’” Jenn clasped her hands beneath her chin and fluttered her eyelashes sarcastically.

Hayley’s lips parted but at first she didn’t speak. The other girl’s ability to see things and twist them, to make something seem dirty when it was nothing of the kind . . . It was incredible. Hayley said to her, “Why’re you so hateful? How d’you think life’s going to work out for you, when all you do is look for every weakness in people so you can hurt them?”

“I’d rather know who people are than let them pretend they’re someone else.”

“I don’t pretend,” Hayley told her.

“As if. Everyone pretends.”

“No. They don’t. Your problem is that you make guesses about people. But that’s all they are: guesses.”

“Yeah? Want to hear my guesses about you, then? Want to hear my guesses about Seth? Want to hear my guesses about Beck-
kuh
King?”

“What I want is not to talk to you for another second.”

“Good, ’cause all you have to do is listen,” Jenn sneered. “So listen to this. Becca King pushed Derric off that bluff, not Dylan Cooper. She came on to Derric. He said no. That’s when she shoved him. That’s what happened. This whole thing’s her fault, and I’m going to help the undersheriff find her.”

“You make me sick,” Hayley said.

Jenn nodded toward one of the stalls. “Well, there’s the toilet.”

HAYLEY HAD TO
admit that she hardly knew Becca. Most of the kids at South Whidbey High School she’d been around since preschool, but Becca King . . . What
did
she know about this girl? Nothing, really. But she knew someone who did.

Early the next morning she drove directly to the Star Store. She banged on the door. She rattled the handle. She went back to banging until Seth appeared. He was carrying a mop over his shoulder like a rifle and when he saw who it was, he stopped dead. Hayley shook the door handle again and called out, “Seth, open up. I need to talk to you.”

He put the mop to one side, but when he unlocked the door, he didn’t let her in. After their last encounter, he was wary of her and Hayley could understand this since she’d been going off mentally in all directions for months now.

“Yeah?” Seth spoke in a way that was not unfriendly, but it certainly wasn’t the welcome mat. He didn’t act surprised to see her. He
did
act like someone waiting for the next weird outburst from her to come his way.

It came to Hayley that she had a lot to apologize for, and the first thing she needed to say “I’m sorry”
about was her failure to see how mismatched she and Seth had been from the first. She’d thought music would be enough to bind them because he was a brilliant musician and no one would ever be able to deny that. She’d thought his essential goodness would add to that. But music and Seth’s core decency hadn’t been enough, and she saw that now. But she couldn’t get into that at the moment, so she said, “I need to talk to you about Becca.”

“What about her?”

“The undersheriff thinks she pushed Derric off the trail. Or at least he’s going to think that because Jenn McDaniels is going to tell him.”

“Why the hell would Jenn do that?”

“Why does Jenn do anything? All I know is that she’s convinced herself that Becca was trying to hook up with Derric and Derric wasn’t interested, so Becca shoved him off the trail. Course, she’s also convinced herself that just about everyone was trying to hook up with Derric. Except her, of course. She’s completely innocent of everything.”

Seth seemed to consider all this carefully. He finally said, “No way. I was there. Me and Gus were there and . . .” But then his voice faded and Hayley could tell something had come to him.

She said, “What?”

“Nothing.” But he said the word too slowly.
Nothing
meant
nothing I can tell you
.

She said, “Seth, Becca was there and you got separated from her, right? Everyone got separated from each other and—”

“You were there that day, too,” Seth said. “Who’d you get separated from?”

“Not from Derric. Seth, this isn’t about me and Derric. There
is
no me and Derric. We were always just friends and . . . We might have been kissing but it was
just
kissing and . . . Oh, that doesn’t matter now. What matters is Becca and what Jenn’s going to do.”

“I don’t get why that’s so important to you.”

“Because it’s
wrong
. Do
you
think Becca hurt Derric?”

He shook his head. “She was acting all weird but—”

“So she
was
there.”

“Yeah. But we were looking for Gus.”

“Together?”

“No. Like you said, we got separated. I don’t know where she went. I don’t even know where
I
went. I was just trying to find the dog. So was she, far as I know. I can tell the undersheriff that if it comes to him thinking Becca did anything.”

“But the problem would be, you don’t know for sure, right?”

“Right.”

“So think of how everything’ll look to him once Jenn shoots her mouth off. Becca was there that day. Becca has disappeared. Becca hasn’t been in school. Jenn wants to hurt Becca because hurting people is what she does best. So she’s going to help the undersheriff find her. You know where she is, don’t you?”

Seth looked cagey. “I’m not saying that.”

“You don’t
have
to say it. I know you, Seth. If she came to you for some reason, you’d help her. That’s who you are. So help her now.”

Seth examined her, chewing this over: not only her words but what they meant. He said, “I didn’t push him, Hayley.”

She said, “I know. I’m sorry I ever said or thought . . . Look, we have stuff to talk about, you and I, but we can’t right now. Right now the important thing is protecting Becca. You’ve got to keep her away from the undersheriff and away from Jenn. Will you do that, Seth?”

He nodded slowly. She turned to leave. But she could tell he was watching as she walked back to the truck.

THIRTY-SEVEN

I
t was still early in the morning when Becca ducked out of the Dog House and pedaled toward the edge of town. She took a shortcut she’d discovered and ended up on Sandy Point Road, a route that would have destroyed her weeks earlier. But now she had no trouble with it, in part because of Seth’s bike and in part because of the shape she was in. Soon, she knew, she’d be able to do twenty miles with no problem.

She made quick time to Diana Kinsale’s house, where the lights were on in the kitchen and the porch as well. Diana met her at the door. She was dressed for the day. She said, “Becca. Come in,” and she led the way to a sunroom. Her house was filled with warm autumn colors. Walking through it felt like falling into a hug.

In the sunroom, all five dogs were lying on the warm concrete floor and tea was laid out for a visitor. Diana said, “All dogs stay,” as they raised their heads. Tails wagged, but they obeyed as always.

Becca said, “They got to stay inside last night?”

“No. They just wanted to say hello to you this morning.”

Becca felt a tingle go over her as she understood from this that Diana had known she was coming. And she heard quite distinctly
It’s just between the two of us, Becca
, but this frightened her. She knew when she heard a whisper from Diana that Diana was making the choice to be heard. She just didn’t know what this meant.

She remembered her grandmother saying to her, “Sometimes you’ve got to take the leap, hon, and this is going to be tough for you. See, when most people leap, they leap in darkness, but until you learn to
master
the whispers, you’ll always be leaping in half-light.” Becca finally realized how this applied to her: The whispers as she received them at this point in her life told her something, but they didn’t tell her everything, and with Diana this was one of those half-light moments.

The half-light was duplicated outside the sunroom because dawn was breaking over the Cascade Mountains. It was making of the sky an unfurling banner in which the color rose was transforming into apricot, then into pearl gray, while above them both the arc of black night still hung.

She said to Diana, “I need to trust you, Mrs. Kinsale.”

Diana sat and gestured for Becca to do the same. She poured some tea. She said, “I think you’re in the midst of trust now. You wouldn’t have come here otherwise.” She looked out at the still, dark water that even now was just beginning to reflect the sky. She said, “It’s going to be beautiful today.” And then after a pause, “How can I help you, Becca?”

Becca looked at Diana and felt her complete acceptance. This seemed to flow from Diana, like a river that Becca could plunge into if she wanted to. So she said what she’d been longing to say for weeks upon weeks, which wasn’t at all what she’d come to say.

“D’you know where my mom is, Mrs. Kinsale?”

“Safe is what I know,” Diana replied. “Safe is what I see.”

Becca’s vision blurred. “I miss her.”

“It’s a hollowness inside your chest. I know that feeling.” And when she spoke, the peace that came from Diana was a pool of calm.

Becca said impulsively, “Can I live here with you? With you and with the dogs?” Then before Diana could answer, the rest poured out of her like a flood that sought to join that pool, as water always will. “The undersheriff is looking for me. I had to run from the Cliff Motel. I’ve been in the Dog House and I’ve missed school and I want to take a bath or a shower and I want to go
back
to school and have a place to live and—”

Diana rose and came to her. She knelt in front of Becca’s chair and placed her hands on Becca’s knees. Becca looked down at them. She saw they were rough from gardening and rough from a long and useful life. She said, “
Will
you finally trust me, Becca?”

At this, Becca felt something heavy and painful release from inside her. The sensation was like parts of her body lifting and dissolving and being washed away. “Yes,” she said.

“Good. I want you to trust what I say to you. Here, this house, the dogs and I . . . these things aren’t what you need right now. Eventually they will be and when that time comes, I’ll know and I’ll tell you. But the time isn’t right.”

Becca’s heart sank. “Why not?”

“Because there are things you need to resolve first.”

“I don’t know how.”

“You
do.
It doesn’t seem like it. But you have the wisdom to move forward and do what you need to do.”