The Elementalist (13 page)

38

~Tough Decisions~

Brecken

It was like he’d been struck on the back of the head with a baseball bat. One quick zap of… he wasn’t sure what, and a whole flood of memories poured back in. They were jumbled, confusing, and out of order, but he remembered his life as Bretariel interspersed—time-wise—with his life as Brecken Shaefer, and he wasn’t sure which memories went where.

Alisa’s face swam before him, her expression so familiar. His heart raced at the sight of her, and he knew—all the way to his toes—that he loved her. He tried to remember her better, the things they’d done together, how he’d met her, but it didn’t come quickly. At school maybe? No, that was Jill. No, Hannah. No… wait.

His head throbbed as he tried to sit up, and he was dizzy, so he leaned back on his elbow, taking deep, slow breaths. Her voice called to him, sounding far away even though she crouched next to him. Rising slowly, he hung his head between his knees. Her touch was a warm, feather-light breeze on his face, his hair, and his mouth.

“I’m all right,” he said, trying to catch her hands, which was like trying to catch smoke from a doused match. “I’m all right,” he said again. “Just give me a sec.”

Alisa stared into his eyes, waiting patiently.

“I’m Brecken now, right?”

Alisa’s perfectly shaped brows dipped in a frown. “Um, yeah.”

He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and rubbed his face. “So I’m not Bretariel anymore. I’m living my mortal life. I haven’t died.”

With the warmth of the afternoon sun, she smiled. “You’re definitely alive and living your life. Yes.”

“Oh, good.” He let himself sit back down for a moment, his arm thrown across his eyes.

At that instant, Hannah came pelting up the path, her perfectly muscled legs flexing as she ran. She was beautiful, and he really liked her… a lot… and then he remembered…

“Oh. Uh… this is a friend of mine,” he hurried to say before Hannah got close. Alisa didn’t have time to respond before Hannah called out to him.

“What happened?” She grabbed his arms, inspecting him from head to toe with a worried expression. “I saw you fall. Did you pass out?”

Brecken shuffled over to a nearby boulder and leaned against it for balance. “I think I did. It was the weirdest thing.”

“Who is this girl?” Alisa demanded, but he couldn’t explain right now. Not in front of Hannah. Not in the right way. Yeah, she was a friend, but she had become more than that. He’d even kissed her a couple of times. But how did he explain it? Did he say it wasn’t his fault? That he didn’t know? That he couldn’t remember he had a beautiful guardian watching over him? He’d forgotten… for how long? He wasn’t even sure.

And now… Alisa. So lovely… the way her hair hung golden down her back, her soft, blue eyes, her furious expression. Yeah, that was definitely familiar. And now she was back? Just when he’d lost hope of ever seeing her again? More than anything, he wanted to take her in his arms and crush her to his chest, but like an elusive butterfly, he couldn’t seem to hold on to her.

Hannah threw her arms around Brecken in an embrace. His hands rose to her waist, but he didn’t squeeze back. It was such an uncomfortable moment. He could hardly think of what to say next… to either girl.

He gently pushed Hannah away. “I’m okay. Really.”

“Maybe you’re dehydrated.” She pulled out her water bottle and held it to his lips. He drank, because he really was thirsty, but he watched Alisa as he gulped down the ice-cold water.

“Thanks.”

“Of course,” Hannah said. “Maybe we should get you home or maybe to the hospital. You look terrible, Breck. Are you sure you’re okay?”

He glanced at Alisa when Hannah used his nickname. Sure enough, her eyes narrowed, but instead of lashing out like she used to, Alisa frowned and turned away. Somehow, this hurt more than if she’d just gotten mad. He wanted to fix this right now, but how?

“Could you take me home?” he said, looking at Alisa.

“Of course I will. You bet. Let’s get you to the car.” Hannah placed her arm around his waist, walking with him to her car.

Alisa didn’t answer, but he noticed her watching them. She looked like she was about to cry.

***

I was so relieved that Brecken was okay, that he was able to remember me… finally! What a miracle, but the ache that came when I saw the familiarity he had with Hannah… The way she looked at him. The way he looked at her before he realized I was watching. How did I compete with that? She was alive. She was real and available. He could marry her and have a family. She could give him everything he wanted and needed.

I sat in the backseat as she drove Brecken back to his house. What a painful situation. Brecken listened to her talk, but didn’t say much himself, and when we pulled into his driveway, he seemed reluctant to get out.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I don’t know if you should be here alone. I could stay. I’m totally okay with that.”

“I’m good, Hannah, but thanks.”

She didn’t look like she believed him, so I leaned forward and placed my hand on her arm to impress the importance of her going home. “He’s okay. Really. You can go.” I said it in my most loving, comforting voice, trying not to send any of the uncontrolled feelings of jealousy that had erupted inside me. But touching her made it worse, because as soon as I did, everything she felt for Brecken rushed into me like a bursting balloon.

She liked him. A lot. I moaned in despair and snatched my hand back, but it was too late. I knew what I didn’t
want
to know. Hesitantly, I placed my hand on Brecken. He was a bundle of confusion, but his love for me outweighed how he felt about Hannah. It should have made me feel better, but instead, I felt a heavy sadness for everything that had gone wrong.

Then, before I could wonder what she’d say next, she leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to Brecken’s lips. I froze and so did he. Hannah smiled sweetly, and Brecken hurried to get out of the car.

“See you tomorrow.” She gave him a wide grin and waved goodbye. He waved back, and then silently walked into his house.

I was beside him before he could blink, but he raised his hand to stop me from speaking. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“No, you don’t,” I answered.

He threw his backpack in the corner and then flopped down on the couch. I sat on the edge beside him, and he glanced up at me, smiling. I rested my hand on top of his, wishing he could hold mine, but this would have to be good enough for now.

“So, it was you in Claire’s body?”

“Yeah.”

“Even at the park?” he asked.

“You remember that?”

“It’s all coming back to me, yeah. Making out in a park in the middle of the night isn’t something I do all the time.”

“Good!” I said with a wink. Although, how many other girls had found themselves in his arms for a quick make-out session during his memory loss? I tried not to think about it.

“It’s very cool to think of you in a real body.”

I sighed, remembering too. “Yeah. Wish I had my own back.” Our conversation paused, and I knew I shouldn’t bring it up, but I really couldn’t stop myself. “So, about Hannah.”

His lips tightened. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about her, but if not now, then when? “About Hannah,” he repeated. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

That stung. “Oh.”

“It’s not serious. She’s just a good friend,” he explained.

“Yeah, I saw that.”

“It’s not what you think. I love
you.
”
His eyes pled with me to understand, and I tried, but all I could feel was the sharp stab from the dagger of love. The song, “
It Cuts Both Ways
”, played in my mind.

39

~A Warning~

Brecken

Brecken pondered the miraculous events of the day. Most of his past had come back, but there were still holes in the mists of his mind. The memories tickled and scratched to get out, but were blocked behind a wall where they hid, elusive.

Alisa had gone to check on Claire, who she’d left barely breathing on the basement floor. She’d told Brecken every terrifying detail, promising to be right back. That was fifteen minutes ago.

He tried to picture this Adam guy attempting to kill Alisa. He had no idea who he really was without the demon’s true name, but there was really only one lackey Bas Iblis would use for this job. Asmoday. Brecken remembered the demon from long ago. Asmoday was deceitful and cruel, and Brecken had hoped to never see him again. He was supposed to be locked up somewhere in Soul Prison, and the fact that he was out did not bode well for Brecken or any other human soul on Earth.

Rolling over, he tried to will himself to sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking and digging through the recesses of his mind, trying to figure this whole mess out. He let his mind drift back to Alisa. She was here. She was real. Just like before. When he’d said goodbye to her in Idir Shaol a year ago, he’d thought it was over for the next fifty years at least. He never dreamed he’d see her again so soon, and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted her with him. Permanently.

His anticipation grew as he lay there waiting for her return. He was tempted to call Claire’s cell phone to find out what was happening, but before he could, he felt a presence enter his room. Flipping over, he searched for Alisa’s lovely face and long, golden hair. Instead, he came face to face with Lilim. Tall and regal, her ebony-colored hair tumbled over her shoulders. Her eyes glowed with ethereal fire.

“Lilim.”

“Hello, my dear Bretariel. It’s been a while.”

“Not really.”

She moved closer to sit on a chair by his bed and crossed her legs. “Well, I am here, whether you like it or not.”

Brecken raised himself on one elbow and stared into her eyes, unafraid. He felt the old rush of adrenaline, the fierce uprising of fury that was so common for a demon… or for someone who
used to be
a demon. Old tendencies, like the ability to murder without a thought or regret, built inside his chest as he watched her. He yearned to reach out, wrap his fingers around her scrawny neck, and squeeze. “I can kill you at any time. You know I am more powerful than you are, especially in a human body.”

“But you won’t, will you?” she said, her eyes blinking once, slowly. “You’re too curious to know why I’m here in the first place.”

“Then spit it out. I’m tired.” He kept his face devoid of emotion, but his eyes narrowed. The thought that so many vile demons—like this deceitful beauty—were now free to roam the Earth made him shudder in revulsion. Especially since most of them held an eternal grudge against
him
. They didn’t like to lose, and because of Bretariel, they had suffered horrible losses. They would never forgive him.

“Would you like to know what my job was… here with you?”

A muscle in Brecken’s jaw flexed as his irritation grew. He said nothing, but his eyes closed to slits, letting Lilim know she had better hurry and get to the point. He didn’t want her here when Alisa returned.

“I was here to protect you from your little guardian.”

His eyes widened and he almost burst out laughing, letting his guard fall. How could Alisa possibly matter in Lilim’s evil schemes? She was just one small soul who didn’t want to hurt anybody. She certainly didn’t want to be involved in these demonic intrigues.

“She has a bigger part to play than she knows, and she could truly mess the whole thing up.” Lilim smiled, her lips parting slightly in anticipation. “Because she loves you.”

He shook his head. She couldn’t say anything that would get under his skin. She was just as stupid as she used to be. “Like you do?” he answered, baiting her.

She reacted like a wounded creature, screeching and springing for him with her claws bared, but her long fingernails did as much damage as a feather would have, as she was only a spirit. She screamed in frustration, and Brecken laughed. “You were nothing more to me than a passing fling, Lilim. I never loved you. I couldn’t love you. Demons aren’t capable.”

“But you’re capable now, aren’t you?” she whispered demurely, her fingers reaching out to caress his cheek instead of trying to rake deep, bloody crevasses.

He smacked her hand away.

“Now is not the time to make me angry, Bretariel. You don’t want me for an enemy.”

“Like it matters?” He swung his legs over the bed and sat up. “I have more enemies than you could possibly imagine.”

“Enemies? No, Undoer. You would be readily forgiven if you came back, and you know it.”

“I
know
it? I know I’d be dead, and I mean everlastingly, if I ever stepped back into Barathrum. Too many want me out of the picture.”

“Untrue! We all want you to come home. We even have quarters prepared for you. We all wait in anticipation… which is why we made you forget your guardian instead of—”

“
What?” he shouted. “
You
made me forget?”

She gave Brecken a sly smile. “Well, not me per se, but you didn’t honestly think it was Raphael or some other idiot from Elysium, did you? He’s been locked up in Gehenna for quite some time now.”

“Gehenna…” Brecken breathed. The thought of that glorious angel caged up in that bottomless pit of misery…

“And that is just where your little sweetheart will go if you don’t break it off.”

“What?”

“You heard me, Undoer,” she said, standing. “Dump the guardian or she will be whisked away to a place more terrible than you could ever imagine, and you know we can do it. We run everything now. There’s no one upstairs who can defeat us. They aren’t even trying.”

Brecken rose to his feet. They were almost nose-to-nose, and fury radiated from every cell in his body. “Get out,” he growled, itching to squeeze her neck between his fingers.

“Do what I say, Bretariel, or the guardian suffers, I swear to you.” Lilim’s voice was just as cold as Brecken’s, and her face was an expression of stone, but she left like a wisp of smoke disappearing into the night sky.