The Emerald Talisman (11 page)

Clean my feet? Ewe.

I was not crazy about fish in general, which
is why swimming in lakes and streams always freaked me out. I
didn’t want any fish within 100 yards of me, so actually letting
them bite me was absolutely insane, not to mention much worse than
putting one’s feet in fish guts. The only fish I knew of that ate
flesh were piranhas.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“I’m not kidding. They are special fish that
only eat dead skin. I promise they won’t hurt you.”

Ewww gross!

“Okay?” I said with trepidation. The idea of
letting the fish nibble on me just seemed wrong, but the peer
pressure kept me from running out of the salon screaming and
waiting in Jo’s car.

We stood up and followed the ladies into
another room where a rounded bench seat surrounded a shallow tank.
A bunch of little gold colored fish swam around in the water.

Jo sat down and plunged her feet into the
water. The fish instantly swam over and covered her feet and toes.
I gasped.

“Does it hurt?” I asked while squinting.

“No, it actually feels good. Are you going to
try it?”

I sat on the bench and hovered my feet over
the tank. Was I actually going to do this? The only reason I wasn’t
begging for a normal pedicure was because Jo was enjoying herself.
So, I closed my eyes and before I could think, put them in the
water. It surprised me that the water was warm. I opened one eye.
My feet were covered in fish and it tickled. I let out a
squeak.

“This is so weird,” I said, trying not to
wiggle.

“I know, but just wait. Your feet are going
to feel so soft,” Jo said.

The fish worked their way around my cuticles
and heals and I fought the urge to flick them away. I didn’t
realize I had so much dead skin.

“How did you hear about this?” I asked.

“They suggested it here when I got a regular
pedicure. I was apprehensive at first, because I hate fish. But you
know me; I’m always willing to try anything one time.”

“Well this is something I never would’ve
guessed I’d do and can’t believe I’m doing,” I said while shaking
my head still gritting my teeth. “They seem to be finding a feast
on my toes.”

“You’ll thank me later,” she said while
grinning. “How’s school?”

“Fine, I guess. Algebra is going to kill me
though,” I complained.

“Oh, really?”

“Well, Sam’s been helping me a lot because
she’s really good at math. I just hope she doesn’t get so
frustrated with me that she pulls out all her hair.”

Jo chuckled. “You’re so dramatic
sometimes.”

“Hey, I try.” I swished my feet around
forgetting that the fish were doing their job and then froze
thinking I might have accidentally kicked a few in the process. But
they came back unafraid, nibbling hungrily again. I still couldn’t
get over how weird it was.

“I do have some good news,” Jo said with a
big smile.

I’d noticed Jo seemed happier than usual,
both on the inside and the out. She had a huge smile plastered on
her face the entire time we’d been together.

She pressed her lips tightly together.

“Yeah?”

“John and I are expecting a baby.”

My eyes grew big and I screamed in
delight.

“Oh. My. Gosh. That’s wonderful!” I threw my
arms around her neck and gave her a huge hug. She had tears in her
eyes.

“Oh, Auntie, I’m so excited for you
guys.”

I had an unfair advantage when it came to
babies because I knew exactly what they wanted. Mothers were amazed
at my ability to get even the fussiest baby to sleep so easily. So
the thought of holding my new cousin whenever I wanted was so
exciting. Their sweet emotions were up there with the blissfulness
of falling in love and it had been a long time since I’d had the
privilege of holding one.

“You know, I wasn’t ever sure if I’d get to
be a mommy, I mean I will always feel like your mom in a way, but
to have a baby of my own. We are so excited.”

“Yeah, this is really awesome. You feeling
okay?” I asked

“So far so good. I’m a little tired, but I’m
four months along already.”

Jo took out ultrasound pictures from her
wallet and handed them to me. I tried to find the baby in the black
and white photo, but all I saw was a peanut looking thing.

“The baby is right there. See?” She pointed
to the dark blob in the photo. I squinted and it came into focus.
The larger part of the peanut shape suddenly looked like a head and
I could see where arms and legs were forming.

“Wow. This is truly amazing.” Seeing the
picture brought it all to reality and I had tears in my eyes too.
“Have you thought of names yet?”

“Well, a few but we want to wait until we
know if it’s a girl or a boy. That’ll make it easier.”

I instinctively reached over and felt her
flat tummy.

“I think I feel a bump already.”

“No, that’s just the cookies from earlier.
I’ve had the worst sweet tooth. It’s horrible,” she complained, but
with a giggle. I saw a light in her eyes I’d never seen before.

“Then it’s going to be a girl,” I joked, not
sure if that was how the saying went or not.

“We’ll know soon enough.”

After the fish pedicure, we decided to have
lunch at a little café in town. We had to fulfill the baby’s
craving for Chinese chicken salad and no other restaurants would
do. After lunch it started to rain again, so we rented a movie. It
seemed fitting for the afternoon. We contemplated going to a
theater, but Jo said the popcorn smell made her queasy and I didn’t
want to share that feeling with her, so I agreed (with much
enthusiasm) to watch a movie at home.

I prayed secretly John would not come home
early so we could watch it in peace. The last time, he talked over
the entire movie and even ruined the ending by telling us ‘who done
it’.

But John didn’t show up until closer to six
when Jo just about had dinner ready. They invited me to stay. To my
surprise, John and I got along better this time, making dinner an
enjoyable experience. However, after dinner, the lack of sleep
started to catch up to me and I just wanted to go home. I
congratulated them again on the great news of the new baby and then
drove home.

When I walked into the house, I planned to
head straight for the stairs and my bed, but heard the TV going in
the living room. My guilt surfaced as I felt Luke’s dread. He had
no idea where my moodiness had come from earlier and it wasn’t fair
I’d taken my frustration out on him so I swallowed my pride and
stood in the doorway. Luke faked like he didn’t see me.

“Hey,” I said.

He flickered his eyes to me and then back to
the TV.

“Hey.”

I entered the room and sat down. I didn’t
know exactly what to say, so I waited for a minute before
speaking.

“Sorry about earlier.”

He hit mute on the remote.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, while studying
his fingernails. He acted tough, but I knew he was more upset than
he let on.

“I’m just frustrated.”

“About?”

“You can’t tease me,” I said quickly.

Luke put his hands up, as if an act of
surrender and I smiled. It was sweet he wanted to know.

“I just don’t understand guys sometimes,” I
said while playing with the string on my sweatshirt.

“Psscht… I could say the same about girls,”
he said, rolling his eyes, but then he smiled. He wasn’t being
rude. He was trying to sympathize. “So who’s the guy you don’t
understand?”

I bit my lip and then let out a sigh still
afraid to share. Luke waited intently and raised his eyebrows,
encouraging me to continue.

“It’s Nicholas. He said he’d come by a week
ago and he hasn’t and then I ran into him last night. He was kinda
rude and said ‘
I can’t talk now’
and rushed away. I didn’t
expect him to be like that, so I don’t get it.”

“Really,” he said, surprised. “Wow. I thought
he was a cool guy. I wonder what happened.”

“Me too.”

“Well, it sounds like he’s blowing you
off.”

“You think so?” I said disappointed.

“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. I wasn’t
there.”

“Why do you think he did that?”

“Heck if I know, but you can’t just sit
around here and hope he’s going to come and see you. You need to
move on, have fun and realize, if he’s blowing you off, then he’s a
jerk and he doesn’t deserve you.”

It warmed my heart to hear Luke hold me in
such high regard. I knew he was right about the moving on part. I
just hated not knowing.

“Julia, there’s a lot of cool guys out there;
you don’t need this one,” he said with a convincing smile

I found his gesture sweet, but I didn’t want
any other “cool” guys. I wanted Nicholas.

“Yeah, I know.”

I continued playing with my sweatshirt
string. And after Luke realized I was finished, he turned up the TV
and started watching his show again.

I sat for a few minutes, happy we’d
reconciled then headed towards my room. Flopping down on the chair
at my desk, I listened to the rain coming down outside and thought
about what Luke and Jo had said. There were way too many thoughts
going on in my head, so I decided I needed to write them down to
get closure and clarity. I pulled out my journal and began to
write.

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week since I’ve seen Nicholas.
Tomorrow, I’m going to say goodbye forever.

And then I knew what I wanted to do. I pulled
out another sheet of paper and began to write.

It started out…

Dear Nicholas,

I’m writing to say goodbye…

I just wrote what my heart needed to say in
order to move on. As the ink spilled the words out onto the paper,
my eyes welled up with tears. At the end, I signed it then folded
it up neatly. I had plans for it in the morning.

. . .

8
– FAREWELL

The crisp morning air and the warm travel mug
in my hands should have stopped the lump from forming in my throat,
but this wasn’t going to be a normal stroll. Birds sang happily to
welcome the day after the night rain, but I couldn’t rejoice with
them. Everything inside me felt numb.

Earlier, when I got up after another
disturbing, restless night, I discovered Luke already left the
house. But to my surprise, I found a pot of hot coffee waiting for
me. It could only mean he’d forgiven my girlish behavior. He also
left a note telling me he was at the store, which was a good idea
since all we had in the fridge was a few rotten vegetables and
moldy bread. I ducked out quickly, leaving a vague note next to his
about my whereabouts to avoid any unnecessary questions, but
brought my new fully-charged cell phone just in case.

The road to the forest trail seemed lonely as
I listened to the crunch of the wet gravel under my shoes. I wanted
to laugh out loud at the irony. Every day since I’d met Nicholas, I
wanted to return to our meeting spot – until today. Had it only
been a few days since we made the trek in the opposite direction? I
inhaled and refused to reminisce about the past, pulling my coat
tighter around myself.

Soon, too soon in fact, I stood at the mouth
of the trail and my heart beat a little faster. Stairs made of
railroad ties wove their way down into the dark redwoods below. I
questioned my sanity.

After a moment of waffling, I carefully
limped down each step. I couldn’t help but remember how nimbly
Nicholas carried me up these stairs. It was going to take me an
hour at least to traverse them by myself later.

Why did all this happen?

At the end of the stairs, I stepped onto the
muddy trail thankful I wore my old sneakers. All the familiar
landmarks were welcoming in the daylight and the ominous scariness
seemed completely non-existent. No wonder I thought I could walk
through here unafraid, even if it was dark.

Unable to help myself, I looked around for
evidence of Nicholas’ presence, a foot print, a possible piece of
torn fabric off his shirt, maybe even fur from the mountain lion. I
rounded the corner and gasped. Someone had ran a tractor through
the area, or at least it looked like one did. Huge holes in the
ground were all that was left of the trees that once stood and the
ones remaining seemed askew with fresh overturned dirt at their
trunks. A huge indentation against the trail wall showed evidence
something large had been pushed against it, dislodging the soil
upwards, widening the fissure in the rock face.

Whoa, did this happen before or after my
fall?

Confused, I wandered around and tried to
piece the scene together. Nicholas and the mountain lion couldn’t
have possibly made all this damage. A pit formed in my stomach as I
remembered the hungry feelings from “it
”
and then shook my
head. I still didn’t understand how, for that brief moment in time,
I felt its feelings. Maybe it was because I was in mortal
danger.

I slowly crept to the edge of the trail and
looked down. A piece of the remaining branch stuck out of the earth
part way and I gulped. This was the cliff I tumbled over. My fall
really did happen and it was a long way down to the creek bed
below. Without Nicholas’ help, I would have been a goner falling
from this height. Who knows how long I would have been down there,
unconscious. Suddenly I felt woozy and I backed away from the edge
drawing my arms around myself. I didn’t want to think about the
‘what ifs’.

I sat down on a stump to think as the weight
of the past bore down on me. More questions than answers tumbled
around in my brain. The closure I desperately craved wasn’t going
to be obtained today.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the
protruding tree root that started this whole mess. A broken piece
of wood lay next to it on the trail. I picked it up and turned it
over in my hands. One side was smooth from where people had walked
on it and the underside rough, torn like my heart.