The Empty Nest

Fiona Palmer lives in the tiny rural town of Pingaring in Western Australia, three and a half hours south-east of Perth. She discovered Danielle Steel at the age of eleven, and has now written her own brand of rural romance. She has attended romance writers' groups and received an Australian Society of Authors mentorship for her first novel,
The Family Farm
. She spends her days writing, helping out in the community and looking after her two children.

 

fionapalmer.com

The Family Farm

Heart of Gold

The Road Home

The Sunburnt Country

The Outback Heart

The last Saturday in April was perfect. The sun warmed Sandi's skin, drenching it with goodness, and the air carried a hint of the cold crispness of dawn. The sun had risen from the horizon and the birds were in full chirp. The pink and grey cockies were the loudest, screeching overhead in the old gum tree they'd nearly stripped bare. Having grown up on a farm, Sandi appreciated her morning walks. She loved taking in her surroundings and drawing on them for inspiration and energy. And to make it perfect was the little hand she held, so delicate and warm. The slim fingers slipped from her grasp as her daughter, Gracie, ran ahead to catch a butterfly that flitted across their path.

‘I'll see if I can catch it, Mum,' said Gracie, her lanky arms and legs moving forward with determination.

Gracie was good on her feet. She danced around the butterfly as lightly as a cloud floating around in the sun, even though they walked along the rough firebreak at the edge of the paddock. Gracie's chestnut hair swished about her shoulders as she jumped and her smile was so big that the faint freckles across her checks seemed to move. Gracie had her brown hair and her father's blue eyes. Sandi's heart lurched with all the love of a mother, almost overwhelming her to tears. She'd just spent an amazing few weeks with both her kids over the Easter break and now they were about to leave for high school again. It just wasn't fair.

Turning away to wipe a stray tear, Sandi noticed a kangaroo in the paddock of stubble left over from harvest. While it sat watching her, a joey flipped out of its pouch. The roo turned her head to the side and Sandi felt like they were sharing a mummy moment. ‘They don't stay babies forever,' she whispered. And wasn't that the truth.

But it was too soon to be losing Gracie. It was okay when Jack first went off to boarding school – he'd been ready, and he was older. And at the time Sandi still had Gracie at home. Then some anonymous person sitting in an office somewhere had decided to change the rules. Year Seven would now mark the beginning of high school, they said, rather than Year Eight. But Gracie was only eleven years old! She was still a month away from turning twelve. Did anyone really consider the repercussions of this decision? Did any of them realise that Sandi had to give up a precious year with her young daughter because of it?

‘Look, Mum. Isn't it beautiful?' Gracie held out her slim arm, the butterfly perched on her thumb. To Sandi, the butterfly's orange and red colours paled in comparison to Gracie's gorgeous blue eyes.

‘Yes, but not as pretty as you,' Sandi teased, and was rewarded with Gracie's laughter.

‘Oh, Mum,' she said, rolling her eyes.

As the butterfly left for another adventure, Gracie fell back in step with Sandi and together they continued their walk to the granite rock they called Rocky.

Sandi glanced down at her daughter in her One Direction T-shirt, tiny buds of breast only just starting. It had seemed wrong to send her away to boarding school so soon. Their town only had a primary school, so boarding school, which was three hours away, had been the only option. How could she possibly let her girl, who was still so young, go away to a different place, to be raised by strangers? She'd begged her husband, Paul, to consider other options but there weren't any. Some of the mothers she knew had moved to the city and rented houses so they could be there for their kids while they went through school. But Sandi couldn't do that. They simply couldn't afford to. The farm wasn't going very well so there was no possibility of renting, and Paul needed her to help around the farm during seeding and harvest as they couldn't employ a full-time worker. There wasn't even anyone who Gracie could stay with in the city, her mum was forever travelling and Paul's parents lived locally and they didn't want to put anyone else out. It was a big ask to take on an extra kid when you already had your own to manage. Boarding was the only possible option, and thank God they had government help for that.

It had been Gracie who'd set them at ease. She told them she'd cope, that boarding school would be okay and that she could do it. At the start of school earlier in the year Gracie had plastered on a smile and walked bravely into the hostel while Sandi had fought back tears. But two weeks in and Gracie became really homesick. It had torn Sandi to shreds listening to her baby sobbing into the phone. ‘Mummy, I want to come home,' she'd begged. Sandi had cried herself to sleep that whole week. And instead of being able to help Gracie through it, it was the supervisors and her new friends who ultimately did. It was hard not being the one Gracie could turn to.

Sandi had realised that she was the one who couldn't cope. She was left at home alone, in her empty nest, with no laughter in the house. Now it was just her and Paul eating or discussing the weather. It was a horrible reality. When the stress of the farm dragged Paul away from her, it had always been her children who'd kept her going. Without the kids, what did she have? A quiet, empty house, a grumpy husband and the dog. Was it time to get a cat?

‘Race you to the top, Mum,' said Gracie, saving Sandi from her thoughts.

They'd arrived near the base of Rocky, at the edge of the farm. Sandi let her have a head start before chasing her. They followed a well-worn path through the bush that started from the edge of the paddock. Further through the shrubs and grass they ran until they reached the granite rock. It swirled with colours under her feet as she raced after Gracie up the gentle incline to the top. When Sandi arrived, Gracie was sitting on a large boulder on top of Rocky, trying to look like she'd been there for ages, waiting.

‘Come on, Mum. Getting slow in your old age,' she teased.

Sandi wondered if that cheeky comment came from being away at school and from the influence of others. Already she had changed a little bit and she'd only been gone a term.

‘Maybe I am. Who's going to come here with me now? Mothers' Day won't be the same,' Sandi said with a frown.

Gracie reached over and hugged her tight. ‘I'll still be thinking of you, Mum. You'll have to come here with a flask of hot chocolate and a good book. Okay? Have a picnic just for you.'

Sandi smiled as she brushed back Gracie's fringe. ‘Okay. But only because I'll have nothing better to do.'

Mothers' Day had always been a special day for Sandi because her kids did spoil her. They showered her with hugs and kisses, cooked her breakfast, picked her flowers and gave her handmade cards. And they always had a picnic at Rocky. Sandi made chocolate-chip biscuits and caramel slice the day before so that all she had to do was make the hot chocolate and they were set for their morning picnic at the rock. And it was always perfect. The kids would run around, exploring the familiar areas, looking for tadpoles and lizards with squeals of delight, acting as if they were seven again.

She didn't notice the void as much when Jack left, because she and Gracie had continued with the tradition for the next two years. But this coming Mothers' Day was going to be awful. No hugs and kisses from either of her darlings. The way Paul was lately, she doubted he'd even grunt to her before leaving for the sheds.

Sandi normally didn't miss Paul but now that she had no kids to get to sports or help with their homework, she just ended up sitting around waiting for him to arrive home. Sometimes that would take ages. She could only check Facebook or clean the house so many times, and the freezer had never been so full. It had been especially bad on the days that Paul didn't need her help around the farm. Even their dog, Gus, was out with Paul. Some days she went and sat in the chook pen so she wasn't alone.

‘So did you have a good Easter holiday, Gracie?' Sandi climbed up beside her on the boulder and they looked out over the area. They were just high enough that they could see the whole farm.

‘Loved it, Mum. It was the best!'

Sandi had made a point of collecting wood for a few bonfires for the kids, and had ensured that their little Corolla was running as well as the motorbikes. They had been yabbying, had camped out at Rocky and had also had a big Easter egg hunt. She'd had a whole term to plan their return and make it special.

‘Makes me sad to leave again,' said Gracie in a small voice. ‘I miss this place. I miss you and Dad and Gus.' She turned her head towards the gentle breeze.

‘I know, baby. I'm going to miss you too. But I bet your friends will be dying to catch up with you. And you can call and text me any time, you know that.'

Gracie nodded her head before shimmying off the boulder to pick up a small stone and throw it. Then she lifted the base of a flat rock, looking for lizards.

Sandi had been adamant that her kids would not have mobile phones, but with Gracie leaving home so early she wanted her to be able to call at any time. Ironically, now it was Sandi who behaved like a teenager with her mobile glued to her side, forever waiting for a message or a call. How mums had survived without them, she'd never know.

‘I guess I'll miss the orchids and all the wildflowers too,' said Gracie as she stared at the base of a bush where a cluster of Donkey Orchids always grew.

Sandi went and put her arm around her. ‘I'll take you lots of photos. Come on, we'd better head back or Dad'll be home looking for his smoko and Jack'll have eaten it all.'

‘He'll have eaten everything. He looks like a praying mantis but he eats like an elephant.'

Sandi laughed. Gracie sure had a way with words. ‘Do you know, I think you're spot on.'

‘If he's not eating, he'll be on his motorbike. I bet you.'

‘That's a bet I'm not willing to make.'

They took their time walking home ambling along to watch the birds or look for bobtail tracks. Gracie was lagging behind and Sandi figured she didn't want to get home and pack for school any sooner.

Back near the house, away from the paddocks the bush opened up onto tall salmon gums and the sheds. By the house was the large tank with the house water and Sandi's vegetable garden behind it. She couldn't see Paul's ute so maybe he hadn't come by yet. She hoped he'd got the last of the spraying done so he could drive them all to Perth tomorrow to take the kids back together. After having them home for a few weeks, Sandi didn't know how she'd be able to leave, if Paul wasn't there to pull her away.

Gracie ran into the house, heading straight to her room. Jack was at the table in the kitchen eating a muffin and engrossed in his motorbike magazine. There was an empty plate before him.

Jack looked up, flipping his hair from his eyes. ‘Don't look at me like that, Mum. I promise I didn't eat them all. Dad was just here for smoko.'

‘Oh, he's gone already?'

‘Yep.'

‘He didn't need me?'

‘Nope.'

‘Did he say if he'd got the spraying done?'

Jack shrugged, his focus already back on the magazine.

‘Have you packed for tomorrow?'

‘Some.'

Sandi soon found out that ‘some' meant Jack's bag was open and socks had been thrown at it. Gracie's room was a different story: her bag was packed and sitting beside the bed. She also had her school stuff set out beside it. It was nice that she was ready but Sandi wouldn't have minded if Gracie had refused to pack and clung to her instead. Her eleven-year-old seemed so much more adjusted to this leaving business, which only made Sandi feel sillier. She didn't want to be the clingy sobbing mum.

Just as she was wondering where Gracie had gone, Sandi heard a motorbike start up and drive off into the distance. Gracie was off for one last lap around the farm, no doubt.

Back in the kitchen Sandi walked past Jack and, resisting the urge to hug him tightly, she ruffled his hair instead. It was time to think about lunch and getting something out for dinner. She'd make the kids' favourites, of course.

Sandi woke on Mothers' Day just as she had the last couple of weeks. Alone. Paul was out seeding. He started while it was still dark and worked until late into the night. He ate, showered and slept. That was his life now. Sandi's wasn't much different. She cooked, cleaned, ensured that everything was done at home so she was ready for Paul when he needed help. The only change came when Paul would call down the two-way that he needed the fuel trailer or the seed and fertiliser truck.

But she was used to this, being a seeding widow or a harvest widow, but she wasn't used to not having at least Gracie around for company. She hated the way the house echoed emptily when she walked or the way the walls and floors creaked and groaned.

Sandi had started playing music loudly or leaving the TV on for comfort, but then she'd miss the two-way and Paul would get annoyed if he was left waiting for too long.

Today, Mothers' Day, was usually a day filled with noise and laughter, when the kids would jump on in her bed and smother her with kisses and hugs. Not any more. Knowing that the kettle would not boil itself, Sandi threw back the covers and dressed. She picked up the photo of Jack and Gracie from the bedside table and hugged it to her chest. ‘I miss you guys. Mum loves you.' With a sigh she put it back and checked her phone for any messages before slipping it into the back pocket of her jeans. Next she made the bed, took Paul's work clothes from last night to the laundry and put on a load. She turned on the kettle and got out all the ingredients to make Paul a bacon and egg toastie. He would have been waiting for his breakfast since starting at four a.m.

Sandi drained her coffee in between wrapping his toastie in foil and packing him a fresh flask of coffee, then headed for the ute.

As she drove to the top paddock where Paul was seeding, she glanced over at Rocky and remembered Gracie's words about making sure she took time for a picnic there herself. After feeding Paul, she'd do just that. She'd walk to the rock, even just for a short while, so she could feel close to her kids again.

Paul saw her coming in the old Toyota ute and stopped the tractor. Sandi drove over the paddock to get to him and pulled up as Paul opened the door of the cab of his big blue beast. Gus barked once and then jumped across to the massive tyre so Paul could climb out.