The End of FUN
Authors: Sean McGinty
Copyright © 2016 by Sean McGinty
Cover design by Matt Roeser
All rights reserved. Published by Hyperion, an imprint of Disney Book Group. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For information address Hyperion, 125 West End Avenue, New York, New York 10023.
ISBN 978-1-4847-6747-4
34. EVIL, HAIRLESS RABBIT OF TRUTH
54. LATHAM SISTER ARCHETYPE DILEMMA
77. THE PART THAT CONTINUED TO SUCK
89. A HUNDRED WAYS TO SAY ADVENTURE
91. IT DOES NOT DIE UNDER ANY CONDITION
99. TRUE TALES OF BURIED TREASURE
100. AND THEN HE TURNS INTO A BIRD
(THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP ALONG THE WAY)
Tara & Cedar
My continuous word of warning is that you should never be discouraged by failure, and never expect success. Then if you don't find the treasure, you will not be too disappointed, and if you are successful, you'll be able to stand it more gracefully.
âEdward Rowe Snow
Dear To Whom It May Concern Or Whatever,
This is Aaron O'Faolain and I've got some Issues. The directions say I'm supposed to
briefly discuss reasons for Application for Termination of FUN
®
. But in order to
briefly
discuss one reason, first I have to explain something else, and before I get to that there's
another
thing, and in order to cut through the crap and get it all straight in my head, it's going to take a little more space than the space provided provides. Which is why I'm doing it here in the YAY!log. I hope you don't mind.
But if you are checking this out and you
do
mind, please understand that I'm not here to troll or anything. I just got a little behind on my FUN
®
âand that's my second issue. To even be
allowed
to file an Application for Termination, I have to get my YAY!s back up to +100. Which is crazy, but what can you do? So here I am. And if you feel like throwing me a YAY!, that's awesome. Please feel free to YAY! me so hard, and I will YAY! you so hard right back, and we can live out our lives together in peace and harmony forever with eagles and rainbows amen.
OK, here's my rundown:
| name: | already told you |
| username: | original boy_2 |
| age: | 17 |
| region: | america |
| mood: | sleep depraved |
| status: | fail |
| history: | (see below) |
So as for History, that's where it gets kind of complicated. A lot has happened, and it's going to take some explaining. Before I get to the part about the werewolf pills, or the hidden treasure, or the amazing holy wonder, I should probably go back to where it all started, aka my childhood, aka what it was like to grow up in a craphole town in the middle of nowhere, aka Antello, Nevada.
At first it was OK, I guess. Lots of bike riding in the brush. Blue belly lizards. Abandoned trailers. That kind of stuff. The main bad thing that happened was when I was 10 and my mom left town to be with this guy named Hawk. Seriously, that's what his name was.
Hawk
. Mom met Hawk on a dating site, and they bonded over their deep affinity for being irresponsible asswipes and therefore moved to Sacramento, California. The rest of us handled it in our own ways. Dad drank box wine, Evie wrote sad poetry, and I tried to kill myself, which first of all I do NOT endorse, and second of all *** spoiler alert *** I did not accomplish.
Pro tip: do not try to kill yourself at age 10âor any age, reallyâand especially not by knocking back a bottle of liquid sleep aid and then tossing yourself off the roof of a garage in the middle of a snowstorm. Which, by the way: YAY! for Doze+
®
SleepStrong
â¢
liquid sleep, and a big shout-out to its gag-inducing harvest apple flavor, which may have saved my life that day, seeing as right after I chugged it, I barfed it all back up on the carpet. Instead of cleaning the mess (a fate worse than death), I decided,
Why not jump off the garage?
So I climbed the crab apple tree to the roof of the garage and stood there in my jammies with the snow whipping round. And as I gazed down from those lofty heights, I knewâI mean, I just couldn't deny itâthose heights weren't even
remotely
lofty enough to kill me. Still, I did in that moment exhibit perseverance and follow-through. I mean, I
did
jump.
But right after I jumped I had this thoughtâor more like a series of thoughts:
What up, A-dog? Whatcha doin'? You think this is a wise decision? This is not a wise decision at all.
I swear I was out there for a good ten seconds, just floating in midair with my thoughts, cartoon-style. But then gravity kicked in and I began to fall, and as I fell I managed to make a grab for the rain gutter, which is how I sliced open my hand, and also how I got distracted from my very imminent landing. And as I very imminently hit the snowy concrete, I did detect with my ears a most terrible
POP!
emanating from the general vicinity of my left anklebone area.
Pro tip #2: when your sister finds you on the driveway with blood all over and a foot pointing in the wrong direction, and when she asks what happened, do NOT tell her you tried to kill yourself. If you tell her you tried to kill yourself, she'll freak and tell your dad, and he'll send you to some doctors, and those doctors will medicate you to within an inch of a lobotomy, and you'll lose the next six years of your life in a slightly damp, slightly bitter lavender-flavored brain fog.
Don't do it.
I'm telling you.
Just say you fell.
