The Escape Collection: (The Escape Collection) (72 page)

“Where is she?”

Jon pointed to the room next to him. “She’s sleeping now.”

“And Kayla?”

“Steph took her to Connie’s for the night.”

I nodded. “I need to see Jordan.” I’d deal with everything else later.
 

Jon nodded and I pushed past him into the tiny room where I stopped short. She looked so small, fragile. Wires led to monitors that beeped and flashed next to her head.
 

I dropped my purse and tiptoed my way to the bed. I fell into a chair that had been pulled close and gently lifted her hand off the sheets. It was so light, even with the IV needle sticking from it.
 

“Jordan,” I whispered. “Mommy’s here.” I brought her hand to my mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it.
 

I turned towards the door and looked at Jon. He’d followed me in. “What happened? What’s wrong?” I turned away and scanned Jordan for injuries. She looked fine. Besides a large plaster cast on her left leg, she looked to be sleeping.
 

“She’s going to be okay,” Jon said. He crossed the room in two steps and stood next to me. “Her femur was broken pretty bad. But it was a clean break and they put a rod in it. The surgeon said because she’s young and healthy, it’ll heal fine.”

“What else?”

“She has a concussion,” he said. “She was conscious at the accident site but by the time they got her here, she’d lost consciousness again.”

“But she’ll be fine?”
 

“The doctors think so.”

“They think so?” I fought to keep my voice level, to keep from screaming in the quiet room. How could he be so calm? Our baby was broken, lying in the hospital.

“Becca,” he said softly, and reached to touch my arm. His touch burned and I pulled away. Hurt flashed through his eyes, but he said, “She’ll be fine. I know she will. We were lucky.”

I nodded and then turned back to Jordan. She looked like an angel. There was no sign of her teenage attitude, her snappy comebacks when I asked her a question. She was my baby. She had to wake up.
 

“We were lucky,” Jon said again. I could feel him move behind me and the heat from his body as he got close. I thought he might put his arms around me. But then, he was gone, moving past me to the chair on the other side of the bed. I let out a breath and swallowed hard.
 

“She was with Mac,” he said.
 

“You told me on the phone. Why did you let her go with him? You knew I don’t like her driving with those kids.”

“He wasn’t driving.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, trying not to raise my voice. I kept smoothing Jordan’s hair from her face, hoping the action would wake her. “I think he’s too old for her. A fourteen-year-old has no business hanging out with a boy so much older, it’s nothing but—”

“He’s dead, Becca.”

My hand froze over Jordan’s brow. “What?”

“He died in the crash,” Jon whispered. “One other girl is in intensive care. The driver’s fine. Just a broken arm. It wasn’t their fault. A pick-up ran a red and hit them on the passenger side. Jordan was on the…we’re so lucky.” A sob escaped him but still I couldn’t look at him.
 

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. The only thing I could think of was how grateful I was that it was some other child and not mine. Some other mother that had to receive the phone call that would destroy her life. Another parent that wouldn’t be taking their child home. It was an awful thought. What was that poor woman going through? What was she doing? Whose hand was she holding now that her son was dead? I gripped Jordan’s hand tighter. The only sound in the room was Jon’s weeping and then after a few moments, it, too, was gone.
 

Finally, I said, “She doesn’t know.”
 

“No,” he said. “I don’t know how I’ll tell her.”
 

“How we’ll tell her,” I said, and looked at him. Our eyes met and locked. “I should have been here,” I said.
 

My throat tightened with the words and my eyes burned.
 

“Becca.” Jon shifted to the edge of his chair and reached for my free hand. I let him take it and his touch instantly calmed me. “Can we talk?”

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I looked at my daughter’s delicate face. Part woman, part child. She looked impossibly tiny in the big bed. Despite the purple bruise that was beginning to form over her left temple, her slightly tanned skin made her look healthy with a smatter of freckles across her nose. There would be more by the end of summer.
 

There would be a summer. The sting of unshed tears burned my eyes.

“Becca?”

I bent low over Jordan’s face and whispered, “I’m so sorry, baby.” I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and said, “I’ll make it better.”
 

I kept my face close, inhaling her scent; a mixture of the strawberry shampoo she used every morning along with the unfamiliar, harsh smells of the hospital. And was that a hint of lavender, too? I could feel the gentle puff of air as she exhaled. “I promise, sweetie. I won’t ever leave you.”
 

A single tear fell and landed on Jordan’s cheek. “I promise,” I said again and kissed it away, tasting the hot saltiness on my lips.

I straightened and turned to Jon. More tears, unshed, blurred my vision. “Yes,” I said. “Let’s talk.”

***

Once the tears started, I couldn’t stop them. And what was more, I didn’t want to. It was like a rusty tap had finally been cranked opened inside me, and with the flowing tears came the emotion. I let them snake down my cheeks and I tasted each drop as it reached the corners of my mouth.
 

Standing in the corridor, I hung my head and let my long hair fall around me like a curtain. My sobs shook my body and I let loose into a messy sort of cry. In the past, I might have stopped myself, self-consciously aware of who was watching, but at that moment I didn’t care. The feeling of letting my body shake, experiencing every vibration through my limbs, was foreign, but totally welcome.
 

When I felt Jon’s familiar arms come around me, I closed my eyes and let him hold me. It was like home. He was safe. I snorted and sobbed, soaking his shirt, but he didn’t release his grip. As my tears began to subside, I noticed the rise and fall of his chest, in time with mine. And his scent. Clean, like the soap I bought.
 

I breathed it in.
 

When I felt ready, I pulled away slightly and he released me.
 

“I’m sorry,” I said, and swiped at my eyes. “I don’t really know where that came from.”

“Christ, Becca. Don’t apologize. I’ve done some crying myself. That’s our baby in there.”

“I know, but…I…”

“You don’t cry,” Jon finished for me. “I can’t remember the last time.” His voice was gentle and he reached for me again, but I sidestepped him.
 

“We need to let this go,” he said. “Especially now. We need to move on.”

 
“Move on?” I pulled back.
 

“That was the wrong word.” He moved closer, trying to bridge the gap. “What I mean is, what we have—it’s too strong, too important to throw away.”
 
He reached for me again. “Becca, please. We can fix this.”

I looked at him. Really looked at him. I took in his face, twisted with pain. His hand outstretched for me. I could take it. I could take it and forget everything that had happened. It was within my power to make everything better. Just like I’d told Jordan I would.
 

But, I still had to tell him about Jason. How would he feel then?

In slow motion, I lifted my hand and moved towards him. I watched as the pain in his eyes morphed.
 

So much had happened. Maybe too much.
   

Jon held my hands tightly in his own before I could pull away again.

“The best part of me has always been you,” he said. “For the girls, for us—we can figure this out.”

The desperation in his eyes was too much. I looked down at the hem of my skirt, swaying over my feet. I thought of the cabin. The meadow. Jason, and the feelings he’d ignited in me. The painting I’d left on the porch. Sheena, my mother, alive all this time.
 

When I looked up at Jon’s familiar face, I saw the new lines that were etched into the skin next to his eyes. They hadn’t been there when I’d left. Had they? His weariness and worry displayed for all to see. Or maybe I just hadn’t looked.

We had a lifetime together. Jordan. Kayla. Everything.

I felt his pulse beat through his hands, into me—connecting us. I took a step towards him and let him pull me close. He released my hands just long enough to wrap his arms around me and I lost myself once again in the familiarity of his embrace.
 

It could all go away. I knew in that moment that if I wanted it to, everything that happened between us would go away and we could go back to what we were. Rainbow Valley, Jason; none of it mattered, because Jon was here with me, and I could have my life back.
 

If I wanted it.
 

“Jon,” I said and stepped back. “I have something to—”

“Becca?”
 

We both turned in the direction of the voice to see Dylan running down the hall.

“Dylan?” Jon asked. He looked between us. “You answered Becca’s phone.” Jon looked to me. “You’ve been with your brother?”

I shook my head.
 

“Is she okay?” Dylan asked.
 

Thankful to have something else to focus on, I filled Dylan in on Jordan’s status.
 

“Thank God,” he said. Then to Jon, “I got her here as soon as I could.”
 

Jon nodded. But his eyes locked to mine. “Are you ready to tell me where you’ve been?”

Dylan glanced between us. “You have a lot to talk about, I know.” He reached over and gave me a hug. “It’s going to be okay, Becca. It will,” he whispered into my ear.

Before he released me, I looked up and stiffened. Over his shoulder, I saw Sheena walking towards us.
 

“What is—” Dylan broke off when he turned and saw her.
 

Her eyes, red from crying, highlighted the creases on her face. She’d gone from a young hippie to an old woman.
 

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, “but I brought your things and I wanted to, no, I needed to see how your little girl was doing. And you, too.” Turning to Jon, she said, “You must be Jon.”

Ever the gentleman, Jon offered his hand, which Sheena took in her own and squeezed. “My name is Sheena. I’m…” She trailed off and looked at me.

“She’s my mother,” I finished. It was the truth. Sheena smiled and turned back to Jon, who looked as confused as I’d been.
 

“I’m their mother,” Sheena said.
 

Jon looked at me for an explanation.
 

“I’ll tell you about it later.” I shook my head. “It’s too much right now.”
 

“Your wife is very special,” Sheena said to him. “I can see how much you love her. And she loves you, too. Trust me, I know. But she’s troubled right now.”

“I don’t under—”
 

“Jon,” Dylan broke in. “Why don’t we go get a coffee? I think they need some time.” His gaze slid over Sheena. I knew he was hurting. I knew he needed time with her, too. My heart swelled for the sacrifices my big brother had made for me.

We waited while Jon and Dylan disappeared down the hallway.

When they were gone, I turned to Sheena. I opened my mouth to tell her to leave. That I didn’t need her and I wanted her to go. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. A tear slid down my cheek and when Sheena opened her arms, I surprised myself and went to her. I knew she would never and could never take Connie’s place, but I couldn’t ignore who she was. She was part of me.

I let myself cry for a few minutes and when I was ready, I pulled back and looked at her. Her face was streaked with tears of her own. “There’s so much to say, isn’t there, Sunshine?”

I nodded.
 

“We’ll have time,” she said.
 

“Sheena, I—”

She held up a finger. “Please. We’ll talk later. You need your energy for your family right now. I just need you to know one thing.” I let her take my hand. “You are not like me.”

I opened my mouth to protest. Hadn’t I just spent the last few days learning just how much like my mother I actually was?
 

Before I could say anything, Sheena said, “No. You’re much stronger than me. I was weak and I took the easy way out. By the time I realized what I’d given up, it was too late. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

“I won’t,” I said, and as I spoke, I realized it was true. I wouldn’t do the same thing. “My family is my heart,” I said. “I could never leave them. I know that now.”
 

Sheena squeezed my hand tight before releasing it. Her smile was small and sad. “Love yourself, Sunshine, and everything will be okay.” Before I could say anything else, she was gone in a whirl of skirts, and leaving the now familiar scent of patchouli in her wake. As I stood there, watching as she walked down the corridor and out the double doors, a strange sense of calm settled over me. I still didn’t know how, but I felt in my heart that Sheena was right. Everything would be okay.

Chapter 27

After Sheena left, I’d phoned and talked to Kayla. I told her I was with Jordan and I’d come get her soon and take her home. She sounded tired and scared. I didn’t know how much she knew about what had happened to her sister, but she was a smart, sensitive girl, and her world had been turned around in the last week. I was proud of how well she was handling everything.
 

Speaking to Connie after, I filled her in on Jordan’s condition the best I could. “I’ll come and get her,” I said, referring to Kayla. “She should be in her own bed tonight.”

“You just take your time, Becca. Jordan needs you, too.”