The Ethical Assassin: A Novel (8 page)

Tonight he was going on about how some hot redhead had been begging for him while her husband watched, helpless to do anything about it.

“You sure it wasn’t the husband wanted you?” Scott asked, the words coming out as a high-pitched jumble of spit from his rather serious lisp.

“Yes, I’m thur,” Ronny Neil said. He flicked Scott in the ear. “You smell worse than a piece of shit, you tongue-tied dumb-ass.”

For someone who’d just been insulted, injured, and mocked for a speech impediment, Scott took it all in stride. I felt a sympathetic knot of outrage on behalf of a guy I couldn’t stand.

“How would you know what a piece of shit smells like,” he asked sagely, “unless you were going up to them and sniffing at them?”

“I know what a piece of shit thellths like, you fucking pussy, because I’m thitting next to one.” Still, Ronny Neil looked away, embarrassed that Scott had drawn blood with so cutting a zinger.

When we got back to the motel, we walked through its forlorn main parking lot, cradled between two parts of the two-storied L-shape. Here were the cars of the lost, the wandering, the short on gas, the long on fatigue, people who had left their dreams up north or out west and were now willing to let their lives take meaning from nothing more complicated than the absence of snow. In the light of day, the buildings were pale green and bright turquoise, a Florida symphony of color. At night it appeared desolately gray.

We filed into the Gambler’s room. His real name was Kenny Rogers, so the nickname had come with depressing inevitability, but we treated it as though it were the height of wit. As I understood it, the Gambler didn’t own the company that contracted with
Champion Encyclopedias’
publisher, but he was high up. The chain of command was lost in interlinking strands of haziness, and I suspected intentionally so, but I knew one thing with absolute certainty: Every set of books that got sold meant money in the Gambler’s pocket.

He was probably in his fifties, though he looked younger. His slightly long white hair gave him an angelic cast, and he had one of those easy-grinning faces that made him a natural at sales. He looked you right in the eye when he spoke to you, as if you were the only person in the world. He smiled at everyone with fond familiarity, the lines around his eyes crinkling with good humor. “A born fucking salesman,” Bobby had called him. He still rang doorbells two or three days a week, to stay fresh, and rumor had it that he hadn’t blanked in more than five years.

When I walked in, the Gambler hadn’t yet arrived. He was always the last to show, strutting into the room like a rock star coming out onstage. Ronny Neil and Scott were off in the corner, talking loudly about Ronny Neil’s truck back home and how big the tires were, about how a cop had stopped him for speeding but let him go because he admired the tires.

The Gambler’s Gainesville crew finally came in, strolling with the confident sense of superiority of a king’s retinue. The Gambler drove a van, so he had a large crew—nine in all—but only one woman. Encyclopedia sales held particular challenges for women, and even the good ones generally didn’t last for more than two or three weeks. Rare was the crew with more than a single woman. Long hours spent walking by deserted roadsides, going alone into strangers’ homes, lecherous customers, and lewd insinuations from the other bookmen dwindled their ranks, and I suspected, with great sadness, that this one wouldn’t last, either. Nevertheless, I’d been thinking about her since her appearance the previous weekend.

Chitra. Chitra Radhakrishnan. During the past week, I’d caught myself saying her name aloud, just for the pleasure of hearing its music. Her name sounded kind of like her accent. Soft, lilting, lyrical. And she was beautiful. Stunning. Far better looking than any woman I thought myself entitled to like, even from a distance. Tall and graceful, with caramel skin and black hair pulled into a ponytail and big eyes the color of coffee with skim milk. Her fingers were long and tapered, finished off with bright red polish, and she wore tons of silver rings, even on her thumb, which I’d never seen anyone else do.

I hardly knew her, I’d had only a single extended conversation with her, but those words had been electric. For all that, I couldn’t say why this woman should be the one to send me into a tumbling vortex of infatuation. There were other women in the group, though not many, and there had been, in a purely objective sense, far prettier ones in the past. I’d never had a crush on any of them.

I had to consider the possibility that it was Chitra’s foreignness. Perhaps her being Indian among the otherwise all white population made her a misfit and therefore accessible. Or maybe for all her beauty, and it was considerable, there was something vaguely awkward about her—a slightly ungainly walk, an absent, self-effacing way of holding her head in conversation.

Whatever it was, I wasn’t alone in admiring her. Even Ronny Neil, who complained bitterly about his daily interactions with mud people, couldn’t take his eyes off her. Now he rose and went over to her, just like that. The words came out of him, easy as anything. I couldn’t hear except that Ronny Neil said, “Hi there, baby,” and Chitra smiled at him as if he’d said something worth smiling about.

I felt a comforting rage—comforting because of its familiarity and because it had nothing to do with the murder, which for a moment I could tuck into a neat little compartment toward the back of my brain. I could understand why Ronny Neil liked Chitra. She was beautiful. That would be enough for him. But why would Chitra even speak to Ronny Neil? Surely she was the anti–Ronny Neil, with her quiet reserve, her skeptical glances at the Gambler, the kindness she radiated that stood in counterbalance to Ronny Neil’s malevolence.

I knew almost nothing about her, but I was already certain that Chitra was smart, and Chitra was discerning, but she was also from India. She had been here since she was eleven—she’d told me that in a brief conversation I had strategized into existence the previous Saturday night—but she was still from a foreign country. She spoke English well, having studied it even before moving here, but she spoke in the formal way many foreigners had, suggesting they’re always tripping over something, always making decisions, worried about mistakes.

To me, her foreignness raised the possibility that she might not be able to recognize the furnace of assholery that smoldered inside Ronny Neil. Surely they didn’t have rednecks in Uttar Dinajpur, from which she told me her family had emigrated. They had assholes of their own variety, obviously—singularly Uttar Dinajpur–ish assholes, assholes who would send up asshole flags the instant they entered an Uttar Dinajpur bar or restaurant—but it might be hard for an American instantly to see such a person for who he was. Chitra was clever, but Ronny Neil might nevertheless prove illegible to her. So I had my eye on her. To keep her safe.

Ronny Neil sat next to her, and the two of them started talking quietly. The fact that I couldn’t hear a word of it made me furious, and for a moment I considered getting up, going over to them, inserting myself into the mix. The problem was, I knew it would make me look foolish and desperate, make my situation immeasurably worse.

My position was just fine for the moment. The previous week, after a couple of rapidly consumed cans of Miller beer, I’d managed to work up the courage to sit next to her and casually introduce myself. She’d listened to my bookman advice, laughed at my bookman war stories—a genuine laugh, too, an infectious, almost convulsive giggle that came with mild torso rocking. She talked about the novels she liked, how after the summer she would be starting at Mount Holyoke, where, she had already decided, she would do a dual major in comp lit and philosophy. She loved living in the United States, she said, but she missed Indian music and street food and the dozens of varieties of mangoes you could buy in the markets. The conversation had been marvelous and full of promise, but I hadn’t initiated it until two in the morning, and I had hardly overcome my initial nervousness before she announced she absolutely had to get some sleep.

I saw her the next morning but did nothing more than smile politely and say good morning, lest I betray the fact that I liked her. Now I kept still, averted my eyes for as long as I could before sneaking glances. Then I watched them talk while trying not to think about the dead bodies I’d seen that night. Though “dead bodies” already seemed a bit of sanitizing. I hadn’t seen dead bodies, I’d seen bodies becoming dead. That, surely, ought to keep me from dwelling on Chitra, on the graceful length of her neck, on the vaguest hint of cleavage that peeked out from her white blouse. It ought to have, but somehow it didn’t.

Meanwhile, the Gambler had started talking. He’d been saying something about how it was all in the attitude, about how the people out there
wanted
what we had to sell.

“Oh yes, my friends,” he cried out. His face was darkening, not with the blood red of exertion, but with the vibrant pink of exuberance. “You know, I see them out there every day. They’re out in front of their homes with their plastic swimming pools and their Big Wheels and their lawn jockeys. You know what they are, don’t you? They’re moochie. They want to buy something. They’re looking around with their greedy little eyes, and they’re thinking, What can I buy? What can I spend my money on that is going to make me feel better about myself?”

The Gambler stopped and unbuttoned the collar of his blue oxford and loosened his tie with one finger like Rodney Dangerfield not getting respect. “See, they don’t understand money. You do. They want to get rid of it. They want you to have it. You know why? Because money is a good thing to have. You know those songs? You know the ones—they tell you money isn’t important. Only love matters. That’s right. Love. You get together with your special love, and as long as you have each other, nothing else counts. You can live in a run-down shack as long as you have love. You can drive a beat-up old car as long as you have love. That’s awful pretty.”

And then he did that odd thing. His arms were out, flailing wide, as if he were about to hug a bear, and he just paused, held the pose in the air. He didn’t do this every session, not even every weekend, but I’d seen him do it three or four times before. It was weird theater, but the crowd loved it. Everyone broke out into applause and cheers while the Gambler held the position for twenty, maybe thirty seconds, and then he went back to his rant.

“Yeah,” he said, as though he hadn’t been playing statue, “those words are nice, but those songs don’t tell you about when the guy from that better neighborhood drives by in his brand-new Cadillac on his way to his beautiful home, and he winks at that in-love woman standing in front of her run-down shack. See, now that beat-up car don’t seem like it’s enough.

“Those people you sell to, they’re looking for something. And so are you. They’re looking for what you can give them—a sense of doing the right thing. My Lord, friends, it is so beautiful. You believe in God? You better thank God right now for helping you to find this job, this job that lets you help others while you help yourself.”

This went on for another half an hour. The Gambler made those who had scored feel like royalty, and those who had blanked would burn to get back out there and try again. He possessed and harnessed an incredible energy that I saw and understood, even though it left me unmoved. Where everyone else fed off his enthusiasm, I saw a core of meanness, as though it were not money but anger that kept him going. I saw the guy who would happily steal the poor in-love woman from her poor but in-love man just for the pleasure of meanness.

“Now, there’s one more thing,” the Gambler told the crowd. He was winded, slightly bent, and breathing deeply. “I just learned that there may be a reporter who’s interested in us. I don’t know the details, but he’s gonna be taking a look at what we do. May already be here among us, for all I know. And let me tell you a little something about the news, folks,
ENCYCLOPEDIA SALESMEN BRING KNOWLEDGE AND OPPORTUNITY TO NEEDY FAMILIES
doesn’t make as good a headline as
ENCYCLOPEDIA SALESMEN TRICK CUSTOMERS.
Hard as it is to believe, that’s how they’re going to want to show us. So if a reporter comes up to any of you, I don’t want you to say anything. Not a thing other than ‘No comment.’ You hear? You find out their name, who they work for, get a business card if you can, and bring it to me. Are we all on the same page?”

“Yes!” the room roared.

“These people want to stop you from making money and our customers from learning. I don’t know what the hell their problem is, but as long as I’m head of this crew, we’re going to keep on making the world a better place, and we’re gonna make money while we do it.”

After the meeting, everyone began to file out by the pool, the way we did every night. I moved through the crowd, trying to keep an eye on Chitra. I heard her say something to Ronny Neil and walk off. He hesitated and followed, but I got the sense they weren’t going together.

By the pool, the crew bosses would be grabbing cases of tall boys, Bud or Miller or Coors or whatever was cheapest, and shoving them in coolers. Someone would bring out a radio or a tape player. If people in the rooms above them minded the noise, we never heard about it.

I always joined them, at least for a while, but that night I wasn’t up to it. I needed to be alone. The after-sales meeting had been a torture, but at least it had distracted me for a few minutes; now, alone again, I felt like I had to get away. I wasn’t able to make idle conversation, to laugh at stupid jokes. I was afraid that if I had a beer or two, I’d start to cry.

I went back to the motel room. It had two beds shared by four guys—Ronny Neil demanded his own bed, and Scott and Kevin were willing to share, which meant I ended up on the floor. We didn’t pay for the motel ourselves, so I couldn’t complain. It was hard to tell how much was the room and how much the roommates, but when I walked in, the scents of mold and sweat and cigarettes and something stale and crusty slapped my senses. Even so, the feeling of solitude and privacy comforted me.