The Ex Files (8 page)

K
ENDALL

“Hi, Daddy. What time do you want me to pick you up?” Kendall asked as she did every Tuesday. The weekly dinner with her father was the only ritual outside of work that she kept.

“Baby girl, I’m not really up for going out tonight. Let’s eat in. I need to talk to you.”

Kendall frowned. It had been a while since her father had used this tactic. She waited a moment, hoping he’d have a change of mind. “Daddy, you know I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t. Either way, it’s crazy. This is my home, Kendall. You telling me that you can’t come to your father’s home?”

Kendall sighed. A couple of months had passed since her father had one of these rampages. “Daddy, if you’re not feeling well, we’ll just do this next week.”

“So it’s like that, huh? You’re going to leave me here in this house. Alone. And sick. And tired. And hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten?”

“Do you care?”

“Daddy…”

“Baby girl,” he said, his voice softening, “your sister won’t be here if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She didn’t believe him.

“You can trust me,” he added, knowing his daughter’s thoughts. “I had a long talk with Sabrina earlier today. She knows you’re coming over here; she won’t come by.”

Kendall frowned. Why had her father told Sabrina that she’d be there tonight when they always went out on Tuesdays?

It still took several minutes for her to agree and within an hour, Kendall exited the freeway and then made a quick right onto the block where she had spent her formative years. She slowed her Jeep, peering at every parked car even though she didn’t know what she was looking for. She hadn’t seen Sabrina in more than a year; she had no idea if her sister still drove the Jeep that they’d purchased on the same day and matched the one she was driving.

When she turned off the ignition, she could feel the heat of the Chinese food she’d bought, seeping through the bags onto her lap. But still, she stayed, studying the place that she had long ago stopped calling home.

Few people knew that she’d grown up in Compton. It wasn’t that her years here were unhappy. It was just that she believed in progress. Both she and Sabrina had pulled “The Jeffersons”—they had moved on out and up. A few years ago, they’d tried to do the same for their father, putting a down payment on a condo in Marina del Rey as a surprise for Father’s Day. But he’d balked at the thought of leaving the home he’d purchased with his wife almost forty years before.

“I can still feel your mother here; I’m not going anywhere,” he’d said. “You’d better get your money back!”

That’s just what they’d done, settling for taking their father out to dinner instead of gifting him with a new home.

The thought of better days with her sister almost made Kendall smile. She would have, if she hadn’t needed the effort to push back tears that tried to come to her eyes. It surprised her, the way she still wanted to cry for Sabrina…and Anthony.

She’d never been able to figure out who’d hurt her most. She’d loved Anthony with every beat of her heart, so sure that not until death would they part.

But Sabrina’s betrayal sucked the blood straight from her. Her own sister. Some people called Sabrina her half sister; together, for sure, they’d made a whole. Even if their beginnings, over thirty years ago, had been as scandalous as their end.

Kendall still remembered the whispers, her mother’s tears, the slamming of doors. It had terrorized the six-year-old; especially the nights when she would sneak from her bedroom and find her father stretched out on the couch. She was too scared to ask what was wrong, so she did what any child would do—she promised God that she would do better so that her Mommy and Daddy could be happy again.

Then, days before her seventh birthday, her father came home with a baby. Together her parents introduced her to her new sister, Sabrina. The wiggling, gurgling infant excited her and when her father told her to sit down so that she could hold the baby, Kendall had fallen in love; she had a real live baby doll. It was the best birthday gift she could imagine.

But by the time she was ten, she came to understand that the gift she thought Sabrina was, actually was a nightmare to her mother. It was her best friend, Brandy, who’d told her the truth.

“Girl, your father was out screwing that white woman who lived around the corner and they had a baby. And then her family made your father take the baby because the baby was too black for them! So, Sabrina ain’t really your sister. In fact, my mother said—”

Kendall had run home before she heard any more. It didn’t matter—that truth didn’t lessen her love for her sister. Even though they were almost seven years apart, many kidded that they were twins. Sabrina wanted to be just like her big sister—walking like her, talking like her, dressing like her. And the older sister loved the adoration of the younger one. Over the years, their closeness grew—or so Kendall thought.

Kendall slammed the door to her car and her memories. There was no need to think about a sister who, to her, was no longer alive.

Using her keys, she entered the house, and called out “Daddy” the moment she stepped inside.

The sound of his slippers scuffling against the hardwood floor made her smile.

“Baby girl?”

Inside the rich bass of Edwin Leigh’s voice there was nothing but the memory of the best of times.

He hugged her, held her as if he hadn’t seen her last week. “Let me look at you.” He peered over his glasses.

She loved seeing her father, but each week, he looked as if he’d aged another year. She was sure that it was the death of her mother—part grief, part guilt—that still rested heavily over him, even twenty years later. He was still in love with his deceased wife and that’s why not even the craftiest of church women had made inroads with Edwin; most had stopped trying years ago.

“So, what have you got there?” He grabbed the bags and shuffled toward the kitchen.

“Everything you asked for, and dim sum.”

He laughed. “That’s a good one.” He pointed to the table. “Sit down; I’ll handle this.”

She shrugged off her coat and paused. A déjà vu kind of moment: She could feel eleven-year-old Sabrina sitting at the table, dutifully completing her homework. She could see her sister—her hair pushed back with a headband that matched the one Kendall was wearing, hunched over her notebook, struggling through algebra, determined to get straight A’s like her big sister. She could hear Sabrina’s exclamation, “I wanna go to UCLA just like you, Kendall!”

Kendall sank into the dining room chair, but didn’t let go of that memory. It had been a bittersweet time. Kendall was the first in the family to attend college. Edwin and Sabrina had been so proud. But her mother, who had always told her that she was a star, hadn’t lived to see the day—passing away from a major heart attack on her and Edwin’s twentieth wedding anniversary.

“This is some feast,” Edwin boasted, interrupting his daughter’s jaunt down memory lane. He handed her a plate; the steam from the rice, vegetables, and shrimp caressed her.

She grabbed two bottles of water from the refrigerator, then held her father’s hand as he blessed the food.

He picked up his egg roll, took a bite, and asked the same question he did every week, “How are things at that business of yours?”

She gave him the same smile, same answer. “Fine.”

And then came the words she couldn’t hear enough, “Have I ever told you that I’m proud of you?”

She grinned. “All the time, Daddy.”

“Yup,” he began, taking another bite, “I’m proud of both of my girls.”

She pressed her lips together and prayed those words would be the beginning and the end.

But even in the silence, his words stayed, as if he were repeating them over and over.

Finally, “Baby girl…”

His tone alone made her moan. “Daddy, please. I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Well, we have to talk about this and a lot more tonight.” Kendall pushed her plate away. This was why he’d wanted dinner here. Better to attack her at home than in public.

He said, “I know you don’t want to hear this….”

“I don’t.” She crossed her arms. Began planning her escape. Wondered how she could walk out without making her father mad.

He continued, “You know…”

She knew one of two things was coming—either he’d start talking about how he wasn’t going to be around much longer or he’d play the God card.

“My days on earth are numbered….”

“Daddy,” she whined.

“And when I’m gone, you and Sabrina will only have each other.”

“If she’s all I have, then I’m fine with being alone.”

Her father let his disapproval rest in the quiet for a moment. “You’ve forgiven Anthony.”

“How can you even say that?”

His eyebrows rose in a look that told her to watch her tone. “Well, at least you speak to him.”

“Because I have to. For the business. It’s nothing more than that.” She paused. Remembered the good thoughts—of her and Anthony—that she’d had for days now. “Don’t be fooled, Daddy. I feel the same way about Anthony that I feel about Sabrina.” She paused again. Thought about Anthony and herself together some more. “They both betrayed me; I don’t want to have anything to do with either one of them.”

After a moment, “Baby girl,” Edwin began softly, “I’m worried about you. You’re holding on to so much anger.”

“What do you expect? How is a woman supposed to feel when she finds out that her husband has been cheating?”

His eyes filled with memories and Kendall knew he was thinking about her mother. Thinking about how he’d made her feel when he’d had his affair—that resulted in Sabrina.

“Kendall,” he began and then stopped.

It made her heart pound. The way he’d called her Kendall instead of baby girl. The way he’d halted his words. The way his eyes now held more than the sadness of what happened between his daughters a year ago.

“Daddy, what is it?”

“There’s something I have to tell you, but I’m not sure this is a good time.”

She shrugged. “You might as well tell me because it’s not like I’m going to forget any of this anytime soon.”

He nodded, understanding, not agreeing.

“Baby girl, I saw Sabrina today. Sabrina and Anthony.”

She folded her arms. Their names spoken together made her pain rise. How could her sister date her ex-husband? This was some Jerry Springer crap for sure.

She sat stiffly and stared at her father. Something—sadness, dread, fear—sat behind his eyes. Made him look like he was stricken with grief.

“Sabrina and Anthony came over here to tell me something.”

It took a moment for her to notice that every part of her was shaking.

“They wanted me to know first,” Edwin continued, “and, wanted to know the best way to tell you.” He inhaled. “They’re engaged, baby girl. They’re getting married.”

She wondered if Jerry Springer paid his guests—that was her first thought. And then she wondered how she was supposed to live the rest of her life with this news. Her heart cracked—right in the place where she’d hidden her hope of becoming Anthony’s wife again.

“Are you okay?” Edwin reached for her.

No
, her insides screamed. She would never be okay again. She was the woman who was supposed to be married to Anthony. Not Sabrina.

“I’m so sorry, Kendall. But the one thing I saw today was that Anthony and Sabrina really love each other.”

“Anthony loved me,” she squeaked. “How can he love Sabrina now?”

Edwin shook his head. “Sometimes, there’s just no explanation for love. Sometimes, the heart doesn’t listen to the head. Sometimes, the heart just does what it wants to do.”

“How could they?”

“I think they tried to stay away from each other because of you. But they’re in love. Real love. I saw it.” He covered her hand with his. “I’m sorry, baby girl.”

She could feel the sobs coming, but she fought hard. Held them in. She would not shed a tear over either one of them. But still, she trembled.

She jumped from the chair. Edwin reached for her, but she slipped away. Grabbed her coat and purse.

“Wait!” Edwin pushed his chair back. “Don’t leave.”

“I have to.” She rushed into the living room.

“Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

“And where am I supposed to sleep? In the room that I shared with Sabrina?” She almost gagged on those words. And then she thought about where she was going. Home. To the place that she’d shared with her man. Her husband who was now going to be her brother-in-law. “I can’t stay here.”

“Okay, but before you leave”—Edwin grabbed her hand—“let’s pray.” She snatched her hand away. “Only God can help you get through this, baby girl. You have to find a way to make peace with this. Let God help you.”

If her heart hadn’t been cracked, she would have laughed. “You want me to go to God? The same God who allowed this to happen?” She tossed her purse onto the sofa and paced. “All that stuff in the Bible about when God puts two people together, they’ll never come apart. That’s a lie!”