The Ex (The Corny Myers Series) (4 page)

I personally thought, Celeste back in D.C. could be better, but no one asked me. Celeste leaned in and kissed Steve on the cheek. I wondered if Steve would mind if I scrubbed his cheek with Soft Scrub.

“Yeah, I agree. Seattle’s a great place to live,” Steve replied.

He didn’t look thrilled, but he didn’t turn away either.

“Hey Steve, you are looking great these days,” she purred.

This time Steve took a step away from Celeste.

“Bye, Celeste.”

Celeste turned and walked back into the restaurant, with a triumphant smile on her face. I waited until Steve headed back towards the cop shop before I relaxed my fist. My nails left indentations in my palm.

There was no way I could wait until I got home to hear an explanation for what I witnessed. I dialed Steve again as I fastened my seatbelt. His cell went immediately to voicemail.

“Hi, Steve. I’m heading back to the office. Call me when you can, please.”

CHAPTER SIX

After my stress-filled morning, I needed a luscious, raspberry-filled cupcake from the Mighty-O Cupcake Shop. I also wanted a nap, but I needed to put in a few hours of work first. When I was a teenager, I splurged on a cupcake a day. After my body learned the word
metabolism
I had to slow down on the sugar—which depressed me. I created a technique to cut down on a few calories and still eat my favorite food. The technique required clean, dry fingers and a delicate grip. Hold the cupcake gently around the base, and grasp the frosting-coated top, with index finger and thumb. Twist the top to the right, a quarter turn—while holding the bottom in place. Throw away the bottom and you’ve reduced your calories by two thirds. The tops are the best part anyway.

I purchased a half a dozen cupcakes and ate two before I reached the parking lot of Green Hornet Investigations. I couldn’t get the picture of Steve and Celeste out of my mind. Did she really think she could swoop in and steal Steve away from me? If so, she had another think coming.

I pushed open the door to my business and instead of a bell that chimed or a buzz, the
coo-coo
of mourning doves sounded. Brenda wasn’t at the front desk, but she hurried out of the conference room, and straightened her shirt and blouse. John followed shortly after.

“Hi guys,” I said.

“Hi, Corny. I’ve got to get going. See you tonight, Brenda,” John said as the
coo-coo
of the door announced his departure.

I left Brenda to get her thoughts collected. She giggled and peeked her head around my office door; she reminded me of a much larger Pete.

“John stopped by to see how my first day was going. We stepped into the conference room for a quick kiss, which might’ve lasted a couple minutes. I promise, cross my heart, that’s all we were doing, and I could hear the door and phone at all times,” Brenda insisted.

“I believe you. Anything new and exciting happen while I was gone today?”

“Yeah. Halo got a phone call from Uncle Chuck. She ran out the door saying, ‘Uncle Chuck can’t find Fifi. He thinks she’s been stolen by the mob.’”

“Uh-oh. The whole mob thing doesn’t sound good. Can you get Halo on the phone for me please?”

“I’ve tried, but she’s not answering.” Brenda twisted a lock of her hair around her finger, a sure sign she was nervous.

“Keep trying,” I said.

“I will. I didn’t expect you back today. What happened? Did you get dismissed or did you tell them, ‘hang ‘em high’?” Brenda asked.

“I didn’t have to; the guy was guilty as sin. He blew a circuit and attacked his lawyer. We were dismissed.”

“I wish I’d been there to watch,” Brenda said.

Crap, I want another cupcake. But, I had Halo’s safety to worry about. My cell rang, and Steve was on the line. I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of his lunch date.

“Hi, Steve. Thanks for calling me back.”

“Hi honey. What happened today? When did you talk to Celeste? She called me and said she was upset over a phone call. Why would you call her?” he asked.

This wasn’t how I pictured the conversation. That sounded like
I’d
done something wrong.

“My jury service is over. Let’s talk about Celeste. She’s a real piece of work, is all I have to say. She answered
your
phone when I called today. Since when do you let people answer your phone?” I wasn’t ready to talk about what I saw yet.

“Celeste answered my phone? When I got up to go to the bathroom, she insisted she needed to make an important phone call and that her phone was dead. I’ll have to ask her why she answered my phone. Funny… she made it sound as though you called her.”

“She said you two were having lunch together.”

“I stopped by Henry’s for a burger to-go, and she was eating all by herself. She asked me to stay and eat with her. No big deal.”

“Tell me what she said happened during our phone call.”

“You two had a disagreement and that you were childish, rude, and unprofessional. She used other descriptive words, which I won’t repeat.”

“Steve, Celeste is wacko. That’s not how the conversation went. She implied she wanted you back and made fun of my name. Celeste is trying to sabotage our relationship.”

“Corny, we’ll talk more tonight. I can’t deal with this right now,” Steve said and sounded frustrated.

“Fine. I might be a little late tonight. I need to find Halo and rescue Uncle Chuck’s dog from the mob.”

“No! You stay away from the mob. Remember what happened last time you tangled with them? Bad headache, colorful bruises, and a night stay at the hospital.”

“Gotta go… Bye bye.” I heard him swear before I hung up. My heart hurt. Did Steve believe Celeste instead of me?

CHAPTER SEVEN

Uncle Chuck’s prize Pekingese was gone. Hmm… Uncle Chuck was a lousy gambler and borrowed money, on a regular basis, from the wrong people. Oh boy, I needed to find Halo before she got herself hurt. First stop, Uncle Chuck’s retirement home.

This was my lucky day; Halo’s Volkswagen Beetle sat front and center in the parking lot of the Mira Retirement Community. Her car was a bright pink orb in a lot filled with bland Cadillacs and Lincolns.

I inquired as to Uncle Chuck’s whereabouts from a kind, elderly woman at the front desk. She wrung her hands as she talked to me.

“Chuck is beside himself. I sure hope Halo can find poor Fifi. Chuck’s pretty melodramatic, but I’m really worried about his state of mind. He told me he didn’t want to go on without his sweet baby,” she said.

“Halo works for me and between the two of us, we’ll find his dog. I promise.”

“That’s wonderful. He’s a good man, but don’t you fall for any of his shenanigans,” she said.

“I won’t.”

“Okay now, head down the hall to the community room, which is on the left. He likes to have company when he’s miserable.”

He was surrounded by all his cronies and Halo. She looked distraught. I guess pet retrieval wasn’t as easy as she thought.

“Hi, Uncle Chuck.” I gave him a big hug and kiss.

“Corny, I’m glad you’re here. My sweet baby is gone.”

“I know. We’ll find her. I would’ve been here sooner, if I’d known the whole situation, with all the players.”

“Corny, you make finding critters seem easy. I thought I could get Fifi back all by myself. I went to Vinnie’s house. The big bruisers at the gate wouldn’t give her to me. They scared me and then they asked what my name is. Was that okay that I told them?”

Uh-oh.

“In this kind of a situation, I’d say no. Did you tell them anything else about yourself?”

“Where I work, is all. They laughed at me. Do people laugh at you?”

“People laugh at me all the time; don’t let that get you down. Uncle Chuck, tell me what you know and don’t leave anything out.”

“On a few occasions—not many mind you—I’ve been unlucky at the tables and borrowed money from a loan shark named, Vinnie. He’s been cordial enough, but this time he wanted collateral for the loan. I was feeling lucky and in a moment of complete insanity I agreed to let him hold Fifi. Why-oh-why did I do such a thing?”

“Do you have the money to pay Vinnie back?”

“Yes! I pay on time; otherwise nasty beasts knock on your door. I even added the appropriate interest, but he won’t take my money. He wants to keep my precious Fifi. He’s fallen in love with my darling baby. He bought her a solid gold food bowl, with her initials engraved on the side, a gold and diamond encrusted collar and a cashmere-lined dog bed. What if she’s gotten used to the life of luxury and doesn’t want to come back to me?”

He sniffed and dabbed his eyes with his monogrammed handkerchief. I was told to look out for melodrama and his shenanigans. I believe I’ve witnessed both.

“Calm down… I’m sure she misses you as much as you miss her. But, here’s the deal... if we can get your dog back, you have to promise to never, ever gamble again. Agreed?”

Halo bobbed her head and shook her finger at her Uncle. I guess she agreed with me.

“The money’s in my room. This place is guarded like Fort Knox. Most of the residents are either ex-cops or retired thieves. Nobody messes with our property.”

****

Vinnie’s home was located in a wealthy neighborhood. The house was surrounded by a mammoth iron fence. We parked down the street, alongside his property. I drove my Mini Cooper because I wasn’t sure what kind of speed you could get out of an old Volkswagen Bug. We climbed onto the roof of my car to see into the backyard, which was visible over a low hedge. In all likelihood they’d let the little dog out to do her business on the lush lawn.

“Hey, Corny. Do you have an umbrella in your car?” Halo asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Hello… don’t you feel the mist coming down? The angry skies could open up at any moment and drench us.”

“Strange, I can’t feel the mist on my head.”

Halo squinted and leaned forward. “Dude, you have some kind of protective force field over your hair. How cool! Where can I get one?”

My hand was halfway to my head when I remembered Alessandro warning. Don’t touch your head when wet. I’d have to live with a shellac helmet until I could get home and wash my hair.

“The force field is a bonus for doing a great job. I’ll give you the potion when we get Fifi back.”

“Groovy,” Halo said.

I’d be happy to get rid of the shellac. We sat like gargoyles on the roof of my car for two hours. I was about to give up when Fifi trotted out of the house. She looked terrified to do her business. She shook and paced. I found Fifi easy to get a psychic connection with.

“Hi Fifi. Are you oaky?”

No, please get me out of here. This place is scary,
Fifi replied.

I tossed the envelope filled with money and the note over the fence. The envelope bounced off Fifi’s little head.

Hey, that hurt.
Fifi shook her head.

“Sorry, sorry. Here, give the envelope and note to Vinnie and leave through the front fence. We’ll meet you there.”

We drove around to the front and out shot a fluffy black bullet through the fence, with two guards on her cute tail. The shorter and more agile one of the bunch yelled, “Get back here, you little mutt.”

The larger and more menacing brute said, “Shit, the dog is gone. We’re dead meat.”

Halo opened her door and Fifi jumped onto her lap and licked her face. She’d left her door open.

“Halo, shut your door. We’ve gotta go now!”

She needed to learn about personal safety or she wouldn’t survive long.

“Woops. Sorry… Isn’t she the cutest little dog?” Halo asked.

Fifi was cuddled up near Halo’s neck. I gunned my Mini Cooper. I wished I’d bought the turbocharged model.

“Holly cripes, Corny. This job is a lot harder than I thought. No wonder you’re in such great shape,” Halo said.

“Thanks.” I maintained the illusion I was in control of the situation, until my heart settled back in my chest. “Yeah, I can do this kinda stuff in my sleep.” I’d be lucky if I wasn’t struck down by lightening, for fibbing.

“Corny, are you going to let me continue doing retrievals? I know I wasn’t successful with Fifi, but that was my first try. I promise to lie next time someone asks who I am. Please, please, let me try again,” Halo pleaded.

“How about this? You can ride along on my next couple jobs and I’ll see how you do.”

“Really? That’s great! Thank you,” she said.

Who could say no to such enthusiasm? Not me. “How does everyone feel about donut holes? I’m buying.” I increased my speed by ten miles an hour. I didn’t want the wise guys to catch us eating donuts.

“Put me down for a dozen,” Halo said.

I’d love six glazed holes please,
Fifi chimed in.

Fifi was a sweet little dog. She was polite—not like a ferret I know.

“Okay donuts, here we come.” Halo grabbed for the dashboard. I looked in my rear view mirror and didn’t see any wise guys. I let my foot off the gas pedal, a tad.

After we stuffed our bellies with carbs, Halo and I delivered Fifi to Uncle Chuck. Halo handed her over and this time I think Uncle Chuck’s tears were genuine.

He took the diamond collar off and said, “I’ll send this back FedEx overnight, insured, and signature required. I don’t want to owe Vinnie anything—ever again.”

“Remember, no more gambling, but most important, no more borrowing money from loan sharks.”

“You have my solemn promise,” He said and crossed his heart.

“Take care, Uncle Chuck. Come on Halo, let’s go.”

Out in the parking lot, Halo said, “Can I call it a day? I’d like to go tell Jacob about my fun-filled day.”

“Yes, but you be careful. Vinnie knows who you are. I’m not saying he’ll come after you, but keep an eye out and don’t talk to strangers.” I worried about her lack of common sense.

“Okey-dokey, boss.”

She sped off with a little puff of smoke from the tailpipe of her Beetle. Because the donut holes hadn’t filled me up, I drove through Jack in the Box and got a large fry—to heck with the whole diet thing.