The Eye of Zoltar (31 page)

Curtis still said nothing, so I continued:

‘I’m telling you this because we need to be a team to survive. Are you any good with a sword?’

‘You’re wasting your time.’

That sounded like something Curtis would say, but he hadn’t spoken. It was Addie.

‘Asking Curtis to help?’ I said.

‘Asking Curtis for
anything
.’

I looked quizzically at her, and she nodded towards Curtis, who, now I looked closer, wasn’t just standing there looking thoughtfully out at the scenery, but simply standing there. I could even see the fine stitching down his neck.

‘Hotax?’ I said, waving a hand in front of Curtis’ blank and unmoving features. He had been paralysed, captured, boned, eaten and then stuffed. It wasn’t a pleasant way to go, but would at least have been painless, and ornamentally at least he was now quite impressive.

‘The Hollow Men don’t see the Hotax as a threat,’ said Addie, ‘the same as Tralfamosaur and Snork Badger and all the rest. Leave him. He had it coming.’

‘No one deserves this,’ I said.

‘Perhaps not,’ said Addie, ‘but he was only ever along to make up the fifty per cent casualty rate I’d promised – and you agreed to him coming along.’

‘That’s true,’ I conceded, then added: ‘How are we doing on that?’

Addie counted the casualty rate on her fingers.

‘Out of the eight in the team we’ve now lost three: Ignatius, Ralph and Curtis – which is pretty much what I’d planned. If I’m right we only need lose one more.’

‘It’s a nice mathematical theory,’ I said, ‘but I’m not sure the fifty per cent thing is working any more. We’re fighting for our lives.’

‘You’re right,’ she said sadly, ‘but it helps to have something hopeful to cling on to, no matter how slender. Some people have a lucky gonk or a deity – I have statistics.’

She gave me a smile.

‘Listen,’ she said, offering her hand for me to shake, ‘it’s been a lot of fun. Most tourists just moan about the food and the weather and the transport and the hotels and stuff and then think of devious ways they can fleece me for a refund. You were different, and I’d like you to know that whatever happens, I’d tour-guide for you anywhere, any time – and with a generous discount.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, knowing that such a compliment was not often given, and a discount even less so, ‘and on my part, you’ve been exemplary. If we survive this final push, I’ll be giving you the best feedback I can.’

We shook hands again and parted. I walked across to where the Princess was helping Wilson and Perkins secure Rubber Colin in the back of the half-track. Because of the lateness of the hour and with rain due tomorrow we had decided to cross as soon as possible. Magic doesn’t work so well in the rain, and although this meant the drones’ powers would be diminished, it followed that Perkins’ power would too. As soon as Rubber Colin was lashed down I asked Perkins about his plan.

‘I’m not sure.’

‘That’s not helpful,’ I said, ‘we’re kind of counting on you.’

‘No, I mean, I’m not sure
yet
. I won’t be able to come up with a countermeasure until I get an idea of the spell the Hollow Men are running. I can’t defeat a hundred drones, obviously, but there may be some way I can disable them long enough for you to get away.’

I looked around. With me driving the half-track, the Princess no good with a sword and Perkins concentrating on a realistic countermeasure, that left only Addie and Wilson wielding swords to keep the Hollow Men at bay. And while they were easily dispatched by a sharp sword – they were hollow after all, and needed their clothes to move and fight – the sheer weight of numbers might prove too much. Not knowing how many there were didn’t help, either.

‘Is it worth derubberising Colin?’ I asked. ‘I know his fiery breath is not fully developed, but at close quarters it might do some damage.’

‘I thought of that too,’ said Perkins, ‘but I read the washing label on those Hollow Men clothes we found earlier, and they were made of fire-retardant synthetic material. I’m going to keep the power I have for the countermeasure.’

‘Whatever that might be.’

‘Yes,’ said Perkins, ‘whatever that might be.’

‘These swords were a bit rusty,’ said Addie, showing me one of the weapons we had retreived from the river earlier, ‘but I’ve managed to get an edge back on them.’

‘What do I do?’ asked the Princess.

‘You’ll keep your head down.’

She looked at me petulantly.

‘Like hell I will. If we’re going to die, I’m going to go down fighting, even if I’m totally rubbish with a weapon.’

‘Fair enough,’ I said, and handed her a cutlass. She swished it in the air a couple of times.

‘Pointy end towards the bad guy, right?’

‘Right.’

I gathered everyone around.

‘Okay,’ I said, ‘this is the plan. The Hollow Men are tireless, violent fighters, but we have one advantage: they can’t run faster than a half-track. We’re going to charge across as quick as we can. Addie, Princess and Wilson, you’re on defence. Perkins here will let fly with whatever he can as soon as he figures out a weakness.’

‘How long will that be?’ asked Addie.

‘I don’t know,’ said Perkins, ‘but the closer they get the better I can sense the weave of their spell.’

‘Terrific,’ replied Wilson, ‘so
let
them get close?’

‘If you can.’

‘Any more questions?’ I asked. There weren’t. ‘Okay,’ I said, ‘good luck, everyone.’

We shook hands in silence, and as I looked from face to face I could see that none of us rated our chances that high. Even so, there was no hesitation from any of them. Truly, I was in the very finest of company.

Addie positioned herself on the bonnet of the half-track and Wilson in the rear left with the Princess in the rear right. Rubber Colin had been laid flat and covered with blankets, the note I’d taped to his hand amended to what we were attempting right now. If the worst came to the worst he would revert naturally and find himself in a deserted half-track in the middle of nowhere – and it was important he told Moobin and the others what had happened to us.

Once we were all positioned, I started the engine. Perkins sat down next to me and concentrated hard. I depressed the clutch, selected first gear in low range and gunned the engine. I figured there was about a mile before we were safe. At thirty miles an hour it would take us two minutes – always supposing we could get to that speed. I put out my hand and Perkins squeezed it.

‘Crazy or nothing,’ he said, and smiled.

‘Crazy or nothing,’ I replied.

I placed both hands on the wheel, gunned the throttle again and released the clutch. The tracks bit into the soft earth and we were away. Almost instantly a stack of clothes popped up into the air ahead of us and took the shape of a human. In a few seconds six more had joined it. I yelled ‘Hold on!’ and floored the accelerator.

Since we had a decent run-up, the first three drones were easily dispatched under the front wheels, and Addie expertly sliced another in half and Wilson two more. They were surprisingly easy to bring down as they were only as strong as their clothes. They remained animated when cut in two but the top half was dangerous only if you were near, and the bottom half not dangerous at all unless they gave you a kick. All this didn’t really register, as my forward view was filled by several more Hollow Men popping into life. I was relieved to find that there didn’t seem to be so many of them and I steered into them, the lifeless husks disappearing under the heavy treads, ploughed into the mud.

‘Anything yet?’ I shouted to Perkins.

‘Not yet,’ he said, concentrating hard, fingers on temples. ‘I think they’ve been spelled in a non-standard reverse weave.’

I turned the wheel and accelerated towards a group of three and they too vanished under the front wheels.

‘They’re getting up again!’ shouted Wilson as he fought off two more drones that had popped back into life as soon as the tracks had passed over them. One even managed to climb aboard, but was soon dispatched by the Princess, who had discovered that if a drone’s right sword arm was sliced through, they had to stop and find the sword with their left before continuing.

Several more popped up and I steered towards them to help Addie slice through two in one go, then positioned the half-track to run over two more. All seemed to be going quite well, until I noticed three of them run
towards
the half-track and dive under the front wheels, something that suddenly made me wary.

‘This is too easy,’ shouted Addie.

‘I’m not complaining,’ yelled back Wilson, hacking a drone diagonally in half from the shoulder to the waist. I changed gear to speed up and the half-track suddenly lurched aggressively to the left. Addie was caught off balance and fell off the bonnet. I accelerated but this only made the swing to the left worse, and in a few more seconds we had spun around and were pointing not at the forest and safety, but back towards the mountain. I let in the clutch and came to a halt as Addie went on the attack and dispatched another drone that was approaching, one of ten or twelve still out there. They seemed to be walking towards us in a more relaxed manner, something I didn’t like the look of.

‘Damn,’ I said, thumping the wheel, ‘what a time to lose a track. Addie? Damage report!’

Addie ran around to the right of the vehicle while Wilson jumped off the half-track to more easily engage the closest drones. Addie had a look and then yelled:

‘Reverse, but easy does it!’

I clunked the half-track into gear and reversed slowly. The vehicle seemed to move correctly at first but then lurched in the opposite direction, and Addie yelled at me to stop.

‘Three swords jammed in the right-hand track,’ she yelled.

‘Let me see.’

I left the engine running and jumped out to have a look as Wilson and the Princess stood by defensively, ready for the slow-approaching drones. The swords were bent around the drive sprocket, jamming it completely. They weren’t the only things jammed in the tracks – there were several Hollow Men, or at least their clothes. They hadn’t really been fighting at all, just searching for a weakness, and they’d found it. The Achilles heel on a tracked vehicle is the same as its main advantage – the tracks.

I looked around. We had covered barely four hundred yards from our starting point and had not even reached the river. Tactically speaking, it was a good place to disable the half-track, and as I looked back to where we had left the jeep, six more drones popped up from the earth where they had been buried.

‘They’re cutting off the retreat,’ said Wilson.

‘Perkins,’ I shouted, ‘we’re going to need something from you pretty soon.’

‘Working on it,’ he replied.

I grabbed a spare sword from the back of the half-track and faced the drones alongside the others.

‘Hang on,’ said the Princess, ‘they’re stopping.’

She was right. We were surrounded by at least thirty Hollow Men by now and they had halted about twenty yards out and simply stood at readiness, the gap between each drone and its neighbour precisely the same.

‘They’re waiting,’ said Wilson.

‘They’re waiting because they have time in their favour,’ said Addie. ‘Look behind them.’

Behind the row of drones, other Hollow Men were popping into malevolent being all over the scrubby land and were walking towards us. Reinforcements. I looked again at the jammed track, swore to myself and switched off the half-track’s engine.

‘Okay, the half-track is dead. We need a new plan.’

Worryingly, there were no suggestions, and Perkins climbed out to join us.

‘They’re like a conjoined military mind,’ he babbled excitedly. ‘They don’t need a chain of command because each individual is a general and a soldier combined. They will study their enemy, exploit its weakness and neutralise its strengths. The reason they’ve stopped is because they don’t yet know how to neutralise our strength.’

‘We have one?’ asked Addie.

‘It’s me,’ said Perkins. ‘They know I’m reading them. And since they’ve stopped thirty or so feet away, we must assume they
do
have a weakness that we can exploit. Watch this.’

Perkins took three strides towards the line of drones, and they all withdrew. When he returned to us, they moved back in again.

‘They’re waiting until they have overwhelmingly superior numbers,’ said Addie as more drones arrived behind the ones already present, ‘and waiting is something we can’t do.’

‘They might be made of nothing but drip-dry terylene,’ said Wilson, ‘but if they charge at us, we won’t stand a chance.’

He was right. The drones were now three deep, and more were arriving by the second. Just then, one of the Hollow Men who was wrapped around the track tried to grab me with an empty arm attached to a muddy empty glove. We had needed a break, and it seemed we had just got one.

‘Bingo,’ I said. ‘Perkins?’

Perkins looked at where the drone’s gloved hand was still feeling around, while the rest of it was jammed in the drive sprocket. The other drone costumes wedged in the track, I noted, were devoid of life, and just empty clothes.

‘Ah,’ said Perkins, ‘wounded. Spellcode probably disrupted. Here goes.’

He held the gloved hand of the drone for a moment, then smiled.

‘Now
that’s
something I can use,’ he said excitedly. ‘Sickeningly simple, when you think of it. They were right to be nervous. Wait a moment.’

And he squatted down to prepare himself as the drones became five deep. There were, I reckoned, about a hundred and fifty of them fewer than ten paces away.

‘Blast,’ said Perkins.

‘What?’

‘I need twenty years of life spirit to make this spell work, and I wouldn’t have made it past sixty-nine, so I’ve not got enough years to trade – I need a dozen more to figure out a countermeasure
and
to clear the swords out of the half-track.’

‘Take it off me,’ I said, ‘I’ll still be only twenty-six.’

‘No,’ said Wilson, ‘use me. This way I get the Value Added Death I’ve always wanted. Dying, to protect you all. It is poetic. It is
heroic
. I insist.’