The F Factor (16 page)

Pat added, “Because of last week's medical emergency—and by the way, everybody in the school is happy that Kenny García's uncle is going to be released from the hospital on Monday—we all know that no one saw the band's half-time show. One member of the drumline bragged to me just yesterday that this week's show is
guaranteed
to give us twice the entertainment. Ha ha, no pressure!”

Javier started chuckling but quickly tried to swallow it. He rolled his lips inside his mouth to hold back the urge to keep laughing. Pat had moved on to the last two announcements about soccer practice and the cafeteria menu, but when Pat said, “Hey, students, it's chili-bean burritos on the menu today! And a special happy birthday wish goes out to our cafeteria manager, Mrs. Burrito—uh! Burriola! Mrs. Burriola, I mean!”

Mrs. Burrito?
Javier started laughing again. He wanted to breathe normally, but a cough-laugh sound escaped, and he couldn't stop the giggling sound that followed. Pat made the mistake of looking at his partner with an amused grin. It made Javier feel as if a whiff of laughing gas had made him high and crazy. When Pat cracked up with laughter, too, Javier's condition only got worse.

Desperately, Pat nudged him with his elbow and said, “Man, you're killing me here! Cut it out!” That's when every guy in the class caught the bug and started chuckling and giggling. Mr. Seneca tried to look stern, but his face reddened. He twisted his lips like a deranged scarecrow, struggling against the natural urge to laugh out loud.

“Okay, okay, I can do this!” Javier said, gasping between words. He turned his watery eyes toward the camera to say, “This is Javier … no wait … ” He paused for more laughing and said, “… this is Javier Ávila … ”

“Oh, man, this is P-P-Patricio—whatever!” Pat waved his hand like he couldn't remember his name. He dropped his head into his arms, laughing into the top of the desk.

Javier knew he had to salvage the sign-off and jumped in with, “This is Javier and Pat giving you today's announcements … ” His voice shook like Jell-O. “And
giving you some laughs too. Oh, man!” He had to wipe his eyes but quickly pushed out, “Have a … ” He paused to catch his breath, but felt helpless when his words jiggled humorously. “Have a g-gr-great weekend, G-g-guardians!”

Then Javier pantomimed a slit across his throat, hoping Kenny, Landry, and Steve would end the broadcast quickly. In record time, Kenny yelled, “And we're off the air!” only to break into gut-busting laughter that set off the whole room again. It was so contagious that Mr. Seneca had to sit down before his laughter knocked him off his crutches.

Javier kept laughing at his own inability to
stop
laughing. He followed Pat's example and dropped his head into his arms on top of the desk, and laughing until he thought his stomach would explode from the exertion.

Javier finally raised his head when he heard Dylan say, “Javier, thanks for this! You two clowns make me feel so much better.” The senior football player was still wiping his face and chuckling. “Not just ‘cause you made us laugh, but because you two
finally
messed up. At least now the broadcast team that follows you next Tuesday won't look too bad if they screw up too.”

Mr. Seneca rubbed his hand across his chin, still chuckling as he said, “I guess we all needed to release a little pressure this morning.” He straightened up in his chair. “I'm not sure how today's broadcast will sit with the administration, but we'll just shoulder the responsibility as any team would and share the good with the bad.” He looked directly at Javier and Pat, and while he didn't look mad, his voice was deadpan serious when he said, “If either of you do that again, you're toast. Got it?”

Javier nodded and didn't dare look at Pat for fear of laughing again.

The teacher clapped his hands. “Alright, gentlemen, let's start looking for our next two-man team. Everyone can audition with the scripts from today's broadcast.”

“But what about football practice after school?” one of the juniors asked.

“Looks like everyone will need to get to school
extra
early so we can practice before school instead.” Mr. Seneca's stern mask quickly dropped into place. He stared hard at the trio of football players from the junior class. “Does anyone sitting in the room have a problem with that?”

A
s Javier attempted to walk down the main hall for second-period, he felt a heavy hand grip his shoulder. It didn't take a guy with a 4.0 to know who stood behind him.

“Mr. Ávila, did you have a mental breakdown this morning?”

“No, Sir.” He turned around slowly and faced Mr. Quintanilla. He looked up and tried to stand steady under the hard gaze the Dean of Students gave him. “I'm sorry.”

“What are you apologizing to me for?”

Javier glanced around at a variety of students who paused to stare at him with curiosity or sympathy as they moved through the crowded hallway. “I'm not sure … whatever I'm in trouble for, I guess, Sir.”

“A few minutes ago, I told Mr. Berlanga that I expect him to apologize to Mrs. Burriola,” Mr. Quintanilla said.
He looked more intimidating than usual with a solid black shirt, gray tie, and black slacks; an angel of death would look just like him. “I also expect a public apology on Tuesday morning on the school broadcast.”

Javier started to tell him that it would be a new team on the air—in fact, it would be Ram and Dylan who had delivered a promising audition twenty minutes earlier, but something in this angel of death's glare made Javier just nod and say, “Yes, Sir.”

“Get to class,” he growled, and Javier obeyed, walking quickly down the hall.

Ms. Maloney stopped writing on the whiteboard when Javier came in. “Got all that funny business out of your system now?”

“Burrito, burrito, burrito,” whispered some voice from the back of the room.

Javier's face burned red hot, but he only said, “Good morning, Ms. Maloney,” and walked quickly to his assigned seat by the windows. He slumped down in the desk and wanted to disappear. Nothing seemed funny anymore.

“Hey, Jack,” Andy said cheerfully as he headed toward his desk, which was three seats behind Javier's. “You got everyone's attention this morning, didn't you? Even Mr. Henley cracked up! It was hilarious!” He stopped at Javier's desk to say, “But you better watch out with Mrs. Burriola! That's one big woman! If she slaps you silly, she could send you flying across the cafeteria.”

“Thanks a lot.” Javier gave him a look to match his sarcastic tone.

Only seconds later, Ignacio came running into the classroom and broke into a sweaty grin when he saw
Javier. “Hey, I didn't know you two wrote reality TV shows. You should call it
Burrito and Berlanga
!”

Javier was never so glad to hear the bell ring! He knew there would be no more comments once Ms. Maloney started class. She had sent so many students to detention the first week of school that no one acted up in her classes much.

As she took roll, he let himself think over the crazy broadcast this morning. Why laughter took over like a demon possession still mystified him. It was too bad they embarrassed Mrs. Burriola, but he would also apologize when he saw her at lunch. In his head, he began composing an apology that Dylan could read on Tuesday.

“Javier Ávila, did you hear me?” Ms. Maloney's sharp tone startled him.

As the other students started chuckling, Javier sat up in his seat and looked at his English teacher. “I … guess not. I'm sorry, Ms. Maloney.”

She stood at the whiteboard, her open palm under the words she had written on it. “Javier, I asked if you could start the class discussion on this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. What does it mean to you?”

Javier read it out loud. “Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good.” His eyebrows wrinkled together as he studied it a moment and then nodded. “For me, it means nothing's perfect. Even good things can go wrong, and sometimes with really bad things, there is some goodness to be found.” Javier looked at Ms. Maloney with new curiosity. Did she pick that quote on purpose after she saw the broadcast? Or was it just a coincidence?

She gave no indication as she walked to her desk and picked up her textbook. “Let's open our literature books to page forty-one and discuss Emerson's mood when he wrote it.”

“W
ell, what happened?” Andy asked as Javier and Pat sat down at the lunch table. “Did Mrs. Burriola spit on your burritos?”

“That's disgusting!” Javier said, scowling at his friend.

“Mrs. Burriola accepted our apologies, no problem,” Pat told them. “She also told us we made the cafeteria ladies laugh all morning. When I said it is also Javier's birthday, she gave him an extra burrito.” He pointed at his tray. “Then she gave me an extra one too. I should make a mistake every broadcast, right, Javier?”

Javier felt annoyed and embarrassed all over again. He couldn't wait for the school day to be over. Apologizing to Mrs. Burriola came easy after all the teasing he got from strangers in the halls or the peers in his classes. He looked at Pat, surprised by the calm humor he showed about the whole situation. “Why is it that you look happy and I'm getting all the harassment?”

“Don't you get it?” Pat had picked up one of the burritos. “It's like what Dylan said in class. It makes the rest of us feel good to see that you can screw up too. You are so perfect all the time!”

“I'm not perfect!” He spit out the word like it was an insult. “I mess up all the time.” He gestured across the table at Ignacio and Andy. “These two love to point out my screw-ups. Just ask them.”

Ignacio leaned across the table and said, “Do you want to know the best thing about what happened this morning? It was that you laughed, Javier. You laughed like you had been holding it in all your life.” A grin spread across his damp face. “Admit it! It felt good to let loose!”

Once he looked his friend in the eye, Javier surrendered into a smile. All that laughter in the morning had
made him feel like somebody escaping from a straitjacket. Why was he trying so hard to put it back on?

Andy had started to snicker again. “It was
really
funny the way you couldn't stop laughing; like some crazy wind-up toy.”

“Or like a hyena on steroids!” Ignacio added, chuckling and laughing too.

Pat swallowed what he had been eating and said, “So what if the guys give you a hard time today. If you make a joke out of it, then they're laughing with you, not at you.” He nudged Javier with his elbow. “Besides, who knows what'll happen at today's pep rally. Everybody will stop teasing us if Andy or Ignacio mess up in front of the whole school. And what if the whole band screws up tomorrow at the half-time show?”

“Hey!” Andy and Ignacio said in chorus, both of them suddenly frowning at Pat.

Javier chuckled and said, “Ha ha, no pressure!”

L
ast year, Javier hated school pep rallies. Students were smashed together on crowded bleachers in the gym. All the loud music, rowdy pushing, and continuous yelling seemed pointless. Even the fact that girls from St. Monica's were welcome on campus for the pep rallies wasn't worth the pounding in his head when it was over.

He was already anticipating the first headache of the season as he followed other sophomores who had left last period and moved toward the gym. Then he heard someone shout his name. He turned to find Pat walking with another group of sophomores behind Mr. Seneca's motorized wheelchair on the sidewalk.

Javier slowed down to wait for Pat. Now he had a friend at the pep rally.

“Hello, Mr. Seneca,” he said politely when his teacher passed.

“What am I in for, Javier?” Mr. Seneca had stopped his chair and raised an eyebrow. “Should I have brought the earplugs I use at the rifle range?”

Javier couldn't resist a laugh. “Yeah, probably!”

Mr. Seneca gave a rare smile and then rolled forward in his chair. Javier and Pat walked behind him into the gym.

“My sister's supposed to come today,” Pat told him. “She'd better, ‘cause I need a ride home. I told her you have stuff to do after school.”

“Feliz is coming to the pep rally?” Javier's feet had itched all through chemistry class, but he had blamed it on applying for his driver's license. He should have guessed that his feet were warning him about something else. “Maybe she's already inside.” Even though Feliz wasn't a cheerleader or a member of the band, friends and siblings often attended pep rallies. He was anxious to find her among the visitors.

It was crowded and noisy as the sophomores took their seats in the bleachers. Javier got whacked on the shoulders by Landry and Steve, who were already in a rowdy mood. He took a seat by Kenny, who grunted and then turned to talk to a couple of other basketball players. Javier nudged Pat, and they both laughed at the freshmen students across the gym. They sat smashed together near the locker rooms because the school band sat in the middle on that side of the gym.

“So much better than last year,” Pat said.

It was the last comment Javier heard. Andy and his drumline struck up a loud cadence that rolled into the opening notes of the school fight song. Pat pulled Javier up to join with all the students jumping up, yelling, and clapping as the football team and the coaches entered the gym. They made their way into the middle of the gym, where metal chairs were set up. Once they stood in place, everyone was supposed to sing.

Pat nudged Javier hard in the ribs. Pat had started singing the words at the top of his lungs like he wanted the freshmen across the gym to hear it. Javier laughed and decided to join in. Both of them also started laughing at how off-key they sang, “Guardians, the rock upon, we stand so strong …”
Who cares?
Javier thought. Every guy around them sang terribly too!