The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (33 page)

"Can you guys keep a secret?" he asks them.

Madison, Bailey, and Connor, his four year-old nephew, all say 'yes' in excited unison when Ryan pulls out the bag of sugary junk. I sit back on one of the couches in the room and laugh as Ryan and the kids dive into everything. Watching how he is with these kids, laughing and playing on the floor, is another reason for me to like him even more. I know he owns a successful business and works hard, but it's nice that he has this lighthearted side to him as well.

Ryan comes over to sit next to me with one of the pieces of chocolate covered bacon.

"Here," he says as he tries to hand it to me.

Pushing his hand away, I say, "Gross. I'm not eating that."

"It's surprisingly really good." He takes a bite out of it and holds the leftover piece to my mouth. "Just try it," he says, and I open my mouth and bite it out of his grip.

I'm amazed that it is actually good. The salt and smoke of the bacon blends well with the sweetness of the chocolate.

"Okay, you win. That was actually really good," I admit.

Ryan looks out the window that's over my shoulder then back to the kids.

"Guys, eat fast. Our mom's just pulled up."

The three of them giggle as they try desperately to scarf down the rest of the sweets. Ryan and I laugh while watching them in their simplicity of fun. We get up, and Ryan wads up all the wrappers.

Holding out my hands, I say, "Give them to me. I'll hide them."

The kids run downstairs and Ryan hands over the wrappers as I walk to his room. He follows me in and closes the door behind us. I walk into the bathroom and toss everything in the trashcan. When I walk out, Ryan is sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Come over here," he says.

Walking over to him, he pulls me between his legs and slides his arms around my waist. Because of our height difference, we are almost level. Looking at me, he says, "I'm glad you're here with me."

I smile at him with my hands gripped on his shoulders. "Me too."

Placing his hand behind my neck, he draws me in so he can kiss me. He keeps the kiss short then pulls me down to sit on his knee. The room is dark as we stare at each other with our foreheads resting together. Being like this with him, in this quiet room, is peaceful. Neither one of us speaks as we sit here together.

"We should go downstairs," I whisper.

Whispering back, he says, "Not yet."

We stay like this, me on his knee, foreheads together, when Connor comes bursting through the door.

"Busted!" he shouts.

I jump up, and Ryan turns to him. "What do you mean?"

"Bailey had chocolate on her face and Mom is blaming you."

"Okay, kid, let's go face the firing squad."

When Connor starts running back downstairs, Ryan and I follow.

"What did you feed these kids?" Tori asks Ryan.

"I'll never tell, and neither will they," he jokes as the kids start laughing uncontrollably. "Call it a going-home present," he says with a wink.

"Payback's a bitch. Just remember that, Ryan. One of these days, when you have kids, you'll see."

Ryan laughs at her, and I try to stifle my laugh as well. Watching their playful banter is pretty funny.

The house is quiet and still. Everyone left about an hour ago, and I have been curled up on the couch, reading one of my favorite childhood books I found on the bookshelf, since I got out of the shower. Ryan is upstairs, getting cleaned up, while I drink a cup of hot tea and read as the rain trickles down the large windows that look out to the beach.

"Where's Ryan?" Donna asks as she walks into the room.

"He's taking a shower."

She grabs a couple blankets and joins me on the couch. "Here, cover up. It's cold."

Draping the blanket across my lap, I set the book down and say, "Thanks."

She wraps up in her blanket and asks, "How are you doing, dear?"

"Good actually. I'm sorry I wasn't around much to visit with everyone. I hope no one thought I was being rude."

"No one thought that. Please, no need to apologize."

"It's just...I'm not used to being around a large group. It's a little overwhelming for me."

"You don't need to explain. Everyone loves you. It was a nice surprise to have you, and Ryan seems really happy."

"Oh," I say, not sure how to respond to her statement.

"Ryan said he went to meet your parents on Christmas Eve. I've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to ask him about it. How did it go?" she questions.

Looking down at my tea, I shake my head. "Not well."

She reaches over and places her hand on my knee. "What happened?"

I sit there, trying to figure out where I should begin. I've been so busy the past few days that I haven't had much time to think about our fight. Now that I am searching for the words, the finality of our fight plays back in my head. I swallow hard against the lump in my throat, and when I open my mouth to speak, I can't seem to get anything out. I close my mouth and stare into Ryan's mother's eyes.

"Oh, sweetie," is all she says when she scoots closer and wraps me in her arms.

How is it that this woman I just met yesterday seems to read me better than my own mother? Why can't my mother just love me? Why has she never loved me? My thoughts become too much, and I begin to weep quietly as Donna rubs my back. My mother has never comforted me like this, not even when I was a little girl. When I was younger, it was always the nanny who would lie with me when I got sick, or put Band-Aids on my knees when I would fall off my bike. Why couldn't I have had a loving family like Ryan's?

"Do you want to tell me about what happened?" she asks as she pulls away.

Wiping my tears, I decide to open up to her. "We got in a bad fight. It wasn't good. They told me they were done with me and not to come back."

"My God," she says quietly in shock.

"What's worse is that Ryan heard it all."

"Ryan would never judge you for that."

"I hope not, but it was embarrassing nonetheless."

"What were you arguing about?" she asks.

"The same thing we always fight about. They aren't happy with my choices. I'm not good enough. I don't measure up to the name they work hard for." Donna leans over to the end table and hands me a box of tissues. I pull one out and wipe the tears from my cheeks. "It's always been this way, but then at Thanksgiving my mother told me that I was nothing but an embarrassment to her."

"I'm so sorry, dear. No child should ever have to hear that."

"Hear what?" Ryan questions, and when I look up, I see him walking down the stairs. He crosses the room and comes to sit next to me on the couch as I face his mother. I try not to look at him as he wraps one of his arms around me.

"Candace is telling me about what happened the other night."

"Mom."

"It's fine," I say.

Covering my hand with hers, she asks, "Do you have any other family at all?"

"No. It's only ever been the three of us since my father's parents' passed away."

"What about your mother's family?"

"I've never met them. I have never known them to speak. I'm not even sure they know about me." Wiping my cheeks again, Ryan rests his other hand on my leg. He doesn't say anything, he just sits there, letting his mom and I talk.

She shakes her head as if she can't believe what I am saying. Leaning forward, she takes me in her arms again. The comfort I am getting, being held by both Ryan and his mother is almost too much for me, but I know this is what I've been missing my whole life. I wrap my arms around Donna as more tears fall.

Letting go of me, she says, "I'm glad you're here with us," as she brushes her thumbs under my eyes. "I'll let the two of you be," she says to Ryan then kisses my forehead. When she leaves the room, Ryan pulls me back onto his chest.

"Don't cry, babe," he says softly in my ear.

"I'm tired. I don't want to talk anymore."

Ryan gets off the couch, and I follow him upstairs. Walking into his room, I go into the bathroom to take my sleeping pill and brush my teeth. When I walk out, he is still standing by the door. I crawl into his bed and don't even question him when he slides in behind me. He pulls me into him and curls himself around me. Neither one of us moves, we just lie there, snuggled up together. I've never had this before. But there is something about Ryan, about the way he makes me feel, that makes me want this—with him.

"Morning, babe."

Lifting my head and looking up at Ryan, in the still-dark room, he has me tucked tightly against him. Trying to wake from my sleep, I let my head fall lazily back down on his chest. His thumb is stroking my shoulder, and I blink a few times before fully opening my eyes.

The room is cold, and I sink further down in the bed beneath the covers.

I hear Ryan chuckle under his breath as he says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm cold," I whisper.

"You're always cold."

I roll over onto my stomach and look up at him. "I know."

He reaches down, pulls me back up against him, and wraps the comforter around me.

Aside from Jase, I have never slept a full night in bed with any other man. I thought it would be weird; maybe it would be with anyone else, but with Ryan it feels safe.

We are supposed to be driving back to Seattle later today, and I'm not quite sure how Jase is going to react to this new development. He knows I'm here; I texted him after the fight with my parents to let him know I was going to be with Ryan, but I haven't spoken with him since I have been here.

"Why are you so quiet?" Ryan asks me.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

Snaking my arm around his waist, I say, "Jase. He and Mark will be back Saturday."

He rolls on his side and props himself up on his elbow. Looking down at me, he says, "Stop thinking," as he leans down and nuzzles his head in my neck, lightly nipping on the sensitive flesh. Goosebumps begin to prick on my skin. Raising his head, my hands holding his face, he says, "Do you know how beautiful you look right now?"

His words make my heart quicken, and I pull his face down to me and kiss him.