The Fallen (Angelic Redemption) (11 page)

Despite the festering need to see him, Lila forced
herself to wait in the hotel room with Sophie, watching
E! News
. Testing
her resolve, Lila changed her first waiting period of twenty minutes to a
longer thirty. She was aiming for forty five minutes when Sophie lost her
patience.

“Just get it over with, so we can eat and relax? I
mean, geez, you’re making me tense.”

“Whatever,” Lila said, relieved for the decision to
be out of her hands. “I’ll be back in five minutes, ten tops.”

Sophie waved her off and focused on scanning the
channels for another show. Strolling very slowly down the hallway which
separated the two rooms, Lila wished she knew how to make Roman tell her the
truth.

His presence made her feel weak and her only
defense was silence. Knocking on his door, Lila lacked a plan, but running back
to her room wasn’t an option.

Roman threw open the door, clearly concerned,
which irritated Lila. No matter how she died years ago, she wasn’t a child in
need of protection.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling on his shirt.

“Nothing,” Lila said, pushing past him into the
room. “I want to talk. Are you busy because you don’t look busy?”

Roman shut the door then watched her. The room
smelled of the shower and his damp hair dripped on his unbuttoned blue shirt.
Lila noticed a silver crucifix necklace, hidden earlier by his collared shirt.
The cross didn’t surprise her as much as the two platinum rings hanging next to
it. Roman noticed her interest and pulled his shirt closed over the necklace.

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked, glancing
outside.

Lila considered his question, unsure what to say,
then decided blunt worked best for her.

“I want to know how I died.”

Roman frowned from his post near the window. “I already
told you.”

“No, you told me why I died, not how I died. I
want to know.”

Roman watched her, his blue eyes darkened with
concern, maybe sadness. Either way, Lila knew he would tell her. No matter why
he lied, Roman hungered to tell the truth.

“The gateways are protected by demons, not villains.
Demons are what killed you and your pack. They are the ones that trapped
Micah.”

Lila nodded, happier that he told her than by his
answer. Lies didn’t suit Roman.

“If my pack knew the plan, why didn’t you?”

Fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt, Roman
avoided her gaze. “You never planned for them to come, but Anya spotted you sneaking
away with Micah in the middle of the night and told the others. You wouldn’t
have wanted them to die like that.”

“Is that why I didn’t tell you?”

Roman frowned at her and she sensed anger in his
eyes. “No, you didn’t tell me because I would have stopped you.”

“Why didn’t you stop Micah? And why was he making
stupid decisions if he was gifted by God to close the gateways? How could he
have been so flawed?”

“His mate died and he lost his way. Micah always
thought he was special. When Nina died, it startled him. Even angered him, I guess.
He felt abandoned by God. Without the Lord’s direction, Micah started making mistakes.”

“How did she die?”

Roman again grew flustered, uncertain how to
answer with half truths.

“Nina was a lone wolf until joining your pack. She
died on a mission and Micah blamed God for not protecting her.”

“Did he blame me?”

Roman didn’t answer immediately which was an answer
in itself.

“Was it my fault?”

Frowning deeply, Roman was clearly bothered by the
question.

“Nina wasn’t some newbie who needed coddling. She
was a talented hunter and you had no responsibility to save her. It could have
just as easily been you or any member of your pack who died that day.”

Lila nodded, feeling her way closer to the truth.
“But Micah thought it was my fault.”

“It doesn’t matter what Micah thought,” Roman said
with a whisper of anger. “What matters is the truth and the truth is you didn’t
kill her and you didn’t cause her to be killed. She died doing what God created
her to do and maybe that’s why Micah hated God? Or maybe he just hated God for
giving him someone to love, knowing she would be taken away?”

“Do you hate God for that?”

Roman shook his head, without breaking her gaze.
“I don’t hate God.”

“But you loved me.”

Roman’s eyes softened and he nodded.

“And I loved you?”

Breaking the gaze, Roman sighed. “Not enough.”

“What does that mean?”

“You promised me you wouldn’t go on one of Micah’s
suicide missions. You promised you would tell me if he started making plans so
I could stop him. Micah knew you would die that day and he still asked you to
come along. You chose loyalty to him over me.”

“Do you blame him for my death?”

“No, I blame you.”

Lila frowned, wishing she hadn’t asked. “I’m sure
I had a good reason to go with him.”

“Guilt isn’t a good reason. Nina’s death wasn’t
your fault. You knew better and still made a bad decision.”

“Maybe foolishness is a genetic trait Micah and I
share?”

Roman shrugged. “Maybe.”

Lila moved closer to him, eyeing the rings on his
necklace. “Are you still mad at me for dying? Is that why you won’t tell me the
truth about everything?”

Roman sighed, clearly wanting to explain himself,
but he held back.

“I want you to know the truth, but sometimes too
much information can be overwhelming. I thought it was important for you to
trust me before I gave you too many details.”

His explanation, one more attempt to baby her, enraged
Lila.

“Trust you? How I can trust you when you keep
lying? Just tell me the truth and I’ll trust you. I mean, we’re talking about
my life here, but you just want to trickle out info like a reward for good behavior.”

When Roman didn’t back down to her anger, Lila
flinched as he moved closer.

“Do you really think that when I first found you I
should have just blurted out everything? About us and Micah? About you dying?
You truly think you would have believed me?”

“Yes, I do,” Lila said, not giving an inch even if
his anger bothered her. “I think you harbor resentment towards me which is why
you’re holding back. If you had just told me the truth, I would have believed
you.”

“No, Lila, you wouldn’t have. I know that because
three years ago, when I found you the first time, I did blurt it all out. I
told you everything, but you didn’t believe me. In fact, you shot me and ran
away. By the time I caught up to you again, you were dead. So despite what you
think, I don’t enjoy lying to you. I would love to have told you everything,
but I tried that before and I lost you again. I’m being more careful this
time.”

Lila gasped, angry and frightened. “How many times
have I died?”

“Twice,” he said then added. “That I know of.”

Lila sat on the bed, her mind reeling. She quickly
jumped to her feet, unwilling to give into her insecurity.

“I don’t understand why I would shoot you?” Lila
said, even as she remembered her fear back in Los Angeles when he was just an
itch stalking her.

“You had a mission then too. You were infected by
the demon virus and died before I could find you again.” Roman paused, his face
displaying the pain of remembering. Sighing, he continued. “I knew you had come
back once and I hoped for another chance.”

Lila felt her confidence crumble and all her
swagger disappeared.

“I’m really bad at this, huh?”

Roman moved closer, wanting to comfort her, but
unwilling to do more than stand a few feet from her.

“You’re just impulsive.”

Lila eyed him, calming herself. “I shot you?”

“It wasn’t serious. You just wanted to get away.”

“Oh, yeah, then it’s totally acceptable.”

Smiling, Roman inched closer. “I just want to help
you, Lila. You see that, don’t you? I don’t want to control you or your
mission. I just want to keep you safe.”

Lila nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you
before.”

“I should have known not to blurt it out the way I
did, but to have you alive in front of me was overwhelming. I didn’t think. I
just acted and I scared you. Even with the lies, I think it went better this
time.”

Lila smiled. “You kept me from shooting you, so
that’s a definite plus.”

Roman shared her smile, moving a bit closer, yet still
wary of any perceived intimacy.

“How long ago was it that I first died?”

“Seven years.”

The thought of Roman searching for her after so
many years filled Lila with an emotion she couldn’t hide. Rushing to Roman, she
forced him into a hug.

“I’m sorry I died and I’m sorry you were alone all
that time and I’m sorry you’ve had to chase me down over and over. Right now,
I’m not entirely sure why you put in all that effort?”

Roman watched her for a moment, considering his
response. She thought he might step back and keep his distance. Instead, he
caressed her cheeks. Lila held her breath, uncertain about her feelings even
now. She was certain enough that she didn’t want him to stop though.

Roman’s fingers slipped into her auburn hair,
caressing her scalp as he gazed into her eyes. He was still a stranger in every
way, but she sensed something warm and familiar about his touch.

Roman smiled gently at her, his hands skimming
across her collarbone so softly she shivered. When he spoke, his voice was no
more than a whisper.

“The Lord gave you to me and I’ve never regretted His
choice. You did what you thought you had to with Micah. I won’t pretend to
think you made the right decision, but everything you’ve done made sense to you
at the time.”

Touching the diamond ring on his necklace, Lila
smiled slightly. “Is this mine?”

Roman nodded.

“May I have it back?”

“Of course,” he said, unlatching the necklace and
slipping off the rings.

“You kept it all these years?”

“When I found it, I didn’t think I’d ever see you
again,” Roman said, sliding on his ring too. “It was all I had left of you and
I’m glad to return it.”

“What do you mean by found it?”

Frowning, Roman handed her the ring. “Do you
really want me to spell it out?”

Lila nodded, slipping the ring on her finger. “It
still fits.”

Taking her hand, he touched the ring. “The
gateways are protected by hellhounds. Does that spell it out enough?”

“How did my ring survive?”

Roman sighed. “You’re going to make me say it,
right? That’s what you need?”

Lila gazed into his deep blue eyes and wished she
remembered him.

“Please tell me. I want to understand what
happened before. I want it to feel real because it doesn’t right now. I feel
things for you and I believe I felt them before, but the reality of me being
someone else years ago doesn’t feel real.”

Nodding, Roman looked down at her hand, bothered
by remembering.

“You left in the night. When I woke, I knew
something was wrong and went looking for you with my pack. We found Ivy who
told us Micah had disappeared and you and the others were killed by the
hellhounds. We fought the beasts, still hoping you might have survived. When I
sliced open one of the hellhounds, your ring fell at my feet. We never found
any other trace of your pack or Micah, but God gave me this ring to show me the
truth.”

Lila nodded then took his hand. “And I died from
the virus the second time?”

“You didn’t want to infect your pack so you killed
yourself.”

“How?”

Roman sighed loudly, moving away from her.

“Just blurt it out,” Lila said, touching her ring
again. “Then it’ll be over and we can move on.”

“Gasoline. You set yourself ablaze to destroy your
body so the others wouldn’t be infected.” Sighing again, he looked at his
hands. “I guess I should feel grateful that I never had to watch you die.”

“And I should feel grateful that I didn’t kill off
my pack the second time. Was Sophie part of that pack?”

“No, they were male. I didn’t know Sophie was
alive until you found her. I don’t know anything about the other members of
your pack who died seven years ago. I know Ivy ran with my pack for a while,
but I haven’t heard anything from them in years.”

Lila moved closer to Roman and threw her arms
around him again.

“Thank you for telling me. I’ll stop asking.”

“I just want you to trust me, so I can help you.”

“I do trust you and I plan to do things better
this time.”