Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Three
'It looks lovely, Veronica.'
Christine was admiring the new sofa and TV that Phillip had supplied. Veronica nodded, not interested in her home for once, and Christine followed her out to the kitchen where she was making one of her endless pots of tea.
'Isn't he gorgeous, Christine? A great-granny again! Now that makes you feel your age, I can tell you!'
Christine smiled the requisite smile, and waited for the real conversation to begin. It was only a matter of time, and, actually, she had thought it would have been sooner than this.
They were halfway through their tea when Veronica finally said sadly, 'Any news about Timmy?'
Christine shook her head. 'Not a word. He's just disappeared.'
Veronica nodded as if in agreement, but she wasn't a fool and they both knew it. 'Can I ask you something, and will you promise me you'll never repeat it to a soul?'
Christine nodded, knowing what this woman was going to say to her. 'Of course, anything.'
'Is Timmy's…
disappearance..
. anything to do with my Phillip?'
It spoke volumes that this woman had guessed her son had murdered his own child. But Christine made sure she looked suitably shocked - she was getting very good at it. 'What on earth makes you think that?' She sounded incredulous even to her own ears.
Veronica was looking at her now through slitted eyes and she said slowly, 'All right, have it your own way. I'll not ask again, but I'll remind you of this much - it seems funny to me you two splitting up like that, and poor Timmy on the missing list. There's a story here, and one day I'll get to the bottom of it.'
It was almost a threat, and Christine had had enough of threats and veiled accusations and all the other shite that went on in this so-called
family.
She leant forward in her chair and, looking into the older woman's eyes, she said quietly, but with conviction, 'Do you know something, Veronica? There's some things in life you're really better off
not
knowing, and this is one of them. You've spent your life protecting Phillip, but believe me when I say this, you didn't do
him
, or
anyone
around him any favours, and that includes me. If I had known all those years ago what you had bred, what you
knew
you had bred, what your son really was, I would have run a fucking mile and maybe saved my own son's life. Now I am going soon, and I doubt I'll be back for a long while, but I know this much: if I
never
see you again it will be too soon.'
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Four
'Are you sure you're all right, Christine?'
'Oh, for fuck's sake, Mum, give it a rest, will you?'
Eileen didn't argue with her daughter, she just pursed her lips and waited for Christine to apologise.
'Look, Mum, I'm sorry, but I've told you over and over. I'm all right, I'm not really happy yet, but I'm getting there.'
Eileen nodded sadly. 'If they found his body… If we could bury him…'
Christine rolled her eyes to the ceiling. But her mother was mourning the loss of her grandson, and she had to remember that. Remember that not everyone knew him for what he was or, more to the point, knew what had happened to him, and why. Her mother still missed him, loved him. So why didn't she? Christine hated him more with every day that passed, yet she didn't hate his father any more. In fact she felt nothing for Phillip, nothing at all.
Ted Booth looked at his daughter and shook his head sadly. Christine knew he had guessed a lot, and that she should have listened to him all those years ago. But, as everyone finally found out, hindsight really was a wonderful thing.
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Five
'I appreciate this, Breda, you've always been good to me.'
'It's great to see you looking so well, to be honest. You off the drink and all?'
Christine laughed. 'Not really, but I don't drink like before. It's strange, but what happened with Timmy, it sort of straightened me out somehow. Made me see my life for what it was. I should have sorted meself out years ago.'
Breda sighed heavily. She always drove her sister-in-law to the airport. They enjoyed their private time together when they could both talk without fear, and they did just that. They talked about everything and anything.
'I know what you mean, I feel the same really. I've taken a huge step back from the businesses. I'm getting too old for it, I think. Timmy left a bad taste with us all, Christine. Not just me, but Declan and Jamsie. It's as if we knew it had gone too far. Phillip, on the other hand, he feels he should have guessed something - he's bothered about the fact he hadn't sussed it out. But then, that's Phillip, obsessed with himself as usual.' It spoke volumes that Breda could now say things like this. 'Do you know what? All I want to do is spend time with little Porrick. He more or less lives with me now. I just want to hold him close, and keep him safe from harm.'
Christine understood that, much more than even Breda realised.
'Aren't you lonely, over there on your own?' Breda asked suddenly.
Christine smiled sadly. 'I was much lonelier when I was married, Breda.' She could say that to her sister-in-law now.
Breda sighed and then said, 'I never thought of it like that, Chris, but I can see what you mean. It must have been hard over the years.'
Christine didn't answer her, she wasn't getting into any conversation like that ever again.
'Are you sure you want to do this, don't want to go straight to the airport?'
Christine shook her head. She knew exactly what she had to do.
Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Six
Phillip was watching Christine from the kitchen doorway. She had refused to even go into the house, and it was cold and raining as she walked up to the big barn. Inside, she stood and looked around her. Nothing had changed, but then she had not expected it to.
The furnace was humming as usual, that low sound it had, and she felt the sting of tears suddenly. It was hot in there, as always, and the heat made her think of her son's last moments on this earth. Inside her head, she could hear the sounds of the boys when they were young. Their voices, childishly high, calling for their mum. She saw Timmy on his first day of school, his eyes so wide and not a scrap of fear in them. Saw him standing by the Christmas tree in his pyjamas, all excitement and curiosity at what might be wrapped up for him. And she wondered, for the thousandth time, what had changed inside him, when it had changed, or if it had always been there. This was the nearest she would have to a gravestone and, as she knew she would never come here again, she felt she had to do this one last time.
'Goodbye, son.'
Her words echoed in the silence around her and, turning slowly, she walked away. Outside, she stopped. She looked at the farm one last time and, as she went back towards the house, she heard the familiar sounds of rural life.
She was going back to the sunshine, to her art classes, and to her bookclub. She was going back to her new life, without the violence and the feeling of dread that accompanied her old one. She knew suddenly, without a moment's doubt, that she would never come back to England again - not even her grandchild would be enough to bring her back to this place, and the memories it held.
She got to the car and, seeing Phillip watching her, she raised her hand in what they both understood was a final gesture of farewell. Then, getting into the passenger seat, she sat quietly as Breda drove her away from her old life, and towards her new one. As the gates of the farm closed behind them, she felt a huge sense of relief overwhelm her. The sun was coming through the clouds, and the rain had finally stopped.
She would never be happy, not like other people were happy. Too much had happened, and it would always be there in the back of her mind. She still woke up in a cold sweat remembering her life, and what it had finally become. But she knew that she was slowly but surely finding a measure of peace inside herself and, after living like she had for so many years, on her nerves, and with a bottle or a pill, that was a start.
She had wanted a family, to be a part of a family, so badly, she had sold her soul for the privilege. Well, now her family was decimated, and she was the reason for it. But for the first time since Timmy's demise, she felt a faint glimmer of hope for the future and, as they drove through the rolling countryside, she felt her heart becoming lighter. Felt the dread seeping from her bones. It was ironic really, and the thought brought her up with a jolt. She knew she had to leave her family - what was left of it anyway - behind her, even her brand-new grandson, if she was to finally have some kind of stab at a real life.
She closed her eyes. She would be home in a few hours, the sun would be shining and the villa would be waiting for her. There would be no Phillip, no violence, and no fear.
And all of this, she knew, would finally seem a long way away.
Table of Contents
Book One
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Book Two
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Fifty-Six
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Chapter Seventy
Chapter Seventy-One
Chapter Seventy-Two
Chapter Seventy-Three
Chapter Seventy-Four
Chapter Seventy-Five
Chapter Seventy-Six
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Chapter Seventy-Eight
Book Three
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Chapter Eighty
Chapter Eighty-One
Chapter Eighty-Two
Chapter Eighty-Three
Chapter Eighty-Four
Chapter Eighty-Five
Chapter Eighty-Six
Chapter Eighty-Seven
Chapter Eighty-Eight
Chapter Eighty-Nine
Chapter Ninety
Chapter Ninety-One
Chapter Ninety-Two
Chapter Ninety-Three
Chapter Ninety-Four
Chapter Ninety-Five
Chapter Ninety-Six
Chapter Ninety-Seven
Chapter Ninety-Eight
Chapter Ninety-Nine
Chapter One Hundred
Chapter One Hundred and One
Chapter One Hundred and Two
Chapter One Hundred and Three
Chapter One Hundred and Four
Chapter One Hundred and Five
Chapter One Hundred and Six
Chapter One Hundred and Seven
Chapter One Hundred and Eight
Chapter One Hundred and Nine
Chapter One Hundred and Ten
Chapter One Hundred and Eleven
Chapter One Hundred and Twelve
Chapter One Hundred and Thirteen
Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen
Chapter One Hundred and Fifteen
Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen
Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen
Chapter One Hundred and Eighteen
Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Two
Book Four
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Three
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Four
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Five
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Six
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Seven
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Eight
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Nine
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-One
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Two
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Three
Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Four