The Fan Man (13 page)

“Dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

(It is morning, man, on a new day, and I am stumbling around my pad, repeating over and over again) :

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

(Constant repetition of the word
dorky
cleans out my consciousness, man, gets rid of all the rubble and cobwebs piled up there. It is absolutely necessary for me to do this once a month and today is dorky-day) :

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

(There is a knock at the door, man, go answer it.)

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

(It is the knapsack blonde chick, man, she has come back, she has returned. I wave her in but I cannot stop my dorky now.)

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“I got a VD shot.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“I tried hitch-hiking out through the Lincoln Tunnel and the cops stopped me.

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky … ”

“I figured maybe I should stay in the city a while longer. I thought it must be a sign.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“What’s going on, man, what’s all this dorky?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“I brought some breakfast for us . . some bread and jelly.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“Christ, man, knock it off, will you?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“You’re driving me up the wall, man.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

(Another knock at the door, man. It always happens on dorky-day. It is the saxophone player, man.)

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky
…”

“How’s it going, Horse?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“What’s up with Horse, baby?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky
… ”

“I don’t know. He was like this when I got here.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“Hey, Horse, what’s all this dorky, man?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“I have some bread and jelly in my knapsack. Do you want some?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“Thanks, baby, don’t mind if I do.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“What is it, raspberry?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“Strawberry.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“Hey, Horse, man, knock it off, man, and we’ll play some music.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky

dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“He won’t answer you. I only met him last night, but I know he won’t answer you.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“I think maybe he’s composing some kind of song, baby.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“I thought I might stay with him for awhile, but I can’t stay here, not with all this dorky.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“Dig, baby, you can stay with me if you want. My pad’s just around the corner.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“Can we go there right now? I can’t take anymore of this dorky.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“Sure, baby, let’s go.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“Do you think … he’ll be all right?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“Yeah, he just has to work it on out, baby, let’s go … wait a second, baby, I think he wants to give you somethin from his satchel.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“It’s a music box. Do you want me to have this music box, is that it?”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky…”

“He’s tryin to tell you somethin, baby.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky …”

“Thank you, it’s a lovely music box.”

“… dorky dorky dorky …”

“Come on, baby, let’s go. So long, man, take it easy with your dorky.”

“… dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky dorky… .”

Dorky-day, man, has changed my life, I see that now. For now that it is the day after dorky-day, I have a clear picture of what I must do with my life. I must, man, and this is absolute necessity, move out of these four pads. The four flights of stairs are too much, man, they keep me too healthy. The time, man, has come to get out of these four pads NOW, man, right now!

“Horse Badorties, man, is making his last tape-recorded message from East Fourth Street. I am packing it in, man, I am splitting the scene. My four pads have got to be left behind, man. And though it is true that I must leave behind for the landlord to call his own, mountains and piles of old clothes, broken rocks, salty pretzels, and other incomparable and irreplaceable articles of valuable precious design, it is necessary, man, as I am packing only my satchel. I am packing that satchel right now, man, with samples of sheet music, with tape recorders, with fans, broken clock, unforgettable pimento jar, and last of all, man, my umbrella. And now, man, it is good-bye, to my four pads.”

I leave it behind me, man, stuffed to the ceilings, just as I have left other pads behind me in New Orleans, Acapulco, San Francisco, Miami Beach, Pittsburgh, and Poughkeepsie–sacred temples, man, jammed to the framework with possessions. Wherever Horse has gone, man, he has erected a pile of old laundry and tin cans, never, man, to be forgotten by the janitor, landlord, or cleaning lady who enters in thereafter to cart it all away. Piles with piles of gnarled filthiness, man, and things everywhere in incredible mixtures of color.

“So long, old pads. I’m closing the doors for the last time.”

My work, my action painting, misinterpreted, is taken away and destroyed. But that’s how I want it, man. I shun fame.

The astonishment, man, on the janitor’s face when he is confronted by this archetypal nightmare of a Horse Badorties junk-pile-pad with a dried-out orange peel at the center, is worth the price of admission, man. I’m taking my last and farewell look at it, man, and now I am closing the door forever, little junk pile, good-bye.