The Farthest Shore (Eden Series Book 3) (9 page)

A weight rolled off her back, making her entire body sag with relief. She could never have asked him to cover the cost of her journey home, but that sounded less like pay straight out of his pocket. “Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate it.”

He didn’t seem to hear her, and she realized he had been watching to gauge her reaction. “You were going to walk back there, weren’t you?”

Not much point in denying it, especially since the events of the night had worn away her optimistic façade. She nodded, expecting him to ask if she knew how stupid that was.

Instead, his tone was as matter-of-fact as if he was confirming that yes, her coffee had been hot enough. “You knew all the risks involved.”

“No worse than—” She stopped, thinking of Wilian.

“Than what?” He rose, and for the first time since they had entered the cabin, frustration seemed to get the better of him. His brows were drawn together and his lips set tight.

Miri got up as well. Alyster could be generous, she knew that very well, but the last thing she could do was confide in him. And he stood far too close to her, so close she saw golden points of candlelight reflected in the amber of his eyes. She wanted to retreat, but the chair pressed against the backs of her knees.

“Miri.” The low timbre of his voice strummed her nerves like strings of another instrument. “I’d like to help you.”

Only because you don’t know what I am
. “In the few hours left before you leave?”

“A lot can happen in a few hours.”

“Alyster…” she began. She wasn’t sure what she intended to say, perhaps just tell him that it was the wrong time and place for whatever he was trying to do—and she knew now that he didn’t only want her to trust him. She also knew that she should not have said his name for the first time like that, in a voice that showed altogether too much need, betraying both a loneliness and a longing that she had never allowed herself to show before. But by then it was far too late.

He took one stride forward, and his hand went to the back of her neck, palm to skin, fingers in her hair. His other arm slid around her waist, pulling her against him, and the last thing she heard before the roar of her own blood in her ears drowned out everything else was the hard sound he made as his mouth came down on hers.

Her eyes closing involuntarily, she braced for the kiss to be hard too, something that would hurt enough to make the empty ache in her chest insignificant in comparison. Instead his lips moved with featherlight ease against hers, coaxing her mouth open as slowly as if he had all the night ahead of him. And just when she relaxed into him, parting her lips, he moved to kiss the corners of her mouth instead, to nuzzle her cheek and breathe softly into her ear. He’d shaved, so the skin grazing her ear was velvety-rough, his teeth hard against her earlobe.

That time it was she who made a sound instead, a whimper she couldn’t stifle, and her arms went up around him.

“Yes,” he said, his voice as raw as if he had fought not to say anything at all, and when he kissed her again there was no gentleness about it. But she didn’t need that now. She needed to forget about everything, needed the pain of the past and the darkness of that night wiped out in a desire so fierce she couldn’t think any longer, needed him.

His tongue found hers. His arm around her waist tightened so that the buttons of his coat pressed into her skin, hard as pebbles, but the warmth of his body soaked through her and dissolved any discomfort. She didn’t know how she could feel that heat through their clothes, but then again, they might as well not have been wearing any, she was so aware of him. And he of her too, she realized. He was probably as able to feel her nipples tighten against his chest as he was able to feel her kissing him back, her tongue moving against his, stroking and tasting, and before they broke apart he sucked lightly on her lower lip.

Except, she realized a dazed moment later, they had only stopped so he could turn them both towards the table. He lifted her without any visible effort and set her on the table’s edge, nudging her thighs open with his body before his fingers slid beneath her chin and tilted it up.

Only that small gesture made her struggle back towards sanity, fighting the waves of desire, strong as undertows, which dragged her down. “Wait,” she began.

“What?” His breath was warm on her face, and his thumb traced her jawline.

I can’t do this.
She couldn’t deceive him any longer, and no matter how much she wanted him, she would never risk having a child who would be treated as she had been. She dreaded what he would say, but her body yearned for him so much that nothing else could stop them both. Looking into his eyes, she struggled not to let her gaze drop to the taut mouth softened only a little by the sensuality beneath, and drew in a shaky breath.

“I have something to tell you,” she said.

Chapter Four

True Colors

That was a hell of a time for a confession, but better late than never, Alyster supposed reluctantly. He lowered his hand and waited. His breath still came deep and hard, though not as hard as the tightness in his groin that was like a steel spring wound well past its margin of safety.

“I’m half-Turean.”

“What?” He hadn’t heard that correctly. He couldn’t have. Maybe the thrumming of blood in his ears had distorted her words.

Miri’s throat worked as she swallowed. That would have been even more arousing if not for her expression, which made it only too clear he hadn’t misheard. “All I know about my father is that he was a Turean,” she said, then added quickly, “My mother is Denalait.”

“Wait—you—” Alyster stepped back from the spread of her knees. Her mother was Denalait, thank the Unity, but in that case the most likely thing was… “Did he rape her?”

She stared at him as if he was a stranger. “I don’t know. I never asked her. Well, I’ve never met her, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dream of bringing it up unless she did.”

Wrong thing to ask, obviously. In a detached part of his mind, Alyster was aware he was handling this wrong, that he was not normally so…well, so gauche and dim-witted…but he was still trying to recover from the shock and to shake off the remains of his arousal, though that seemed to be vanishing fast.

Half-salt. He’d liked and wanted her, but she was half-salt. Though if she had never met her mother, chances were she’d never met her father either, so perhaps she was just repeating a lie. No, she wouldn’t take too well to being called a liar. Perhaps she was just repeating some misinformation she’d been given. Yes, that sounded better.

“Are you sure you’re…” he began, then stopped. “Oh, Unity.”

“What is it?” Miri looked genuinely startled.

Alyster backed away farther. “That’s why I kept thinking I’d seen you before. You reminded me of her.”

“Of who?” She slid off the table and wrapped her arms around herself as though she was cold.

“Jash Morender.” He’d only seen her once before, through a spyglass, but he never forgot a woman—even if the woman happened to be a Turean murderess whose head would look good hanging from a bowsprit.

Her face rose up in his memory now, framed by dark hair that grew to a point in her forehead’s center, just like Miri’s. Miri had the same full mouth too, the same jawline angling down to the indented chin.
Why didn’t I notice that before?
Because he’d never had reason to compare the two of them, and because he’d been too struck by other things about her.

“I don’t know who that is,” Miri said.

“Commander of the Turean flotilla.” He had never felt more repelled. “She’s got the blood of hundreds of our people on her hands. And you might be her sister.”

The uncertainty drained out of her face, leaving it drawn and cold. “I do apologize.”

“After you’ve been lying to me all this time, I would have thought remorse more appropriate than sarcasm. Then again, Tureans may have different standards of behavior.”

“In case you’re unaware of the law, Captain, it gives the child of a Denalait full citizenship if the child is raised on the mainland.” She didn’t raise her voice, but she didn’t need to when she spoke in that whiplike tone which made it very clear that she would go down fighting with every weapon in her arsenal. “Regardless of the child’s other parent. And that is the word of the Unity, which takes precedence over everything up to and including maritime law.”

Alyster was well aware of maritime law, but he had never paid much attention to the Unity’s rulings on miscegenation. Was she bluffing? Not something he could prove or disprove in his cabin.

Besides, he suspected she was telling the truth about that, anyway. He’d once spent several pleasant nights with a Voice of the Unity, but they had talked as well, and she had told him how Denalaits had the most progressive rights and the greatest freedom in Eden. So it was possible a half-salt raised under those circumstances did indeed have full citizenship.

But was unlikely to receive a warm welcome from people who’d lost loved ones to the Tureans. Which answered another question.

“That’s why you were ordered to leave the
Beacon
, wasn’t it?” he said.

She nodded, a steady movement like a metronome’s tick. “And why Wilian tried to kill me.”

Alyster glanced at her arm. “He did that?”

“Our editor informed him I was half-salt and instructed him to continue our work alone. Unfortunately he reacted worse than you did, so I went over the wall and hid in the first place I could find.”

Of course, she couldn’t have gone to the watch or the perimeter guards, but she’d climbed the wall with an injured arm? He didn’t want to believe it, but he knew how determined she could be. If she’d forced herself to perform all her duties and then some through the voyage while she’d recovered from both an injury and seasickness, a spiked wall was nothing.

On the other hand, not only was she half-salt, she’d lied about too many things.

“How do I know anything you say is true?” he said. “Why should anyone trust you?”

Her jaw tightened. “I’m not asking for trust.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I wanted to be honest with you.” The line of her mouth didn’t relax, but her voice was quieter. “I’ve had lovers but I’ve never confided in anyone until now. And since we’re in harbor, I thought if you had me thrown overboard, I could at least swim ashore.”

“Don’t be too sure of it. There’s a shark in the water.”

“And a worm on the ship, if you meant that.”

Despite everything, he had to suppress a smile.
Should have known it wouldn’t be so easy to intimidate her.
“No, I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you walk off, because you know entirely too much about the workings of my ship and you’ve admitted to being half-salt.”

She uncrossed her arms and closed her hands around the edge of the table behind her. “So what are you going to do? Call the harbor patrol? I have my birthright papers with me.”

Alyster wondered if that was true, then decided it probably was; someone like her had to take precautions ordinary citizens wouldn’t think about. “They can still hold you on suspicion of espionage until someone from the Admiralty or Seawatch arrives to question you.”

“Suspicion of espionage?” Miri said the words as if they were in a foreign language and she was trying to decipher what they meant. “What evidence do you have for that?”

“You admitted to being half-Turean and to having concealed that fact. What will they think you’re doing here?”

“Sexually servicing the captain, from the looks of things.”

“
What?
”

“And I still have contacts at the
Beacon
, so all of Endworld could find out you like salt in your soup. From there the news will just spread through the land. I hope your family’s prepared for—”

“You lying little bitch!” Alyster knew the Admiralty would never allow such news to reach common ears, even if they themselves believed him privy to perversion, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t affect his career. He was normally even-tempered, but he couldn’t recall ever being so angry.

“What do you expect me to say when you threaten to throw me overboard or hand me over to Seawatch? Unity knows if I’d ever come out of that shark pit alive. If you’re going to treat me like that when you don’t even have any proof I’m a spy, don’t expect me to keep your reputation untouched.”

Alyster tried to think of a way to counter that, but nothing came to mind. He knew he was the injured party but he grudgingly admitted she had a point—if he told Seawatch he suspected her of being a spy, they might extract confessions to crimes she’d never been near. Under those circumstances, not many people would be noble enough to suffer alone.

And she’s told so many lies already
, his cynical side said,
what’s one more?
His pulse hammered and his thoughts were in disarray, so he looked out of the window while he regained some of his self-control.

“Sit down,” he said.

“I’d prefer to stand.”

“Sit down.” Alyster counted backwards from ten in his mind. “Please.”

From the sound of his voice he could tell he was speaking through set teeth, but whether it was that or the small courtesy which settled Miri, she finally obeyed. He unlocked the liquor cabinet and extracted a bottle—not the expensive Admiral’s Blood, but some potato distillation from Lunacy which was supposed to be far more potent. If the night had been any indication of the voyage ahead, strong alcohol wouldn’t go amiss. The ritual of opening the bottle and filling two glasses helped calm him down a little more too.

He set one before Miri without looking at her and took a gulp of his own drink.

The cabin vanished in a blur. All the breath left him as if he had been punched in the belly. He closed a hand around the edge of the table and fought not to double over. Through a haze he heard someone asking if he was all right, but it was a long moment before he recognized Miri’s voice, and a longer one before he could answer.

“Be careful,” he managed to say as his vision cleared and he found a chair. “It might kill you.”

Miri blinked, looking down at her glass. The drink was clear and looked deceptively innocent, like water. “All right,” she said dubiously, “but what is it?”

“Liquid lightning, from the taste of it.” There was hardly any actual taste—no wonder, when the damn thing was a hundred per cent proof. The single mouthful spread out through his entire body.

Miri looked more wary, as though suspecting the digression had been intended to lull her into a false sense of security, so Alyster let her wait a little longer while he considered the situation. This was just like any other naval engagement where he had to judge the weather, the condition of the enemy vessel and his own ship’s capabilities to predict the most likely outcome.

Letting her simply stroll off wasn’t an option, of course. Not only did she know too much about
Checkmate
, what if the Tureans found her? They’d already had one spy in the vicinity, so they could have more, and since Miri had neither money nor friends, she might be desperate enough to fall in with them. But he couldn’t risk turning her over to Seawatch or the Admiralty either. Unity alone knew what she would tell them. Even the truth might be damaging, since he hadn’t found out on his own. It occurred to him that if she hadn’t said a word, they would be… Well, thankfully it hadn’t gone that far.

But she had admitted the truth when she could easily have kept quiet and safe. Maybe there was something else he could do, something which would keep her away from both the Tureans and the Admiralty until he could be certain of who she was. And if she did turn out to be a spy, well, she’d be right under his nose and he wouldn’t let her get away with anything again.

“You’re staying here,” he said. “For the duration of our voyage.” The potato liquor had rasped his throat almost raw, although it had also burned away the lingering effects of her kissing him back.

“Am I?”

“Do you have anywhere else to be?”

She picked up her glass and sipped, but he didn’t think the subsequent grimace was due to the strength of the liquor. “So you’re forcing me to remain on board. In what capacity?”

“You can do anything that needs to be done here. Assist Reveka or the cook. But if you want to be turned over to the harbor patrol instead, just say so.”

Her eyes were unreadable, and he thought she would call his bluff, but she finally leaned back in her chair. “All right,” she said, “but at the end of this voyage, if you don’t have any evidence that I’m a spy, I want you to let me go—and I don’t mean into Seawatch’s custody.”

You are in no position to set terms
, Alyster thought but didn’t say, because Miri would probably retort that in her position she had no choice but to set terms, given that he wasn’t likely to take her needs into consideration. She was harder than nails, but she often made sense, and he supposed there was nothing irresponsible about letting her go if there was no evidence she was working for the Tureans. Once he returned to Denalay, he could let the Admiralty know about her, so she would be kept under secret observation but allowed to go about her daily work. Whatever that might be.

“Fair enough,” he said.

She blinked, clearly surprised at the concession, but recovered and raised her glass. “To our agreement, then.”

Alyster lifted his glass as well, though he didn’t clink it against hers before he drank.

The ship’s bell rang at daybreak and the boilers rumbled into life shortly after. Miri hadn’t thought she would sleep, but whatever she had drunk had knocked her out like a thump to the head. She’d slept dreamlessly too, which was another thing to be thankful for.

She stowed her hammock and made herself scarce, since Alyster’s steward had arrived by then and he saw to the captain’s breakfast. No longer needed, thank the Unity. She got some bread from the galley and ate it on the deck, trying to enjoy it as the cook had told her to do, since there would be no baking once they were under way. She also wasn’t sure how safe she would be on the deck once the news about her went through the ship.

The deckhands carried up the last of their water, supplies and fuel, then drew the gangplank aboard. The cook ladled out coffee from an urn and Miri took a cup. She wished she could have written to her family, to let them know she was safe, but she knew how Alyster would have reacted to that. He would have wanted to read the letter and probably test it for hidden writing as well.

Remembering what had happened last night wasn’t pleasant, but she told herself she was likely to remember it each time she saw Alyster—and since he was the captain, she couldn’t avoid him—so the only thing to do was live with the situation. Actually, now that she came to think about it, it was a good thing he’d reacted like that right away. He had not only shown her his true colors, he had made her so angry she hadn’t had a chance to feel hurt.

And she had learned her lesson. She wouldn’t be vulnerable before him again, ever.