The Fate Of Nations: F.I.R.E. Team Alpha: Book One (20 page)

              Cater wiped away the tear with a thumb. “Give myself a chance; what does that mean?”

              “I know you, Doug," Monica said. “When this mission is over the teams will be all torn up; a lot of our friends will be dead. If I’m not there for you you’ll put your own feelings aside and concentrate on helping everyone else through their pain and grief and throw yourself into reorganizing the teams; even if you are grieving for me at the time. That’s just how you are.”

              Carter nodded. “I’m the Senior Team Leader; seeing to my people is my job; my duty.”

              Monica smiled weakly. “And you’ll do your duty even if it kills you; that’s exactly what I mean.”

              “I’m still not making a connection.” Carter said, frowning.

              Monica smiled slightly again. “That’s because you’re an idiot,” she said. “What I mean is that you’ll keep yourself involved trying to help other people and then try get through your own pain on nothing but will power.”

              “So?” Carter asked.

              Monica shook her head. “God, you really are an idiot. What I’m saying is that you can’t just get through something like that on sheer guts. You’ll have to let someone help you.”

              Carter shook his head. “They shouldn’t have to take care of me; it’s not their job.”

              Monica flattened her palms against his chest. “No, it’s not their job. They won’t help you because it’s their job; they’ll help because they want to; because they need to,” she told him. “People like to be needed, Doug. Most people need to be needed.”

              When Carter did not speak, Monica continued. “The people in the teams are more than just a military unit. We’re a family in all the ways that really matter; especially the old timers from Red Team like us. Families come together during tragedies; everyone who survives the mission will be helping each other get through the loss of our friends. You have to let yourself be part of that. They will need your strength, but you’ll need theirs too.”

              Carter remained silent. Monica went on. “General Hicks and Mary probably won’t you shut them out, but you have to let Mac, Brandon and the others in too. If you don’t, you won’t survive and you’ll be hurting them as well.”

              “How did we get from the situation with Okesa to the death talk?“ Carter asked.

              “I just started thinking that it was nice to know my best friend might be here for you if I was gone," Monica said softly.

              Carter broke away from their embrace and moved away. “I can’t promise to start loving Okesa just because your”… he searched for words…“not here anymore.”

              “I’m not saying you have to fall in love with her, I just don’t want you to shut her out. Don’t shut any of our friends out.”

              Carter took her back into his arms. “I’ll try; that’s all I can promise. What about you. What if I don’t come home?”

              “Trust me,” Monica said. “If you die I’ll be sobbing into every shoulder in sight. But I’d get through it and go on with life because I know that you’d want me to.

              “And because you’ll have a lot of friends to help you.” Carter said.

              Monica smiled. “Now you’re getting it. Maybe you’re not such an idiot.”

              Carter gathered more tightly into his arms. It was some time before he let her go.

                         [][][]

              Norfolk Virginia 07 May, 2104

              The smell of damp concrete permeated the air as the FIRE teams neared the subterranean submarine pens. The four Phantom class submarines were ready for launch and waited only for teams Charlie, Delta, Echo, and Foxtrot to embark. Jeremiah Hicks looked at the vessels from the observation platform fifty feet above the docks. Teams Alpha and Bravo had accompanied the other teams to see their friends off and say their goodbyes. Some would call that a waste of time but Hicks knew it wasn’t. This would be the last time all six FIRE teams would be together with all their members were alive and whole.

              Hicks watched as the teams entered the dock level and gathered near the dock’s edge; the four deploying teams loaded down with cases and rucksacks full of weapons and equipment. Hicks fought the urge to join them. He had already wished them well and said his goodbyes but those sentiments seemed inadequate. He was sending many of those extraordinary people to die.

             
They’re not my children,
Hicks told himself as he watched as a chaplain offered farewell prayers. But his paternal feelings would not be suppressed. Carter had been like a son to him since well before his son David had died and the other team members had taken the roll of Carter’s siblings in Hick’s mind. So many people had lost blood-relatives in the war that family units often formed from what began as convenient or necessary associations. The FIRE teams, because of their small size and exclusive recruiting requirements, were a particularly good example of this phenomenon. Hicks knew that, despite being their commanding officer, he was not one of them; he had not shared the hardships and struggle that they had endured together. He would allow the teams a last few private moments. Hicks saw Carter look up at him; clearly aware of his presence. He tuned and left the platform before emotion overcame him.

               [][][]

              Carter saw had seen Hicks depart as he said his fair wells to the departing teams; feeling, as always, comforted by the presence of his surrogate father. As much as he missed his own father, Carter felt a profound devotion to the general. Carter knew, without a doubt that, if he were able, Hicks would take up the rifle and join the teams on this mission.

              He felt his wife take his hand and draw herself close to him. He smiled at her as the rest of the FIRE team operators formed into a semi-circle around them. He looked at each of their faces in turn, making sure to meet their eyes.

              “I guess I’m supposed to give an inspiring, amazingly eloquent, speech right now,” he said. “But, the truth is, all of you are beyond that kind of bullshit and I’m about as eloquent as a chimpanzee.”

              His teammates were chuckling as Carter continued. “The next time the teams gather a lot of us will be gone,” he said. “All I want to say is that the FIRE teams are the finest light infantry that has ever existed and we are going to change the course of history over the next few days. There are no words that can express how honored I am to be counted as one of you,” Carter said, turning to McNamara. “Go ahead, Mac.”

              With Okesa’s help, McNamara provided each operator with a shot glass of whiskey. “OK, Boss,” he said after filling the last glass.

              Carter raised his glass. “To the brave,” he said.

              “Good fortune!” his teammates replied in unison.

              Carter and his wife shared a prolonged hug. “Come back to me,” he whispered into her ear.

              “We’ll come back to each other,” she replied.

              Carter touched her cheek. “We’ll have a lot of leave time when we get past this mission,” he said. “We’ll spend every second of it together.”

              “You really didn’t get in on the chaplain’s prayer,” Monica said. “I know you’re not exactly a believer, but it couldn’t hurt to have a talk with a chaplain before you deploy.”

              “I’ll think about it,” Carter said.

              “But you won’t do it,” She said.

              Carter shrugged. “Probably not,” he admitted. “It would be a waste of time. God wouldn’t need to use a chaplain as a middle man.”

              “You don’t believe in God, do you?” Monica asked. There was pity in her voice.

              “I don’t disbelieve,” he replied. “I envy believers like you the comfort their spiritual beliefs provide,” he added.

              “What do you believe in?” she asked.

              Carter chuckled slightly. “You really wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

              Monica placed a light kiss on his lips; words failing her. “I should get going,” she said, finally. She waited for a long moment. “You should talk to Okesa,” she said.

              His hand lingered on her face as they parted. “I will.”

              Handshakes and hugs were exchanged among the operators and then the four deploying teams boarded the waiting submarines. Teams Alpha and Bravo watched as the subs submerged. Carter remained for several seconds after they disappeared beneath the water’s surface. “Good fortune,” he whispered to himself.

                                 [][][]

              Carter had been walking without a destination for over an hour. With his wife gone his quarters became a sad mockery of a true home. The scent of her perfume lingered and mixed with the odor of vanilla scented candles that she had kept almost constantly burning since they had returned to Fort Reagan. The smells and the few personal items she had left behind served only to reinforce the fact of her absence.

              His wandering took him to the lake shore and the end of one of the longest pier that served as a base to the Coast Guard and Naval vessels when the facilities at the nearby base on the island of Put-in Bay were overcrowded. The night air was heavy and thick, but the breeze coming off of Lake Eerie provided relief from the heat and humidity.

              People always seemed to seek out water when they were troubled, Carter thought. Or at least that was the cliché’ portrayed in books and movies. He decided that it was not any soothing effect the water might have that he craved. He had come to the end of the pier for the isolation. None of the larger vessels were in port at the moment and there were few people working on the docks so close to dawn. The sentries had noticed his presence but had not challenged him. They had seen his rank insignia on his basic duty uniform and, perhaps, sensed his need for solitude.

              With Monica gone solitude was good. Looking into the night he could pretend that there was nothing was going on. He could shut out the memories of dead loved ones and friends and push away the knowledge that there would soon be more people to mourn if he, himself, survived the next few days. He found that there was a comforting emptiness in darkness.

              Carter had allowed himself a nearly an hour of quiet reflection before returning, reluctantly, to his quarters. Upon returning he found Okesa waiting for him; sitting on the highest on the three steps that let up to the quarter’s front door. She stood as he approached. Her posture suggested that she was pensive but determined. She wore a simple red blouse and well worn denim jeans. Her hair was loose and moving with the gentle breeze.

              She was beautiful, Carter thought. He had always known that, he supposed. But, in light of her recent revelations concerning her feelings toward him, he found that he was compelled to acknowledge that beauty in a different way. He would be faithful to Monica; that was never in question. However, it was impossible for the personal dynamic between Carter and Okesa not to change.

              “I guess it’s time we talked,” he said, managing a slight smile. “Come inside.”

              Carter turned on the lights and led Okesa into the cottage. The quarters still felt empty. Not like the natural, comforting emptiness of a dark night, though. It was the depressing kind of emptiness of a living thing that had been drained of life. Carter decided that he would leave as soon as he had finished speaking with Okesa. If he slept at all before the team deployed he would sleep somewhere else.

              “Have a seat, Carter said, moving toward the small kitchen. Do you want something to drink?” Carter asked. “Monica has some real orange tea.”

              Okesa smiled slightly. “Yes, please.”

              Carter used the process of making the tea to bridge an uncomfortable silence. Okesa waited quietly. Neither of them wanted to begin what they thought would be a difficult conversation. The aroma of the brewing tea mixed with the other scents and became another reminder of his wife’s absence. Oddly however, the tangy, orange scent of the tea seemed to bring a visage of her presence that lessened the tension between Okesa and himself.

              Minutes later Okesa accepted a cup from Carter on a plastic saucer. She held the steaming cup under her nose and smiled. “I gave Monica this tea for her birthday last year,” she said.

              Carter nodded. “I remember. Teams Alpha and Delta were both stationed in Adak that year. She always wondered where you managed to get two tins of real tea while we were in an active combat zone. She just opened the second tin few days ago.”

              Okesa sipped her tea. Carter stared at his for several seconds. “I suppose one of us should actually talk,” he said finally.

              Okesa managed another slight smile. “I suppose so.”

              Carter set his teacup on the small coffee table. “O.K.,” he said. “I’ll start. First, I want to you know how much I admire the courage it took to be so honest with Monica about how you feel about me. Most people wouldn’t have been able to do that.”