The Filthy Series: The Complete Dark Erotic Serial Novel (39 page)

I was going to be the man my father wasn’t. I was going to give Faye the kind of love she deserved. The love that ran so deep in my bones, the love that was engrained in every molecule of my being. The last three days proved to me just how deep my love for her really was. It was in everything I did.

I was going to give her
true
love. I squeezed my fist in the water and reveled at the ache of pain that bloomed from my fresh wound.

I closed my eyes and tears pricked at the corners.

I’m going to set her free.

Six Years Later

THREE

“More!” I moaned into my feather pillow while Casey pounded into me from behind. “More!” I arched my back and spread my legs wider to take all of him. Our thighs slapped together as he picked up the pace, but it still wasn’t enough. I couldn’t cum like this, with this vanilla generic sex. I twisted my head around and looked back at him. “You know how I want it.”

Sweat had beaded on his forehead, his dark hair sticking to his scalp. His thick arms flexed as his moved against me, the muscles bulging from his tight grip on my hips. He was getting close. I’d had sex with him enough to know. He always bit the inside of his lip when he was about to explode.

“Casey.” His named dripped off my lips sounding lethal. He wasn’t going to cum, not without giving me what I wanted. I wouldn’t be fucking him if it was just for his benefit. I wasn’t some wet cunt he could just dip his dick in whenever he wanted to. I only fucked to get what
I
wanted. A lot of things had changed in the last six years and this was one of them.

“Fuck, yeah, sorry.” He slowed down and curled his fingers into my ass, the nails biting into my skin. I welcomed that burn and pressed back against him, curling my fingers into the sheets. With each thrust he dug his nails deeper, his hands squeezing harder.

The orgasm built deep inside me, bubbling, twisting, slithering, desperate to reach its destination, but I couldn’t get there. “Say the words, Casey. Fucking say them!”

“You’re stupid fucking bitch, you know that Faye?” He released my ass and wound my ponytail around his fist, jerking my head back. Pain wrenched my back and a moan somewhere between pleasure and pain slipped through my lips.

“The rest, Casey! Say it.”

“You disgust me.” He punctuated his words with thrust. “I hate you.”

“Ahh!” The orgasm ripped through like a knife, slicing me to my core. My body convulsed and my elbows collapsed under my weight. My cunt spasmed around Casey’s dick as he continued to pump into me a few more times, before moaning, his dick kicking hard inside me, signaling the end for him too.

He moved, his dick slipping out of me and collapsed next to me. His chest rose and fell in fast spurts. Sweat glistened on his skin.

“Fuck, that was good.” He smiled at me.

“Uh huh.” I started to roll away, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his side.

“Can I tell you something?” he asked.

Uh oh.
I didn’t like where this was going. I had heard this before. The last six years of my life had been a revolving door of men, but not the way it had been before. I’d left Rhett and everything behind. I’d moved in with my mom’s sister and started my life over. For awhile I left men behind me as well, spending over a year after Rhett pressed me up against that car abstinent, until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Since then I’d been fucking.
Fucking
—not dating.

“I love you.” Casey leaned in, the smile that tipped his lips just a moment before was gone, replaced with a serious contentedness.

The words scalded me. I jerked away from him and climbed out of bed.

“Faye…”

“No, Casey. Get dressed and get out.” I grabbed my nightgown off the floor and threw it over my head.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

“Faye, come on, it’s been six months…”

I spun around to be greeted with the view of him climbing out of bed, slipping the condom off his softening cock. He was sexy, there was no doubting that, and his dick, oh baby, his dick was thick and long, and he knew how to use it. That’s why I’d kept him around longer than I’d ever kept anyone else around.

“You knew up front that I wasn’t looking for anything serious.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“It’s six in the morning, Faye. I have to be in class in two hours. I could have been sleeping right now, but instead I’m here with you. You called me at four in the morning. I drove forty-five minutes to get here.”

“Yeah, to fuck, clearly.”

“But that’s not all this.” He came around the bed. The pleading in his voice stung me. I hadn’t let this happen in a long time. I was better at getting rid of them before they got attached. A month or two, sometimes three was long enough. But I’d let Casey slip through the cracks somehow. I’d let our fucking go on for too long. And that’s all it was. Just straight up animalistic fucking. We didn’t go out on dates. We didn’t see each other in public. We fucked in my apartment. That’s it.

“Yes, it is.” I’d let it go on this long because I was tired of finding someone new. Of having to show them what I wanted. And what I wanted was simple. I wanted rough, hate sex. I wanted someone to fuck me, literally, with their hate. It was the only kind of sex that got me off anymore, so it was the only kind of sex I had.

“No, it’s not.”

I sighed and took a step back. I was too tired for this. I glanced over at my bed. The king-size sleep number was calling my name.

“So, that’s just it? I tell you how I feel and you just dump me?”

The ache in his voice made my heart twinge, but he would never know by the look on my face. I taught myself to be impassive, to not show compassion. His feelings shouldn’t have mattered. I’d lived through things that would make him recoil and run crying to his mommy. But he didn’t know. He would never know, and kicking him out after I’d given him multiple orgasms wasn’t something most men would call a loss.

“Get out.” The venom in my voice used to surprise me—not anymore.

He took a step forward, reminding me of just now naked he really was. His body was one of those that didn’t come around every day, with bulging muscles and carved out abs. Disappointment snaked through me. I wouldn’t get to enjoy a rough fuck with him one more time.

“What is his name?”

I blinked. “What?”

“His name. The guy who made you this way.”

I recoiled at his words. “What are you talking about?” Panic bubbled under my skin.
Does he know?
No one knew. My new life was separate from the one I left behind. I was someone else. I was Faye Turner, twenty-six year old adjunct professor at the local community college in Ft. Worth. I was the woman who had started over. The one who’d gone to college, taking no less than eighteen hours a semester from the moment I began. I was the woman who spent late nights in the library. The one who went to school every semester, including summer, and when I got my bachelors degree in May, I started on my Master’s two weeks later in summer school.

I was the girl with her nose in a book. The unassuming woman who studied hard and aced her classes, but in private, liked to be brutally and roughly fucked while the man at her back screamed words of hate in her ear. That was me. It didn’t sound simple, but it was, compared to the story I could really tell. The one where I fucked my daddy and pined for the love of my step-brother. The one where I sold my body and snorted coke off dirty hands. That was the me no one would ever know again.

“Someone hurt you. That’s what happened, right? Some guy broke your heart and now you’re hell bent on never letting that happen again.”

“Get the fuck out. Don’t make me say it again.”

Casey’s face dropped. He turned around and grabbed his clothes, shuffling into them. What did he know? He didn’t know me. He didn’t know who I was, or the things that had happened to me. He was just a kid anyway, twenty years old, that I’d met at a bar. That’s all he was. Just someone to fuck.

He didn’t say anything else when he left. Just shuffled out and slammed the door.

A giggle left my lips once he was gone. It was one of those giggles that was always followed with tears. How ridiculous that he would think he loved me. A woman who didn’t care about him at all. Whenever he tried to talk to me about something that didn’t involve fucking, I shut him down. I treated him like shit. I only fucked him on my terms. How could he think he loved that? How could he think that I could love him back? It miffed me and made me sad.

Love used to be the only thing I ever wanted. I turned away from the door and blinked back tears. Rhett’s face popped into my mind, unbidden. I had gotten good at pretending he never existed. Sometimes I could go days without thinking about him. But then something like this would happen.

“Some guy broke your heart and now you’re hell bent on never letting that happen again.”

Oh, Casey had no idea the extent of my hurt. He didn’t know about the disbelief I’d experienced when I went to live with my mother’s sister, my aunt Gina. When I stayed there for over a month and Rhett never came. I had been foolish. I should have known he wouldn’t come, but part of me was certain he would. That he would realize what he had lost. That he would come back for me.

He
always
came back for me.

But he hadn’t. Not that time. Not the time when it really counted. He never came.

That was when I started college. I had to get my mind off everything. I had to do something, and then it became my passion, my desperation. I had to fill every waking moment gaining knowledge. It was ridiculous, I was woman who had spent years frying my brain and suddenly I became this sponge desperate for answers, for knowledge, for truth.

I glanced over at the window, to the light green curtains that darkened my view of the rising sun and brushed my fingers against the bottom of my nose. I didn’t think about it often. The addiction. But there were moments like this one. Moments where I felt vulnerable and lost, when I craved that blissful haze the coke had given me. Casey had looked at me as if he could see my story, as if it was written there in my eyes. As if he knew of all the things I had done, as if he could see the filth I tried so hard to hide.

“No.” I shook my head and climbed back into bed. I wouldn’t do this to myself. Not today. Casey was just bitter, and I was just tired. That was all it was. The digital clock next to my bed glowed thirty minutes after six.

I can still get another hour before I need to get ready for class.

I pushed those thoughts away. The thoughts about the past that was long since gone—the past that was never coming back.

FOUR

My bag bobbed against my leg as I hurried up the steps to class. Just three hours ago I had been fucking Casey, and now I was running in heels up five flights of stairs. Of course it would be the day I accidentally overslept that the elevator would break down. I glanced at my watch. I was nearly ten minutes late. I’d be lucky if even half of my students waited around for me.

Today there’s a guest speaker.

“Shit.” I pumped my legs faster, feeling the burn in my upper thighs. A student coming down the steps snorted, before I realized I’d spoken out loud. This was only my second semester to teach, though during college I had been a teacher’s assistant and helped out with big lectures. I never expected to get a real job teaching at college level. It was what I had wanted, but I never thought it would really happen. Former junky prostitutes didn’t accomplish things like that. They didn’t teach anyone anything—unless it was showing a new girl how to deep throat. But somehow I had. Somehow I had landed the job teaching three different Freshman classes American Government. Students got extra credit if they brought in their boss one day during the semester and had them talk about how the federal government affected their job.

By the time I reached the fifth floor I was sweating, the liquid tracking down my back and making my white shirt stick to my skin. I took a deep breath outside the classroom, trying to calm my erratic heart. I tugged on my pencil skirt, straightening it, hoping no one would notice what a mess I was today.