The Final Act (27 page)

Once, when he was seven or eight, he’d been playing with the kid who lived in the apartment across the hall. Jared? Gerald? They’d built a fort of couch cushions in the corner of the living room and were under the canopy of a blanket when the police knocked on the door of the apartment, then burst in.

Gerald’s dad, sitting in his La-Z-Boy, smoking and watching TV, stood. The cops cuffed him, read him his rights and marched him out the door. The arrest was over in seconds, quick and easy.

The boys watched from the shelter of their tent. Gerald’s mom got her purse and told them to play nice while she went to the police station.

After she left, the apartment was quiet. They sat for a few seconds then Gerald said, “I know where my mom hides the candy.”

They raided the cupboard and ate a bagful of mini-Snickers bars until Jake felt sick. He never asked his playmate what his daddy had done, and soon after that the kid and his mom moved away.

As a teen, Jake had once been arrested for dealing. It was humiliating, but not at all exciting. He turned off the television. The memories of his delinquent past only reminded him how different his life was from Gretchen’s, and why he’d sabotaged their relationship. What could he give her? Nothing. He could only take from her.

Do you want to let her slip out of your life?
It had shocked him when Michael sat by him at the bar and encouraged him to try again with Gretchen. Jake knew most of the cast thought he was the worst kind of asshole, and it made him feel kind of good that Michael, at least, thought he wasn’t such a bad guy.

Maybe he wasn’t. If he stopped drinking and drugging, begged her forgiveness and made a real commitment to her, maybe he could have the life he’d only dreamed of.

Jake got up then sat back down, rubbing his hand over his face. His stomach lurched at the thought of facing Gretchen. She’d slam the door in his face.

He stood again, the faint whiff of hope urging him on. He left his room and walked down the hall to stop in front of Gretchen’s door—so close and yet she might as well be miles away. Seconds turned into minutes. Once he raised his hand to knock, and then dropped it to his side again. After several minutes, he turned, ready to retreat to his room in defeat.

Suddenly voices from inside grew louder, and the door opened. Cara burst through, almost running into Jake. She let out a little screech.

“Shit! What are you doing?”

He stepped back. “I, uh… Is Gretchen here?”

Cara’s eyes narrowed. “None of your business, stalker.”

Gretchen appeared at her side and stared at him like he was a bag of garbage someone had left outside her door.

“I can handle this,” she said.

Jake swallowed. He didn’t imagine she would handle him gently. “Can I talk to you?”

“What for, Jake? What is there to talk about?”

He’d never thought Gretchen’s voice could be so cold and harsh.

“I want to apologize for what happened.” He wished Cara would leave, but she stood beside Gretchen, burning him with her glare and her arms crossed over her chest like a bodyguard.

“Why? You told me from the beginning you wanted to keep it casual. I was naïve to expect anything more from you. I should thank you for helping me grow up a little.”

“I’m sorry.” He glanced at Cara then back at Gretchen. “Can we talk privately?”

“No. I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“Please.” It was hard as hell to face her and tell the truth, impossible in front of a witness.

Gretchen sighed. “Whatever.” She glanced at Cara.

“I’ll be just down the hall, and I’m coming back in five minutes.”

Cara knocked Jake’s shoulder with hers as she pushed past him.

Stepping aside, Gretchen let him into the room. He felt like a condemned man walking to his death. She closed the door and leaned against it, arms folded. “So?”

Skewered by her gaze, Jake felt paralyzed, his mouth too numb to speak.

“Talk or leave. Cara’s not kidding when she says she’ll be back in five.”

“What happened with that girl wasn’t what you think.” He stared at the frayed gold carpet rather than meet her eyes. “I did that to make it easy for you to hate me and keep away from me.”

“Well, congratulations then. You got what you wanted.” Her voice was as sharp and brittle as shards of glass.

“After I met your family, I knew I had to end it. None of them thought I was good enough for you, and they were right.”

Her arms dropped to her sides and she took an almost threatening step toward him. “You’re paranoid! I never heard anyone in my family say anything rude to you.”

“They didn’t have to. I knew it. For Christ’s sake, I got you hooked on drugs, and you overdosed.” Jake forged ahead. “Your dad said you were unhappy and he was right.”

“What?” Gretchen exploded. “What else did my father say to you?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is I wanted to do something you couldn’t forgive.” He hesitated. “But maybe I was wrong.”

“Do ya think?” Sarcasm dripped like poison from the words. She stood with her hands on her hips, her anger lighting her up like a righteous golden angel. Jake was humiliated at how hot the sight of her made him. His dick was rock hard from wanting her.

“Anyway, I want to apologize and to say you were the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. I should have been changing myself instead of trying to drive you away.”

Gretchen snorted. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Are you asking me to forgive you and give you another chance?”

His mouth was so dry he could hardly speak. He studied the little brown mole just above her collarbone and wished he could reach out and touch it. “I guess. If you think you could.”

“Why should I take a chance and risk being hurt like that again?” Her voice was suddenly softer, and he could hear the pain lacing her words.

Jake struggled to find a reason why she should waste any more time on him. He forced his eyes up to meet hers. He could at least be man enough to do that. “Because it was a mistake. I want to try harder, to be better for you. Because…” He squeezed the words past the lump in his throat. “I love you.”

Her blue eyes shone like searchlights scouring his soul, judging him.

“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. And having someone like you actually care for me was…I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was stupid and I’m sorry.”

There was a very long pause. Time was palpable, as the world turned with a grinding creak, and his future hung in the balance.

“I’m sorry, too,” Gretchen finally said. “A month ago I would have given anything to hear you say that, but now it’s too late. It’s just too late.”

Jake’s body clenched against the blow. He nodded.

“Maybe in some ways you were right. I don’t like the person I was turning into when I was with you. So, the answer is no.”

“I understand.” His mouth formed the words without his brain engaging. “All right then. Thanks for listening.”

She turned from him and opened the door. Walking past her was painful. He felt her eyes burning into him, but he couldn’t look at her.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated quietly, before the door closed behind him.

Scene Fifteen: Green Bay

“I never imagined I’d have the best sex of my life in a motel in Green Bay, Wisconsin.” Tom snuggled closer to Denny under the ugly, teal and rose polyester bedspread covering the skimpy double bed. “That was fucking amazing, dude.”

“Dude?”

“Dude,” Tom confirmed. “I’m feeling young again.”

“You
are
young. You’re only thirty-four.”

“Yeah, but I aged ten years over the past six months. Tonight I’m rejuvenated by the power of amazing sex.”

Denny smiled and held his hot, sweaty body close, treasuring the precious moment. Although Tom was currently cancer-free, Denny lived in fear of the disease now, prowling somewhere out there in the woods beyond their little cottage perhaps waiting to attack again. Denny no longer felt safe. He slid a hand all the way up Tom’s back and into his crisp, black curls. “Glad to be of service. If it’s going to keep you healthy, I can supply a therapeutic fuck every day.”

He felt Tom smile against his chest. “Sounds good.”

“As soon as I get home,” Denny added. “Then we can do it every day, five times a day if you want to.”

Tom lifted his head and looked at him through squinted eyes. “Five times? I’m not feeling
that
young.”

Denny laughed as Tom laid his head back down.

“How’s your new job?” he asked after several silent moments.

“Good. Pretty good. It’s not all that challenging, but I suppose that’s good right now. And there are opportunities for advancement.”

“How about your co-workers? Are you playing nice with the other kids?”

“Yeah. I even share my lunch with one pretty boy,” Tom teased.

Denny smiled, but a pang of remorse stabbed him. Jokes about other men were no longer comfortable. The shadow of his infidelity added nuances of guilt and subtle accusation to even innocent teasing.

“How about you?” Tom asked. “How’s the cast doing? Getting completely sick of each other yet?”

“Oh yeah. I know I’ll miss them when the tour’s over, but right now I can’t imagine it. Living with Bill is like taking Novocain every day. I’ve never met anyone so dull. Of course, it could be worse. Michael’s stuck with Logan, who never shuts up.”

Tom yawned and stretched. He crawled up the bed to lie with his head on the pillow so they were face to face.

Drinking in every angle of his beloved face, the curve of his lips, the crook in his nose and his wildly tousled hair, Denny felt such a surge of love race through him it made his bones ache.

“Have you heard from Elena? How does she like being in the movies?” Tom asked.

“She emailed a couple of times right after she left, but I guess she’s gotten too busy. Haven’t heard from her lately.” Denny wondered if she was trying to get over Michael by cutting off all ties with the show. He was convinced they were in love, but both of them were too stubborn to be the first to reach out.

“And how’s the new girl doing?”

“Nichole’s a solid performer, and Michael would have chemistry with a lamppost. But it’s nothing like the spark Michael and Elena had.”

Their talk drifted from tour gossip back to New York. Now that his health was better and he had a new job, Tom was interested in remodeling the kitchen so they discussed the best way to reorganize their tiny kitchen space. Denny had never imagined he could get so stoked about interior design, but it was their home they were planning and suddenly maple versus cherry veneer on the cupboards was exciting. He couldn’t wait to shop for tile. Only a couple more months of traveling then the show would be over.

Mingled with his eagerness for that day was sadness. The unending tour, which had almost ruined his relationship with Tom, was suddenly dear to him. He’d miss putting on the play for enthusiastic audiences. He’d even miss the other actors he’d lived, breathed, laughed and fought with for almost a year.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Tom tapped his stomach. “We were talking ranges and refrigerators.”

“Sorry. I was just thinking about being finished with all this and coming home.” Denny gestured at the motel room.

“You’re going to miss it.”

“I’ll find something nearby this time. There’s always another show.”

“Did I remember to tell you what a great job you did tonight, by the way?” Tom rubbed his hand up and down Denny’s stomach, moving closer with every stroke to his sleeping cock. It twitched awake.

“Thanks. Did I remember to tell
you
what great head you gave tonight?”

“It’s my special talent. Are you ready for more?”

“Always.” Denny leaned in and kissed Tom softly on the lips, caressing his rough, stubbled jaw. Their mouths touched softly at first, a brush of lips, then the kiss deepened. Their tongues slid deliciously together like two bodies wrestling on silken sheets.

Denny groaned and pulled Tom tight up against his rapidly hardening cock. Face to face, chest to chest, belly to belly, cock to cock, they pressed together. Mirror images that couldn’t look more different locked in an embrace.

Rocking his hips, Tom rubbed his erection against Denny’s, then encircled both cocks in his fist, massaging them. His hand slid up and down their combined shafts; one a little longer, the other a little thicker, both heads engorged an angry purple-red.

Arousal flared in him like a lit torch and Denny moaned his approval. He smoothed his hands down Tom’s back to cup his ass, then teased the tip of his finger into his hole until Tom shifted and pressed back onto it with a soft groan.

Impatient to be inside him, Denny pulled away from his embrace. He grabbed the lube from the nightstand. A squirt of the slippery lubricant on Tom’s hand made his manipulation of their cocks much smoother. It glided over them, gathering speed and heating with friction.

Applying the gel to his fingers, Denny pushed into Tom’s ass once more, farther and deeper, stretching the ring of muscle with first one finger, then two. He buried his face in the crook of Tom’s neck, sucking the soft skin and concentrating on the swelling pleasure in his cock. Tom’s relentless grip had become almost unbearable, but it wasn’t enough. Denny needed to be inside him.

Once more Denny pulled away, this time to grab Tom and roughly flip him over. Straddling his lover’s hips, his knees dug into the hard mattress as he guided his cock to the slippery entrance he’d prepared. The heat of the tight channel enveloped him and he pushed in, hard and deep, grunting with the effort. His hands gripped Tom’s bulky shoulders, braced against solid muscle. The clenching muscle around his cock as he pulled out and pressed back in was amazing, and watching his slick length emerge then disappear into Tom’s body was supremely erotic.

The slice of his lover’s angular profile and dark curls against the dingy white pillowcase made Denny’s heart clench with emotion. Love, lust, and desperate need swirled together inside him. This was the place he wanted to be, with the man he would love faithfully for the rest of his life.

Tom thrust back against him, and reached beneath his body to tug on his erection. His eyelids fluttered and he swallowed with a little gulp. The soft, vulnerable sound sent another wave of emotion through Denny. He gripped Tom’s hips and thrust faster as the tension in his groin reached its peak.