The Final Exam (22 page)

“You haven’t let me down at all. I’m only worried you’ll let yourselves down…”

The soft sound of Schmidty closing the door behind him heightened the children’s profound state of sadness. Since arriving at School of Fear, they had managed to rise to every occasion. Yet this time, they couldn’t. This time, they’d failed.

While the others remained shell-shocked by their emotions, Hyacinth’s eyes welled with tears. But as she
hadn’t any tissues, she used Celery’s fluffy body to dab at her eyes.

“This whole thing is my fault! If I hadn’t told Sylvie about School of Fear, none of this would have happened.” Hyacinth wailed, blowing her nose into Celery’s fur, much to the animal’s displeasure.

“When I sit back and think about it, I guess this whole thing
did
start with you, Hyacinth,” Theo acquiesced as he watched Celery try to clean her snot- tear-soaked body.

“Shame on you! What a dreadful thing to say!” Madeleine scolded Theo.

“What? It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Theo, it’s true. But you must remember that it’s also true that Hyacinth wouldn’t have even met Sylvie if you and Garrison hadn’t abandoned her at the Pageant for Pooches!”

Garrison closed his eyes as memories of his own poor behavior came rushing back. If he and Theo had stuck with Hyacinth, as they were supposed to, none of this would have happened. As guilt gnawed away at him, he struggled to figure out what was bothering him more—his actions or being called out on them by Madeleine.

“Theo, Madeleine’s right. We’re just as responsible for this disaster as Hyacinth. Maybe even more so, actually. After all, we’re older than she is, and we should have known better,” Garrison said, shaking his head remorsefully.

“Not to get technical, but you’re older than I am, too, so does that make this…” Theo said before trailing off under Lulu and Madeleine’s harsh glares.

“I think Schmidty was right. We have a big day tomorrow; let’s try to get some sleep,” Garrison said as he laid his head on Macaroni’s pillow-like belly.

“Not to go against Schmidty’s suggestion, but I don’t think we should go to sleep until we have a plan,” Theo said, looking enviously at Garrison’s head atop the dog’s soft tummy.

“It’s the middle of the night, and no one is thinking clearly. I say we wait until morning, when we’re well rested,” Garrison shot back, muffling a yawn.

“But we made today’s plans when we were well rested, and they were both total failures.”

“Actually,” Lulu corrected Theo, “our stakeout wasn’t a failure. It totally could have worked if Shower Cap hadn’t screamed at the top of her lungs over some
millipede. I mean, for all we know they were just about to check on Toothpaste when she blew a gasket.”

“Why are you suddenly calling me Shower Cap, Lulu? And I must say I don’t take kindly to being scapegoated for the mission’s failure!”

“Fine,” Lulu relented. “I won’t call you Shower Cap anymore, but truthfully, I don’t even know why you’re wearing one! When have you ever heard of a spider or bug laying eggs in someone’s hair? I’ll tell you—
never!
”

“How would you know? Are you running a bug-and-spider institute on the side? Are you collecting data about hair invasions? I don’t think so! And while I’ll admit I don’t know anyone personally that it’s happened to, I’ve read at least two accounts on the Internet. So please keep that in mind when you mock my shower cap!”

“You need to take off the shower cap…
now,
” Lulu declared authoritatively.

“Excuse me, Lulu, but you are not my mum. I do not take orders from you. And might I remind you that two boys had to sit on top of you on the plane so you would make it through the takeoff? You’re hardly in a position to look down your nose at my shower cap!”

“Lulu
was
acting kind of crazy on the plane,” Theo agreed.

“Said the boy who bought parachutes from a homeless man,” Lulu retorted harshly.

“Honestly, Theo, I don’t know what you were thinking,” Garrison said, shaking his head at the plump-faced boy.

“Well, at least I didn’t almost let Sylvie in here because I was too scared to walk over a little tiny bridge!” Theo yelled at Garrison.

“Enough!” Lulu shouted. “I didn’t mean to start all this! I just meant that Maddie is better than that shower cap. We’re all better than the way we’ve been behaving.”

“Thank you, Lulu,” Madeleine said quietly, surprised by the sudden shift in the conversation.

“Tomorrow, when we take down Bard, Herman, and Fitzy and finally find this talking canary, let’s do it as our best selves. The ones Mrs. Wellington helped us become,” Lulu said sincerely.

“Oh, Lulu, I love it when your other personality comes out! She’s so inspiring, it’s almost better than Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture!” Theo said honestly.

“Who’s Randy Pausch?” Lulu responded.

“Doesn’t anyone watch YouTube anymore?” Theo answered, exasperated.

“Randy Pausch was an incredible man who decided to record his thoughts on life for his children after he learned he was dying. He understood the importance of letting go of fear and living your life to the fullest. And that’s exactly what he did, even as he faced a certain and fast-approaching death,” Madeleine explained to the group.

“I want to be the best Hyhy I can be! Super Hyhy!” Hyacinth blurted out. “So Celery and I are going upstairs to sleep by ourselves…”

“What?” the group responded in unison.

“Tomorrow, when I wake up, I want to be my best self. And in order for that to happen, I need to know that I can handle being alone, or at least alone with my ferret.”

“Hyacinth, Celery,” Theo said, gulping emotionally, “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye—and I mean that literally, as you are both much shorter than I am, and also figuratively, as our personalities have frequently clashed. But right now, in this moment, I am so proud of you both. And the fact that I won’t have to listen to Celery
chirp tonight in her sleep, well, that’s just an added bonus.”

“Thanks, bestie,” Hyacinth said, playfully punching Theo’s arm.

“Careful, I bruise easy.”

“Oh, sorry, bestie!” Hyacinth said before she leaned in to listen to her ferret. “Oh, and Celery wanted me to tell you that even though your breath is super stinky in the morning, she’s going to miss waking up with you.”

“That ferret,” Theo muttered as Hyacinth and Celery bounded out of the basement. “Always has to get one last dig in.”

“Okay, so the plan is we come up with a plan in the morning. And whatever plan we come up with, we do it as our best selves,” Garrison confusingly explained to Theo, Lulu, and Madeleine.

“Wait, so what’s the plan?” Theo asked, yawning. “Sorry—I sort of spaced out there for a second. I was thinking about my breath. Is it really that bad in the morning? I mean, is it worse than Macaroni’s?”

As if sensing something disparaging was being said about him, Macaroni lifted his ears and looked suspiciously at Theo.

“Stop worrying about your halitosis and go to bed,” Lulu recommended.

“But what about the plan?”

“For the last time, there is no plan, except to come up with a plan, and then execute it as our best selves,” Lulu explained as fatigue lowered her eyelids to half-mast.

“Exactly,” Madeleine agreed with a smile before pausing to touch her shower cap. “But seeing as our best selves start in the morning, I think I’ll wait until then to remove my cap.”

“Hey! You’re not sleeping standing up. That’s already a major accomplishment,” Garrison pointed out sweetly.

And so, in the darkness of the basement, the School of Fearians closed their eyes to prepare for the day ahead. Moments of great failure and great triumph danced through their dreams, bringing with them bouts of both anguish and joy.

Alone a floor above, Hyacinth and Celery curled up next to the overturned sofa in the Standing-Room-Only Sitting Room. Almost immediately a powerful desire to
flee washed over Hyacinth. Her legs twitched as she fought the urge to run back to the safe enclave of friendship downstairs. Yet she remained. Somewhere in Hyacinth’s mind, she knew she couldn’t keep running from her fear. She had to prove to herself once and for all that she could survive being alone. And so she stayed put, with her heart racing and her legs twitching. By the time dawn broke, Hyacinth was both exhausted and extremely proud of herself.

After slipping out to watch the sunrise, Hyacinth ran her small hand over the cold stone of the fortress wall. Lost in her own thoughts, she was startled by a disconcerting but instantly recognizable sound—snorting. In a move that showed great maturity, she immediately covered her mouth with her hand. While she was pretty sure she wouldn’t say anything, she thought it best to take every precaution.

“Good morning, little one,” Sylvie said gruffly between snorts.

Hyacinth winced at the power of the woman’s nose; she had already sniffed her out. She closed her eyes and wondered what to do. Should she stay and listen to what Sylvie had to say? Maybe even try to convince the crazed
reporter to drop the story? Or was that too dangerous? Would she accidentally say more than she intended? Perhaps the only safe plan was to scurry back to the house. As Hyacinth labored over the decision, a most remarkable thing occurred: she heard another voice. As it was deep in tone, timbre, and pitch, she quickly deduced it had to be a man. But who could it be? Who else was in on Sylvie’s diabolical plan?