The Final Lesson Plan (10 page)

Staring at him, I didn't know what to say. It was obvious that he'd heard every detail of yesterday's events. Leo was already mad and hurt, and he hadn't been here longer than 10 minutes. This was a mess, and it was getting messier by the minute.

"Well, it looks like Leo doesn't like hearing about how good Briggs is in bed. So, go on…keep talking," Char said.

"Stop it! I hate that he heard that," I admitted. "It makes me feel awful, Char."

"The sooner he catches on that he is no match for Briggs Alexander, the sooner the world will be back to normal," she said, rolling her eyes. "Like Leo Cling has anything on Briggs."

"At least I have someone on my side," came the voice behind us. Turning around, Char and I both gasped at the sight of Briggs in his Nautica teal blue swim trunks with a towel slung loosely around his neck.

"I'm gonna need to get one of those bells on the pool's gate," I muttered under my breath and rolled off the raft, submerging myself under the water. Staying under until my lungs wouldn't let me stay hidden any longer, I resurfaced, gasping for air.

"Nice try Nelle, Briggs is still here," Char whispered. "Looking incredibly hot," she announced louder, whistling. Briggs gave her a little spin and twirled his towel over his head, gyrating his hips in full male stripper style.

"Cool down buddy," I said, splashing him as I did so.

Leo came back from the house, scowling at Briggs. "What the fuck? Did we not just have this discussion?"

"Whoa! Whoa! Don't blame me; this is not a drop-in," Briggs explained.

"Briggs, don't lie; I did
not
invite you. You know we promised to play by the rules," I said, exiting the pool in case I needed to bodily stop them from killing each other.

"And I sure as fuck didn't invite you," Leo added.

"I did," Jasper said, carrying a platter of raw steaks, burgers, and hot dogs. "Last time I checked, this was my house." He put the meats down on the table near the grill. Then, he shook Briggs' hand and nodded cordially to Leo. "Briggs and I are working on getting Briggs' ESPN show to let Garrrity Advertising handle all of his television promotions."

"I put a call in to my agent and publicist this morning, but I think they're out of touch until after the Fourth," he explained.

Catching on, I asked, "Is that what you wanted to talk to him about last night?

"Yep," Jasper said, lighting the grill. "Hey Leo, how much did you spend last week on the extra fertilizer and mulch? I still need to reimburse you."

"Don't worry about it, I had some leftover credit from when I made that first run to Home Depot," Leo said.

"Alright, but let me know when you need more money; I don't want you doing this shit for free just to get closer to Nelle," Jasper said, chuckling. "Actually Nelle, you got any other guys up your sleeve; your newfound boy toys are really starting to benefit me."

"Come on Jasper, you're being a dick. Shut the fuck up," Char said coming out of the pool. All of our heads whipped around to stare at her. People didn't talk to Jasper like that; nobody talked to Jasper like that. Char especially didn't talk to my brother like that—ever.

"Ahhhh…the best friend to the rescue; isn't that sweet?" Jasper said, opening the packages of meat. Briggs and Leo quickly grabbed a package and opened one as well. "Dudes, I'm not the one ya gotta convince; ain't no use in kissing my ass," Jasper said, taking the meat from them.

Char glared at Jasper and took her towel to the other end of the pool, laying it out over the chaise.

Jasper took off his shirt, leaving just his swim trunks on. Briggs said, "Awesome tattoo, man."

I whipped my head back to see who Briggs was talking to. "Jasper! Are you fucking kidding me? You got a tattoo?" Jasper Garrity with a tattoo? If I weren't seeing it, then I'd never believe it. It was high up on his arm, close to his shoulder. I didn't know what it was exactly, some warrior looking symbol, but I had to admit, it looked cool—even on Jasper.

"Yeah, pretty badass, eh?" he said smirking proudly.

"It is. But why? Why in the world would you of all people get a tattoo?" I asked.

"I don't need to answer that," he said, going back to the grill.

I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do. Leo and Briggs were standing around like douche bags at a middle school dance. Char was pissed about some shit, pouting over on her towel. So, I did what any rational girl in her late twenties would do.

I screamed, "Last one in is a rotten egg." Then I full out cannon balled into the deep end, splashing Char with a slight spitting of water. Taking my cue, Briggs bounded down the side of the pool and jack-knifed into the deep end, soaking Char from top to bottom. As she got up, pitching a bitch-fit, Leo picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and jumped into the pool.

Once we were all in the pool, splashing and carrying on like children, we decided on a two-on-two chicken fight. I was shocked that Char mounted Leo immediately with ease. She smirked as she played with his hair, waiting for me to climb on top of Briggs. I was careful as I got on Briggs' shoulders for fear of hurting his hand. When I told him so, he laughed and said, "I got a small cut on my hand; it ain't shit compared to being knocked unconscious by a rock while surfing. I'm sure I'll survive."

I nodded and kissed his hand, "Alright stud, let's take them down."

Once atop of our bases, Char and I went at each other, trying desperately to dismount the other. Laughing uncontrollably, I pushed and pulled at her. Leo and Briggs were told not to shove each other, but to hold us tightly. I was very aware of Briggs' strong hands grasping my thighs tightly and firmly. But I was as equally aware of Leo's hands placed high on my best friend's outer thighs, dangerously close to her hips and ass. Then, with all the force I could muster up, I yanked her down off of Leo, off my man.

As soon as she resurfaced, I slid down Briggs' back and swam over to Leo. "Race ya," I said, as I started off to swim toward the deeper part of the pool.

Leo swam after me, staying close behind me. At the last few strokes, he swam next to me and touched the wall of the pool at the exact moment I did. "Well Mr. Cling, I would've thought you could swim faster than that," I teased, knowing he could've rolled me up and smoked me in the swimming department. He'd told me before that swimming was a big part of his training for crew. I guess they figured that if the boat ever capsized they could either swim to victory or safety, either way, it was win-win.

"Cling, I'll race you," Briggs said from the shallow end, sitting on the steps, next to Char. "100 bucks says that I'll beat your ass."

Leo lifted his body out of the pool and sat on the edge of the deep end. "I'll take that bet," he agreed smiling, shaking his head. "I know how hard you work for that money, Alexander; I'll be glad to take it…Oh right, you don't work."

"Ya sound a little jealous. Tired of working so hard and not getting what ya what?" Briggs goaded.

Jasper walked to the edge of the pool, and said, "Sorry Alexander, but my money's on Leo."

"What's the bet?" Rick asked, as he, Jocelyn, my nieces, Carlee and Kara, and my nephews, Donovan and Darren, walked through the gate. What can I say? We're an alliteration-loving family.

They looked like the Brady Bunch on crack in Hawaii. They had more swimming paraphernalia, towels, bags, and covered dishes than the whole Brady clan had brought with them on the cursed Hawaiian getaway. It was tragic what parenting could turn a couple into. I remembered when Rick and Jocelyn went backpacking in Europe with one bag each. Looking at them now, it looked as if their bags had spawned bags, and they were only here for an afternoon.

Jasper laughed and said, "Briggs and Leo are going to see who can swim faster. It's quite the entertainment watching these two vie for Janelle's attention. It's like playground wars gone wild."

"100 bucks is too steep for our blood. Girls are going to dance camp next month," Rick said, shaking his head, unloading all of the bags they'd brought with them.

"Briggs, I'll put all 100 of my dollar bills on you," Char said, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. What. The. Fuck? Was she trying to get me to rip her mother-loving fucking head off? I glared at her, and she looked away, grinning. My best friend was treading on very thin ice, so thin that I could see her face clearly as she was drowning beneath it.

Jasper organized the race, specifying the boundaries and expectations. People couldn't just have fun with Jasper around; everything had to be official and legit. Looking at him shirtless in his swim trunks, sunglasses, and tattoo, I realized how strange he looked to me. Whenever Jasper wasn't in a stiffly starched shirt and tie, I always thought he looked out of place, uncomfortable. He just wasn't a laid-back, carefree guy. My brother definitely needed to relax a little more. Bottom line: Jasper needed to throw back a few cold ones and get laid by some skanky, slutty girl who could make him forget his cuff links and Blackberry. Maybe he was starting to realize it too: hair products, unibrow removal, and a tattoo. Jasper Garrity was on the prowl.

Briggs and Leo were in position, on either side of the diving board, ready for their cue to dive in. The rest of us were all facing them, standing by the steps in the shallow end. Then, Carlee, my four-year-old niece, who was sitting on the diving board between Leo and Briggs, said, "Hi Uncle Marcus."

A hush blanketed us, causing Briggs and Leo to stand upright while each of us turned around slowly, coming face-to-face with Marcus, my soon-to-be ex-husband, and his cunt rock of a slut, Lauren.

Jasper walked to meet them at the gate before they walked through. "What're you doing here?" he asked, before Marcus could come any closer.

"I'm just here to talk to my wife, Jasper," Marc responded. Lauren huffed, crossing her arms over her enormous chest. Reduction, my ass.

I walked over to the gate, just as Marcus opened it and walked in. Jasper let him enter, but didn't let him walk any further toward the pool.

"Well…well…well…looks like my wife really is slumming," Marcus said, being the prick that he is. "Not only is she slumming...she's getting her kicks at the preschool," he said, laughing. I couldn't understand how he had the audacity to say such things to Leo and Briggs, when it was quite obvious that they could pulverize him in ten seconds flat. He was such a narcissistic son-of-a-cocksucker. "How're my sloppy seconds anyway, Alexander?"

Within seconds, Leo and Briggs were on either side of us as Jasper began pushing Marcus back toward the gate. "Alright Marc, you're done here," Jasper said.

"Why the fuck are you even here, you limp dick bastard?" Char screamed coming around to face him. "Can't you just leave her the fuck alone?"

"I came here to make amends, but I wouldn't expect you…you little pyro…to know anything about redemption," he said.

"Redemption? Give me a fucking break. I'll show you redemption…in Hell…you asshole," Char was on fire. It was bad when she got like this, because she often couldn't stop herself.

"Char, hold up, hon," I said. "Marcus, just leave. We're having fun; the kids are here. Just stop," I said, feeling Leo's hand on my back as Briggs stepped forward, inching closer to Marcus.

"Listen, I have an offer…an offer that I think you all would like to hear," he said. Looking around and eyeing each of us, he went on with his offer. "If you give me your half of the sale of our house, all of it, then I won't press charges on your little heathens for breaking and entering," he offered. I felt Leo's hand flinch on my back. Continuing, he said, "And I'll tell the news that this whole…whole…scandal was one big misunderstanding."

Walking toward him, I said, "Let me get this straight, you want me to basically pay you...what...like 150 thousand dollars…to tell the truth?"

"And to save your fuck buddies from jail time."

"What proof do you have of their so-called 'breaking and entering,' Marcus?" Char asked.

"My word," Marcus said. "And Lauren's."

"Whoren's?" Char roared. "I don't want to hear that fucking slut's name."

"Don't call me a whore…or a slut," Lauren whined. "Plus, Markie told me stories about you, Charlene."

"I will cunt-punt you into the next time zone if you ever speak to me again," Char threatened. "Get back, and shut the fuck up, or I swear to God, I will lose my shit all over your ugly ass." Apparently, Char's newfound desire to stop swearing was not going so well in a stressful environment. I chuckled audibly at the thought, bringing all eyes back to me.

"I'm not gonna do that," I said, shrugging him off. "You are not getting one more thing from me. If we have to go to court for the next decade, then so be it. I will hold litigation up for as long as necessary, but I'm not gonna cave and give you anything you want...ever…again," I said with certainty. I wasn't angry. I wasn't even feeling vindictive. I was just not going to stand for his bullshit and ultimatums any longer. "I'm sorry, but the Marcus Flowers show has finally ended," I added.

"Jesus Christ Janelle, quit being so dramatic," he said. "You're being a bitch. What? Are you cotton-stuffing? Is that what's going on," he said, dropping his eyes below my waist.

Char glanced at me, questioningly. Then said, "What the fuck does that even mean?"