The Final Lesson Plan (18 page)

I woke up early, feeling like a total jitbag for bailing on Briggs. My legs and arms were sore from working out, but I decided to revel in the feeling of progress. I ran three very slow, embarrassingly slow, miles. Then, I came back and swam a few laps, hoping to clear my mind and figure out what in the world I was going to do with my life. When I got back in from the pool, I had seven texts.

From Leo:

Sorry Janelle. Have to cancel today. See you tomorrow. Pick you up around 12:00.

From Char:

What the FUCK! Just talked to Briggs! I'm on my way over. Bitch gonna kick ur ass.

From Jocelyn:

Briggs' song to you is plastered all over everything. He is so hot. Who's it gonna be?

From Briggs:

Whatever I did yesterday, I'm sorry.

Can I see you today? I know its Clings day, but need to see you.

Babe can't think about nothing but u

I responded to each of them:

No problem, see you tomorrow. Everything okay?
(To Leo)

Don't come over. I'm fine. Talk later?
(To Char)

Fuck if I know! FUUUUCCCCKKK!!!
(To Jocelyn)

We're good Briggs. We'll talk soon.
(To Briggs obviously)

I sat down to watch TV for a while, not knowing what I was going to do with my day since Leo'd cancelled, when there was a crazed, incessant knocking at my door. Lately, everyone had been barging in, so I didn't know who could possibly be respectful and courteous enough to actually use proper unannounced drop-in etiquette, knocking. Was there actually etiquette for someone who came by uninvited?

Opening the door, I was surprised and pleased to see Sarah. Sarah was the best. Despite being a former student, she and I'd become rather close. I enjoyed her company, but mostly, I enjoyed her evolution. She was more evolved than anyone I'd ever met. Sarah was insightful, wise, and clearly more in touch with reality than the rest of the people I normally surrounded myself with. I hugged her immediately, telling her that she was just the remedy for my suck-assy day. Basically, Sarah was a sight for sore eyes.

"I'm glad you're happy to see me," she confessed, "because I need help. Advice. Anything. I'm freaking the fuck out." Okay, now this wasn't her typical demeanor. She was being so girlie.

"What's going on? Sit down," I said, directing her to the chair.

"Can't sit. Losing my mind here," she said, pacing back and forth.

"What? You're killing me," I pleaded. "Tell me."

"Vivian!" she said, referring to her ex-girlfriend, the love of her life, the girl who shattered her heart.

"Okay. Vivian. What about her?" I asked.

"She's here. In town. She just called me. She's staying at the Super 8 Motel," she explained. "Evidently, she's staying in town until I agree to see her…to talk to her."

"That doesn't seem so bad," I claimed.

"It is! It's bad. Real bad," she cried.

"But why? Maybe she came to her senses…maybe she wants—"

"Me! What if she wants me?" she sat, slumping in the chair, covering her face with her hands.

"Well, that'd be good, right?" I asked. Vivian and Sarah had broken up, because Vivian was too terrified to come out to her parents, to let the world know about their relationship.

"I thought, but I don't know," she said. "I finally went out with Melissa, Jasper's executive assistant." I remembered that Jasper had wanted to fix Sarah up with Melissa. Sarah also worked for Jasper, but in a completely different division than Melissa. So according to Jasper, he was not breaking his own rule of "No Fraternizing Between Employees."

"Okay—" cueing her to go on.

"Well, we went out. A lot. I like her. I really like her," she said.

"That's good. Just be honest with Vivian—"

"I can't be honest with Vivian...I can't…because…because…I'm still in love with her," Sarah admitted.

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. The proverbial love triangle strikes again. I thought that gay relationships were above the ridiculousness of straight relationships and all the turmoil that came with opposite sex love affairs. Guess I was wrong. Sarah was torn between Vivian and Melissa; I was torn between Briggs and Leo. And all of society had a problem with all of it. Fuckers. Racist, homophobic, close-minded fuckers.

"Here's what we're going to do," Char instructed. "Call Vivian, tell her to meet you at Open Minds tonight. We'll all go." Char loved being in charge, figuring everyone else's life out, especially if it meant she was going to get to go out. Open Minds was the hippest gay bar in Cleveland. Char'd been dying to do something "gay" since I hooked up (a little) with Sarah. I knew she loved this excuse to go to Open Minds to open her mind and probably other things too, knowing her. The girl was crazy. Next month, she'd be begging to go to Liberal Liaisons, supposedly Cleveland's only swingers' club. Everyone should have a Char in her life, but you can't take mine.

"But what if—"

"No. No. You're not talking. You're doing," Char said, handing Sarah her iPhone from the coffee table.

"Now you…you're gonna tell Briggs about those bitches in the bathroom," she commanded. "That was just fucking stupid—especially after he sang to you—sang!"

"Yeah Janelle, that was stupid. Why didn't you just tell him then?" Sarah asked. I was surprised that Sarah was defending Briggs, trying to get me to talk to him, confide in him. Sarah was clearly and permanently on Leo's side.

Reflecting back on it now, maybe I had screwed up. Why was life like that? Things always seemed murky and gray, but once you stepped back and truly looked at life, things became so much clearer, crystal clear actually. First of all, I should've told those cunt-rocks to fuck the fuck off, walked out of the bathroom, and relayed the entire story to Briggs, not leaving him in the dark. But I didn't, I did what I did, and now my girls were pissed at me for it. Shocker there, they were always pissed when I made my own fucked up decisions. I know, I know, y'all have been left in that same dark place with Briggs long enough. I need to start shedding some light on what happened in that fucked up bathroom.

I'd gone into the bathroom after having truly the best date I'd ever had in my life.

Hands down, nothing had ever compared to my day and night with Briggs. It was perfection without being ostentatious and over the top. Briggs thought about what we'd like—not what a typical date should be. I liked that. I liked him. I more than liked him.

When he sang to me, I knew for certain that I more than "more than liked" him. (You can take the teacher out of the high school, but you can't take the "high school" out of the teacher.) My heart fluttered as he sang. I watched him strum the guitar and never realized how turned on I could be by watching someone finger the strings of an instrument. Sexually, I wanted him. Emotionally, I had to have him. I'd always liked that Mr. Big song, but once Briggs started singing "To Be With You," it was like I was hearing the lyrics for the first time. Briggs was publicly pleading with me to choose him. When I kissed him on stage, I knew then that I could kiss those same lips for the rest of my life. Honestly, I didn't think about Leo much throughout the day.

When it was time to leave, I knew I wouldn't last long without pouncing on him in the car—if we even made it to the car. I was "wearing my horns" as Char used to say. I decided to go to the bathroom to freshen up and get ready for round two for the day. I went to the restroom and when I came out of my stall, three college-aged girls were standing in front of the sink, blocking me from washing my hands.

"Excuse me," I said, trying to squeeze between them.

One of the girls moved closer to me, cutting me off, preventing me from getting to the sink. I realized then that their tactics were intentional and their behavior was for my benefit and my benefit only.

I tried to conjure my "inner Char" and figure out what she'd do. I looked directly at the girl blocking me, puffed out my chest, and said, "May I please get to the sink to wash my hands?" Okay, so I was no Char. But didn't everyone always say you should "kill 'em with kindness?"

"Aww fuck this," one of the girls said. "Little white girl's gonna be all polite and shit."

The other girl said, "Bitch's so puny, no meat on her," and she actually poked my stomach. I tried to dodge her hand, but she still shoved her Lee Press-on fake nail into my ribs.

I decided to just use the hand sanitizer I had in my purse, giving up on actually washing my hands. I knew when to pick my fights, and this was certainly not one I was going to come close to winning. I started to walk to the door, when the third girl stood right in front of me.

"Who do you think you are walking away from us?" she asked. "Ya think you're too good for us? Well, I got news for you, princess. You're not woman enough for Briggs Alexander."

"Yeah bitch, he's gonna get sick of the little white girl and come back to where he belongs," the first girl said, turning away from me and looking into the mirror. "And believe me, we'll welcome him back in every way we can. We'll all three welcome him. Because one skinny little white girl is certainly not gonna do it." They all looked at me in disgust, focusing on the tears running down my cheeks.

"Oh look Lana, princess thought she had the fairy tale," she said, laughing.

Lana (apparently) said, "Go find your white horse and your white prince, and stay the fuck out of our world. We got no room for you here." All three of them high-fived as I walked out trying to hide the tears that were soaking my face from Briggs.

Maybe I'm naïve. Maybe I'm sheltered and guarded, but I didn't think people cared about that stuff anymore. Who cared if I was white and Briggs was black? Weren't we over all that racist bullshit? Wasn't this the 21
st
century? Didn't we as a society have more important things to worry about? When I mentioned all of this to Sarah and Char, they just laughed at me—not much differently than the girls in the bathroom did. Apparently, I've been living under a rose-colored rock, pretending that it rained rainbows, fairies, and unicorns. Sarah still had people who wouldn't accept her, because she was gay. And now, now, I had to deal with people who refused to believe that white people and black people should be together. Char was right. We needed a girls' night out. Badly. Open Minds was the perfect, per-fucked place for us.