The Final Lesson Plan (28 page)

"I'll pay you back," I offered. The tickets and hotel were astronomical; I couldn't let her buy me clothes too.

"You will not. Plus, since Jasper's been hoarding money away for me, I'm practically loaded…for a school teacher," she joked. We checked into the hotel, went to our room, and threw our stuff on the bed. Then, Janelle said, "Come on, let's go."

"Go? Where are we going?" I asked, following her back out the door. I supposed it was a good idea for us to leave the room. I had no idea how I was going to spend all night with her without ripping her clothes off and making love to her. Being close to her all day, inhaling her sent, kissing her in line, and holding her hand were definitely taking their toll on me. No matter how much I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex with her as long as she was still fucking Alexander, I couldn't help but think that my resistance and reserve were running low, extremely low, bright fucking, blue-balled low.

"Walk along the beach…duh," she said, almost running to the elevator.

"Beach? We live in Ohio, Janelle," I said, getting into the elevator. "Lake Erie certainly isn't an ocean."

"Nobody ever said that a beach had to surround an ocean, Einstein. What? You don't want to walk along the sand, holding my handing, and kissing me under the stars?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at me. If I only I could "Christian Grey" her right now in this elevator…But I was certainly no Christian Grey.

"I would like nothing more than to do all of those things with you…especially on the beach…near a real ocean," I replied. I grabbed her hand and kissed it. I certainly came across as gentlemanly and chaste, but man, the thoughts I was having about her were positively more Red Room of Pain than innocently pure. Changing the subject, I said, "So what'd you do all week."

"Nothing really," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"See Briggs a lot?" I asked, wishing I hadn't.

"Uhhh no!" she said, with venom in her voice. "He's been blowing me off."

"Nuh-uh, shut up," I couldn't mask my excitement at that fact.

"Uh-huh. I was supposed to see him the day I had my first divorce hearing, but he went to Columbus," she explained. "Then out of the blue, without telling me anything, he left for Connecticut. Said it was a surprise and he'd tell more. I think I've only seen him once since Connecticut. I've asked him about it, but he still hasn't said anything."

"What do you think it is?" I asked, getting curious myself.

"No idea," she said, looking disappointed, a little too disappointed for my taste, actually.

"Well fuck him then," I said, smiling. "If Briggs Alexander wants to screw this up, then I welcome any slip up he may have." I pulled her close to me; her smile was enough to make me forget all of my worries. "Man, that smile…"

"What about it?" she asked, smiling even bigger.

"It's the best distraction I could ever ask for," I confessed.

"Is that all I am to you, Mr. Cling, a distraction?" she teased.

"Yeah, that's it…one little distraction." I shot back. "Why? Did you want to be something else?"

"Nah, I'm good with that title," she replied, kicking and splashing water at me.

I picked her up and walked deeper into the water. "So you wanna get wet, Janelle? I can see to that." I held her close to me as I walked into the water up to my waist. I needed a quick cool down, just being around her made it necessary for a cold shower or a jump in a frigid cold lake.

"Leo, I want to get wet...very wet," she said, with an intense look in her eyes. "I'm only going to say this once. I miss you. I really miss you. I want you to make love to me right here…right now."

Now, I realized I made a pact with myself, but Christ, I was a man for God's sake. I'd challenge any man to hear the woman he was in love with to talk to him like that and refuse her. It was virtually impossible—at least for me it was. I walked out of the water, still cradling her in my arms. I never took my gaze from hers. I laid her down on the sand, lying down next to her. I kissed her softly, but she pulled me into her, forcing me to increase the intensity, igniting my hunger and desire for her. There was no turning back. I had to have her, couldn't deny her—or myself.

"Leo?" she said, begging me again.

I answered her by trailing my tongue down her neck, while I unbuttoned her shorts. She shook her head and reached for the button on my shorts. I lifted up, allowing her access to me, to the very core of my soul that I was fighting so hard to give her. Who was I kidding? She'd owned me for as long as I could remember.

Lying in the bed, drinking wine from the hotel bar, I'd never felt more guilty in my life. "Janelle, we shouldn't have done that…either time," I said.

"Leo…stop!" she said, taking another sip of her wine. "You've been a million miles away. It was wonderful. You're wonderful. Stop analyzing everything so much. You're like I was last month," she joked, kissing my cheek.

Sitting up and putting my glass down, I said, "No. I'm serious. I have to tell you something. I feel like I've been lying to you all day."

I noticed her face fall, a flicker of fear cross her face. "Okay...about?"

"I came back this week to quit," I admitted.

"To stop seeing me?" she asked, turning toward me, but hugging a pillow closer to her.

"No Janelle. I came back to work another week at my job and then quit," I explained.

"But…but you just got that job. I don't get it," she questioned.

"I'm gonna move to Arizona. I want to be there when Megan…Damn it…when Megan dies. But I'm gonna stay for a while. I wanna help Cliff with the kids until he's back on track and used to being a…a…single dad," I confessed.

"Leo…are you sure? But…what about…" She didn't finish her statement; she just looked at me, hurt and confused.

"I'm sure. We all think it's for the best. Meg was the only one who didn't want me to quit my job and put my life on hold," I said. I lied back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know how long I'll be gone…six months...maybe a year. My dad is gonna help with my house payments until I get back."

"I don't know what to say," Janelle said. "I hate that you're going. It kills me, destroys me actually. But I understand. If anything were ever to happen to Jocelyn or Jasper—" Her voice trailed off as she laid down next to me, snuggling into the crook of my arm.

"Thanks for everything today, Janelle. I've never met anyone like you. These past six weeks have been...have been…what I've been waiting for my entire life," I admitted.

"Leo, you make it seem like this is 'goodbye,' like we'll never see each other again," Janelle said, sitting up to look at me.

"Janelle…I think…I think…it probably is," I choked, feeling the tears well in my eyes. I knew that as soon as I left, as soon as I packed up and skipped town, Janelle would be right back in Briggs' bed for good.

Janelle nodded, wiping the tears from her cheeks as well. I took her hand and kissed the tears from the backs of her hands. I hated that I was the reason she was crying, hated that anything I did hurt her. I just knew that I had to be there for my family. Janelle and I had an incredible six weeks together, but we both knew that anything beyond this summer wasn't going to happen. As much as I dreamed that I could hold her like this forever, I knew it wasn't meant to be. If Janelle loved me like I wanted her to, then there'd be no choice, no decision for her to make, she'd just know…know like I did. It was silly to continue to prolong the inevitable, especially when so many other things were going on too. Things that neither one of us could change.

I hadn't talked to Leo since the morning after our trip to Sandusky. I was a mess. I hated saying
"goodbye" to him, and I didn't understand why we even had to. I could accept that he was leaving. I could accept that he didn't want me in that kind of way anymore. But what I couldn't accept was that he didn't want to be a part of my life, didn't want me to be a part of his. We'd grown so close, but now we were as distant as two people could be, strangers truthfully. I hated being someone he used to know. Someone from his past. Someone he'd have to remember.

Briggs was in Columbus with his brother again. I had no idea what he was up to or what he was doing. He'd kept me completely in the dark and quite frankly, I was getting pissed. I'd spent the week, pretty much pissed off at the fucking world. Briggs wasn't around. Char had been blowing me off all week for work. Jasper was in Chicago on business. Even Jocelyn was so wrapped up with Vacation Bible School that she didn't even have time for me. Vacation Bible School? What the fuck? My supportive friends and family were sucking at their roles, making me doubt their overall loyalty.

I'd really gotten into writing my musical too. I'd spent nearly every spare moment I had for the past four weeks writing the dialogue, action, and stage direction of my Madonna musical, only to realize that I had no fucking idea how to write a musical. I hated it so much that I actually deleted the entire document from my laptop. I mean, who in the fuck can write a musical? Seriously, there are like, what, 15 really well-known musicals. Did I really think I was going to write the next big hit? Fuck that shit. I'm no writer. I'm a reader and a viewer.

Actually, lately, I couldn't even read. Every time I started a new book, began reading something I enjoyed, I kept thinking how I wanted Leo to read it too, wanted to talk about it with him. So, I stopped reading, too. What have I been doing? Watching TV and eating ice cream, waiting on Briggs to resurface and hoping Leo would call to tell me that he'd made a mistake. I thought about dropping by Leo's parents' house to see if he needed anything, needed help with any packing or wanted to talk, but then I decided that I'd just let him move on like he wanted.

I decided that I needed some retail therapy, so I went shoe shopping, knowing that Char was never giving me back my favorite black shoes. I went shopping and bought three pairs of black shoes and two pairs of gold shoes. I'd been wearing my bracelet a lot lately, so I justified in buying more gold clothing and accessories.

I knew my funk was something serious when I didn't feel the least bit happier or better. I had to call in the big guns and go to Nordstrom's. I bought a Kate Spade iPhone case and Kate Spade summer canvas bag. Kate Spade was always a good friend when Char dropped the ball, not that she dropped the ball too often. But this week was the ultimate fumble. I even texted her and said that I needed her badly with "Armageddon" in all capital letters. Would you believe she responded with "sorry, can't this week?" I'd never known her to deny the Armageddon SOS code.

When I was putting my shoes in my closet, there was a knock at the pool house door. Not bothering with the peep-hole or looking out the side window, I flung the door open quickly, welcoming any distraction from my crappy, mopey self. Except for this particular distraction.

"Marcus, what the fuck? Get out," I said, closing the door.

"Janelle, wait…can I come in?" he asked, putting his foot in the door when I tried to slam it shut, which only made me slam it harder the second time. "Oww fuck. Janelle wait." Marcus did the little jump around, shaking his foot.

"Marcus, I've got nothing to say to you," I said, blocking him from entering my house.

"Good, because I've got a lot to say to you," he replied, still trying to get inside.

"Tell it to my lawyer, because you're not fucking coming inside my house," I yelled, finally slamming the door on him.