The Final Piece (9 page)

Once we are out on the lake, the tension is forgotten. The jet boat flies over the surface of the lake, spraying a thin mist across my face. I blink my eyes against the wind and hold back the tendrils of hair whipping my face. As we speed past the houses dotting the shoreline, I soak in the lake’s magic. Wind and water bathe my senses, releasing all of my negative thoughts.

“You’re up first, baby girl!” Tommy yells over the engine, “I brought the tube for you.”

My heart surges with love for Tommy. Water skiing is as much a lake tradition as fireworks on the Fourth of July and I suck at it. On our lake trip a few years ago, I generated quite the scandal by announcing I was through with getting dragged around the lake on my face. Only Tommy would show up the following day with a bright yellow ski tube. It made me feel so special, knowing he’d gone into town to buy it and tote it back to the lake for me. The best feature on my ski tube is it has four handles for two riders. Tommy spent a lot time riding with me, until I was confident enough to go alone.

“Breathe, baby girl, I’m here.” Tommy encourages. It’s hard to stay nervous watching the way Tommy’s face is lit up with excitement. I breathe deep into my lungs and smile back at my friend. “Now, grab the handle here and I will boost you up the rest of the way.”

Once we are on the tube, Tommy instructs me to lay on my belly propped up on my elbows. ”Don’t let go, Beth. If your arms get tired I want you to yell ‘Hawkeye’ so I know you’re ready to let go, and I’ll let go with you.” Tommy puts his fingers in his mouth, whistling to signal Uncle Rob. The rope tethering us is pulled taut as the boat takes off.

Bouncing along in the wake of the jet boat, Tommy and I hold on for dear life. On the second lap around the lake, my arms begin burning in protest.

“Hawkeye!” I holler into the wind.

Tommy faces me and nods his head, “On three, ready? 1...2...3!” We let go and are dragged a few feet by the boat’s momentum. Adrenaline is still racing through me as I swim toward Tommy.

“Oh my gosh, that was so much fun! Can we do it again?” My words come out with lightning speed, peppered with excited giggles.

Tommy’s smile equals my own as we bob up and down in the water, waiting for Uncle Rob to circle back to us. He regards me with the warm tenderness he always does.

“You did great, Beth! I am so proud of you,” he beams. “Happy Birthday.”

The boat idles while Ryan grabs the ski tube. He turns to face me as he secures the towrope, “You know, I have never ridden this thing?” he notes. “Will you teach me, Beth?” He smiles innocently while I eye him suspiciously. His expression softens further and I am reminded of the boy who picked up cherries with me. The one I told I would trust. I struggle not to stumble as the boat rocks with our movement.

Uncle Rob and Aunt Melissa pretend to be in deep conversation, but I know they are listening carefully for my response. Aunt Melissa is practically levitating off her seat with anticipation.

“All you have to do is hold onto the handles, Ry. You don’t need me for that.” Suddenly feeling bashful, I look away. Ironically, I find myself better capable of handling flirty Ryan over friendly Ryan.

“Maybe not,” he cocks his head as he contemplates, “it still looks like more fun with two people. You and Tommy always looked like you were having a blast out there together.”

He looks at me with sheepish, pleading eyes. He’s very deliberate with the way he’s interacting with me, careful not to provoke defensiveness. He thinks he’s “handling” me. I smile at my pink-pedicured toes, not wanting my pleasure to be obvious.

“No way, Casanova,” Tommy chimes in from behind me. I sigh heavily.

Here we go again.

“What?” Ryan’s face flushes slightly as he addresses his uncle.

“Do you think this is amateur hour?” Tommy turns all the way around in his seat facing Ryan, placing me directly between them. I lock eyes with Aunt Melissa, begging her silently.
Please, please stop them
!

“I was a seventeen year old boy once. I know...” Tommy doesn’t have a chance to finish before Aunt Melissa jumps in.

“Enough, Tommy! You are embarrassing Beth,” she scolds. “Back. Off.” She crosses her arms across her chest giving Tommy the stink eye.

“But...” Tommy starts.

“But nothing! If you want to talk to Ryan about something, you should be doing it in private. You are making everyone uncomfortable with all your posturing,” she continues.

“You two, in the water.” Uncle Rob interrupts, signaling Ryan and I to get in the water and away from Tommy’s grousing. In my desperation to get away from the argument brewing on board, I forget that I haven’t actually agreed to this and jump in the water. Ryan follows suit, followed by the ski tube. I glance back at the boat where Melissa and Tommy are still going at it, and Uncle Rob has taken over the captain’s seat. When I turn back to Ryan, he’s watching the trio with the same skeptical reserve as I am.

“Quickest lesson, ever,” I break the uncomfortable silence, smiling as Ryan turns his attention to me. “Hang on the handles. Don’t let go,” I crack myself up. Ryan rolls his eyes at me and splashes water at me.

“You’re a dork,” he laughs. We climb onto the ski tube and wiggle into position “You know you can trust me, right?” Ryan’s question takes me off guard. I look at him blankly, my words failing me. “I meant it when I said it and I don’t want you to doubt that because Tommy thinks I am a dirtbag.” I jerk at his statement, reaching to grab his forearm.

“Tommy doesn’t think you’re a dirtbag, Ryan. Tommy doesn’t want me to grow up and he’s not handling it well. This has more to do with me outgrowing my pigtails than anything you’ve done. Don’t believe for a second that he doesn’t think you are anything less than wonderful.” I squeeze his arm, hoping he believes me. I know how it feels to be thought of as less and it makes my heart ache for Ryan. He turns his face toward me and it steals my breath. The vulnerability I see there is as beautiful as it is shocking.

“Thanks,” he whispers. The sweetness of the moment fades as Ryan’s mouth draws up into his lopsided smirk. “You know, your pigtails aren’t the only thing you’ve outgrown.” My face flames and I squirm next to him. He laughs at the expression on my face. The towrope goes taut as Uncle Rob hits the throttle, leaving Ryan’s statement to bounce around in my head as we fly across the water.

Uncle Rob is mercilessly steering the boat, swinging us in wide arcs that jump the wake. We hang on as tightly as we can, whooping madly as the ski tube catches air. Our landing reminds me of a stone skipping across the water. We howl with laughter as we skip along, making it hard to hold on. Uncle Rob makes another sharp turn shooting us into the air. My grip fails and I’m thrown off the tube. For a moment I am flying and then the surface of the lake rushes to greet me. I tuck my knees and head to my chest just as my body hits the water. Thanks to my life vest, I pop out of the water with the force of a champagne cork.

“Beth! Beth!” I wipe the water from my face and turn toward Ryan’s voice. He is practically walking on water to catch up to me.

“Woohoo! Wasn’t that awesome?” I holler as he approaches. The closer he gets the more clearly I see the furrowed line of his brow. When he is close enough, he reaches for my arm. He pulls me toward him, grabbing my face in his hands. I forget how to breathe.

“Shit! Are you okay?” He is panting as his voice shakes with fear, “When you flew off the tube, you were so high up and then you hit the water,” he swallows hard, shaking his head. “It scared me, I thought you were hurt.” Without releasing my face, he leans forward pressing his forehead against mine. I am careful when I let out a shallow breath; afraid moving will break the spell of the moment. His eyelashes cling to the water on his face as he closes his eyes. His chest is rising and falling in quick succession under his life vest.

Without thinking, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into an embrace. Ryan responds by crushing me against him. The bulky life vest between us instantly irritates me. I lean my head against his shoulder and fight the urge to run my fingers through his hair. Enveloped in his arms, I feel safe.

“It’s all right, Ry. I’m okay, I don’t even have a scratch on me,” my voice is a whisper against his shoulder. Any doubts I have about trusting Ryan, the lake washes away.

Chapter 15

The ride back across the lake is surreal. Tommy doesn’t complain when I sit next to Ryan but he does join us on the bench seat. Here I am stuck between two people that I care about deeply but who have very different ideas about me. I know that Tommy’s need to protect me goes beyond my growing up. He wants to shelter me the way my parents should have. The problem is, I don’t need protecting from Ryan. I needed it from Drew.

I pick at a string hanging from my life vest, shifting in my seat. Ryan doesn’t know any of the details of what happened in Miami, he only knows that my parents are in rehab. If he does know about Drew, he’s never let on that he does and has stayed true to his promise under the cherry tree. We don’t talk about anything I don’t want to talk about.

Once, Ryan was at the house when my mother called, and I really thought he would ask about her, but he didn’t. He left me room to bring it up if I wanted but never pressured me to when I didn’t. It’s nice having someone around who doesn’t know how damaged I really am. I hope that Tommy’s tantrum doesn’t raise a bunch of questions I don’t want to answer.

Frustrated, I pinch the bridge of my nose and go over the ski tube caper again. I didn’t think getting bucked off was that bad, but then I didn’t see it like the others did. Being launched as high as I was made my subsequent landing appear pretty bad. Ryan wasn’t the only one who was scared, Aunt Melissa clucked over me like a nervous hen, inspecting me for injuries when we got back on the boat. Tommy yelled at a white-faced Uncle Rob for being reckless, but poor Uncle Rob didn’t need the ribbing, he was distraught enough.

Maybe it’s the distress rolling off everyone or maybe it’s just too much attention for me to handle, but I find myself slinking back into the quiet of my own world. It’s been months since I’ve felt the need to detach myself from what’s happening around me, and now I am flooded with the need to hide from the concerned faces around me. Tommy flanks my right and Ryan is to my left, the two people I have chosen to trust implicitly, and I am choosing to shut down like a coward.

My choice.

The thought slams into my head, stemming my impending retreat. I look back and forth between the two, reminding myself that I’ve made a good choice in trusting them and these are good men. They’re not Drew, and it’s not fair to allow his poison to affect the way I see them. Determined to prove a point to myself, I lean my head against Tommy’s shoulder and clasp Ryan’s hand in mine. With a resolute intention, I remind myself where I am and who I am with.

I. Am. Safe.

It surprises me when I don’t have to repeat and play back those words a million times to convince myself of their value. Somewhere, not as deep down as I thought, I really do know that I am safe. I guess I have grown up in more than one way. Someday, I hope thoughts like these aren’t secondary to thoughts of Drew. He stole every “first” from me. How do you get past that? I’ll never know what it feels like to give the first piece of myself to someone I choose, someone I care about. Up until now, it’s been hard to imagine caring for someone else enough to surpass the stain Drew left and that part of me will always believe shame is stronger than love.

“Only if you let it,” Dr. Warren’s advice rings in my head.

“It’s how we put those pieces back together that matters.” My mom’s words of wisdom follow suit.

Ryan brushes his thumb across my hand, bringing me back to the present. It never fails, whenever my thoughts drift to heavy places, Ryan finds a way to reassure me. Whether it’s his foot under the dining room table or the caress of his thumb across my skin, he knows what I need and it always makes me feel better. He cocks his h
ead and gives me a warm smile. 
Maybe I am nuts, but I just can’t imagine anyone else ever making me feel the way Ryan does. As overly dramatic as that may sound, it’s true. Sure he can push my buttons, but he also makes me feel something no one has been able to—hope.

My cheeks flush with warmth when I squeeze his hand and return his smile. It’s a day early, but I am powerless against my mind drifting to lit candles and birthday wishes. I look to where our fingers are interlaced and know what my wish will be—my first real kiss.   

Chapter 16

The next morning I wake on the cusp of a dream with sweat running down my spine. Disoriented, I blink at the rays of sun shining through the blinds and wonder where I am. My sigh of relief breaches the serene quiet when I realize I’m not in my bedroom in Miami and Drew isn’t here. It takes me a moment to remind myself that I’m safe but my heart is still insistent as it pummels my ribcage. The last time I had a nightmare about Drew was right after I started to speak again. Every time I take a step forward with my life, Drew is there trying to derail me.

Only if you let him. Don’t let him win.

There is no way I am going back to sleep, so I tiptoe to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. As the grounds percolate and drip into the carafe, I try to set my mind to brighter things. Today is my fifteenth birthday and I have the whole day to look forward to, no sense in letting a dream get me down. Careful not to make any noise, I pour a cup of coffee and sneak out the front door.