The Fine Line (21 page)

I brought his hand to my cheek and gently squeezed his arm to my chest.  Being this close to him was better than anything I had dreamed of, and I never wanted to let go.  My heavy eyes closed, and I drifted back into my dreams.  Nothing could ruin this perfect moment.

*

I awoke to Bear Grylls giving survival tips on the TV.  Fresh shampoo and steam saturated the air.  Fully rested, I opened my eyes and turned over to see Logan sitting on the bed next to me, with wet hair and nothing on but a towel wrapped around his waist.  Cracks of bright light came through the drapes, and I looked over at the digital clock on the nightstand which read 9:23AM.

He leaned down and touched his smooth, warm lips on my forehead.  “Morning, sleepyhead.” 

I smiled, then turned to face the TV.  “What’s that crazy guy eating this time?”

Logan chuckled.  “You don’t wanna know.” 

“You showered.”

“I did.  I was going to wake you to join me, but you looked so peaceful, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” 

“Oh.”  Heat emanated from my cheeks.  Why was I embarrassed all of a sudden?

“Do you know how beautiful you are when you’re sleeping?”

“You mean silent and docile?  Thanks a lot.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”  He looked up in thought.  “Actually…come to think of it…”

“Oh please, silent and docile would bore the crap out of you!” I defended.

He laughed.  “Yeah, you’re right.  Your spunk is one of the reasons I love you.” 

It was the fourth time he told me he loved me.  My smile faded.  Why couldn’t I say it to him?  Concern joined his entertained expression. 

“It’s okay.  You don’t have to say anything,” he assured me as if he read my thoughts.  His warm hand slipped under mine, and he brought my hand to his lips, kissing every one of my knuckles as his incredible eyes gazed into my soul.  

“I want you to kiss me,” I whispered.  The corners of his lips turned upward as he brought his face to mine and enclosed his mouth around mine, causing me to breathe in sharply through my nose. 

“Mmm, you smell good,” I breathed.  I didn’t think I could ever get enough of his intoxicating scent.  Suddenly, I stopped kissing him.  “And I probably stink.  I should get in the shower.”

“You smell amazing,” he said as he kissed my neck. 

Ignoring his comment, I sat up and started to wrap the sheet around me, but he was sitting on it.  I gave it a tug as I gave him a smile.  “’Scuse me.”

“You don’t need this, do you?” he teased, pointing to the sheet.

“Yes, I need it.”

He grudgingly removed himself from the bed allowing me to wrap the sheet around myself.  I felt his eyes on me as I wandered around the room in search of each article of my clothing.  Once I found them all, I headed to the bathroom.

“I can help you in there, you know,” he announced.

I grinned as I turned to face him.  “I think I can manage.”  My smile faded and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the way he looked at me as he stood with his thumb tucked inside the fold of his towel. 

Those eyes.

Any thought I had of being anywhere but in his arms immediately disappeared.

He noticed my hesitation.  One corner of his mouth turned up as he slowly walked toward me.  I remained frozen until his fingers on my chin ignited the familiar spark that only he could light. 

How does he do that?

With his soft lips moving in perfect harmony with mine, his hands grazed my neck and moved down my shoulders, finally settling on my delicate fingers which were holding my clothes in one hand and the sheet to my body in the other.  My clothes dropped to the floor as he took control of the hand which was holding them and moved it to his lower back.  My breath intensified in anticipation of what I knew he would do next.

“But you already took a shower,” I managed to say.

I felt him smile against my lips, but he didn’t say anything in response to my comment.  Instead, he took my other hand, causing the sheet to float smoothly to the floor, and he led me to the shower.

*

Saddened by the fact that we had to leave so soon, I slipped my shoes on, then watched Logan as he dressed. 

“Can we stay here forever?” I asked.

He smiled.  “We can do whatever you want.”  He put his shirt on then looked around the room.  “Can we pick a different place to stay forever, though?”  He put his hand up to his mouth as if he were about to tell me a secret.  “This place is kinda sleazy.”

I laughed.  “I don’t care where we go.  I’ll go anywhere with you.” 

My phone chimed from the end table, indicating a text. 

“Will you hand that to me?” I asked.  “It’s probably my mom.”

He picked it up and looked at it before handing it to me.  “Who’s Tyler?” 

Oh shit.

I took my phone from him and looked at the text. 

Change of plans, won’t be there til 9pm 2nite.

“Liv, who’s Tyler?”

My heart sped up.  I wasn’t going to lie to him.  “Promise you won’t be mad?”

“Just tell me who it is.”

I reminded myself that he loved me and the only way this would work was for us both to be honest with each other.  “It’s the guy from Rain.”  He looked at me, confused. “The one you got in a fight with.” 

His jaw clenched tightly.  “How did he get your number?”

Oh shit.

“I gave it to him.  I ran into him yesterday morning at the coffee shop by school.”

“What does he want?”  His fists gripped tightly by his sides.

“You look mad, Logan.”  I nervously stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around his body.  My cheek found a place on his chest.  “Please don’t be mad at me.”

The tension in his muscles relaxed.  “I’m not mad, just tell me why he’s texting you.”

“We have plans tonight.  He’s just letting me know that the time has changed.”

He stepped back and gently pushed me away from him.  “Why would you want to make plans with someone who tried to beat the shit out of me?”

I took a deep breath.  “Logan, you were the one who jumped him, remember?”

He stared at me as if I were a lunatic.  “It’s okay.  It’s fine.  Just tell him you can’t make it.  Actually, tell him you won’t be able to see him.  Ever.” 

The controlling tone in his voice caught me off guard and immediately put me on the defense.  “What?  Why?”

“Because you’re with me now.” 

“So that means I’m not allowed to have friends?”

“Not boyfriends.”

“What about friends that are boys?”

“No way,” he said, irritated.

“You can’t be serious.  What about Matt?  Or Isaac?”

“No, Liv!  Nobody!”

Now I was getting mad.  “You can’t tell me what to do, Logan.  You’re acting crazy!” 

“Liv, you are not hanging around guys.  Guys do not want to be your friend,” he said condescendingly.  “Guys want to fuck you.” 

My jaw hit the floor.  Completely shocked, I had nothing to give in response to his brutal, insensitive comment, except for the tears that stung my eyes. 

Oh my God, it’s starting already.  Please tell me it’s not happening so soon!

Reality set in that this very moment may be the beginning of the end.  When he saw my expression, remorse swept through his.  “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yes, you did.” I whispered.  “Is that what you think of me?”  Anger built up inside me as a coping mechanism, sweeping away the sadness, and my voice strengthened.  “Is that what I am to you, Logan?  A conquest?”

“No, of course not.  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“Save your apologies.  I don’t believe you!”  I had enough apologies from my father to last a lifetime.  When I was younger, they came frequently, but now it only came once a year in the form of a birthday card.  Apologies were nothing more than empty words.

I took my coat and wrapped myself in it just before bolting outside.  I ran to my room to get my purse.  Then, I remembered.  I had nowhere to run to.  Having no reason to chase me since we both knew I needed him to get home, Logan stayed in his room. 

“Ugh!”  I plopped down onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, taking several deep calming breaths and trying to figure out a way to make this right.  As much as I understood the deep rooted cause of his need for control, our relationship would never work if he tried to control me to such a great degree.  Regardless of the history with his parents, his requests were outrageous.

Twenty minutes passed as I continued to lay motionless on the bed, when a knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.  I gathered my strength and opened the door where Logan stood waiting.  I immediately noticed his bloodshot, puffy eyes and red cheeks.  Had he been crying? 

“I was wrong,” he said softly.  “You are my best friend. 
That’s
what you mean to me.  I know I can’t tell you what to do.  You have to make your own choices.  I’m so sorry, Liv.  I swear I didn’t mean what I said.  Please forgive me.”

Another train came barreling through behind the motel.  The loud thunder from it drowned out all other noise.  I was grateful to have the extra moment to think.  I stared at him as I contemplated, and he kept his eyes on mine.  The more we gazed into each other’s eyes, the more the rest of our surroundings deteriorated.  Finally, the roar dissolved and only the sound of the interstate and my heartbeat was left. 

“The feeling is mutual, you know,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“You make me fucking crazy too.”  I pulled on his coat and pressed my lips on his, and everything else in the world melted away.

Chapter Twenty-Two

It took three hours to drive home from that middle of nowhere place that will forever be somewhere to me.  I had just enough time to stop home and change my clothes before reporting to Frank’s.  My entire shift had gone by in a daze.

Olivia, can I get some help here?

Standing motionless in the candy isle, my eyes focused on nothing as my mind absorbed every moment of the last two days.  I needed to figure out a way to make my relationship with Logan work, but the more I thought about it, the more doubts I had.

“Olivia!” Stacy called, and I immediately turned my head in her direction.  A long line of customers trailed behind her register. 

“Sorry, Stacy,” I replied as I stepped to the second register. “I can help the next person over here.” 

I unconsciously checked out customer after customer.  Lost in my own thoughts, I heard myself sputter out automated remarks to them.

Hi there.

I’m great, how are you?

Would you like a bag for that?

Have a good night.

I snapped out of whatever funk I was in when my favorite chocolate caramel coconut bar was placed on my counter.  “These things are amazing.  Have you ever had…”  I looked up to see a pair of remarkable hazel eyes staring back at me.  The smile that crept onto my face could not be contained.  “Oh…Hi.” 

“Someone once told me that these things were like a little piece of heaven on their taste buds,” Logan said.

My cheeks burned as I thought about all the heavenly things about him that were so much better than that little chocolate bar.  I handed him the bar with his receipt.  “Sounds like a smart girl.” 

“It’s for you,” he said as he handed it back to me.  “Do you get off soon?”

My smile faded.  He knew I had plans tonight that I hadn’t cancelled.  As of yet, anyway.  “Yeah, I’ll be done in fifteen minutes.” 

“Good.  I’ll wait for you.”  He smiled a goodbye but something in his eyes struck a nerve in me.  It was something that looked a lot like fear.  And it was the first time I had ever seen it on him to such a degree.

*

Smoke floated out of the exhaust pipe of Logan’s yellow muscle car as it idled in the parking lot, the water vapors contrasting with the freezing winter air.  I crossed my arms in front of me as I stepped outside, bracing myself for the cold…and for whatever might happen when I talk to Logan.  Bass pounded from one of the passing cars on the strip as I walked to his car.

I dropped into the passenger seat.  “Brrr!  Why does winter have to be so long?”

He only half-smiled.  He didn’t say anything.  And he didn’t look at me.

“Logan, are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

He turned toward me but looked down at the shifter instead of looking at me.  “Are you still going out with that guy tonight?”

Oh, it’s about that.

“I haven’t cancelled yet,” I said softly.

He looked at me, pleading, begging, scrutinizing.  His expression surprised me.  “Are you going to?”

“I don’t know, Logan.”

He stayed silent for a moment, then dropped his head in his hand.  “I don’t know if I can do this.” 

My eyes widened.  “Do what?”

He shook his head slightly.

“Logan, please tell me what you can’t do.”  I couldn’t hide the anxiety in my voice. 

“Why haven’t you cancelled?” he glared at me.  “Why would you want to go out with someone else?”

“I don’t want to go out with anyone else.  You told me I can’t have friends.  Honestly, Logan, I’m not willing to stop having friends.”

“Boyfriends, Liv.  You can’t have boyfriends.  I think that’s fair, don’t you?” 

“Tyler’s not my boyfriend, so what’s the problem?”

He shook his head again, then realization swept through his expression.  “You’re doing this to prove a point.  My God, you’re stubborn.  Why can’t you just cancel the fucking plans?  For us.”

“Logan, what if I asked you to stop racing?  For us,” I said, irritated.

“What does racing have to do with anything?  Is that what you want me to do?  Quit racing?”

Yes!  Stop putting yourself in danger!

“No, I would never ask you to do that because I know what it means to you.  I need you to trust me.  You have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you.” 

“Just so we’re clear, you’re going out with another guy tonight so that I’ll trust you?”