The Firefighter's Match (17 page)

Max hadn’t bothered to be tactful—that was true. “Max wasn’t tactful on two feet, so I don’t think we can expect him to be diplomatic on two wheels.”

Alex looked at her. “We?”

His doubt surprised her. For a man who so clearly expected to succeed, did he really worry about winning her over? “The latest surveys indicate fifty percent of Joneses are in your corner.” Where had such slick and clever language come from? That felt like something she’d chide Alex for saying in a campaign.

Alex furrowed a brow as he opened the lobby door. “Fifty percent? But there are three of you.”

“Mom is still on the fence. She likes the idea of him having a real job, but she hates the idea of him moving to Denver.”

“And Max?” He asked the question with an endearing timidity.

“I decided it’d be better if I didn’t ask Max what he thought right now. He needs to stew on this for a while before he comes around.”

“Hmm.” Alex obviously wasn’t a man accustomed to ambiguity. It was different than uncertainty, she realized. He made fast and clear decisions, or chose his options, but that wasn’t the same thing as having options denied or delayed. Max held many of the cards here, whether he knew it or not.

The night was warm and bright on the Chicago street. It was pretty, in a loud and sparkling kind of way, but JJ felt herself yearning for the quiet glistening of night along the Gordon River. Over the past month, the river had indeed become home. It was a new, comfortable settling in—less surreal than the bubble of wonder she had shared with Alex but definitely home. She had a place in Gordon Falls. Her heart might be broken if Max chose to reject the offer and stay in Chicago, but she’d have a home in which to heal. That felt awful and comforting at the same time. “Where are we going?” she asked to fill the silence with something more than her clamoring thoughts.

“A great little place. I specialize in great little places.” He caught her eyes. “And great big ones, too. I made a steak at the bottom of the Grand Canyon that would’ve knocked your socks off. And this one espresso my Sherpa made me in Tibet, well, it...”

“I believe you.” She cut him off, not in the mood to hear what a world figure Alex Cushman was. That wasn’t the Alex who’d stolen her heart. The Alex she cared for played bad ukulele and sent doughnuts to small-town firemen. Only he was both those people, and she wasn’t yet sure she could deal with that.

They walked the handful of blocks to the restaurant, a charming Italian place filled with snug booths and cozy lighting. Alex had made references to a “near legendary” dating life in Denver—and probably in a dozen other cities around the globe, her doubts added—and it was easy to see why when the maître d’ showed them to the nicest, most secluded table in the place.

“The Maxwell Jones portion of today’s events has now officially concluded,” Alex announced as they slipped into adjoining sides of a red leather V-shaped seat while the waiter adjusted the table between them. “Tonight is all about seeing you again.” His voice was low and undramatic. Alex the man, not Alex the visionary. It made her feel better.

After a second’s hesitation, he reached for her hand. She smiled and let him take it. “I have really wanted to see you again.” His eyes took her back to the dock, back when life wasn’t the mess of complications it was now. “Ask Doc—I made him nuts waiting for you to invite me back here.”

“I know.” It was fun to surprise him, to finally know something he didn’t.

“You know?”

“When a Mario Dovini called me about a week ago, it took me a minute or two to work out who he was. Doc pleaded your case pretty eloquently.” She shook her head, remembering the man’s flowery romantic speech. “Actually, he was even hokier than you described him. Somehow, though, the guy manages to pull it off.”

Alex actually flushed. “It’s the accent. All the Italian tones and consonants let Doc get away with saying the most outrageous things.” He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows in an inquisitive sort of wince. “What’d he say?”

JJ wasn’t sure she could repeat the Italian’s hopelessly gooey pleas. She felt her own cheeks redden a bit. “He said, among other things—” she looked down at the crisp white napkin, needing to duck out of the heat of Alex’s eyes “—that Max Jones wasn’t the only man in my life who’d fallen hard and would never be the same.”

Alex dropped his head into one hand. “That’s truly awful.” After a second, he returned his gaze to her. “Would I compound it by saying it’s awfully true?”

JJ couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that one.

“I missed that most of all.” His face was close to hers, and when she made herself look up, his eyes were so full of emotion it was hard to breathe. “How I can love you most for the way you roll your eyes is so beyond me.”

JJ couldn’t reply. It was as if every part of her body had stopped working except her heart, which was pounding unbearably at the moment.

“It’s true.” He grabbed both of her hands. “I don’t really know how, but I have completely fallen for you, JJ. This whole thing should be awful, should be filled with pain and heartbreak—and it is, lots of it is—but I also know that I wouldn’t take back meeting you for all the success in the world. I’m right where I’m supposed to be, doing right what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve never been able to stand and hold the line on anything in my life ever before this. But you managed to teach me how. You stood there and held the line. In the war. With Max. With the fire department. With me. I kept looking for places to escape to, and every time I’d try I’d turn around and you’d still be there. You taught me how to stand firm. And...and I love you for it.”

He loved her. She’d known on some level for weeks, the way he was pursuing her, but to hear him say it was so powerful. Someone like Alex Cushman, who could probably have any woman in the world he chose, loved
her.
Beaten down, unglamorous, stubborn, argumentative her. What was more, he loved her
for
those qualities, not in spite of them. JJ fought the urge to shake her head and blink because it seemed impossible that what he’d said was real.

Alex’s hands tightened on hers. “Please...say something.” He was nearly frantic. To have someone yearn for her heart that badly was overwhelming. She wanted to cry and laugh and whoop and fall over in a dead faint all at once.

“I love you back.” No, that was the wrong way to say it. JJ squinted her eyes shut, embarrassed by her own clumsy words. Then she felt Alex’s hands on her face as he planted a small kiss on each of her eyelids. The gesture was so sweet and tender that any resistance she’d had burst into a thousand sparkling pieces. She opened her eyes and spent an infinite moment gazing into the endless blue of his eyes before he kissed her. True and full, deep and soft, his kiss was beyond any description her workaday vocabulary could ever contain.

He pulled away just far enough to let their foreheads touch, and JJ felt rather than saw his smile. “Whoa.”

“I love you, too. That’s how you’re supposed to say it.”

“Nah, I like your way much better.” He kissed her again, and JJ let herself revel in the happiness of it. Honestly, she didn’t think she’d ever get to be this happy again. Somehow, since the war, she’d talked herself into thinking “not such a mess” was the most she could hope to achieve. “I am so very, very glad you love me back.” Alex’s words were warm and brilliant, nearly humming with energy. “I don’t think even Doc could describe how glad I am you love me back.”

“What if it’s not enough?” She hated that the doubt poked its ugly head into the moment before she could stop it.

It didn’t faze him. One finger traced her brow as if to wipe away the furrow. “I think it is. I think love is always enough.” He smiled as she tried—unsuccessfully—not to roll her eyes. “I’m not saying it won’t be complicated. It’s already complicated.” His smile widened, warm and dashing. “But it just got a whole lot better.”

She wasn’t the full-out optimist he was. “You’re there and I’m here and...”

“No.” He put a finger to her lips. “I’m right here and you’re right here. Everything else is just an obstacle in need of a solution.”

“I want to believe you.”

“Then believe me. Believe that God wouldn’t pull our hearts together for no reason. Believe that it can work out, that He can work it out, even if we can’t see that now. Believe in Christmas in July, just for tonight.”

She could do that. Looking into his eyes made her feel as if she could do anything. “I can’t believe I’m in love with you.” It was almost too wondrous to be true.

“Hey.” He pulled back in mock indignation. “Why the surprise? I happen to be very lovable. I made
Backpack Magazine
’s most eligible bachelor list of two-thousand-and-I can’t-remember.”

JJ found herself scowling and grinning like a fool at the same time. It felt downright splendid. “You made that up.”

He planted his chin in one hand and just gazed at her. Gazed as if she were the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. For so long she thought she’d turn as red as the fire trucks back in Gordon Falls. “I love you back, JJ Jones. And we’ll make it work. Well, us and the Almighty. I think we’ll need a hefty dose of divine intervention on this one.”

The words didn’t ring false. Not a bit. With a startled little glow somewhere way down deep, JJ discovered she still believed in divine intervention. God hadn’t turned His back. And that meant anything was possible. In that moment, JJ Jones became the tiniest of optimists.

It felt delightful.

Chapter Eighteen

M
ax had spent all morning with Tony Daxon and it was making JJ crazy. Part of her wanted to stay in Chicago and sit in on the meeting, but Max wouldn’t have it. Perhaps it was better she was back in Gordon Falls today, going over the paperwork for the fall cabin season.

She’d spent the entire train ride back in a romantic fog. Alex’s final good-night kiss back in the lobby of Max’s apartment had left her breathless, and she had been grateful she’d had the elevator ride up to Max’s floor to compose herself. Not that Max or Mom cared—they were knee-deep in an argument over the last physical therapist Max had “fired.” Some days it seemed like Max took his anger out on everything within reach.

It was good Max’s boat-rental employees were out of that reach; they were outstanding at keeping things going without much oversight. JJ had expected to spend the morning “putting out fires” in the figurative sense instead of the literal sense, but even for the cottages it had mostly been routine management. Something Alex probably could have done blindfolded. This must be what love was like—it was almost teenagerish how everything made her think of him. He’d gone back to Denver, giving Max time and space to ponder his offer to join Adventure Access. That was a smart idea, but having him so far away produced a constant gnawing ache in her chest.

How, Lord, how could we ever make this work?
The prayer came out of her without decision or effort—the way prayers used to.
Why slam our lives together when they can’t really mesh? Why draw me so strongly to Gordon Falls now when it would be so much better if I could go to Denver with Max?

As she updated the rental calendar and paid bills, the soldier/strategist in her kept concocting scenarios and outcomes. Stay in Gordon Falls. Go to Denver. Max says yes and goes to Adventure Access. Max says no and stays here. Max sues and loses and spirals downward. Max sues and wins and spirals out of control. There were just too many variables—all with enough pros and cons to obscure any clear choice.

After settling the last file, JJ checked her watch and saw that she had two hours before her shift at the firehouse. Needing to grab some additional peace, JJ opted for something she hadn’t done since coming to Gordon Falls: she “rented” one of Max’s canoes and went out on the water.

Sitting in the canoe, hearing the water lap gently against the side, JJ felt the river do its wonders. Chief Bradens had a boat—one that used to belong to Max, actually—called The Escape Clause. He said he used it to come out on the water and get his head straight. Looking back at Gordon Falls, JJ could see how that worked. There was something about the perspective from out here—clarity she couldn’t seem to reach on shore.
You know where my home should be, don’t You, Lord? I look at this place and it feels like home. A huge part of me wants to stay. Only now my heart has found a home in a man who isn’t here. And I can’t help but think that’s Your doing.

She felt the current tug the boat in one direction, making her work harder to go the other. Wasn’t that what was happening to her now? Fighting a current she couldn’t see to a place she couldn’t guess?
You’ve laid out events I could never have imagined. I used to be able to trust You in that. How do I learn to trust You for the rest of this?
The more JJ thought about it, trust wasn’t really a skill one could learn. You either trusted your team in the army or you didn’t; it was a choice.
I could choose to trust You, couldn’t I? I love Max and want what’s best for him. I know I’m in Gordon Falls for a reason—at least for now. And I love Alex, but his life is elsewhere.

She laughed at her declaration. Didn’t God already know all this? Hadn’t He known the whole time—even before she’d realized she loved Alex Cushman? Suddenly, out of nowhere, her brain recalled the favorite saying of the army chaplain that had helped her grieve for Angie Carlisle: “Pray for calm but row for shore.” Ridiculous advice to give a distraught woman in the middle of a desert, but she knew what it meant: do what you can where you are and trust God with the rest.

She was a firefighter here in Gordon Falls. She was Max’s sister. She was a woman in love with Alex Cushman. God would have to take all that and make calm. She would have to row for shore.

* * *

Alex had to give Max one thing: the guy had a natural flare for the dramatic. His email said it all, point blank: “No. I’m staying here.”

If it had been a piece of paper, Alex would have crumpled it up and thrown it against the wall. As it was, all he could do was slam down the lid of his laptop hard enough to make Doc look up from the harness he was testing. “No,” he growled, standing up to pace behind his desk. Failure wasn’t the kind of thing that could just be walked off like a leg cramp, but he couldn’t sit still while the weight of this crashed down on him.

“No, what?” Doc’s face showed the question to be unnecessary, more like a last-ditch hope that the decline was for something else.

“Max turned me down. He’s going to stay in Chicago and sue us into oblivion.” That was overdramatic, but he wasn’t feeling reasonable right now. “I know he should be on our team. I know we could do great things if we could just get him out here.”

“So you know just what will fix Max Jones’s life, do you?” Doc’s raised eyebrow poked an annoying hole in Alex’s conscience.

“Yes! No. I mean, I
feel
it—that it’s right. I’ve never had an idea plant itself in my head with more certainty. This is the answer.”

Doc put down the tool he was using. “This is
your
answer. Max just gave you his.”

Alex knew Doc was right, but the failure of it all seemed to choke him right now. He wanted to push back, to argue with Doc, but found he couldn’t. “It’s just that there’s no solution now. Everybody loses.”
Everybody loses.
The words clanged around his head like a loose gear.

“Everybody loses
what,
exactly?”

“Everybody loses...everything. We lose Adventure Gear, Max loses a chance at a new career, we lose the chance to make this right, you probably lose your job, I’ve already lost Sam...” Alex glared at Doc. “Want me to go on?”

Doc sat back against his worktable. “As a matter of fact, I do. You’re missing something important on that list.”

Alex shot the Italian his darkest “I’m in no mood to play games” glare.

Doc sighed. “What does your Josephine lose? You are making this all about Max, and that’s wrong. A lot of it is about Max Jones—as it should be—but it also has to be about you. And about you and your Josephine.”

Alex felt his jaw drop. “When in the world did you start calling her Josephine?”

Doc shook his head. “Americans. You take a lovely name like Josephine and you chop it up into letters. I cannot call a beautiful woman JJ. How can you call the woman you care about by such a thing?”

Alex fought the urge to snarl, “You’re kidding me, right?” but it was useless to have such arguments with Doc. He was who he was. Instead, Alex wiped his hands down his face and said, “The beautiful woman in question
likes
to be called JJ and doesn’t like to be called Josephine, that’s why.”

“I asked what JJ stood for and she told me. I asked her permission to use such a beautiful name for a beautiful woman and she said that I could.”

Doc’s smug smile sank into Alex’s gut. “Sure, when you put it
that
way.”

Doc picked his tool back up. “Which I did. And you have not answered my question. Yes, you’ve lost Samuel, but that would have happened in any case. What do you lose now?”

Alex’s brain kept shouting “everything,” but he forced his thoughts past the frustration to reach for the answer. “JJ,” he said finally, sinking into his chair. “I think I lose JJ. I know she would have come to Denver with Max, or I could have persuaded her to come eventually. But now I don’t think she will. I’m not sure I could ask her to.”

Doc twisted a piece of harness, trimming one end. “Do you believe Max is the only man who could do this job?”

Alex had to think. “I believe he is
the
man for the job. He is the man who is supposed to have the job. But could someone else fill that role? Doc, I have no idea. It’s supposed to be Max. I can’t explain it any other way.”

“And Max will not come to Denver.”

Alex spun in his desk chair, wanting this conversation to be over. “Nope.”

“And your Josephine, she will not come to Denver.”

“Not without Max, and maybe not at all.” What, was Doc determined to make him repeat all the day’s worst news?

“And there is no solution.”

“Not that I can see.” Alex wanted to bang his head on the desk.

“Then you are not the Alexander I know.” Doc started to laugh, which just doubled Alex’s annoyance. “Finding solutions where no one else could was always your gift. And now I can see the solution and you cannot? The world has become a funny place.”

“What?” Doc only laughed, which made Alex want to tromp over there and take his tools away until the infuriating Italian quit his guessing games.
“What?”

Doc silently went back to work. What’s worse, he started to whistle.

“You are the most...” Alex simply grabbed his car keys before he said something he’d regret. “I’m out of here. It’s been a bad enough day already without you adding to it.”

Alex stomped from the room, stalking down the hall in a wave of fury and frustration. He was almost to the front door when it hit him like an avalanche. It was so simple, so drastic, so obvious, Alex couldn’t fathom how he’d missed it. He turned around so fast he nearly fell over, and sprinted back to yank the office door open with so much force it banged into the wall. Alex darted over to Doc’s worktable and planted his hands atop the rigging. “Move.”

Doc looked up as if nothing unusual had just happened.

“If JJ and Max won’t come to Adventure Access, I’ll take Adventure Access to them. We’ll move the whole shebang to Chicago, or Gordon Falls or wherever near there that fits. Everybody wins.”

Doc offered a tilted smile. “Not everyone.”

“You wouldn’t come? You
have
to come. I think I can do this without Sam, but I
know
I can’t do this without you.”

“I’ll come. But only if you move for you, or for her and not lay everything at that poor young man’s feet.
Your
life is not
his
to save, even if you think
you’re
saving his.”

It would have been the most pretentious, overly dramatic thing to say—had it not been absolutely right. Still, that was Doc. He always knew what was truly wrong, even when no one else could see it.

Alex grabbed the dear man by his shoulder. “Doc, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a plane to catch.”

Doc’s smile filled the room. “You always do.”

* * *

The engine pulled into the bay and JJ swung down off her position, tired and sweaty. The garage fire had been stubborn, but the brigade had worked together well to contain it. The past two calls proved she’d become a member of the team. As she undid the fastenings on her bunker coat, Wally nudged her shoulder and pointed. “What’s with him again?”

“Who?” JJ turned to see Alex standing in the wide driveway. Her heart did a teenager-worthy flip at the sight of him. Max had declared his decision, and now she didn’t know what lay ahead for her and Alex. Something in his eyes, however, told her he’d come up with something—Alex was practically buzzing with excitement. Despite the grime and her cumbersome gear, JJ walked over to where he was.

“You’re beautiful.” The truth was she smelled like smoke and gasoline and two hours of exertion, not to mention her sweaty hair and sooty everything. Not the standard definition of beauty by any means, but Alex’s eyes displayed a full-out smitten adoration that made her cheeks redden.

“You’re here.” Would this be how it went from now on? Stretches of settling in while missing him punctuated by sudden appearances that would startle her heart?

“I’m here. I need to talk to you.”

JJ shucked out of the thick coat. “I can’t change Max’s mind. I’ve tried.” She had. Half of her truly wanted Alex’s plan to work out, to transplant Max into a new life and all of them to Denver. The other half recognized how much Gordon Falls already meant to him and was coming to mean for her. Max was finally thinking of one place as home, and that was worth so much. She just didn’t know if it was worth losing her chance with Alex.

“It’s not about Max.” He shrugged. “Okay, maybe it’s a bit about Max, but not really. That doesn’t make any sense, does it?” He shut his eyes for a second. “How fast can you get out of here?”

“Not fast. The shift’s almost over but we’ve got to clean up and there’s paperwork and...”

Chief Bradens appeared behind her from out of nowhere. “And I think we can have her out of here in ten minutes unless she has to put on makeup and do her hair, which will cost you another thirty.”

JJ spun around. “Chief, I...”

He smirked. “So I’m a softy. Deal with it. The guy bought us doughnuts. And pizza.”

She gaped at her boss, unable to come up with the right answer for the situation. In response, he merely checked his watch, gave Alex an exaggerated wink and walked away. JJ took one last look over her shoulder, held up one hand to Alex and managed to choke out, “I’ll be back in fifteen.

“Ten,” he countered, absurdly impatient.

“Fifteen.” She held her ground. “I need a shower.”

When she returned after the fastest postincineration shower in GFVFD history, Alex hadn’t moved from his spot in the driveway. The guys found this hilarious and made all kinds of comments to her as she walked out of the bay to meet him, at which point Alex greeted her with an enormous kiss despite—or perhaps because of—the raucous audience. Whistles and whoops and one call of “Way to go, doughnut man!” echoed in the large engine bay behind her until JJ was sure she was the color of the truck.

“Can we get out of here now?” She laughed into his neck when he wouldn’t stop covering her in small kisses. It startled her—in the nicest of ways—how she could let him be so affectionate given the totally uncertain nature of their relationship. Maybe because he exuded certainty, that solidness of purpose that made him able to launch companies out of disasters. With or without Max, she had no doubt Alex Cushman would turn Adventure Access into something the world had never seen before.