The First Three Rules (11 page)

Rudy leaned forward and tapped Ellis on the shoulder. “What kind of doughnut are you going to get?”

“I don’t think I’m in the mood for a doughnut.”

“Oh… Then can I have yours?”

“You don’t really need two doughnuts.”

“But if you don’t want yours then it will get thrown away and that would be wasting a doughnut, and you always say don’t waste food.”

Ellis massaged his temple. “Someone else will buy the doughnut.”

“What if they don’t? What if it gets thrown away?”

“Rudy…”

“If you gave it to me, I wouldn’t throw it away. I’d eat it. But don’t get one with yellow cream or I’ll have to wash it out.”

“Rudy…please.” Ellis prayed for a moment of quiet.

The driver’s side door opened.

“Maybe Jon will eat it.”

“Eat what?” Jon said.

“Ellis doesn’t want his doughnut and I don’t want it to get thrown away. He says I don’t need two doughnuts. So you’ll need to eat it instead.”

Jon shut the door and cranked up the car. “I should be able to arrange that.”

Rudy shook Ellis by his shoulder. Everything blurred.

“Easy there. Ellis is hurt, remember?”

“I forgot.”

“Sit back.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t forget your seatbelt.”

“I won’t.”

Ellis laid his head against the seat. “Thanks.” The warmth of skin brushed against his hand. He opened his eyes.

Jon frowned. “You sure you want to do this?”

Ellis tried to remember what he wanted to do. All he could think about was Jon. His touch, his musky scent with a hint of spice. Did he use cologne or did he smell like that all the time?

Jon turned off the car.

“I’m fine,” Ellis said.

“You don’t look fine.” Jon opened the door.

“Please, I’m okay. I’m just tired. I just want to go home and rest.”

Jon closed the door. The thump echoed through Ellis’s bones.

“Ellis?”

“It’s just the sounds. They’re loud and they make my head hurt.”

“Like thunder?” Rudy said. “Thunder always makes my head hurt. I’m allergic to thunder.”

“Rudy,” Jon said. “I need you to sit still and be very quiet. Can you do that?”

“Am I in trouble?”

“No. But talking makes Ellis’s head hurt so we need to be very, very quiet.”

“Like the man in the funny hat who is always hunting wabbits.”

“Yeah, like that.” Jon started the car again. “Are you going to be okay long enough for us to stop?”

Ellis already felt nauseous. But if Jon didn’t stop, Rudy would worry them both to death about cream filled doughnuts. “I’m good.”

“I’ll make it fast.” He pulled out onto the main road.

“Thanks again.”

Jon smiled a little. “For what?”

“Do you have to ask?”

“You don’t have to thank me, Ellis. I promise.”

“With everything you’ve done, you deserve a lot more than just words.” Jon flexed his hands on the wheel and shifted in his seat. Ellis realized how that sounded, but he didn’t know what to do about it. And did he want to?

“Like I said…”

“You took me to the hospital and probably saved my life.”

Jon stared at the road. His grip on the steering wheel turned his knuckles white.

Did Ellis say the wrong thing? He rested his burning cheek against the cold glass of the passenger window. Watching the scenery slide past made him dizzy so he shut his eyes.

The flurry of sounds washed Ellis in and out of sleep. It seemed like minutes from the time they pulled out of the hospital parking lot to when Jon turned into the gravel driveway. Ellis sat up.

“Sorry, I was trying to go slow to keep from knocking you around.”

“I thought you were going to stop and get doughnuts.”

“We did.” Rudy sat forward then back. “Sorry.” He put his finger over his lips. “Shh—Hunting wabbits.”

“He picked you out a doughnut,” Jon said.

“Huh?”

“They had double chocolate fudge éclairs with smiley faces. Hope you like clowns.” Jon tipped his head at the bag from the Doughnut Hole between them.

“I guess I fell asleep.” And he felt like he could sleep again. For days.

Jon parked the car beside Ellis’s truck.

Rudy unsnapped his seatbelt, threw opened the car door, and took off toward the house. Before Ellis could tell him to shut the car door, he’d disappeared inside. “Damn it, Rudy.”

Jon laughed. “I told him he had to wait until he got home so he could sit at the table.”

“No wonder he took off like his pants were on fire.”

Jon laughed again. The sound didn’t hurt Ellis’s head, but it stirred a strange tight feeling in his gut.

Jon grabbed the bag of doughnuts. “Let’s get you inside before he thinks we’ve forgotten about him.”

By the time Ellis had his feet on the ground, Jon was there offering a hand. Ellis wound up tucked against Jon’s side with the man’s arm around his back.

The fluttering in Ellis’s stomach moved to his groin. He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. But no matter how hard he tried he could not ignore the hard muscular lines of Jon’s body pressed against him.

Ellis burned with embarrassment. “Wait.”

Jon stopped.

“We left the meds in the car.”

“I’ll come back.”

Of course he would.

Some of the dizziness had receded when they were inside.

Ellis started toward the kitchen. Jon stopped him. “What are you doing?”

“Rudy needs to eat lunch before he gets junk food.”

“Then after I get you settled upstairs, I’ll get it for him.”

“Jon…”

“No. You promised Dr. Bramblet you’d stay in bed and rest. That was the deal. I’m here and I’ll take care of Rudy.”

“I can’t ask—”

“You’re not asking.”

“He’s my brother, not yours.”

“Which is exactly why you need to take care of yourself. If you don’t get better then where will he be?”

In a nursing home, if he was lucky, or a mental institution, if he wasn’t.

“C’mon, I’ll tuck you in.”

“Not funny.”

Ellis stopped at the bottom of the steps. They went on forever. Jon offered his arm and Ellis held on.

“Tell me if you need to stop and rest.”

“I won’t.” Ellis regretted those words half way up.

“You sure you don’t want to take that rest?”

“I’m sure.” Lead filled his feet with every new step. He reached the second to last step but couldn’t seem to lift his leg. Jon moved his arm around Ellis’s ribs. He didn’t even have to try clear the last step and he didn’t argue when Jon all but carried him over to the bed.

The blankets were rumpled just enough on the other side from where Ellis slept to suggest someone had laid there. It was not hard to guess who that someone was.

Jon put the bag of doughnuts on the side table and knelt.

“I can get my own shoes off.”

Jon looked like he was about to argue. Then he stood and picked up the bag. “Will you let me at least get you something more comfortable to sleep in?”

Ellis nodded. “Top drawer.”

Jon took out a pair of pajamas. Ellis put them in his lap.

“Is there anything—”

“I’m fine.” Ellis crushed the fabric in his hands. “Thank you. You know, for everything.”

“I’ll be back in a little while to check on you.” Jon turned to leave.

“Wait.”

He did.

“When you give Rudy his lunch make sure you—”

“Cut his food up so he won’t choke.”

“And don’t let him drink—”

“Sodas.”

Ellis stared at the floor.

Jon put his hand on Ellis’s shoulder. “I got this. I promise. And if don’t, I’ll ask you what to do.”

Ellis didn’t look up until Jon was gone.

The stairs squeaked and Jon’s deep voice carried from the room below. Rudy laughed and whatever Jon said to him was lost to distance.

Ellis touched the wrinkled blankets. Jon had been right there in his bed, just inches away and Ellis could have reached over and touched him.

He tugged the sheet up and held it to his nose. Rich, almost spicy, Jon’s scent was enough to make Ellis hard.

If only. There were always so many ‘if onlys’.

Day after day life slipped through his fingers, taking every opportunity with it.

Nothing changed for Ellis. Today would be the same as tomorrow, next week, and next year. While he wished for a different life, the concept terrified him.

There was one thing that he wasn’t afraid of. The one thing he hungered for every day. Someone to hold him when the frustration crushed the tears from his eyes, someone he could tell his fears, and someone who would listen to his dreams.

An end to this loneliness.

A knock got Ellis’s attention. Jon stood in the doorway, plate in one hand, small white paper bag in the other.

“I brought you something to eat.” He held out the plate. Cheese poured over the edges of the pizza slices. Bits of mushroom and olives stuck out like mountains.

“What time is it?”

“A little after two, why?”

“I was worried I might have zoned out again.”

“Nope, it’s still breakfast.”

“Most people eat breakfast in the morning.”

“Well, you missed morning so I brought you breakfast and lunch all in one.” Jon pointed to one pizza slice. “Breakfast.” Then the other. “Lunch.”

“I think that’s cheating.” Ellis grinned and his cheeks ached.

“Absolutely not, I even checked the rule book.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Promise.”

“And since when did pizza become a breakfast food?”

“You didn’t want a doughnut, remember? Besides, pizza has been the choice gourmet for bachelors everywhere since the beginning of time.”

Ellis laughed and took the plate. It was warm against his hands. “Is Rudy okay?”

Jon sat beside him. “He’s watching TV.”

“He’s not asking for cookies or soda, is he?”

“Nope. I did give him a glass of milk.”

Ellis wanted Rudy to drink milk more often but it was so damn expensive and they already went through a gallon once a week. Ellis took a bite of the pizza. It was hot, but not enough to burn. The cheese refused to let go and made strings from the plate to his lips. He pulled them free and sucked them off his thumb. “This is way better than anything I’ve ever bought from the store or had delivered.”

Jon watched him with dark eyes.

What was he thinking about at this moment?

Ellis swiped his thumb through the red sauce dripping from the edge of the pizza slice and Jon tracked the journey to Ellis’s mouth. He nursed the tip.

Jon’s pupils widened until they swallowed the golden brown of his irises.

A heated thrill rushed over Ellis’s skin. He was doing that to Jon. Just him. No one else.

Ellis sucked his thumb deeper. He was playing with fire, but didn’t care.

Jon shut and opened his eyes in a long, slow blink. The action was so deliberate it was as if it hurt. Ellis smiled around his thumb.

The paper bag crinkled when Jon held it up. “Got your stuff out of the car.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you want me to put it in the closet?”

“Please.”

He didn’t move.

Ellis’s brief moment of confidence withered into self-consciousness. He stared at the pizza. It really was a work of art. Jon put a hand under Ellis’s chin and pulled his head back up. Forced to look him in the eye, all Ellis could do was shiver.

“Don’t ever look away from me.” Jon traced the line of Ellis’s bottom lip with his thumb. “You don’t have any reason to look away.”

Jon pulled the plate out of Ellis’s hands and put it and the paper bag on the bed behind him. He moved closer and the length of his leg pressed against Ellis’s. His gaze flicked across Ellis’s face, lingering on his black eye. His brow wrinkled. Ellis could only imagine the picture he made.

Jon leaned closer. His exhale caressed the shell of Ellis’s ear and his lips brushed the cut near his temple. Another feather light kiss touched Ellis’s cheek. His jaw. Then his lips were right there and Ellis inhaled Jon’s breath. He tilted his head and the small space separating their mouths disappeared. His lips were softer than Ellis imagined. Jon ran his fingers along the line of Ellis’s jaw, then slipped them into Ellis’s hair.

Jon pulled back just far enough for Ellis to get lost in his gaze again. He seemed to be waiting for something. Ellis had no idea if the something happened or not, but Jon’s lips touched his again. This time the kiss was just firm enough to make the cut on Ellis’s lip sting. The warm wetness of Jon’s tongue, flicking into his mouth, caught him off guard. Ellis opened to him and Jon made a pleased sound. The next invasion wasn’t gentle and Jon fed Ellis his desperation and want.

Ellis followed the short stiff hairs on Jon’s jaw until he reached the smooth skin on the side of his neck. The warmth of Jon’s body called to Ellis.

He settled his hand on Jon’s shoulder. It seemed to be the right thing to do because Jon put an arm around Ellis and pulled him closer. Jon’s embrace was gentle enough not to hurt Ellis’s ribs, but tight enough that Ellis knew he was wanted.

And Ellis wanted Jon. What would it be like to have nothing between them? To be skin to skin, head to toe? To feel the weight of another body pressing against his?

A metallic crash from downstairs slapped Ellis back to reality.

From somewhere downstairs, Rudy’s voice drifted up. “I didn’t touch it.”

Ellis clenched his eyes shut.

“I’ll go check on him.” Jon brushed his lips against Ellis’s temple. “Eat your pizza. I’ll be back.”

“I didn’t touch it.” Rudy’s voice was closer now, like he’d moved to the bottom of the stairs. Jon left Ellis sitting on the bed.

“Then what did you touch?” Jon didn’t even sound frustrated.

Rudy’s reply drifted away.

Ellis picked up the plate and set it back in his lap. He stared at the pizza. There was an emptiness inside him and it had nothing to do with being hungry. He’d never felt it before or maybe he’d never noticed. But for a few moments it had been filled and it felt wonderful.

He promised to be grateful, even though now, he would ache for it again for the rest of his life.

Jon willed his body to calm and the heat under his skin to cool. The touch of Ellis’s lips and taste of the spices from the pizza remained. Jon wanted more. So much more, but he wasn’t sure how much Ellis was willing to give.