The First Three Rules (5 page)

“That’s not something therapy takes care of and there is no goddamned pill in the world that will block it out.” Jon pressed his palm against his left eye in an attempt to hold back the pain. He inhaled the scent of gun powder. Was it from handling the .38 or was his mind playing tricks on him?

“Jon?”

“I’m here.”

“You couldn’t have known the trauma of finding your brother would manifest this late in your life. The mind is a funny thing. It’s a tragedy that it happened in the warehouse, but it’s not your fault. You’ve got to let it go.” .

That could only happen if Jon wasn’t here to think about it. Anger squeezed his throat, but he was able to keep it out of his voice. “I know. I’m trying.”

“Have you talked to Terry lately?”

What would he say? Sorry that I got Alex killed. Yeah, I know he was my best friend. I know we were supposed to look out for each other. Sorry I got distracted. I’m sure you understand. I’m sure the kids understand too. “No.”

“Why don’t you call her some time? I know she’d like to hear from you.”

“Sure. Maybe later today.”
Never
.

“You promise?”

“If I don’t get busy and forget. I have to go get some groceries.” And a few dishes. With the way things were going paper plates were a better investment.

“Do you still like living in Gilford?”

He hadn’t until yesterday. The tension in Jon’s shoulders eased. “Yeah. It’s nice. Quiet. Almost too quiet. Sometimes the tree frogs get loud.”

“Maybe you should have picked a bigger town.”

But Jon hadn’t really picked Gilford. He’d just gotten in his car and drove, not stopping until he reached the small, nowhere town, tucked at the foot of the Appalachian mountains.

Mike chuckled. “You know Lindsey and I still have that rental property in the suburbs. If you’re tired of country life you can always move back up here.”

“Disability and my pension wouldn’t cover the rent.”

“We’d make sure it wasn’t too much.”

The taxes on that place had to be in the thousands every year. “I appreciate that but I need to be here.”
Need?

“Well, the offer still stands. What about finding any side work?”

“I haven’t looked.”

“I see.” There was a rustle in the background. “Are you seeing anyone?”

Jon looked at the plastic container of baseball cards on the coffee table. “Not really.”

“That doesn’t sound like a no.”

“Mike, no offense, but that’s none of your business.”

“What’s his name?”

“Don’t go there.”

“I’m only asking his name. You can leave out the gory details.” He laughed again.

More tension melted away. “We’re not dating.”

“Okay.”

“We just met.”

“So how did you meet him?”

In the park when I was going to blow my brains out. But then his brother showed up and offered me a piece of gum. “You know. Around.”

“But you’re not dating yet?”

“I barely know him. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s interested. I’m not even sure if it’s safe for me to be interested.”

“What would make you say that?”

“Do you really have to ask?”

“The nightmares still bad?”

It wasn’t the nightmares that worried Jon, it was the daymares. “Sometimes.”

“Well, if you get that far, you’ll just have to talk to him.”

“I doubt it will get that far.”

“Are you going to try?”

He picked up the box and turned it over. The cards ticked against the side. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“You need to make an effort.”

“Will you, at least, let me get his number first, before you go moving me in?”

“That’s not what I mean. You need to make an effort to live.”

Jon hadn’t been doing a very good job of that. It wasn’t a bullet through his brain, but he’d still given up. “Mike?”

“Yeah.”

“I need to go. You know, beat the crowd.”

“Sure, but you’ll call me, right?”

“Maybe.”

“Call me, Jon.”

“Okay. I’ll call.” Jon hung up.

The local history museums, tours, and novelty shops had long ago lost their appeal to any of the locals in Gilford, leaving Big K the closest thing to entertainment the town had to offer. It seemed the entire population came to the superstore on a daily basis and any available parking spots were always on the other side of the world.

Ellis got out of the truck with Rudy.

“Now what are the rules about the store?” Ellis made Rudy look at him.

“Don’t talk to people.”

“And?”

Rudy scrunched up his face. “Don’t wander off.”

“What’s the most important rule?”

“Don’t touch.”

Ellis patted him on the cheek. “Good man. You remembered.”

Rudy grinned and Ellis led the way inside.

“Can we get baseball cards?” Rudy reached for the train of buggies but jerked his hand back. “Sorry.”

“You can get the buggy.”

His smile returned again and he pulled out the cart. “We won’t need a buggy for baseball cards.”

“The buggy is for the microwave and the groceries.”

“Don’t forget the oatmeal.”

“I won’t.”

“Can we get cereal?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I like the cereal with the colored marshmallows.”

They headed to household goods. “If we get cereal, it won’t be the one with marshmallows.”

“Why not? I’m not allergic.”

A lady pushing a buggy frowned at Rudy.

Ellis pretended he didn’t notice. “You know why.”

Rudy laughed. “I remember now.”

“Shhh— lower your—”

“We can’t buy cereal with marshmallows because it makes my poop blue.”

Ellis grabbed Rudy by the arm and pulled him away from gawking onlookers. “Jesus, Rudy. Announce it to the world.”

Rudy frowned. “Am I in trouble?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ellis herded his brother down the aisle. “But don’t talk about stuff like that outside of the house. And whisper.”

“Like this?” It was closer to laryngitis than a whisper.

“Close enough.” Ellis turned down the appliance aisle. Every make, model and size of microwave covered the shelves. He stopped and Rudy bumped the buggy into his leg. “Ow.”

“Sorry.”

“Just slow down and that won’t happen.”

Rudy stared at the shelves. “Which one are we going to get?”

“I don’t know yet.” Ellis checked the wattage on the boxes.

“I like this one.” Rudy pointed.

“That one costs too much.”

“But it’s big.”

“I know.”

“Our other one couldn’t hold two bowls.”

“I know.” Ellis matched product to prices. At one point, he thought he’d found a good one only to realize it had been stocked in the wrong spot. The price was right, now all he had to do was find it.

“Maybe if two bowls would have fit, the microwave wouldn’t have broke?”

“It broke because you put too much oatmeal in the bowls, then cooked it for too long.”

“But the bowls weren’t full. They’re always full.”

“Oatmeal expands when it cooks.”

“Expands?”

“Gets bigger.”

“Oh.” Rudy picked at a label on one of the boxes.

“It’s okay. The other one was old and didn’t heat very well.”

“And it burned the oatmeal.”

“Yeah, it burned the oatmeal.” Ellis went from one end of the shelf to the other. Nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t find the one I’m looking for.”

“How about this one?” Rudy pointed to a boxed blender.

“That’s not a microwave.”

“This one?”

“I told you it’s too expensive.”

“What if I don’t get any baseball cards?”

Ellis smiled. “I’m afraid even giving up your baseball cards won’t help.”

“What if I gave them up for a week?”

“I appreciate that but—”

“A month?” Rudy looked stricken even as he said it.

“You’d really give up a month’s worth of baseball cards to get a microwave?” It wouldn’t help, but it was the fact that Rudy offered.

He nodded. “I broke the other one and burned the oatmeal.”

Ellis ruffled Rudy’s hair. “Fine. Which one did you like?”

Rudy pointed. Ellis checked the price. It wasn’t too bad. He put it in the buggy.

They were able to make it through the store in under an hour. Record time. Rudy didn’t even ask to look at the baseball cards. Ellis was proud of him for that. He would have bought the stupid things if Rudy had asked, but it was nice to see that he understood what he’d said.

Ellis was about to head toward the checkout line when Rudy said, “Cereal.”

“We really don’t need any cereal. I’ve got eggs, bread, bacon, and oatmeal.”

“Please?”

“It has too much sugar.”

“But I won’t burn the microwave up if I make cereal.”

“Fine. Cereal.” Half way down the aisle Jon held a box of Corn Flakes in his hand. Ellis started to turn the buggy around.

“Jon!” Rudy grabbed Ellis by the arm. “It’s my friend, Jon.”

Jon dropped the box.

“Rudy.” Ellis put a finger over his lips. “Whisper.”

“But it’s Jon!” Rudy took off down the aisle. Before Ellis could stop him, he’d thrown his arms around Jon’s ribs.

“Rudy. Let him go.”

Rudy backed away. “I’m sorry. I forgot. Don’t touch. I’m sorry, Jon.”

Jon staggered. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” Ellis took Rudy by the hand and put the buggy between him and Jon.

“Seriously. It’s all right, he just caught me off guard.”

Ellis pulled the buggy back. “C’mon Rudy, let’s go.”

“But we didn’t get the cereal.”

Ellis grabbed a box without looking at it and threw it in the buggy. Rudy stopped him.

“We need to go.”

“But—”

“Now Rudy—”

“That’s the wrong kind.”

“What?”

“The cereal. It’s the wrong kind. You said we couldn’t get that one cause it makes my poop blue.”

Ellis closed his eyes wishing for some great void to open at his feet and swallow him whole.

“What kind of cereal can you have?” Jon stopped next to the buggy. His spicy aftershave mixed well with the scent of clean skin.

Ellis willed his feet to move so he could get Rudy away from Jon.

“The kind with no marshmallows.” Rudy said. “Anything but marshmallows.”

There was the rattle of a cereal box being put back on the shelf. “What about this one?” Jon said.

Rudy tapped Ellis on the shoulder. “Is that one okay?”

Ellis cracked an eyelid. He barely glanced at the box. At this point, he didn’t care what it was. He’d suffer the consequences just to get out of here. He nodded and Jon put the box of cereal in the cart.

“Thanks.” Ellis tried to turn the cart but Rudy wouldn’t move.

Neither did Jon. And he stood too close, yet not close enough. A fine sheen of sweat broke over Ellis’s skin. He didn’t want to look at Jon, but he did. Jon’s smile was subtle.

“Thanks,” Ellis said.

“Yeah, you already said that.”

He nodded and pushed the buggy but Rudy was still in the way. He grinned at Jon. When Rudy caught Ellis looking at him, he said, “Jon’s my friend. I gave him baseball cards. And I caught the microwave on fire and burned the oatmeal.”

“You sound like you’ve had my kind of morning.” There was a sense of sadness in Jon’s words.

“C’mon Rudy, we need to go.”

“What about pizza?”

Ellis took breath. “No pizza.”

“But Jon asked you to go get pizza. You didn’t ask me, Jon. So I’m gonna sit in the truck, but Ellis is going to bring me some pizza when it’s time to go. I don’t like anchovies so don’t put any of those on it.”

A man and his wife veered around them. The man shook his head.

Ellis had to stop this before he died of embarrassment in the cereal aisle. “I’m sorry.” He forced himself to meet Jon’s gaze. “He gets excited sometimes and doesn’t think. He didn’t mean it.”

Jon said, “I did.”

Ellis squeezed the buggy handle tight enough to make his fingers ache.

“The offer for pizza is still open if you’d like to go.”

Part of Ellis wished Jon didn’t mean it, and this was some kind of cruel trick so he had a reason to get away. But the only thing Ellis saw in Jon was hope.

“We’ve already imposed on you enough.”

“Maybe I want you to impose again.”

“I appreciate the offer, but it’s not really a good idea for Rudy to go out to a restaurant.”

“Why, because he spills his drink?”

Ellis nodded. “Sometimes worse. It’s better we stay home.”

“Then how about we eat at your place?”

“No anchovies,” Rudy said. “I’m allergic.”

“Quit saying that. You’re not allergic to anchovies.”

Ellis turned the buggy around. Jon’s grip was light on Ellis’s arm.

“Please,” Jon said.

“Why?”

“I want to get to know you. If you really don’t want me to, I’ll quit trying, but I’d hate to lose the opportunity to make a friend.”

The last time Ellis had a friend was in middle school. “Are you sure?”

This time when Jon smiled, his eyes lit up. “I’m sure.”

Ellis nodded. “Five o’clock okay? I usually put Rudy to bed at seven or so.”

“Sure, five is fine.”

“I like mushrooms, and olives, and onions, and meatballs.”

Ellis winced. “Rudy, please—”

“Meatballs?” Jon said.

“Maybe that’s spaghetti? Is it spaghetti, Ellis?”

“Yeah, that’s spaghetti. You like chicken on your pizza.”

“I like chicken,” Rudy said.

“Okay, got it. Chicken it is.” Jon looked at Ellis. “Five o’clock. See you then.” It wasn’t until Jon was around to the corner that Ellis realized he hadn’t asked for his address.

Ellis hurried to the end of the aisle but Jon was gone.

“What’s wrong?” Rudy said.

A better question would have been what wasn’t wrong. “Nothing. C’mon, we need to go.”

Pizza. They were going to have pizza tonight. Pizza with Jon. Rudy couldn’t quit smiling.

Ellis took the items out of the buggy, and they traveled on the conveyor belt to the cashier. Rudy enjoyed watching things move on the conveyor belt. It was like the cereal, oatmeal, and apples had come to life, dancing their way to the bags at the other end.