The Fixes (15 page)

157.

“I guess we're all doing this True Confessions thing tonight, huh?” Paige says, after they've digested Haley's story for a while. “Does that mean it's my turn to spew?”

Jordan sparks a joint. Passes it to E. “Only if you want.”

Paige doesn't say anything. She just stares across the clearing at the smoke billowing from the ruins of Jordan's BMW.

(Time passes.)

Then she looks up. “I got a job,” she says. “I start tomorrow. My first day.”

(Cue the record-scratch.)

Work?

“It's my dad's fault,” Paige tells them. “All his money's tied up with this court case, and I need tuition money. Hence, you know, I have to work.”

There's a shocked silence as the other three picture Paige in, like, Tory Burch, tagging clearance items and ringing in sales.

Paige catches their expressions. “It's not like
that
,” she says. “
got me a PA job on the movie he's shooting. It's actually kind of fun.” Paige forces a smile. “Hey, it beats flipping burgers, right?”

An awkward silence.

“Right,” Jordan says finally. “I mean, of course.
Right
.”

But it's weak, and Paige sees right through it. Her smile disappears. “Oh, fuck you,” she says. “Fuck all you guys. You're
going to be judgmental assholes like everyone else, huh?”

“No.”
Haley shakes her head. Holds up her hands. “It's not like that, Paige. We're just, like, surprised.”

“I didn't know it was that bad,” E says.

(And Paige casts him a withering stare.)

“No,” she says. “
You
wouldn't.”

“It's just so fucked up,” Jordan says. “You were supposed to get out of here. Freaking
Yale
, right? They don't have scholarships?”

“Yeah, they do.” Paige sighs. “I applied for a couple. The rest are all based on financial need. My dad's still freaking loaded, on paper.”

“On paper,” Jordan says.

“But he doesn't have a dime in the real world. His accounts were all frozen. Plus there's the lawyer fees and blah, blah, blah.” She shrugs. “So, you know, I have to
work
. And in the meantime, everybody in Capilano knows my family's a joke.”

“Fuck them,” Haley says. “You don't need those assholes anyway.”

“Haley's right,” Jordan says. “You have
us
. You have the Pack.”

Paige stares across at the smoke. “Yeah,” she says. “Thank god for that, at least.”

158.

E's head is swimming, and when he looks up from the gravel he sees the others looking at him, all of them, and he knows they're waiting for him to confess something, too.

(And there's one BIG, OBVIOUS CONFESSION that would be perfect for this moment.)

(
Dudes, I'm, like, gay
.)

And E knows this is the time to tell it. He knows he's part of the
Pack
now and nobody here will judge him, or laugh at him, or, like, turn on him for liking boys. He knows that . . . rationally.

But E's distracted by the way Haley's nestled into the crook of Jordan's arm, cuddled in tight. He's preoccupied by the way Paige still looks at him, talks to him, like she's still feeling betrayed and hurt and angry and she isn't getting over it anytime soon.

(And anyway, liking boys and liking Jordan are pretty much one and the same in E's mind right now, and he's kind of thinking of he'll start out with the
I'm gay
thing and then get nervous and spew the rest of it, and how awkward would that be, with Haley and Jordan so obviously banging?)

The moment stretches.

(The weed fucks with E's brain.)

The Pack stares at E, waiting for his confession.

And E studies his shoes and tries to think of the words.

And he can't.

159.

“I got nothing,” Eric tells the others.

Haley shakes her head, smirking like she knew this was coming. Paige makes a face like she's hurt and betrayed all over again.

Only Jordan doesn't look fazed. He smiles. Cocks his head at Eric. “Nothing?” he says.

Eric feels his thoughts buzzing. Feels like he wants to open up and just scream about everything, every fucking conflicting feeling and emotion rattling around in his head, every repressed urge and impulse he's ever struggled with, everything that keeps him weighted down like a freaking
anchor
chained around his
chest
and chucked overboard, like he can't breathe and he's plummeting down all at the same time, and there's nobody who can even freaking
relate
to anything that he's feeling.

(It would feel so fucking good to just tell someone.)

(
These are your
friends
, dude.
)

(Do it!)

But Eric can't get it together. He shakes his head. “It's been a
day
, man. I'm too fucking high. I can't even think straight right now.”

And that's where it ends.

160.

There's a brief—

(awkward)

—silence. The others look at each other, and Eric wonders if they're going to kick him out of the Pack or throw him in what's left of the fire or just shun him and never speak to him again—

(and he can't figure out which would be worse).

But Jordan's still unfazed. “That's okay,” he says. “You can think on it, E. We'll revisit the topic after your Fix.”

Eric blinks. “My what?”

“Your Fix.” Jordan smiles, mischievous. “I did one, Paige did one, and Haley. . . . You're next on the list, champ. You're
up
.”

161.

You're up.

(I mean, talk about performance anxiety.)

It's one thing to go along with this insanity. It's another entirely to conjure up some crazy yourself.

Eric thinks about it all the way home. Can't pick out anything. His mind's blank. Too much pressure.

(Like when someone tells you, “Be funny.”)

(Um, could you be more
specific
?)

(What exactly do you
want
?)

162.

Anyway, we're going to leave Eric to stew for a while.

(He has enough on his plate without us watching over his shoulder.)

Let's change tracks for a minute.

Let's look in on Paige.

163.

Suicide Pack successes notwithstanding—

Paige Hammond is not having a good summer. Her family is imploding. Her college dreams are pretty well out the window.

Her dad's
probably
going to jail and
definitely
leaving her mom.

The house is like a war zone.

(Paige hardly ever goes back.)

She's couch-surfing now, most of the time. Her cousin Nate has a condo by the beach. He's shooting some snowboarding documentary in Chile right now, so Paige has the place to herself.

It suits her fine.

(At least there nobody's screaming.)

But Nate will be back soon. Paige's parents will still be splitting up. Her college money will still be tied up in the fraud investigation. The Hammonds will still be the laughingstock of Capilano.

And then, there's the Eric question.

(The
Connelly Conundrum
.)

The whole problem of how to feel about E.

164.

Once upon a time, Paige imagined she and Eric Connelly would grow up, get married, and grow old together.

She'd wasted time in math class being a stereotypical, like,
girl
, imagining which friends she would pick as her bridesmaids and what gown she would wear for the ceremony. She wrote “Paige Connelly” over and over again in her notebook.

(Paige isn't proud of this time in her life.)

But then Eric went away. And it wasn't like she had seen it coming, either.

First day of class, junior year, she'd come back from the family holiday in Morocco and Eric had told her, point-blank, they couldn't be together anymore.

“I just don't have time,” he told her, avoiding her eyes. “I need to, you know, focus on school right now.”

He'd sworn there wasn't anyone else. But Paige hadn't believed him.

(She'd been in Morocco for a month, after all.)

So she'd asked around. Done her research.

(#Stalker.)

(She isn't exactly proud of this, either.)

But everyone she talked to said the same freaking thing:

Eric Connelly's gone.

Eric's a ghost.

Eric doesn't come around here anymore.

165.

He'd buried himself in schoolwork, as far as Paige could tell. And as far as she could tell, it had paid off.

(#StudentOfTheYear.)

But now Eric is back. He clearly has some issues he's trying to deal with. And Paige is happy to see him—

          (a part of her, anyway)
         

—but another part of her hates that E joined the Pack.

(Like, I don't care how good you are at boosting cars.)

(What happened to my apology, man?)

(What happened to, you know,
us
?)

166.

Anyway.

Paige has other things to worry about. If Eric Connelly was her only concern, she'd be laughing.

But Eric's a distant memory at the moment.

Right now, Paige is navigating a movie set. She's wearing, like, her
ID
on a
lanyard
and it is killing her. Every second.

She's looking for the catering van.

She's supposed to fetch
his coffee.

167.

is filming a movie in a studio in the city. It's a prestige picture—

(Scorsese's executive producing)

—and everyone's saying it should win
another Oscar. But
doesn't seem to care about awards, or prestige—

(or even freaking Scorsese).

All
seems to care about is chasing Paige Hammond.