The Forbidden (12 page)

“How’re you?” Nellie wondered if Rebekah had any inkling of Caleb’s disobedience—or their secret meeting.

“Oh, fine. Did ya walk clear over?”

“Jah, but I should’ve hitched up the sleigh, I s’pose.

Bein’ it’s just me . . .” She didn’t explain further, but surely Rebekah understood.

“Been wishin’ I could get away to visit Nan again,” Rebekah whispered. “Doesn’t seem right, not seein’ her.”

“Same with missin’ nearly half the People, jah? So many have jumped the fence.”

Rebekah agreed. “Must be they’re afraid to wait too long. I’ve heard some say they might as well get it over with before the Bann’s a threat—just go ahead and make the leap.” She frowned, glancing over her shoulder. “ ’Tween you and me, I’m awful curious ’bout the new church, Nellie Mae.” Her hand was on Nellie’s arm now. “Don’t breathe a word, all right?” “You’re thinkin’ of visiting Preacher Manny’s?”

Rebekah leaned close. “If I can find a way, I’d like to go next week,” she whispered behind her hand.

Taking care not to react, Nellie was curious what Caleb’s sister had in mind, but she’d have to wait till after the com- mon meal—if Rebekah was willing to talk further. Meanwhile, she quieted herself, preparing to be most reverent as the line moved forward toward the temporary house of worship. As she did, she reached into her coat pocket and felt the strings from Suzy’s Kapp, a constant reminder of her dear sister. The strings seemed oddly out of place here.

Was Suzy wiser than all of us?

Seeing sweet Nellie made Caleb miss her already, not knowing when he might make another escape from Daed’s house. He didn’t want Nellie to become impatient or to lose heart because he was staying home from Singings and such.

He placed his black felt hat on the long wooden bench near the stairs and took his seat next to his father and older married brothers. He bowed his head when his father did and folded his hands. The three-hour meeting stretched before him in his mind, and he struggled to keep his thoughts on the Lord God and heavenly Father. Truth was, his recent date with Nellie Mae was continually before him. When could he possibly arrange to see her again? Each time they shared made him yearn even more for the next meeting, and the next.
The way of love,
he thought. When you met the girl you wanted for your bride, you pursued her . . . moved heaven and earth to be with her.

Opening his eyes, he turned his attention to the front of the large room, where he noticed Ephram Fisher, Nellie’s older brother, standing there in his black frock coat. He and his wife, Maryann, had themselves another little one, although Caleb hadn’t laid eyes on the baby yet. Some women stayed home longer with their infants than others.

One thing seemed definite: Ephram had not budged one inch since the church split late last fall. Ephram’s four brothers were nowhere in sight, however, and Caleb assumed they’d followed their father, as had Rhoda and Nan. Mighty enticing, the newfangled ways. He himself fought against the desire for a tractor, knowing how much easier it would make farming.

There were times when Caleb worried that if something didn’t happen soon, Nellie also might succumb to the urgings of her parents and the New Order. He could lose her forever.

I won’t let that happen.

Rosanna settled onto a bench at the back of the room, close to the kitchen. She’d tiptoed inside with Essie, her sister-in-law, who sat next to her, helping with the babies. Rosanna had purposely chosen to hold Eli during the Preaching service. He nestled against her during the first long hymn from the
Ausbund
while Rosie slept soundly in Essie’s ample arms.

Other than to Elias, Rosanna had not breathed a word of Cousin Kate’s obvious preference for Eli, nor her insistence on continuing to act as a wet nurse. Wondering what Essie might think if she knew, Rosanna joined in the singing of the second hymn, the
Loblied,
as the People awaited the bishop and two preachers. It would be several more minutes before Bishop Joseph returned with the other ministers from upstairs, where they were deciding which of them should have the first sermon and who would preach the lengthier main sermon. She secretly hoped their bishop might be the one to offer the second sermon today, since at times she sensed something deeper in his messages. Perhaps that was merely because he was the eldest man of God in their midst.

Kate Beiler glanced back at Rosanna.
Oh no, is she
thinking of changing seats?
Very soon the introductory sermon— the
Anfang—
would begin and there’d be no moving about. Rosanna held her breath, suddenly realizing she’d forgotten to bring along the herbal tea brewing instructions for Kate.

Eli made a soft little sound in his sleep. Oh, the sweet way his wee hands fell across his rising chest . . . the long, long eyelashes.
Such a beautiful child.

Looking up, she half expected to see Kate staring back, jealous as all get out—certainly she seemed that. But Kate sat straight now, face forward, as she should be. Still, it was painfully obvious Kate was behaving strangely toward her and the babies. Even Elias had privately voiced his concerns to Rosanna. After all, they had only the bishop’s blessing on their raising Eli and Rosie, not a fancy judge’s decree. Was it enough?

After the common meal, Caleb slipped outdoors in hopes of seeing Nellie, who’d left for the outhouse a few minutes before. His mind was alive with ideas and he wanted to reassure her not to give up hope. He was convinced that if she was still on this side of the fence after the practice of the Bann was resumed, it would definitely sway his father.

If he was quick, he might catch her on the way back to the house.
Even a few stolen moments would be worth
the risk.

The cold was brutal as the sun splayed blinding light across the snow-laden field. He shielded his eyes, looking for Nellie, not daring to call out for her with several other foolhardy folk milling about, braving the chill.

He shivered. He hated feeling as if he were doing something wrong by tailing Nellie Mae on the Lord’s Day. Was it so terrible to want to be with the girl you loved . . . even though in his case, doing so meant willful defiance?

Waiting near the barn door, he was caught off guard when Daed called to him from near the corncrib, waving in a high arc. “Caleb! Over here, son!” Looking toward the path that led to the outhouse, he glimpsed Nellie walking his way.
Puh, such ill timing!
His heart sank.

Did Cousin Aaron snitch on me?

Caleb scuffed his boots against the barn’s threshold and then strode out into the snow, his neck tingling as he crossed paths with his sweetheart. He dared not so much as glance Nellie’s way, however, keeping his eyes trained on the father whose will seemed fixed on bending his own.

C
HAPTER 16

Nellie stood in the shadow of her brother’s barn, observing Caleb and his father talking up yonder. She couldn’t help but wonder what David Yoder was saying so dramatically, but lest her presence add fuel to the fire, she waited where she couldn’t be seen if either Caleb or his father happened to look her way.

How could his father continue to treat Caleb’s feelings with such disregard? She watched them, David Yoder’s breath rising in a straight line from his black winter hat. Caleb, however, was strangely silent.

Nellie would have worked her way around the side of the barn to continue watching, but right then, Rebekah emerged from inside. “Ach, you scared me half to death,” she said when Rebekah reached for her mittened hands and pulled her back into the barn.

“I
have
to talk to you.” Rebekah’s eyes were watering. Was she crying, or was it from the fierce cold?

“You all right?”

Rebekah nodded, leading her toward the milking stanchions, the smell of livestock thick in the closed-up space. “I’ve already told ya what I want to do.” She looked over her shoulder.

“Won’t you be in terrible trouble with your father?”

Nellie asked. “I won’t wait any longer to see Manny’s church for myself,” Rebekah whispered.

“Do you think you can really get away next Sunday?” Nellie recalled what Rebekah had told her before Preaching.

“I’m goin’ to try.”

“Does Nan know? Do my parents?”

“You’re the first I’ve told.”

Nellie was stunned. “Are ya ever so sure, Rebekah?” There was no telling what consequences might befall Caleb’s sister if she was found out.

Rebekah nodded. “So will you tell Nan . . . hush-hush?”

At Nellie’s nod, she sighed as though a great burden was lifting. “I’ll wait along the road, if your parents won’t mind pickin’ me up.”

What’ll David Yoder say when she’s not at home next
Sunday?

“I must do this . . .” Looking down, Rebekah blinked. “Even if I’m . . . disowned, or worse.”

Ach, what could be worse?

“Be prayin’ for me, all right?” Rebekah gripped Nellie’s hands again.

Nellie was startled by this turn in their conversation. She hadn’t the slightest inkling what to say, nor did she know how to go about sharing any of this with Nan.

Just then they heard the sound of heavy boots on the cement beneath the strewn hay.

Ephram, maybe?

The girls ducked down, and Nellie Mae held her breath for a long time before she exhaled slowly, too aware of her own heart’s pounding. “Who was that?” she whispered after a time.

“Sounded like Caleb. His walk—I’d know it most anywhere.”

Nellie had seen him outside earlier, looking as if he’d spotted her but didn’t want to let on—not with his father calling to him.

“Ach, Nellie, my brother’s head over heels for you,” Rebekah said softly, “in case you don’t already know.”

Nellie’s heart fluttered at Rebekah’s admission, but with Caleb going behind his father’s back in order to see her, she wasn’t about to let on that she felt the same about him. If he was working on a way for them to be together without jeopardizing his birthright, then woe unto her to mess things up.

“We best be goin’.” She glanced around them at the dozens of milk cows waving their tails above the manure ditch.

“I’ll go first.” Rebekah smiled sweetly before slipping away.

When Nellie rose, she spied the top of a man’s black hat. Was it her beau, hoping for an opportunity to talk secretly?

Not at all sure of herself, she walked slowly, assuming that if Caleb was there waiting, he would call to her to tell her not to leave.

She was pushing the barn door open when a man’s voice rang out.

“Nellie Mae Fisher!”

She froze in her tracks.

Caleb’s father?
She turned and there he stood, his face glowering and red. His black felt hat was tipped forward, nearly concealing his eyes.

“You stay far away from my son, do ya hear?” David Yoder demanded.

Has someone spied on me and Caleb? Who?

Without thinking, Nellie bolted directly out the barn door and ran all the way to the shelter of Ephram’s house.

Caleb was downright furious. To think he’d been caught merely darting outside to see Nellie Mae. His hands shook with frustration as he hitched his courting carriage to his horse. He was in the mood to do something crazy—like have a wild buggy race. If only this were any other day but Sunday. He had to blow his stack somehow . . . somewhere.

Worse yet, Daed had threatened to go find Nellie. First, though, his father had raised his voice to Caleb, saying he suspected him of sneaking around with Nellie Mae all along—something Caleb had done only once.

Now his father was threatening to cut him off if he did it again . . . and he was requiring Caleb to promptly make amends or be disinherited immediately. His father’s way of having him do this—his demand—struck Caleb as utterly ridiculous.

Caleb rubbed his hand across his face. He could hardly believe he was considering doing his father’s bidding. Yet what choice did he have?

It wasn’t such a difficult demand to fulfill, really. And it would buy him more time. Susannah Lapp was, after all, a treat for the eyes. Why not satisfy his father’s unreasonable order and spend a little time with her? Nellie wouldn’t have to know. Now that they were no longer able to regularly see each other, she appeared less interested in going to the old church’s Singings. And if she did find out, he could simply explain himself. After all, he’d be doing it for Nellie Mae . . . to preserve any hope of a future together.

He’d do
anything
to be with his beloved, and now his father’s blessing was tied to Caleb’s agreeing to see Susan-nah— just once.

Clucking his tongue, he hastened the horse, glad for the openness of his courting buggy. He wished Nellie were there, just the two of them.
Later . . .

For now, he must prove to his father that neither Susan-nah nor any other girl held any interest for him. Maddening as it was, there was no getting around the fact Daed held the reins of his life. His father’s land was everything . . . he must have it; otherwise he could offer nothing to his bride. Nellie deserved everything he had to bring to their marriage and much more.

Unnerved, Nellie stayed around to help with the kitchen cleanup, prickles of uneasiness plaguing her. She stopped drying dishes to talk with Maryann, who asked her to hold the new baby—a darling girl named Sadie—while Maryann hurried upstairs to tend to young Becky and Katie, putting them down for a nap. So convenient since Preaching service had been held there at her own home.

Never had Nellie enjoyed gazing into a baby’s tiny face so much.
Will Caleb’s and my babies be as pretty?
she wondered, then silently chastised herself, wishing also for inner beauty for each of her children . . . some sweet day.

Even after her sister-in-law returned to the kitchen, Nellie continued holding Sadie, fondly admiring her newest niece’s soft hands and face. Oh, she could just hold this little one all day and never get a speck of work done. Sadie’s company was a balm after the alarming run-in with David Yoder.

Cousin Kate and her family followed Rosanna and Elias all the way home, never bothering to ask if it was a convenient time for her to visit. She hopped out of the –Beilers’ family buggy when Elias pulled up to the back door, leaving her six young children and husband, John, as she scurried up the snowy walkway on Rosanna’s heels.