The Fourth Sage (The Circularity Saga) (11 page)

"We'll be back in an hour," her dad says. From this angle he seems to have even less hair than she remembers.

"Love you, sweetie," her mom says, and kisses both her cheeks. Her features seem tense and somewhat controlled. Aries has a vague recollection of this scene. She becomes aware that her mouth is dry again. She feels her heart rate accelerate. Her younger self turns around in the hallway and goes into her room. There, from a different camera, she sees herself sit down and turn on music.

"No, no, no, no,
no
," she says when she remembers when this scene was taken. "Please, no!" The full memory now floods her mind. She closes her left eye. After a moment she jerks up, driven by the sheer pain in her spine. She sits back down immediately, opens her eye and adjusts her head. Tears stream down her face. She sees the watery image of her parents walking toward the elevator. Another camera picks them up from the elevator door as they enter.

Aries sobs. Part of her is glad that she can only see distorted images through her tears. The elevator doors close. She wants to squint her eye more but she is afraid of the pain. She sees her mom and dad's face as they look straight ahead. No emotion. Just like Ty and herself the other day. Then there is a snapping sound and her parents look around the cabin to see what's going on. For a moment, they are being lifted up into the air as the cabin drops away from under them. There is a loud metallic screeching sound that seems to come from above. Her mom hugs her dad. Then she falls to the ground. He helps her up and they hold on to each other. Then her dad starts to scream and the cabin crashes into the ground.

The screen turns black. Aries can feel the emotions rolling toward her like a tidal wave, threatening to envelop her completely. She sits there unable to react to it. Part of her notices the sudden warmth on the chair she’s sitting on. It slowly extends to her thighs.
I just wet myself,
part of her mind thinks. Then she screams. And when she has no more air in her lungs she takes a deep breath and screams again. When she stops she wants to roll up into a ball and lie down and die. Then the clip starts all over again.

* * *

After the clip runs for the sixth time, the tears stop. The screaming stops with them. Part of Aries's mind stops as well. She simply doesn’t have the energy to feel anymore. The emptiness that spreads in her goes deeper than the sadness that has covered her for the last hour, for the last four years. The emptiness is devoid of emotion. What is happening on the screen no longer has the ability to touch her. A small part of her knows that the pain is not gone, that it is simply no longer accessible. But even that small part is laid aside as no longer necessary.

When the people enter the room, the bright light comes back on as well. The camera is being taken away, the pads removed from her spine. Hands grab her arms, pull her up, lead her to an adjacent room.

"Get yourself cleaned up," one of them says.

"Okay," Aries says; she isn't quite sure if it was her who said it. Water is being turned on. She drops her clothes and stands under the shower, lets the water run over her body.

"Use soap!" The woman who watches her hands her a bottle.

"Okay," Aries answers, taking the soap and washing herself.

"You fell and hit your face on the floor, if someone asks."

"Sure, no problem," Aries replies. This explanation somehow makes sense to her.

"The message you received on your pad last night was incomplete. The full message reads: 'Dear Aries, I am not feeling well again, and won't come to work for a while. I might have to have an operation. The medical personnel say that this will
help me
get my appetite back. I'll let you know from time to time how I am. Claudia Jean.'"

Aries thinks about this. "Is she going to be okay?"

"We can't be certain. It is more serious than she herself knows and it's better that way for now. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Of course. I hope she gets better soon."

"There is the question of the napkin in the dining hall. Do you know who gave it to you? Do the words have any meaning for you?" The woman asks.

"That was a lovely poem."

"Yes, it was. Who was it from?"

"I think the girl was me."

"And you don't know who wrote it?"

"No." Aries realizes that this isn't the whole truth. But before she can correct herself, the woman speaks again.

"You'll be back at work the day after tomorrow. It would be best if you were not to mention this incident to anyone. Wetting oneself is not something others need to know about."

The woman hands her a towel. Aries is aware of her embarrassment. "No. It certainly isn't," she answers.

"Also, we hope you understand that you cannot have your pad for a while. We also have to confiscate your watch. We know that you have misused the Corporation's generosity in letting you use certain programs in your room. We also know that you have betrayed the Corporation's trust when you hacked into the system to have an hour per day to yourself. I hope you understand that, for security reasons, there cannot be privacy. As we only have your best interests in mind, the cameras are there for your protection. I hope we don't have to take further measures in this matter."

"Thank you. For looking out for me," Aries says. "We all live together and going against the ones who protect us is certainly not something I should do."

"I'm glad we understand each other." There is a smile on the woman's face.

"Me too," Aries replies.

"Here you go. We've gotten you new clothes."

"Thanks." Aries dresses herself.

The woman touches Aries’s face on the side that isn't bruised.

"We want you to know that you are a valued member of our community here. You can help us make sure that there isn't anyone going against the greater good of the people. So, if you see anything suspicious, let us know. We will be happy to provide you with additional freedoms if you help us protect our community from outside influences—influences that go against the greater good."

"I will be sure to inform you of any such incidents in the future. Thank you."

"You're welcome. We will get you back to your room now. In order to do that we'll have to cover your face again. We don't want you to be seen and experience more embarrassment."

The woman holds a black bag in her hands and pulls it over Aries's head. For a second, Aries panics. "It's okay, see, it's okay. We'll get you back to your room in no time."

Aries calms down, still a bit uneasy over not being able to see where she's going. Then there is movement behind her and a hand grabs her arm firmly, leading her out a door and to the left. Without being aware that she is doing this, Aries counts the forty-seven steps they walk in a slightly curved hallway. Then there is a door to the right, followed by a seven-second ride in an elevator going upward. A right turn is followed by sixty-eight steps, a left turn, and fifty more steps. Then a hermetically sealed door opens. Fifteen steps down a metal stairway followed by a right turn. Another door. No. Not a door—a panel that is being opened with some sort of tool. Then, stepping over a threshold and into a left turn.

The air in here is really bad. Aries recognizes the smell. She also registers the sounds their shoes make on the metal grate. After seventy-five steps along a slightly curved walkway, a door opens. She is being led through. The bag over her head is being removed. When she turns around, the door closes. She is alone. For a moment, she stands still. Then she folds her clothes neatly on the floor next to her futon and puts on pajamas. She turns off her lights and slips under the covers of her blanket. Five minutes later she is sound asleep.

011 010 000 1010 0101 0001 010111 0101 0 0 10 10 10010100010 01010 010 101001001 010 010 010110 01 00001010100000110011010010011010 1001 100001 1 010 10000 1111010 010100 000111 001 01011 0101 0101
Egan, Aries, D. ID#: 4746-POC-201-0017485
0001000 0101 01001
evaluation complete
000111 1001 0111 00 11 1 0001101 01 1 010100001 1010111 TAG 4.3.1 100001 1101001001
serum injected: mxxt//3 30mgr
1 1 11 0001 10001 1000 11000110 1011010 100011 00 1110100 001001 010101 010111 011000 010110010 10 0001101
emotional memory factor: 0.18: minimal
01011101010 0101001 01001 0101 010
risk
factor to corp sec: 0.08: very low
010 010 010 000010101110 010 0001010 01010000101 111001 001101 010000
re-evaluate in 30 days
I00I 101110010100 001 001 001 0101110 0 000 10 011 010 0111 010 010 100010 101 01 1011

Chapter 7 — Gone

"I held you in my heart for so long

I kept a candle burning through the storm

But now I cannot find you, cannot find you anywhere

For now I know that you will not return."

[Partial lyrics from "The Rover"]

"The moral code reflects the people's wish for unification. It sets forth guidelines by which to live in a society where the greater good is the goal of each of its individual members."

Aries wakes up disoriented and groggy. She can't place the grandmotherly voice at first. She knows she has heard it before but doesn't remember when. The right side of her face hurts but when she touches it, she can feel that it's less swollen. It also doesn't feel like somebody else's skin anymore. She still can't open her right eye. It has some kind of a salve on it that, overnight, has turned into a hardened substance, almost like a second skin. She resists the temptation to pull it off.

"Without the moral code, our lives would have no meaning. Privacy is the great Enemy to our safety. Safety, your safety, is the Corporation's main concern. The moral code protects it, ensures that we can live together in peace and mutual understanding."

One wall in her room shows a classroom. The woman with the grandmotherly voice stands in front of about twenty children, who smile and nod at almost every word.
It makes sense,
Aries thinks, when the teacher finishes and smiles into the camera in a close-up.

"The moral code. Respect it. Share it. Live it."

Aries gets up. For a moment she doesn't remember what day it is. The last twenty-four hours blend together in a haze of images. She had pushed it too far. Creating the one-hour loop had not been a good idea. There's a price to be paid. What kind of an example is she setting for others if she goes against the Corporation and its concern for the greater good? She decides to be more focused on what's important and not care about herself so much anymore.

It seems as if the eyes of the woman in the image on the screen follow Aries into the bathroom. She drops her pajamas and steps into the UVL shower stall. The laser scans her body from head to toe. Then the low humming sound of the UVL shower comes on. It lasts for eleven seconds. She can't remember why she was ever concerned that the laser could somehow read her mind. She gets dressed. Even though she’s not going to work today, she decides to wear the coveralls.

She steps out of her room and into the hallway. A few kids and some adults are on their way to their shifts. Most of them don't look at her, but the few that do glance away quickly. When she enters the dining hall, the general murmur quiets down. Heads turn toward her. Conversations stop. Aries looks back at them. Part of her realizes that the knot in her stomach is gone. She remembers vaguely that she felt it only a few days ago. Not this morning. She takes her food and sits at a table. The murmur starts again. The two kids at her table—twin girls a few years younger than herself—get up, smile awkwardly, and move to another table.

As she opens her bottle she sees Seth a few tables away. He looks at her as if she were a ghost. She smiles at him briefly, then her eyes move past him to one of the wall screens. The grandmotherly teacher is back, with the same message from this morning.
Just for me,
Aries thinks, while she takes small sips from the bottle.

Her parents died in an accident a long time ago. She remembers them, but they are now two faces in a crowd of many people. Time for her to move on; she is her own person now and no longer bound to someone who has been gone for a large part of her life. No need to mourn something that has lost its meaning entirely.

A hand holding a cloth appears next to her. Then an arm. Someone, probably kitchen personnel, wipes the table she sits at.

"Where have you been?" A voice says. It belongs to the one wiping her table. Now she recognizes him. It's Kiire. She has spent time in his room a couple of times. Boy, was that wrong. And completely irresponsible.

"And what happened to your face?" he asks.

"I fell. Not a big deal. I'm back at work tomorrow."

She can't figure out why he looks at her as if he knows her. They had met a couple of times, yes. But that was completely against anything she believes in. The moral code needs to be upheld at all times.

"Aries." As if by accident, one of his fingers touches her hand while he wipes the table. She pulls her hand back. This is completely inappropriate.