The Fragile Fall (11 page)

With the flood of emotions swirling around inside me, I decided to stop worrying and let go. This was our night and I was going to follow my heart, so I grabbed Will’s hand and held it. It felt good in mine, like it belonged there. That was how I always felt around Will, like I belonged.

We made small talk as he drove us to the dance, and the closer we got to the school, the more anxious I got. I couldn’t wait to dance with him.

Entering the gym, I felt like I had stepped back in time. It was decorated with streamers and balloons, the lights were dimmed, and there was a Homecoming banner along the far wall. Music blasted from speakers, as the DJ played popular dance songs. As soon as we got inside, Will asked if I wanted to dance. I was amazed. I told Will I would love to dance and we made our way to the dance floor.

Will was probably the clumsiest dancer I had ever seen. He kept stepping on my toes and tripping over my feet. His face was a deep shade of red as he continually apologized for stumbling all over the place. I fought back laughter, not wanting to make his embarrassment worse than it already was. Yet again, I was amazed that his awkwardness wasn’t a turn off. Instead, my heart warmed toward him and I liked him even more.

To help him feel more at ease, I took the lead and tried to help him. After a few songs, he was dancing more smoothly and stumbling less. He still wasn’t the best dancer, but he was no longer trying to break my toes. As we danced, he brushed his fingers over my arms and rested a hand against my hip. Even though the music stayed up-tempo, he kept moving closer to me until I was pressed against him.

It was intoxicating.

I leaned my face into his hand and closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his skin on mine and the way it sent chills racing through my body, even in the hot and sweaty gym. We’d danced for at least an hour before I told him I needed to take a break. He led me to a table and pulled a chair out for me.

“Want a drink?” he asked.

“Sure.”

I watched as he made his way to the punch bowl. Someone stopped him and they chatted, but he kept stealing glances back at me and smiling.

“Hey, Ry,” Jax said, pulling my focus away from Will. He sat at the table across from me and Lindsey sat next to him. “How are you enjoying your trip down memory lane?” I could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn’t happy, but I refused to let him ruin what had turned into an amazing night.

“It has been absolutely wonderful. How has your evening been going?”

“Wonderfully.” He sat back in his chair and threw his arm on the back of Lindsey’s chair.

“He’s been pouting all night,” Lindsey said, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, really?” I stole a glance at my brother.

“Yeah, he’s been watching you and Will. I keep telling him to get over it, but he won’t listen to me.”

“For once, I agree with your girlfriend, Jax. You should probably enjoy your night instead of worrying about me.”

He tilted his chin up and his eyes slid over my shoulder as Will set down two cups of punch, then sat next to me. We sat in awkward silence for several, long minutes as Jax studied both Will and I. When he was satisfied that we were behaving, he and Lindsey went onto the dance floor.

“I thought Jax was going to jump over the table and kill me,” Will said, laughing uncomfortably.

“Yeah, I was a little worried.” I worried that Will and I being together would cause too much tension with Jax. All of my earlier bravery was gone.

“Are you having a good time?”

“I am.” I smiled at him and sipped my punch. “I just need a break for a little bit. Then I thought we could go back out and dance. Is that okay with you?”

“Totally fine.” He moved his chair closer to mine, until our legs were pressed against each other and he draped his arm over the chair behind me. He leaned closer to me, until I could feel his breath against my ear. “There, that’s better. Now we don’t have to yell over the music. So I realized something this week.”

His voice in my ear caused me to shudder. It sounded so unbelievably sexy so close to me, the way he was whispering. “What’s that?”

“I don’t even know what you’re studying in college.”

“I’m still trying to figure it out …” I hadn’t told anyone because I was worried what they’d say. It felt safe to tell Will, though. “I kind of want to be a social worker, though.”

“I think that would be perfect for you.”

“Yeah? I’m not sure about all the stuff that comes along with it though.”

“You can do it. You’re smart and you have a big heart.”

“Thank you.” He smiled at me and the butterflies erupted and fluttered. “Do you have plans for college?”

“Not really sure yet. I’ve applied to some places.”

“Like where?”

“Penn State, some colleges on the west coast.”

“Any idea what you’d like to do?”

“I’d really like to teach high school.”

“I didn’t know that interested you.” He moved a little bit, pressing closer to me.

He shrugged. “I’d like to help kids and educate them. Teachers don’t just impart knowledge, they become mentors. I’d like to help someone see their potential someday.”

“Any specific subject?”

“I think English, but I’m not sure. Maybe history or computers.” He shrugged. “I figure I have time to figure that out.”

“I think teaching would be a perfect fit for you.”

“You think so?”

“Of course. You have a lot to offer. I think you would be an excellent teacher.”

“Thanks.” He bumped into my shoulder. I turned my head to say something to him and realized just how close his face was to mine, so close that our lips were almost touching. His eyes dropped to my lips before coming back up to meet my eyes and a slow, sexy smile spread over his own lips. God, I wanted to kiss him so badly.

“Want to go back and dance?” I asked. I needed to put some space between the two of us, though I wasn’t sure how dancing would accomplish that.

“Sure.” We both stood and turned toward the dance floor. He put his hand gently on the small of my back and my knees went weak.

I had no idea how I would survive the night.

Will

I
LED
R
Y
TOWARD
THE
DANCE
FLOOR
, keeping my hand pressed lightly to her back. I wanted to keep touching her. It felt
right
to touch her. It calmed me. I was overwhelmed by the amount of people at the dance, constantly bumping into someone or being brushed up against. At least when I was close to Ryanne, I couldn’t tell if it was panic from the amount of people or the rush of being with her.

When we reached the dance floor, she turned and I pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I put my hands on her hips, suddenly feeling unsure. Even though I was a dancing disaster earlier, we’d both laughed at how clumsy I was and kept going, but now my anxiety was rising rapidly. The song was slow, so we swayed to the music, making it difficult to hide my struggle. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, hoping to combat the crushing panic.

“Will?” I raised my eyes until I met hers. Her eyes were full of concern and I hated that I was upsetting her when she should be having fun. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I’m glad we’re dancing to this song. It’s one of my favorites.” She smiled and moved closer to me.

I moved my hands from her hips to her back so I could hold her closer, hoping to curb my panic. “I don’t know it.”

She laughed. “I wouldn’t expect you to. It’s Demi Lovato’s
Lightweight
.”

“It’s a nice song.”

She playfully shoved my shoulder. “Don’t bullshit me. This is totally not your type of song.”

“It isn’t, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it.”

She laughed and I swore my heart stopped. Her head was thrown slightly back and a light caught her hair, causing it to look like a halo. I pulled her closer and I felt her laughter move through her body. A lock of her hair had escaped one of the intricate braids, so I brushed it off her face and tucked it behind her ear, keeping my hand on the side of her face. She leaned her head into my hand and smiled, her eyes saying things that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

I wanted this moment to continue forever.

Her tongue swept her lips, wetting them, and I swallowed hard. I moved my hand down until my thumb brushed over her lips; they felt incredibly soft and I wondered how they would feel pressed against mine.

It felt like every moment for the last several months had led up to this one. She was in my arms and looking at me like she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Could it be true? Maybe she was swept up in the moment. Taking the next step seemed logical at this point, but I was still so full of doubt… I wasn’t sure if my already broken heart would survive the damage Ryanne would cause if she rejected me.

“Will.” Her voice was a whisper, hardly more than a breath, and her eyes were so focused on me that I felt consumed. I was consumed—by her. I slid my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer to me. I could feel her breath against my lips as her chest heaved.

“Ry.” Her eyes fluttered. I could do this. I could kiss her and forget the consequences. All I needed was to feel her lips against mine. “I want to kiss you, Ry. So badly.”

She closed her eyes briefly, relief flashing over her face. “Then do it.”

“What about Jax?”

“I don’t want to think about Jax right now. I want you to kiss me.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to miss this chance, I may never get the chance to kiss her again, but I couldn’t bring myself to close the distance between us.

Ryanne closed the gap.

It was a ghost of a kiss at first, a gentle brushing of our lips. She pulled away for a second, opening her eyes and staring into mine. That small taste wasn’t enough. With my hand wrapped around the back of her neck, I pulled her up and crashed our lips together again. Pressing her closer, I ran my tongue along her bottom lip. Her tongue darted out, brushing against mine, and I almost lost it on the dance floor, surrounded by most of my classmates as our lips devoured each other. Nothing had ever felt this right. This perfect.

As our lips moved, my anxiety disappeared, completely forgotten in the feel of Ryanne pressed against me and her scent invading me. The music, the people, the decorated gym disappeared and it was just Ryanne and me in this perfect, life-altering moment.

I had ached for her before, but it was worse now that I had her in my arms, tasting her. It was the most bittersweet ache I had ever felt. I couldn’t go back from this. I needed this always.

Ryanne pulled away, her cheeks flushed and her chest heaving against mine. Another curl had worked it’s way free and I tucked it behind her ear. I didn’t want to stop touching her, feeling her. I was afraid if I stopped, the spell would be broken and we’d go back to our carefully crafted roles.

I didn’t want to play mine anymore.

Something caught Ryanne’s attention over my shoulder and panic flitted across her face. She stepped away from me quickly, putting distance between us and completely killing my hopes. I turned and saw Jax glaring at her.

“Ryanne, we can figure something out,” I said, hoping that was true.

“I just need a moment.” She ducked her head and rushed toward the bathroom. Jax turned and followed her, catching her before she made it to the bathroom. She stood with her head down as Jax spoke to her, his hands gesturing around. Lindsey sauntered up behind Jax and rested against his back, smirking at Ryanne. Part of my heart broke in that moment, the only part of my heart that was left to be broken.

I realized that Ryanne and I could never work. I wasn’t good enough for her. I wasn’t a whole person and I couldn’t offer her a whole heart. Mine was shattered, crushed, and broken. It was in so many pieces that I wasn’t sure it could ever be repaired. Ryanne deserved someone who could offer her the world. I could only offer her myself.

And there was nothing worthwhile about me.

Suddenly, the room was too hot and the walls were closing in around me. I was dizzy and the room was spinning. I needed to get out of this gym now.

Pushing through bodies, the panic overtook me. I couldn’t find a way out of this never-ending maze of bodies. When I finally pushed my way off the dance floor, I fell onto my hands and knees. I pushed myself up and yanked on my tie, needing to get the pressure off my throat. God, when did it get so hot in here? Did they pump all the air from the room?

In front of me, I saw one of the side doors to the gym and I ran to it, still grabbing at my tie. Why couldn’t I get it off? I crashed through the door and finally yanked my tie free, then undid a few buttons on my shirt. I doubled over, my hands on my knees, gulping air into my lungs.

I was just beginning to calm down when I saw Jax and Ryanne around the corner. Jax had Ryanne’s arm in his hand, keeping her from leaving. “Fucking hell, Ryanne. I’ve told you over and over and over to leave him the fuck alone. He doesn’t need your drama, okay? He’s struggling enough as it is.”

“He’s able to make his own decisions, Jax. I don’t know why you think you need to protect him.” She tried to yank her arm from his grip, but instead of freeing herself, Jax grabbed her other arm and shook her.