The Full Experience (9 page)

It wasn’t that Raven thought Beck needed to pay for all the times he had her weak at the knees; he needed to pay for all the times that he’d left her in worse states.

A hot, quivering mess.

Maybe he would leave her alone, even for a short time.

But did she want him to?

Getting to her dorm, Ava helped trim the stems, and put the flowers into a large vase, whilst Kerry and Ava got some late studying in for their class.

The flowers looked beautiful, and Raven beamed at how they brightened their room.

The room was painted in a warm yellow color with a pale pink border around the top. Their matching peach bed covers made the room look like it had a summer glow to it. The flowers added more color, and their perfume only added to the meadow-like atmosphere in the room.

“I need to go see Lenny about our paper. Will you be ok?” Ava asked, rubbing Raven’s arms.

“Oh yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m going to head over to the library soon anyway.”

“Ok, Ray-Ray.”

The rest of the day went by without a peep from Beck. Strangely, Donnie was nowhere to be seen either. It made Raven both relieved
and
guilty.

Guilty because she’d made him think she was ‘taken’, when she knew how he felt about that.

*****

Raven felt so nervous her stomach was rolling. She was about to go into class and face Beck after a weekend of silence.

She’d felt as though she’d had a vacation without his sexual references and innuendos, but she hated to admit that she missed
him
.

She missed how his gaze made her feel. How his closeness had her heart pounding.

No matter what his game was, Beck had gotten well and truly under her skin.

He’d made sure of that.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to the lecture room.

Beck was sitting in the chair next to her as he had done since their year started. He had to remain there because once seats were taken, they were allocated to that student.

He was looking down at the table, doodling on the paper in front of him.

“Hey,” she said quietly as she sat down next to him.

“Hey,” he replied, not looking up from the paper.

That was it. He didn’t say another word to her as she got her books out of her bag.
 

Raven had no idea what was going through his mind as he stared down at the table.

God I hate this!

“
Who’s the guy?” He asked after a half hour into the lecture.

“What guy?”

“Don’t play dumb, Raven. The guy who sent you the flowers. The one you ‘love’.”

“Why do you want to know?”

He turned his body to her, his expression stone cold as he stared.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked, not answering her question.

“You didn’t ask.”

“I shouldn’t have to.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you my business either; should I?”

Beck turned back to his doodles. “No,” he muttered. “But it would’ve been nice to know you had a boyfriend.”

“I never said I didn’t.”

“I assumed you didn’t when you never said anything!” he whisper shouted, instantly turning back to her. His eyes burned into her accusatorially. “You let me carry on anyway, and you know how I feel about that, Raven.”

“I have a rule of my own, Beck,” she lowered her voice. “
Never
assume.”

“Is it that guy, the one who you had to
fake
it with?”

“That’s none of your business!” she almost yelled. “You overheard a private conversation that had nothing to do with you!”

“It is isn’t it? What’s the point in being with somebody if they can’t get you off?” he asked, as if she hadn’t spoken.

“Not everything is about sex, Beck.”

“Isn’t it?” he, narrowed his eyes at her. His eyebrows pinched together as if wondering what she was talking about.

“Maybe for you, but not for me.”

“You’re damn right,” he growled.

Raven didn’t want to carry on with their argument, or whatever it was they were having. She felt guilty enough as it was, and decided just to take a deep breath, and leave it there.

Beck didn’t speak to her for the rest of the class and made his exit the second they were dismissed.

Beck was gone in a flurry, Ava was nowhere to be found, and the other girls were in their classes.

Raven had nobody to turn to.
 

Taking out her phone, she called Ava to find out where she was. She needed her friend.

“What’s the matter, Ray?” Ava asked when Raven sniffed up.

“Ay, I think I made Beck really
really
mad,” she said, ducking into a corner under the stairs in the senior halls for privacy.

“What happened?”

The noise behind Ava silenced as if she’d shut herself in a quiet room.

Raven told Ava about the conversation between them in class, and how Beck had looked at her with disappointment.

“Ray-Ray, don’t worry. You were right in saying he shouldn’t assume. Just because he hasn’t seen you with anybody, doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t
with
somebody.”

That was the same case for him, too. Just because he was never seen with a girl that didn’t mean he wasn’t
doing
a girl. She thought about every time Beck would go missing. Is that was he was doing? Fulfilling somebody’s ‘full experience’?

That thought made her stomach lurch. He was probably with somebody right at that moment, having his ‘nothing more’.

“Besides,” Ava continued, “this will give him the reason to leave you alone.”

“I suppose,” she replied, sniffing up and wiping the tear that rolled down her cheek.
 

“Seriously, are you ok? Do you need me to come to you?” Ava sounded concerned.

“No, it’s ok. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to our room for a while.”

“Ok, honey. I’ll be back soon.”

Raven wiped her face with her sleeve, and left the building with the cloud of guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders.

At dinner, Raven barely heard the conversations the girls were having. All she could think about was how Beck looked when they were in class.

The way he looked at her. The way he growled out his reply.

‘
You’re damn right’
.

The words were playing over and over in her head.

Something was off. She wasn’t completely sure which one of them he was referring to.

“Ray,” Ava nudged her with her elbow. “Has he said anything to you?”

“Who?” Raven had missed what the girls had been talking about.

“Beck. Has he said anything?”

“I haven’t seen him since class, this morning,” she replied, looking down at her hands.

“Don’t you dare feel bad, Ray,” Kerry chastised her. “He needs to realize that he can’t do what the hell he pleases. He needs to stew for a while.”

“I say he should stew for a
long
while,” Leila said, nodding.

Raven didn’t know why the girls were so hell bent on hurting Beck more than necessary.
 

“He thinks he’s been messing with another guy’s girlfriend,” Raven said, her voice shaking. “He’s not angry with me; he’s angry with himself.”

“What?” the three girls chorused.

Raven told them, briefly, about the time she’d heard him refusing Lita’s advances.

“Has he screwed another guy’s girl and got caught?” Kerry asked. “Is that why he won’t?”

“No,” Raven replied. “He refuses because the girl is with someone. He wouldn’t do that to another guy.”

“How do you know?”

“Hello Raven,” Beck said, coming up behind her when she was walking from the coffee cart.

She’d been grabbing a cup before heading back to her dorm.

“Beck,” she replied, trying to walk faster.

“Where are you going?” he asked, moving to walk alongside her.

“To my dorm.”

Raven walked through the entrance to her dorm building and headed down the hallway that led to the stairs.

“Where’s Ava?”

“I don’t…” she paused, turning to look up at him. “What do you want?”

“I want…” he took the coffee cup out of her hand, brought it his lips, and sipped. “Mmm. Good coffee.”

“Yes, and it’s mine,” she said, taking it back.

“My lips have been on your cup,” he grinned.

Raven closed her eyes, and shook her head. He could turn anything sexual.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked. It had been bugging her for days.

“Ask away,” he said, his arms wide.

“Why don’t you touch girls who are taken?” The look on his face had Raven regretting asking that very question. “Never mind, forget I asked.” She took a step when Beck put his hand on her arm to stop her.

“Why do you want to know?” he asked curiously.

“I was just thinking,” she muttered, nervously. “Um…Lita wanted you to um…but she’s with someone. You said no. Why does that matter if she’s willing?”

“It matters because the guy she’s with has no fucking clue that he’s seeing somebody that has no fucking respect for him,” he said, angrily. “Imagine how he’d feel if I’d fucked his girlfriend, and
she’s
the one who asked?” He shook his head in disgust. “There’s fucking someone, and there’s fucking someone over.”

“I suppose.”

“Not just suppose, Raven,” Beck blew out a sharp breath, before taking a step closer to her. “It’s definite. They don’t deserve to have somebody who wants that kind of thing if they’re willing to risk it for a one-off with somebody who doesn’t.”

Beck pinched the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb, closing his eyes. He released a slow breath, before he took one look at Raven, then walked away.

Raven knew that there was more to Beck than he was letting people see.

Raven told the girls the brief version. Leaving out the intimate parts.

“I asked why, after I’d heard Lita, and he said that they have no respect for their boyfriend if they asked him to have sex with them.”

“Yeah that makes sense. Imagine knowing your guy screwed around with somebody like Lita, when you were really into him,” Leila put her hands over her heart. “That would be heartbreaking.”

“Yeah. I guess the guy has
some
morals after all,” Kerry nodded.

Raven clenched her jaw.

“Beck’s over there,” Ava whispered, jutting her chin in his direction.

Raven turned to see Beck, Donnie, and a couple of other guys sitting around a table. He looked pissed and was staring down at the bottle of water in his hands.

She knew that look.

Frustration, anger and disappointment.

Seeing him like that, and knowing she was the cause made her feel nauseated. The girls didn’t have a problem with it, but she did.
 

I can’t do this to him any more
.
 

Raven got up out of her seat.

“Where are you going?” Ava asked when Raven began to walk away.

“I’ll be right back.”

She walked towards Beck and knew the moment he’d noticed her; his jaw clenched more than humanely possible.

“This is probably going to bite me in the ass, but I can’t do this to you any more,” she said to him.

She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out the card.

Grabbing Beck’s warm hand, which sent shocks up her arm, Raven slapped the card into his palm.

“I want that back,” she bit out before turning back to her own table.

She’d left Beck with the message from the flowers.

‘To my black haired Raven,

I thought these might bring a smile

to your beautiful face

I miss you already,

Love Dad

Xxxxx’

PS. Remind the boys I have a gun.

“What did you do?”

The girls looked eagerly to Raven for her answer.

“I gave him the card from the flowers.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not fair,” she replied. “He did nothing wrong, but he thinks he did.”

“You know what? You’re too good for your
own
good, Ray-Ray,” Ava said slipping an arm round her shoulders.

“I just felt so guilty, Ay. You didn’t see his face in class. He looked so…upset.”

“He upsets you all the time, though Ray,” Leila argued.

Raven shook her head. “He annoys me; yes. He goes a little overboard; yes. But he doesn’t upset me,” Raven sighed.

“Well, you need to decide how annoyed you are right now, because he’s coming over.”

Raven’s heart skipped a beat when she looked up.

Beck’s face had gone from a deep scowl to one of utter perfection.

Not that he wasn’t perfect before, but he was smiling again and that had her pulse kicking into overdrive.

The heat rose to her cheeks making her blush.

He smiled sexily, showing his beautiful teeth as he walked past, twirling her card in his fingers.

Oh no, what’s he going to do with it? I want that back!

 
She wasn’t going to wait for him to give it. She was going to take it.

“Beck, I want my card back,” she called, walking after him out of the main hall.

Beck stopped, and his friends continued on their way.

Raven looked behind her. The girls hadn’t followed her out.

Traitors! Again!

“Yes Raven?” he rasped, walking back towards her.

“I want my card back,” she breathed, not meaning to sound out of breath.

“This card?” he asked, holding it up.

“Yes.”

“Sure.” He held it out for her to take.

Raven reached out and took hold of the edge of the card, but Beck didn’t release it.

“You let me think you were seeing somebody,” he stated. “Why?”

“I didn’t. You misinterpreted what you heard.”

They both still had their fingers on the card. He moved his a fraction, his tips connecting with hers.

Raven felt the connection shoot to her core. Her cheeks flamed once more, and the corners twitching on his mouth told her he’d noticed.

“But you didn’t correct my assumption. You let me believe I’d…”

“That was mean, I know,” she cut in. “I’m sorry.”