The Gamal (12 page)

I’ll let the secondary characters introduce themselves from the court transcripts. This is Dinky in court.

Dinky’s Evidence

—Could you tell the court please, are you Denis Hennebry?

—Yes.

That’s Dinky’s real name.

—And you reside with your parents at 43 Main Street, Ballyronan. Is that correct?

—Yes.

—And when did you first get to know Sinéad?

—I went to school with her. Primary school. And secondary school. I’ve known her through my whole life really.

—I see. And how about James?

—The same like. He joined our class in primary school when they moved to Ballyronan.

—By ‘they’ do you mean the Kents?

—Yes.

—James and his mother and father, is it?

—Yes.

—Sinéad and James entered into a relationship with each other sometime in their teenage years, is that correct?

—Ahm. Into a relationship yes. They were always together like. The two of them were always hanging around, even in primary school but they were in secondary school then and they started going out like.

—Were either of them ever in a relationship with anybody else while in secondary school?

—In secondary school no. They were only with each other then.

—I see. And tell me this, Denis, please, if you wouldn’t mind. Were you ever fond of Sinéad during this time?

—No. Like what do you mean fond? She was sound like. We were friends. Everyone was fond of Sinéad like.

—Did you ever have stronger feelings for her while she was going out with James?

—Ahm . . . no like. Not like that, no.

—Did you ever want to be in a relationship with her at the time?

—No. I didn’t, no.

—Your parents are quite friendly with Sinéad’s parents, aren’t they?

—They are, yeah. Well, my father anyhow. Her father and my father went to school together and they worked together in the precast yard once like. Started on the same day.

—Did you ever feel that it might have been nice for them if you and Sinéad had been a couple?

—No, like. It didn’t come up like. Cos she was always with James. As far back as anyone can remember.

—Isn’t it true that your father used to tell you that Sinéad was the girl for you?

—Who told you that?

—Answer the question please, Denis.

—He might have said it like, and I growing up like, just like half messing like.

Langer

They called Dinky Dinky cos he’s supposed to have a small langer like your baby finger. They started calling him Dinky when he got the trials for the divisional side. They were having a joke calling some fella who was hung like a donkey Truncheon when one of the lads points at poor Dinky and calls him Dinky. The name stuck like a fly to cowshit.

By the way for anyone who’s not from Ireland a langer is a willy. A penis. But it can mean dickhead or idiot or fool or wanker or a generally disliked fella. Can mean drunk too. But always a fella.

—Ya fucking langer.

—What a langer.

—You’re some langer.

—What kind of a langer are you?

—Drank fourteen pints last night, I was fucking langers.

—You’re a fucking useless langer.

—You may as well be at home playing with your langer.

—You’re an awful langer.

—The stupid langer forgot his ticket.

—Bit of a fucking langer, you are, aren’t ya?

—You’re only a langer, you.

—Langer.

Langur

N. a slender, leaf-eating monkey of Southeast Asia with a long tail, bushy eyebrows, and a chin tuft. Genus:
Presbytis
. leaf monkey [Early 19th C. Via Hindi
langûr
from Sanscrit
langula
‘having a tail’.]

Long ago when the Irish were poor as fuck they went off to fight the wars for England for a few quid. But one of them wars was in India and they had a type of monkey called the langur so when the war was over the lads who lived came back to Cork calling each other langers. Nowadays if you’re out of favour in Cork you’re a langer. Anyhow sorry I went off track there. Yeah so James would have been there at the divisional trials as well. James and Dinky were only young lads of seventeen. The other lads were all in their twenties. James was the only one in Ballyronan that never called Dinky Dinky.

Dinky

Adj. small and compact; small and compact or neat (
informal
). N.
S African
; beverages; a small bottle of wine; usually containing 250ml (
informal
) [Late 18th C. Formed from Scots dialect
dink
‘finely dressed, trim’, of unknown origin. The original sense was ‘neat, dainty’.]

When he was in primary school Dinky’s head was always looking around. Not out of interest in people but out of fear of them. Dinky thought that if people didn’t like him they’d kill him. He was canvassing always for people to be liking him. Balancing things up always.

Snoozie = a stupid cunt. Male human. Three years older. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie. Snoozie.

This is Snoozie’s eyes.

Snoozie’s Evidence

—Do you know if Sinéad ever cheated on James?

—She did, yes. With the Rascal.

—OK. Was this common knowledge?

—Yes. Everyone knew it.

—And when James took her back, so to speak, when they rekindled their relationship, was she loyal to him then?

—No. She went with the Rascal again. Went off in his car with him. Used to be at it the whole time. He’d collect her when she’d finish work in the pub. Roundy’s. Fellas would joke about his car being outside.

—I see. Are you sure of this? How can you be certain?

—The Rascal said it.

—And you believe him?

—Well, he had an Afghan scarf around his neck that he said Sinéad gave to him as a present. James had given it to her way back along as a present. That’s how James found out. He asked him where he got the scarf and Rascal told him out straight. James went to hit him but Dinky and Teesh pulled him away. Told him he needed to talk to his girlfriend.

—I see. Thank you.

That fella Rascal was called the Little Rascal. He used to do a bit of block-laying up in the site with me. He was a handy corner forward too. Tough little cunt. But that’s what he was. A little cunt. He used to play guitar and sing the usual shit in pubs for a few extra bob and he was a small bit of an alcoholic. He used to be at work bright and early every morning but when he went for lunch in the pub you never knew if he was going to come back. He was paid different to the rest of us. By the amount of blocks he laid, not by the hour. But he could work faster than the other fellas. He was hardy. He was the same age as Teesh and Snoozie and was friendly enough with them when he was around. He did a lot of travelling though. Over to Spain singing to drunken Irish people on holiday. He’s not doing any more shite singing nowadays. Not doing much at all so he’s not. Anyhow, don’t mind him a while. I could go talking about that time when Sinéad was working behind the bar in Roundy’s but actually I can’t. There’s probably stuff in your life you couldn’t talk about either. I dunno. But I definitely can’t talk about that time in the pub now cos I’d be afraid I’d do harm to myself. I can talk about Snoozie all right I think.

Snoozie didn’t have a lazy eye. He had two of them. And looked pissed as a lord the whole time whether he’d drink on board or not. And. He. Spoke. Incred. Ibly. Slow. Ly. People thought he was pissed or slow in the head. He was neither a lot of the time. Think he invented that way of being to give his brain time to think of what to say next. ’Twas a droll front that worked for him most of the time. If I think of him now I can see him. He nods his head once, slowly, up and down. Stares straight ahead. His face is blank and dead. And he says, ‘What. A. Fuck. Ing. Eejit. Ha?’ Snoozie was a cornerback in football too. Once James said, ‘God invented cornerbacks because God loves a tryer. He invented the colour grey, the same day.’ Snoozie resented it, even though he laughed with the rest of us, ‘You’re. Some. Fuck. Er. Ha?’

Snoozie and Teesh were a few years older than ourselves but Dinky liked them so we got to know them. When Snoozie was nineteen he became the owner of a business that his brother had set up. It was a metal engineering firm that made gates and small trailers and railings and stuff. They were doing very well. Then his brother died in a car crash and Snoozie got the business. This gave him a bit of status around the place. It was around this time that Dinky started hanging around with him. Snoozie had got a big BMW and used to drive Dinky around the place. I suppose they became friends around then.

Snoozie’s father owned a pub. He used to be a farm labourer who got a farmer’s daughter pregnant. He married her, sold her farm and bought the pub. Snoozie’s father didn’t like James. I know because he called him Sir James any time he saw him. And if he was talking about him he’d call him My Boy. James didn’t know he didn’t like him but I did. The pub was called The Snug. That’s where they did their underage drinking. There and Roundy’s, the other pub in the village. Teesh wanted to get his hands on The Snug so he was always trying to go out with Snoozie’s sister cos she was going to get the pub. Snoozie spoke with a bit of a lisp too.

Teesh

Teesh = a lousy cunt. Male human. Three years older. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh. Teesh.

Teesh was all legs.

Teesh was short for Taoiseach. That means chief like I said before. And it’s what the prime minister of Ireland is called. His lackey Snoozie was always around too. Teesh used to play midfield with James. Teesh was six foot six but he used to drive the old fellas daft cos he was too afraid to go up and catch the ball in case he’d get a knock. Instead he used to just punch it. Teesh had a farm behind him when his father died but he had his eye on The Snug too like I said before. This was the shape of him.

Teesh’s Evidence

—You are known as Teesh? Is that right?

—Yes.

—Why?

—Short for taoiseach.

—And why would you be called taoiseach?

—I dunno. Maybe . . .

—Yes?

—Well . . . My parents were told I had leadership qualities when I was in school long ago. But I dunno who started calling me taoiseach first. I think it started in secondary school.

—Very good. I see. You obviously impressed the people around you.

—I suppose.

—Very good. Could you tell me about your relationship with Denis Hennebry, please.

—Yes, yeah. Didn’t know him very well, he’s a few years younger than me. But he drank with us in the pub.

—What pub?

—Roundy’s like and The Snug.

—In Ballyronan?

—Yes, yeah. Most people calls it Roundy’s. That’s what the owner is known as. Seán. People call him Roundy.