The Game Changer (7 page)

He stepped inside.

‘I was meditating.’

‘Is everything okay? Your text sounded a bit urgent.’

‘No, everything’s fine,’ she said. ‘Couldn’t be better.’

That sounded hopeful. ‘So what’s with the “come straight over”?’

‘Mum and Dad are out so we can talk freely.’ He followed her into the living room, and when they were both sitting down, she said, ‘Addy, I don’t want to upset you.’

Shit, he thought, this is it. After all this time, she’s going to dump me.

She was staring at his socks. ‘Why don’t you ever wear a matching pair?’

‘Things don’t need to match. My mother loves things that match. Socks are socks, you know. You can work hard, or work smart.’

‘You’re nuts.’

‘I’m not. You were saying … about not wanting to upset me.’ Keep it cool, he told himself.

‘That’s why I was meditating. Saka says it’s the best way to find the right words for things.’

‘I don’t like that guy. I mean, it’s not even his real name.’

‘It is his real name if he wants it to be. People get hung up on things that are of no importance, ignoring what really matters.’

‘So what does matter?’

‘What matters is the kind of person you are, not a label, but if you really want to know, the reason he uses it is because it reflects a deep inner desire for love, and to work with others to achieve peace and harmony.’

‘He told you this, did he?’

‘You can look it up for yourself, if you don’t believe me. It’s an Indian word. Anyway, you’ve never met him. You shouldn’t judge people you’ve never met.’

‘I’m not judging him.’ He was pushing it, he knew, but he wasn’t going to turn into a whimpering mouse, even if his neck was on the line. She gave him one of her disappointed looks.

‘Is he Irish, this Saka guy?’

‘Yeah, he’s a bit like my dad.’

‘That’s kind of weird, don’t you think?’

‘Stop being stupid.’

It was his turn to give her a look.

‘You don’t have to be so angry, Addy.’

‘I’m not angry, but I don’t like being called stupid.’ He checked the time on his mobile.

‘Are you in a hurry?’ An element of hurt had entered her voice. ‘I promised Carl I’d meet him for a game of pool, but it’s okay, he’ll wait.’ Putting his arm around her shoulders, his voice sounding sympathetic, he said, ‘Come on, tell me what’s bugging you.’

She took a deep breath. ‘Remember I was explaining about the steps in the programme, how each one brings you closer to the person you really need to be?’

‘Sure.’

‘I was really proud of myself today.’ Her voice quivered. ‘Even Saka said to get to step five this fast is amazing for someone as young as me.’

‘You’re nineteen.’ He felt insulted. It was his age too.

‘To him, that’s young.’

‘I guess when you’re old, everyone is young.’

‘He’s only fiftyish, younger than my dad, and he’s really fit.’

He didn’t want to visualise an image of a fit fifty-something, especially one
helping
his girlfriend, and it was then he heard the voice coming from upstairs. ‘Who’s that?’

‘Oh, don’t worry. It’s only a recording. I listen to Saka’s voice during the day now. It’s part of the meditation. The more familiar I am with it, the quicker I can relax.’

‘Do you have to go to this guy?’

‘He’s helping me.’

‘Okay, but turn your man off. It’s creeping me out.’

When she darted upstairs, he texted Carl, telling him he’d be a while. He wasn’t happy about Aoife listening to recordings at home. She had tried to play a CD in his mum’s car too: relaxation CDs and driving weren’t a good combo.

Coming back into the room, she picked up where she’d left off. ‘Step five is about looking at your life in a scientific and logistical way.’

‘That’s how they study mice in an experiment, isn’t it?’

She ignored his question. ‘It’s about examining the things you do, and logically working out the reasons
why
you do them. Saka says we all do things for a reason, but sometimes our choices are made out of habit rather than desire. Some things that might have seemed important to you when you were younger may not be important any more.’

‘So?’

‘So, even though they’re not right for you any more, you still do them. It’s called
repeat behaviour
, striving to reach something you don’t really want or that’s no longer necessary.’

‘The point?’

She let out a long sigh. ‘It’s why at times you need to take a step back and work out if you’re doing them out of habit or desire.’

‘Meaning what exactly?’ His concern about her dumping him was coming back.

‘I’m not like you, Addy. I don’t have all the answers.’

‘I never said I did.’

‘Look.’ She took his hand.

This is it, he thought. She’s going to do it now.

‘All I’m saying is that I’ve had to work out a certain amount of crap over the last while.’

If she says,
It’s not you, it’s me
, he made up his mind he wouldn’t even bother answering. He would bolt out of the door before she could say any more.

‘You see, Addy, I often do things to please others.’

Maybe this is all about her parents, he thought. Probably best not to jump in too soon.

‘I conform too easily.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘You don’t know what I’m like around my parents. It’s suffocating.’

Right – good. He wasn’t the target. ‘We all conform, Aoife. You’d want to hear my mother going on about my room. Christ, like it matters a shit. The amount of times I want to tell her to chill out and …’

‘It’s not about stupid things like that. It’s about the big stuff.’ Tears welled in her eyes.

‘Go on, then.’

‘I started to ask myself why I chose to go to college in Dublin, and not Glasgow.’

He had thought it was to stay near him, but he didn’t say anything.

‘Sure, I knew it would cost my parents more, but they said they could manage it. I didn’t want to be a burden …’

‘That’s fair enough.’

‘No, it’s not. Saka says if you want something, if you really want it, you have to make it happen.’

‘Yeah, well, it isn’t always that easy.’

‘No, Addy, you’re wrong.’

‘You’re not going to start quoting that positivity stuff?’

‘Saka says that by repeat visualisation, concentrating on the idea or the goal that is important to you, you’re taking the first step to making your hope become a reality.’

‘Saka says a lot.’

Looking at her reaction, he knew his last remark was a mistake. She would either go all quiet now, or she’d do that thing that drove him mad: go back to the beginning and explain it all over again. When his phone bleeped with a text message, he picked it up quickly. ‘It’s only Carl,’ he said. ‘Ignore him.’

The rejection of Carl seemed to earn him some Brownie points. Maybe he was still on safe ground.

‘I came to a decision this morning, Addy.’

‘Decision?’

‘I have to start considering what I really want out of life, and not allow anything else to get in the way. If you believe in something, it’s more likely to happen.’ The last sentence sounded as if she was trying to convince herself.

‘Okay, okay, I get you, I think.’

He could see she was about to cry. So much, he thought, for everything being great. Maybe he should hug her, but what if she was dumping him? He’d look like a right fool if he did.

‘I made a mistake in deciding not to go to Glasgow. I compromised my needs and wants by convincing my parents it was the right decision because I didn’t want them to pay out any more money.’

‘Then tell them you changed your mind.’

‘It’s too late.’

‘It’s not. There’s always next year. Finish the year at UCD, and then start over.’

‘I’m leaving college.’

‘You can’t.’

‘I can. Saka says we all need
time out
to work out the next part of our life.’

‘Can we stop talking about your man?’

Again she gave him a look. ‘Saka says some people live their lives like speed trains, doing things they think they’re supposed to do because they don’t take the time out to stop and ask the right questions.’

‘You think you’ve been on a speed train?’

‘Yes.’

‘So get off it, but do the year, then apply for Glasgow in the meantime. Your parents will be grand. It’ll make more sense that way.’

‘It’s not about what makes sense to them, it’s about what makes sense to me.’

‘I know that.’

‘What’s the point in jumping from one thing straight into another? I need time to reflect. Anyhow, Saka said I can go to the island for a while.’

‘You can’t be serious? I mean, think about this for a minute.’

‘I have thought about it. I’ve done nothing but think about it. You can come too if you want.’

‘What? Go to a retreat house? Plant vegetables and pick stones off a beach?’

‘Among other things – I’ve asked Saka about it already.’

‘Asked him what?’

‘About you coming for a while – he was fine about it. He said there were always plenty of chores that needed doing and an extra hand would be great.’

‘I’m not going to any island, and neither are you. This is nuts.’ He realised he was shouting, and a couple of milliseconds later that she was looking at him as if he was the one who’d lost his mind.

‘I thought you’d understand. Saka said it might be like this, that lots of people would criticise, but that none of it matters. What matters is that I’m sure.’

‘He’s brainwashed you.’

‘No, he hasn’t.’

‘Listening to CDs and messing with your head.’

His phone rang. It was Carl again. His timing was always bloody awful. ‘Carl, I’ll ring you back.’ But by the time he’d hung up, Aoife had already adopted the
I’m okay, I don’t need you
stance. He decided on a change of approach. Keep a level head. ‘Look, Aoife, I’m not saying you’re wrong. All I’m saying is that it’s a bit drastic. What do you know about this guy? He could be a serial killer.’

‘Now you’re being daft.’

He moved in closer. ‘I’m mad about you, Aoife, you know that.’ She smiled, her strained facial muscles easing. ‘I know you care about me, Addy. Why do you think I asked Saka about you coming? The commune is very careful about who they invite.’

She’s really serious, he thought. She’s actually going to an island off the south coast to join a crowd of nutcases.

‘I haven’t told my parents. Not yet.’

He felt relief flooding in. There was still a chance she’d change her mind.

‘I wanted to tell you first.’

‘When are you going to talk to them?’ He sounded as nervous as he felt.

‘This evening.’

‘I can meet you afterwards.’

She kissed him on the cheek. ‘No, that’s okay, Addy. I’ve booked a seat on a late bus. I’ll need to get organised. I won’t be packing a lot but …’

‘Your parents won’t let you go.’ He’d raised his voice again.

For a few seconds she didn’t respond. Then she said, ‘I’m an adult. My parents can’t stop me.’

‘Then I won’t let you go.’

‘You can’t stop me either. Don’t you get it? I need to do this. I’ve never been more serious or determined about anything in my life. I’m going to the island, Addy, and that’s final.’

DRIVING BACK FROM SCHOOL WITH CHARLIE, KATE couldn’t get the newspaper-cutting note out of her mind. The ‘who’ and the ‘why’ had kicked in fast, quickly followed by how threatening she should consider it to be. Its delivery to the apartment was an infringement of personal space, which was never a good thing, especially with a form of menace attached. Someone had an agenda, otherwise why stay anonymous?

It could be a disgruntled ex-client, someone who had followed her home from Ocean House. Neither could she discount the possibility that it was connected to an old police investigation, or even her own distant past. Each one was a strong contender, but no matter which way she turned it around, the sender had crossed the line, and once someone did that, they could do more. They knew where she lived, and they potentially knew the code to her apartment building. They were also telling her that, if they wanted to, they could take it a step further.

‘What’s wrong, Mum?’ Charlie asked, from the back seat.

‘Nothing, sweetheart.’ She glanced at him in the rear-view mirror, realising he looked anxious. ‘There’s nothing wrong, honey. I’m trying to work something out, and not doing a very good job.’ Smiling, she asked, ‘How were your friends at school?’

‘They’re good. There were two boys and one girl out sick today.’

‘Who?’