The Game That Breaks Us (24 page)

I wake up tangled in Bennett’s arms. My leg is tossed over his and my head rests on his chest with his arms wrapped around me. As I blink into awareness, I realize I should pull away but I also know I don’t want to. The warmth of his body against mine feels like the most dangerous temptation out there. 

I know he’s all kinds of wrong for me, but that doesn’t stop me from being attracted to him. In fact, I think it makes me like him more because he
is
different than the kind of guy I normally go for. My usual go-to is a guy from a good family that has lofty career aspirations like a doctor or lawyer or something and his idea of a fun time is going to the country club. But that … That’s boring. Bennett’s anything but boring. In the last few months, he’s made me feel more alive than I ever have. 

I sit up a bit and admire the slope of his nose and the slight poutiness of his lips in sleep. He breathes evenly and I can see his eyes moving behind his closed lids as if he’s dreaming. His chest is bare and covered in a light dusting of reddish-blond hair and freckles. His shoulders are wide and muscular, the perfect width for snuggling into. 

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I trail a single finger down his stomach and to the top of his boxer-briefs. Something compels me to slip my finger beneath, but before I can go much further, he snaps awake and his hand wraps around my wrist.

“What are you doing?” His voice is thick with sleep and he blinks tiredly at me.

“I don’t know,” I admit honestly, embarrassment leaking into me. “I … I shouldn’t have done that.”

I try to pull my hand away but he won’t let go, so I stay trapped there with my hand beneath his underwear. I feel like the kid who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar and now there’s no way in hell I’m getting any cookies. 

“Why, Grace?” he asks, and I can tell he’s becoming more aware and I swear there’s lust in his eyes.

“Because I wanted to.” The words slip out before I can stop them.

He lets go of my hand and crosses both of his behind his head. “Go ahead,” he urges. “Do whatever you want. I won’t stop you and I won’t touch you.”

I know what he’s really saying. He’s giving me the freedom to explore
him
without having to worry about thinking he’ll want me to return the favor. 

“Are you sure?” I find myself asking.

“As long as Elle isn’t going to bust in here and see you looking at my
cock
like it’s a damn Oscar, then I don’t care. Granted, I’ve been caught in a lot worse situations but let’s not traumatize your roommate, okay?”

I laugh and glance at the clock. It’s early, and I doubt I’ll see Elle until after lunchtime. 

“We have time,” I say, biting my lip nervously. 

I know there are some virgins out there that have explored oral sex and other things, but not me. I was more interested in my schoolwork and I just didn’t like any guy enough to want to. I’ve always been curious, but there’s never been any guy I was comfortable enough to do this with. Bennett, though, I trust him not to take this farther than I want to. Maybe that’s weird since I
know
he’s slept around and basically been a big ole man-slut but he’s never tried to pressure me into anything. Yes, he makes sexual innuendos on an almost daily basis, but that’s just his personality. I know he doesn’t mean anything by it. 

“Proceed,” he says with a lazy look. 

My heart accelerates behind my rib cage. This is a big deal for me. I think Bennett must realize this because he keeps his mouth shut at my hesitation instead of cajoling me. 

I take a deep breath and then silently scold myself for being silly.

It’s a dick, not a shark. It isn’t going to bite my hand off. 

I move my hand lower and I can feel the hard length of him. I swallow thickly, skimming my hand down and back up. He’s already hard, and for some reason, this fact makes desire pool in my belly. 

“Can I?” I ask hesitantly, nodding at his boxer-briefs.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he rasps. “I’m not helping, though. This is all you.”

I hate it when he calls me Princess, but when he says
sweetheart
it does something funny to me. It makes me feel like he cares.

My heart races even faster as I tug his underwear down. He springs free and I moan. I don’t know why I have that reaction since it’s not like he’s touching me or I’m touching myself, but seeing him like this turns me on. 

I stare at his long, thick length and swallow thickly before my eyes dance to his. I expect to see him silently laughing at me, but instead, his muscles are taut and his eyes are serious—like he’s trying to hold himself back. I want to tell him it’s okay—that he can touch me too, that I want him to—but a voice in the back of my head whispers
baby steps
. 

I wrap my hand around him and drag it slowly up and down. He hisses between his teeth and I stop. My gaze darts to his and I fear that I hurt him. 

“Did I do something wrong? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I ramble.

He shakes his head once, his jaw clenched. Between his teeth he hisses, “Keep going.”

I stare at him a second longer, afraid he’s lying, but he nods encouraging me to continue.

“If I do something wrong tell me,” I beg him. “I want do this right.”

“Trust me, there’s nothing you could do wrong,” he rasps.

I move my hand up and down again, circling my thumb over the head of his
cock
. 

I breathe out heavily. I don’t know why I feel so out of breath. It’s not like I’m doing any physical exertion but I’m breathing like I just went out and sprinted a mile. 

My eyes roam from his cock to his stomach and finally land on his face. His eyes are hooded, lips parted, and he stares at me like I’m the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen. 

I move the sheet out of my way and lower my head.

“What are you doing?” he growls.

I look up at him, my mouth hovering inches away from his cock. “What do you think I’m about to do?”

He looks torn. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” I rasp out. I’ve never been turned on so much in my life, but bringing Bennett pleasure seems to do the same for me. 

He nods once and I wrap my lips around him.

He hisses out, “Holy fuck.”

I’d be lying if I said his reaction didn’t please me. I move my mouth up and down. He’s big so I can’t take much of him, but I work with what I can do and he seems to like it so that’s what matters to me. I use my hand too and when it joins the mix his hips buck off the mattress.

“Grace,” he whimpers my name and my core clenches. 

I want to ask him to say my name again but I also don’t want to stop what I’m doing, so I keep going. His fingers tangle in my hair, sweeping the long locks away from my face so he can see me. I lift my eyes to his and find that his hazel eyes are dilated. 

I swirl my tongue around the tip and moan as I move down again.

His fingers tighten in my hair. “Fuck, Grace, I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.” I keep going. “Seriously, Grace, unless you want me to come in your mouth you need to stop.”

I give him one last lick and then my mouth pops off, my hand doing the rest of the work. The muscles in his stomach tighten the moment before he comes. It spurts out on his stomach and he breathes heavily, his hand resting on my waist. His eyes stay on mine even though they’re heavy-lidded like he’s drunk. 

I feel shy all of a sudden and I can’t look at him any longer so I avert my gaze to the magazine clippings and posters on my wall. 

“Hey.” His voice is thick when he touches my thigh. “That is single-handedly the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 I look to him nervously. “Really?”

He nods and his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “Oh, yeah. So fucking hot. You … You’re amazing.” He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear. I lean into his touch and he holds his hand there against my cheek. “What made you want to do that?” he asks.

I shrug. “I was curious and I trust you.”

He presses his lips to mine and kisses me softly. “You don’t know how fucking good it is to hear that you trust me, sweetheart.”

I pull away slightly and grab some tissues so he can clean up. He wipes away the stickiness and puts his underwear back on.

“Come here.” He opens his arms for me. 

I hesitate for only a second before taking him up on the offer. I cuddle against his chest and he brushes his fingers through my hair. 

I want to ask him what this means. How this changes what we are and what we’ve been doing, but I’m scared he’ll say he wants things to continue as they are so I don’t say anything. I just enjoy the moment.

I can’t get what happened between Grace and me out of my head, and it’s been three days. Three fucking days of me playing a
blowjob
on loop in my mind, but I wasn’t lying when I told her it was the hottest thing to ever happen to me. Grace thinks that because she’s a virgin she has no sex appeal, but she’s so wrong. I’m more attracted to her than I ever have been to another girl. Most of the time I’ve slept with women I only just met. I never have the chance to get to know them. We fuck and I leave or she leaves. That’s it. But I do know Grace and I … I don’t love her, but I like her. I like her a lot. I care about her more than I should and that made what we did so much more powerful. She hasn’t said anything about it since it happened, and I don’t know whether that’s because she’s embarrassed or doesn’t want me to get my hopes up that it’ll happen again. Thankfully, she acts normal, not like it scared her or anything. So that’s good, I guess.

“James! What the fuck are you doing? Move!”
Coach yells at me so loud that his voice echoes through the entire arena. 

I’m supposed to be practicing with the team but my mind’s not in it.

For the first time in my life, hockey isn’t my sole focus. A girl is.

I skate down the ice and Tanner rams into me. I am
this
close to punching the fucker in the face. It’s been months, and I’m pretty sure he’s still pissed Grace is my girlfriend. He’d never be good enough for her, though. No guy is. 

I shove Tanner into the glass and it vibrates with the force of his weight. 

Tanner comes after me more than he does anyone else during practice. I usually go easy on him because he’s a fucking freshman and has a lot of maturing to do, but fuck it, it’s time to give the kid a taste of his own medicine.

He comes after me again and I ram him with my shoulder hard enough that he falls to the ice and slides away.

I chuckle around my mouth-guard and leave him to pick himself up.

Michael passes the puck to me and I sling it to another player named Roscoe who shoots it toward the goal. The goalie blocks it and we all groan.

“Stop playing like a bunch of girls!” Coach yells. “Arnett,” he says, referring to Roscoe, “you can do better than that!” We play for another hour before Coach calls it a day. “Come see me after you shower, James. Don’t come to my office smelling like a damn sweaty pig,” he says gruffly before leaving us to go down the tunnel.

I feel like every time he asks me to come see him it’s never good news. We’re into December now and I’m still not back with my team. I’m losing precious time.