The Garner Files: A Memoir (37 page)

For a long time after it came out, when people came up to me in public, this is the movie they talked about, and when it’s on TV, I’ll sit and watch a little of it. (See
pages 187
–89.)

Marlowe
(MGM, 1969) C-95 min. D: Paul Bogart. Gayle Hunnicutt, Caroll O’Connor, Rita Moreno, William Daniels, Bruce Lee.

Paul Bogart did a wonderful job with Stirling Siliphant’s adaptation of Raymond Chandler’s novel
The Little Sister
. Paul is a total pro, having directed scores of live programs during the Golden Age of television and countless episodes of series before moving on to feature films.

In one scene, I’m in a restaurant with a date and someone sends over a bottle of wine. The waiter opens it and pours a little for me to
taste. Gore Vidal had just referenced my butt in his novel,
Myra Breckinridge,
referring to it as “impertinent” and “baroque.” (One of the two would have been sufficient.) I ad-libbed those two words, “impertinent” and “baroque,” to describe a glass of wine in the scene and Paul kept it in.

I was in good company playing Raymond Chandler’s legendary private eye, following in the footsteps of Humphrey Bogart, Dick Powell, and Robert Montgomery. Plus, I got to beat up Bruce Lee. (Only in the movies!) Bruce showed me some martial arts moves between takes.

A Man Called Sledge
½
(Italian, 1970) C-93 min. D: Vic Morrow. Dennis Weaver, Claude Akins, John Marley.

Sludge
. One of the few times I’ve played a heavy, and one of the last. I wish I could remember why I let Dino De Laurentiis talk me into this turkey. The poster says, “Not suitable for children.” It should say, “Not suitable for human consumption.”

Support Your Local Gunfighter
(United Artists, 1971) C-92 min. D: Burt Kennedy. Suzanne Pleshette, Jack Elam, Harry Morgan, John Dehner, Joan Blondell.

Not as good as
Support Your Local Sheriff
and not really a sequel.

Skin Game
½ (Warner Bros., 1971) C-102 min. D: Paul Bogart. Louis Gossett, Susan Clark, Edward Asner, Andrew Duggan.

A funny movie if you don’t mind jokes about slavery. Paul Bogart did a masterly job with a story about a con man who travels the South selling his “slave” again and again, but they’re really partners.

They Only Kill Their Masters
(MGM, 1972) C-97 min. D: James Goldstone. Katharine Ross, Hal Holbrook, Peter Lawford, Harry Guardino, June Allyson, Tom Ewell.

I’d rather not talk about it.

One Little Indian
¼
(Disney, 1973) C-90 min. D: Bernard McEveety. Vera Miles, Pat Hingle, Jay Silverheels, Jodie Foster.

I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. This is one of them. The only bright spot was a ten-year-old Jodie Foster.

The Castaway Cowboy
½
(Disney, 1974) C-91 min. D: Bernard McEveety. Vera Miles, Robert Culp, Gregory Sierra.

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E. The best thing in it is the Hawaiian scenery.

Health
(Lionsgate, 1979) C-100 min. D: Robert Altman. Lauren Bacall, Carol Burnett, Dick Cavett, Glenda Jackson, Alfre Woodard.

We had a lot of fun making it, especially playing practical jokes on Dick Cavett, who took everything we could throw at him with grace and good humor. (Dick and I became instant pals.) It was a privilege and a pleasure to play opposite Carol and to work with Betty Bacall.

I loved Bob Altman. He gave actors tremendous freedom. Though we had completely different approaches—he hated scripts, I loved them—I enjoyed every minute of it. Bob was a true maverick and he had guts: he’d think nothing of starting a movie before he had all the financing, and he thumbed his nose at the studios.
My kind of guy
.

The Fan
½
(Filmways, 1981) C-95 min. D: Edward Bianchi. Lauren Bacall, Maureen Stapleton, Hector Elizondo, Dana Delany.

Can there be more than one “worst-picture-I-ever-made”? The only saving grace was working with Betty Bacall again—we also did a
Rockford
together that wasn’t all that bad. She’s a wonderful actress and a beautiful woman. And so feisty. I just love her.

Victor/Victoria
½ (MGM, 1982) C-132 min. D: Blake Edwards. Julie Andrews, Robert Preston, Leslie Ann Warren, Alex Karras.

My second chance to work with Julie, and it was a great experience because she’s a great lady and a wonderful actress and singer. I wanted to ask Blake for the Robert Preston role, but my friend John Crawford talked me out of it. He said nobody would accept me as gay, but I wanted to try it.