Read The General Zapped an Angel: New Stories of Fantasy and Science Fiction Online
Authors: Howard Fast
The General Zapped an Angel: New Stories of Fantasy and Science Fiction
The General Zapped an Angel
New Stories of Fantasy and Science Fiction
Howard Fast
For Rachel and Paul: Greetings
CONTENTS
THE GENERAL
ZAPPED AN ANGEL
W
HEN
news leaked out of Viet Nam that Old Hell and Hardtack Mackenzie had shot down an angel, every newspaper in the world dug into its morgue for the background and biography of this hard-bitten old warrior.
Not that General Clayborne Mackenzie was so old. He had only just passed his fiftieth birthday, and he had plenty of piss and vinegar left in him when he went out to Viet Nam to head up the 55th Cavalry and its two hundred helicopters; and the sight of him sitting in the open door of a gunship, handling a submachine gun like the pro he was, and zapping anything that moved there belowâbecause anything that moved was likely enough to be Charlieâhad inspired many a fine color story.
Correspondents liked to stress the fact that Mackenzie was a “natural fighting man,” with, as, they put it, “an instinct for the kill.” In this they were quite right, as the material from the various newspaper morgues proved. When Mackenzie was only six years old, playing in the yard of his humble North Carolina home, he managed to kill a puppy by beating it to death with a stone, an extraordinary act of courage and perseverance. After that, he was able to earn spending money by killing unwanted puppies and kittens for five cents each. He was an intensely creative child, one of the things that contributed to his subsequent leadership qualities, and not content with drowning the animals, he devised five other methods for destroying the unwanted pets. By nine he was trapping rabbits and rats and had invented a unique yet simple mole trap that caught the moles alive. He enjoyed turning over live moles and mice to neighborhood cats, and often he would invite his little playmates to watch the results. At the age of twelve his father gave him his first gunâand from there on no one who knew young Clayborne Mackenzie doubted either his future career or success.
After his arrival in Viet Nam, there was no major mission of the 55th that Old Hell and Hardtack did not lead in person. The sight of him blazing away from the gunship became a symbol of the “new war,” and the troops on the ground would look for him and up at him and cheer him when he appeared. (Sometimes the cheers were earthy, but that is only to be expected in war.) There was nothing Mackenzie loved better than a village full of skulking, treacherous VC, and once he passed over such a village, little was left of it. A young newspaper correspondent compared him to an “avenging angel,” and sometimes when his helicopters were called in to help a group of hard-pressed infantry, he thought of himself in such terms. It was on just such an occasion, when the company of marines holding the outpost at Quen-to were so hard pressed, that the thing happened.
General Clayborne Mackenzie had led the attack, blazing away, and down came the angel, square into the marine encampment. It took a while for them to realize what they had, and Mackenzie had already returned to base field when the call came from Captain Joe Kelly, who was in command of the marine unit.
“General, sir,” said Captain Kelly, when Mackenzie had picked up the phone and asked what in hell they wanted, “General Mackenzie, sir, it would seem that you shot down an angel.”
“Say that again, Captain.”
“An angel, sir.”
“A what?”
“An angel, sir.”
“And just what in hell is an angel?”
“Well,” Kelly answered, “I don't quite know how to answer that, sir. An angel is an angel. One of God's angels, sir.”
“Are you out of your goddamn mind, Captain?” Mackenzie roared. “Or are you sucking pot again? So help me God, I warned you potheads that if you didn't lay off the grass I would see you all in hell!”
“No, sir,” said Kelly quietly and stubbornly. “We have no pot here.”
“Well, put on Lieutenant Garcia!” Mackenzie yelled.
“Lieutenant Garcia.” The voice came meekly.
“Lieutenant, what the hell is this about an angel?”
“Yes, General.”
“Yes, what?”
“It is an angel. When you were over here zapping VCâwell, sir, you just went and zapped an angel.”
“So help me God,” Mackenzie yelled, “I will break every one of you potheads for this! You got a lot of guts, buster, to put on a full general, but nobody puts me on and walks away from it. Just remember that.”
One thing about Old Hell and Hardtack, when he wanted something done, he didn't ask for volunteers. He did it himself, and now he went to his helicopter and told Captain Jerry Gates, the pilot:
“You take me out to that marine encampment at Quen-to and put me right down in the middle of it.”
“It's a risky business, General.”
“It's your goddamn business to fly this goddamn ship and not to advise me.”
Twenty minutes later the helicopter settled down into the encampment at Quen-to, and a stony-faced full general faced Captain Kelly and said:
“Now suppose you just lead me to that damn angel, and God help you if it's not.”
But it was; twenty feet long and all of it angel, head to foot. The marines had covered it over with two tarps, and it was their good luck that the VCs either had given up on Quen-to or had simply decided not to fight for a whileâbecause there was not much fight left in the marines, and all the young men could do was to lay in their holes and try not to look at the big body under the two tarps and not to talk about it either; but in spite of how they tried, they kept sneaking glances at it and they kept on whispering about it, and the two of them who pulled off the tarps so that General Mackenzie might see began to cry a little. The general didn't like that; if there was one thing he did not like, it was soldiers who cried, and he snapped at Kelly:
“Get these two mothers the hell out of here, and when you assign a detail to me, I want men, not wet-nosed kids.” Then he surveyed the angel, and even he was impressed.
“It's a big son of a bitch, isn't it?”
“Yes, sir. Head to heel, it's twenty feet. We measured it.”
“What makes you think it's an angel?”
“Well, that's the way it is,” Kelly said. “It's an angel. What else is it?”
General Mackenzie walked around the recumbent form and had to admit the logic in Captain Kelly's thinking. The thing was white, not flesh-white but snow-white, shaped like a man, naked, and sprawled on its side with two great feathered wings folded under it. Its hair was spun gold and its face was too beautiful to be human.
“So that's an angel,” Mackenzie said finally.
“Yes, sir.”
“Like hell it is!” Mackenzie snorted. “What I see is a white, Caucasian male, dead of wounds suffered on the field of combat. By the way, where'd I hit him?”
“We can't find the wounds, sir.”
“Now just what the hell do you mean, you can't find the wounds? I don't miss. If I shot it, I shot it.”
“Yes, sir. But we can't find the wounds. Perhaps its skin is very tough. It might have been the concussion that knocked it down.”
Used to getting at the truth of things himself, Mackenzie walked up and down the body, going over it carefully. No wounds were visible.
“Turn the angel over,” Mackenzie said.
Kelly, who was a good Catholic, hesitated at first; but between a live general and a dead angel, the choice was specified. He called out a detail of marines, and without enthusiasm they managed to turn over the giant body. When Mackenzie complained that mud smears were impairing his inspection, they wiped the angel clean. There were no wounds on this side either.
“That's a hell of a note,” Mackenzie muttered, and if Captain Kelly and Lieutenant Garcia had been more familiar with the moods of Old Hell and Hardtack, they would have heard a tremor of uncertainty in his voice. The truth is that Mackenzie was just a little baffled. “Anyway,” he decided, “it's dead, so wrap it up and put it in the ship.”
“Sir?”
“God damn it, Kelly, how many times do I have to give you an order? I said, wrap it up and put it in the ship!”
The marines at Quen-to were relieved as they watched Mackenzie's gunship disappear in the distance, preferring the company of live VCs to that of a dead angel, but the pilot of the helicopter flew with all the assorted worries of a Southern Fundamentalist.
“Is that sure enough an angel, sir?” he had asked the general.
“You mind your eggs and fly the ship, son,” the general replied. An hour ago he would have told the pilot to keep his goddamn nose out of things that didn't concern him, but the angel had a stultifying effect on the general's language. It depressed him, and when the three-star general at headquarters said to him, “Are you trying to tell me, Mackenzie, that you shot down an angel?” Mackenzie could only nod his head miserably.
“Well, sir, you are out of your goddamn mind.”
“The body's outside in Hangar F,” said Mackenzie. “I put a guard over it, sir.”
The two-star general followed the three-star general as he stalked to Hangar F, where the three-star general looked at the body, poked it with his toe, poked it with his finger, felt the feathers, felt the hair, and then said:
“God damn it to hell, Mackenzie, do you know what you got here?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You got an angelâthat's what the hell you got here.”
“Yes, sir, that's the way it would seem.”
“God damn you, Mackenzie, I always had a feeling that I should have put my foot down instead of letting you zoom up and down out there in those gunships zapping VCs. My God almighty, you're supposed to be a grown man with some sense instead of some dumb kid who wants to make a score zapping Charlie, and if you hadn't been out there in that gunship this would never have happened. Now what in hell am I supposed to do? We got a lousy enough press on this war. How am I going to explain a dead angel?”
“Maybe we don't explain it, sir. I mean, there it is. It happened. The damn thing's dead, isn't it? Let's bury it. Isn't that what a soldier doesâburies his dead, tightens his belt a notch, and goes on from there?”
“So we bury it, huh, Mackenzie?”
“Yes, sir. We bury it.”
“You're a horse's ass, Mackenzie. How long since someone told you that? That's the trouble with being a general in this goddamn armyâno one ever gets to tell you what a horse's ass you are. You got dignity.”
“No, sir. You're not being fair, sir,” Mackenzie protested. “I'm trying to help. I'm trying to be creative in this trying situation.”
“You get a gold star for being creative, Mackenzie. Yes, sir, Generalâthat's what you get. Every marine at Quen-to knows you shot down an angel. Your helicopter pilot and crew know it, which means that by now everyone on this base knows itâbecause anything that happens here, I know it lastâand those snotnose reporters on the base, they know it, not to mention the goddamn chaplains, and you want to bury it. Bless your heart.”
The three-star general's name was Drummond, and when he got back to his office, his aide said to him excitedly:
“General Drummond, sir, there's a committee of chaplains, sir, who insist on seeing you, and they're very up tight about something, and I know how you feel about chaplains, but this seems to be something special, and I think you ought to see them.”
“I'll see them.” General Drummond sighed.
There were four chaplains, a Catholic priest, a rabbi, an Episcopalian, and a Lutheran. The Methodist, Baptist, and Presbyterian chaplains had wanted to be a part of the delegation, but the priest, who was a Paulist, said that if they were to bring in five Protestants, he wanted a Jesuit as reenforcement, while the rabbi, who was Reform, agreed that against five Protestants an Orthodox rabbi ought to join the Jesuit. The result was a compromise, and they agreed to allow the priest, Father Peter O'Malley, to talk for the group. Father O'Malley came directly to the point:
