The Gentleman Bastard Series 3-Book Bundle: The Lies of Locke Lamora, Red Seas Under Red Skies, The Republic of Thieves (187 page)

“He and I live with the consequences of the decisions we made before he took the contract
in Camorr,” she said, her voice firm. “Whether or not I choose to explain those decisions
is my business.”

“Fair enough,” said Jean, taking an instinctive half-step back and raising his hands.

“Indeed. Take it easy.” Locke stifled a cough. “Well, you could murder us, yet supposedly
you don’t want to. Your son pickled his own mind, but you say you don’t really give
a shit. So what’s the story, Patience? Why are you in Lashain, lending me your cloak?”

“I’ve come to offer the two of you a job.”

“A job?” Locke laughed, then broke into more painful-sounding coughs. “A
job
? I hope you need someone to line a casket for you, you poor Karthani witch, because
that’s the only job I’m presently qualified for.”

“Until you finally lose the strength for sarcasm, Locke, I wouldn’t hire any mourners.”

“I’m on my way.” Locke pounded on his chest a few times. “Believe me, I’ve ducked
out of paying this bill before, but this time I’m pretty sure the house is going to
make me settle. You should have tried, I don’t know,
not fucking revealing my plans to the gods-damned Archon of Tal Verrar so he could
fucking well poison me
! Maybe then my schedule for the immediate future would be a tad more … open.”

“I can remove the poison from your body.”

Nobody spoke for several seconds. Jean was dumbstruck, Locke
merely scowled, and Patience let the words hang in the empty air without further adornment.
The timbers of the roof creaked faintly at the touch of the wind.

“Bullshit,” Locke muttered at last.

“You keep presuming that my powers are infinite where they concern your discomfort.
Why not credit me with an equivalent capacity to render aid?” Patience folded her
arms. “Surely some of the black alchemists you consulted must have passed on hints …”

“I’m not talking about your damned sorcery. I mean, I see the
game
now. It’s bullshit. Act one, those Lashani bastards trash the place. Act two, a mysterious
savior appears out of the night, and we buy whatever you’re selling. You arranged
this whole mess.”

“I had nothing to do with Cortessa. Jean brought the Lashani down on your heads when
he mishandled the physiker yesterday.”

“What an eminently reasonable excuse! Good gods, woman, who the hell do you think
you’re
talking
to here?” Locke erupted into a coughing fit, and just as quickly brought it under
control by evident force of will. “I ought to know a setup when it lands right on
top of my head!”

“Locke, calm down.” Jean felt his heartbeat all the way to the base of his throat.
“Think about this for a moment.” It had to be a trick, a plan, a scheme of some sort,
but by all the gods, what was that against the total certainty of death? Jean sent
a silent plea to the Crooked Warden to give Locke just a few moments of lucid reason.

“I have no money,” said Locke. “No resources. No treasure. And I’m too sick now to
even stand up. That leaves me just one single thing you can still take.”

“We need to consider—”

“You want my name, don’t you?” Locke’s voice was hoarse and teasing. He sounded triumphant
at having something to fuel a real argument; evidently the god of thieves had no common
sense available for lending at the moment. “You knock everything out from under me,
then show up at the last minute, waving a reprieve. And all you’d need is my real
name, right? Oh, you want leverage, that’s for sure. You haven’t forgiven
anyone
for what happened to the Falconer.”

“You’re dying,” said Patience. “Do you really think I’d take these pains just to turn
the screws on you? Gods be gracious, how much more pressure could I possibly apply?”

“I believe you’d do anything, if you wanted your hooks in me bad enough.” Locke wiped
his lips with the back of his hand, and Jean could see that his spit was blood-tinged.
“I know a thing or two about revenge, and you have powers I can only dream of. So
I must believe you’d do
anything
.”

“Why bother when I could have your real name anytime I wanted it?”

“Now that’s so much arrogant bull—”

“It would simply be a question,” Patience continued, “of how long you could watch
Jean Tannen suffer before you would beg for the privilege of telling me.”

“You’re no different than the Falconer,” said Locke. “Same fucking—”

“Locke,” said Jean, very loudly. “—attitude toward … yeah?”

“Kindly
shut the hell up
,” said Jean, enunciating every word as though teaching the phrase to a small child
for the first time. Locke’s slack-jawed stare was gratifying.

“She’s right,” continued Jean, unable to keep a growing excitement out of his voice.
“If your true name was all she wanted, why
not
torture me? I’m compromised, I’m bloody helpless. It would be quick and simple. So
why aren’t I screaming right now?”

“Because if these people were any good at ‘quick and simple’ the Falconer would have
killed us back in Camorr.”

“No, dammit. Think harder.”

“Because you have such a sweet and innocent face?”

“Because if she doesn’t want your real name the easy way—”

“Then she has some other motive. Sweet dancing donkey shit, Jean!” Locke rolled back
toward Patience, but closed his eyes and rubbed at them. “She wants me to stick my
own head in the noose, of my own free will. Get it? She wants me to step off the cliff.
Cut my own wrists so she can gloat … humiliate—” Locke broke into another severe coughing
fit, and Jean sat down on the bed and pounded gently on his back. The rhythmic movement
did nothing good for Jean’s collection of fresh aches and bruises, but it calmed Locke
rapidly.

“What we’re discussing,” said Patience, “is
employment
, not compulsion. Credit me with enough wit to recall the fate of Luciano Anatolius
and Maxilan Stragos. Coercing you two never seems to work. We’re willing to trade
service for service.”

“Patience,” said Jean, “can you really get rid of this poison? Can you do it without
using his real name?”

“If we hurry, yes.”

“If you’re lying,” said Jean, “if you’re leaving anything out, I’ll try to kill you
again. Understand? I’ll give it everything I have, even if it forces you to slay me
on the spot.”

Patience nodded.

“Then let’s talk business.”

“Let’s not,” snarled Locke. “Let’s show this bitch to the door and refuse to be puppets.”

“Shut up.” Jean pushed firmly down on Locke’s shoulders, foiling his attempt to roll
out of bed. “Tell us about this job.”

Locke drew in a rasping breath to spew some more damn fool craziness. Jean, with the
reflexes that kept him alive when blades were drawn, clamped a hand over Locke’s mouth
before he could speak and pushed his head back down against his pillow. “I can’t agree
to anything on Locke’s behalf, but I want us to hear your proposal. Tell us what the
job is.”

“It’s political,” said Patience.

“Mmmmph mmph,” said Locke, struggling in vain against Jean’s arm. “Mmmph fckhnnng
fmmmph!”

“He wants to hear more,” said Jean. “He says he’s very excited to hear the whole thing.”

“
I NEED
an election adjusted.”

“How adjusted?”

“As a cautious estimate?” Patience turned to the window and stared out into the rain.
“I need it rigged from top to bottom.”

“Government affairs are a bit beyond our experience,” said Jean.

“Nonsense. You’ll feel right at home. What is government but theft by consent? You’ll
be moving in a society of kindred spirits.”

“What sort of election are we supposed to be mucking about with here?”

“Every five years,” said Patience, “the citizens of Karthain elect an assembly, the
Konseil. Nineteen representatives for nineteen city districts. This dignified mess
runs the city, and I need a majority of their seats to go to the faction of my preference.”

“This is what you want us for?” Locke finally slipped Jean’s hand aside and managed
to speak. “My dead ass! With your powers, you’d have to be out of your gods-damned
minds to settle for anything Jean and I could pull off! You could wiggle your fingers
and make them elect cats and dogs, for fuck’s sake.”

“No,” said Patience. “In public, the magi stand completely aloof from the government
of the city. In private, we are forbidden to use any of our arts. Not on the poorest
citizen of Karthain, not for a single vote.”

“You won’t use your sorcery on the people of Karthain?” said Jean. “Not at all?”

“Oh, Karthain is our city, through and through. We’ve adjusted everything to suit
our needs, and that includes the inhabitants. It’s this contest we can’t touch. The
election itself.”

“Seems awkward as all hell. Why the limitation?”

“You’ve seen some of our arts. You opposed the Falconer. You survived Tal Verrar.”

“In a manner of speaking,” muttered Locke.

“Imagine a society of men and women where those powers are universal,” said Patience.
“Imagine … sitting down to dinner with four hundred people, each of whom has a loaded
crossbow set beside their wineglass. Some very strict rules will have to be enforced
if anyone wants to live long enough to see the last course.”

“I think I get it,” said Jean. “You have some sort of rule about not shitting where
you eat?”

“Magi must
never
work magic against one another,” said Patience. “We’re as human as you are, as complicated,
as insecure, as driven to argument. The only difference is that any one of us, out
of the mildest irritation, could make someone evaporate into smoke with a gesture.

“We don’t duel,” she continued. “We don’t so much as
tease
one another with our arts. We forcefully separate ourselves from any situation where
our crossed purposes might tempt us to do so.”

“Situations like this election,” said Jean.

“Yes. We do need to control the Konseil, one way or another. Once the election is
over, the new government becomes a general tool. We adjust its members by consensual
design. But during the contest itself, when our blood is up, we need to keep our arts
entirely out of the situation. We need to be pure spectators.”

Patience raised both of her hands, palms up, as though presenting two invisible objects
for weighing.

“There are two major factions among my people. Two major parties in Karthani politics.
We battle by proxy. Each side is allowed to choose agents. Enterprising individuals,
never magi. We set them loose to fight on our behalf. In the past we’ve favored orators,
political organizers, demagogues. This time, I’ve convinced my people to hire someone
with a more unusual portfolio of achievement.”

“Why?” said Jean.

“Some people play handball,” said Patience, smiling. “Some people play Catch-the-Duke.
This is our sport. The election diverts much of the frustration our factions come
to feel for one another, and brings prestige to the side that backs the winner. It’s
become a highly anticipated tradition.”

“I’ve imagined you people must run the show in Karthain,” said Locke. “I just never
would have suspected this. What a joke on all the poor saps lining up to vote every
five years.”

“They get an orderly city regardless of the winner,” said Patience. “In Karthain,
nobody empties the treasury and vanishes. Nobody holds grand masques every night while
the streets fill with night soil and dead animals. We see to that.”

“Would a city of puppets really give a damn if you didn’t?” said Locke, wheezing.
He cleared his throat. “You want us to work fraud in the service of order and public
sanitation. What a thought!”

“Isn’t theft theft? Aren’t lies lies? Isn’t this exactly the sort of opportunity you’d
spend years chasing if it was your own idea? Besides, the job serves you as much as
anyone. Accepting it will save your life.”

“How long would you need us?” said Locke.

“The election is in six weeks.”

“What about resources? Clothes, money, lodging—”

“We have complete identities prepared for you, all possible comforts, and a large
pool of funds to dispose of on business.”

“Only business?” said Locke.

“You’ll be treated luxuriously for six weeks. What more could you want?”

“Perelandro’s balls, a little incentive to win would be nice.”

“Incentive? Life itself isn’t sufficient? You’ll be well-dressed, you’ll recover your
health, and you’ll be in a greatly improved position from which to resume your … career.
If you win, our gratitude might easily extend so far as comfortable transportation
to the city of your choice.”

“And if we lose?”

“You can’t expect us to reward failure. You’ll still be free to leave, but you’ll
do it on foot.”

“I can only speak for myself,” said Locke, and Jean’s heart sank. “I meant what I
said. I have no idea what your full powers are. I don’t trust you. I don’t trust this
situation, and I have no reasonable chance to catch you if you’re lying. If you’re
not sincere, this is a trap, and if you are sincere it’s some kind of bizarre pity-fuck.”

“And all the years you might have had coming? All the things you have yet to do?”

“Spare me. You’re not
my
mother. If Jean will take the job, you won’t find a better man anywhere. He can do
anything I could, and he’s better at keeping himself in one piece. Thanks for coming
all this way to entertain me, but leave me alone.”

“Hold on—” Jean began.

“I’m disappointed,” said Patience. “I would have thought you had at least one more
thing to live for. Can you honestly say you’ve never hoped for any chance of a reunion
with Sabetha, somewhere out there in the—”

“You go
fuck yourself
,” snarled Locke. “I don’t care what you think you know. That’s one subject you don’t
get to presume anything about.”

“As you like.” Patience flexed her right hand and Jean noticed the gleam of silver
thread woven between the fingers. “It seems I’ve wasted our time. Shall I expect you
in Karthain when your friend is dead, Jean?”