The German Numbers Woman (36 page)

‘Well, you see …'

‘All I see,' he monitored the pause with his watch, ‘is that I'll pick you up at thirteen-hundred hours on Monday the fifteenth, and take you to the boat.'

‘I was going to tell you. I can't go. It's off.'

Richard had always known how to be the king of silence. The mouth moved so that only you could see it. The voice box boomed but only you could hear. He looked around the room, naming every gewgaw and object of furniture. When that inventory was finished he glanced at the window, and lit another cigarette at a distance from the telephone to keep the line quiet. He would stand all day if necessary, waiting for Howard to say something further, would drag the bastard out by the short and curlies if it had to be that way.

Waistcoat had told him to get the potential danger on board or he, as well as his old and upstanding father, would be scuffed off the surface of the world without ever knowing they'd been on it. Waistcoat had a way with words, but one day they would choke him. In the meantime he had to wait for Howard to say something, and though Howard was just as capable of waiting in silence till the end of time he didn't think more than a decent interval was necessary for what he had to say.

‘The reason is, that Laura objects to it.'

‘Is that all?'

‘Well, it's something.'

‘Amanda used to get like that, all bossy and tearful. I understand how you feel. But she lit off, and a good thing I think now. Women shouldn't be allowed to interfere without reason with what men want to do.'

‘Agreed. All the same, they need to be considered.'

‘But not obeyed. I have to tell you I haven't much time.'

‘Neither have I. I'm putting another fifty pee in.'

‘Do you want me to hang up, and then I can call you?'

He saw through that one. ‘I've plenty of change. The main question is whether or not you still need me on the boat.'

‘You said you wanted to come, didn't you? Almost insisted on it. So I made arrangements. They're expecting you. I'd look a right charlie if you didn't turn up. The idea is that you help out with the radio. I sang your praises so much they're counting on it.'

Another pause. ‘All right, I'll be there. I just wanted final confirmation.'

Show a little more anger. ‘How much final confirmation do you want, for God's sake?'

‘No more, but Laura's still got to be dealt with.'

‘I have to leave that to you.'

‘My problem, is it?'

‘Well, it's not mine.'

All Howard wanted to know was whether they were definitely going, without him or not. ‘The trip's on, then, and nothing will stop me.'

Richard tried a bit of Air-Force slang. ‘Good show. Zero hour's not far off. You'll have an interesting time, believe you me.'

‘I know I shall. She may contact you, though, come to see you.'

‘I don't mind.' He'd expected it, hoped for it, knew she'd be on her own. ‘As long as you're ready on the day.'

‘You can depend on it.'

‘Bring what you think you'll need. A kitbag and a hold-all. There'll be plenty to eat and drink on board.'

‘I can't wait.'

‘You won't have to. I'll pick you up, and all your worries will be over.'

‘I owe you more than I can say. It's as if I suddenly had a brother. Sounds crazy, but it's true.'

More crazy than you think, though Richard shied at a fitting response, felt none of the right emotion. At the same time wondered what sense or truth there was in it. ‘It's a favour I knew you wanted. Wasn't easy, but we were friends.'

Howard had said no more than he felt. He was going on a drug smuggler's jaunt, inviolable because blind, and assumed he could depend on Richard to get him on board, from which moment he would be at the mercy of so many unknown factors that it didn't bear thinking about – an adventure not to be refused. ‘I'll be waiting.'

‘And I'll be there to pick you up.'

The sign-offs were simultaneous.

Richard wondered what he had done, but knew he could have done nothing else. He had taken responsibility for another human being so completely that part of himself had been cut away, and he didn't like it. Nor would Howard, no doubt poking his way back up the hill for another bout with Laura. Not hard to know who would win, though that part of the scheme was no fight of his. He had drawn Howard into his web, and Howard had lured him into an equally tangled snare.

It was unusual for Richard to be discouraged by success, because he suspected – being no fool – that anything as easy as getting Howard to come with them couldn't fall out well. Such self-indulgent worry was more intense than the trip deserved, and who had entrapped who, and how it began, was no use going into, must be accepted and forgotten, but he was nagged that something could go wrong. Their laybrinths had met and started to blend, a messy and embarrassing process which set off a twinge of alarm as if, when two such forces collided, control would be lost and all power extinguished.

He enjoyed walking about the empty house knowing that no one might come back into it at any second. And nobody would. Even so, blessed isolation was little help to his thoughts. A man in a house alone was incomplete because he was more at the mercy of himself. He couldn't tell who or what brought such irrelevancies to mind, but perhaps the world of the house was too small, only seemed big when other people were in it with him. He didn't like the sensation of being so far off his normally firm centre.

A car sounded along the unmade track. Maybe Amanda had got tired of sulking at her girlfriend's, and was coming back to more comfortable accommodation. She wasn't the sort who would be happy to share the living space of a small flat – if she was ever happy, that is. He had treated her well, but was aware of never having done his proper duty as a husband, such as being there to hear her thoughts and wishes every minute of the day and night.

He liked to think there was nothing wrong with her in wanting such constant attention, that it was mainly due to him that she disliked being herself, which led her to dislike him even more. On the other hand there were times when she made an effort to love him, or at least endure him without rancour, though perhaps only as a way towards thinking better of herself.

Whatever it was, it had been too much for him, and now that she had gone he could only think they had been in no way made for each other, which he had said from time to time and which she hated to hear, as if it might be true. Yet if two people weren't made for each other they weren't made for anybody else, especially when they ought to feel made for each other, which they did at the best of times, however rare those times were. In any case with him she had a house, and a car, and enough to live on, so what more was needed except patience and tolerance, and a certain regard when they didn't exactly feel made for each other?

Going to the window he saw a magpie fly from the trees and skim the top of Laura's Peugeot, a black and white warning of a hard time as she turned by the derelict barn and parked on the open space of grass before the garden gate. She manoeuvred to face outwards, as if a quick getaway might become necessary, though maybe it was her normal habit. He went to meet her at the door.

On the way there she had been wondering how to tell him that Howard wasn't fit to go on a small boat trip out into the Atlantic. He wouldn't be allowed to, she would say, would only go over her dead body, and if that was the ultimate sacrifice she wouldn't hesitate to make it. But if she could win Richard to her side such a sacrifice wouldn't be necessary.

She noted the orderly living room, everything in its place, not much used, now that his wife had gone. He intercepted her gaze, glad that he had, by coincidence, bumped the vacuum cleaner around only that morning, always a man for keeping the old ship tidy.

His wife's departure had obviously not bothered him much, which made her less sure of what she had to say. He had the same caring though distant expression as when they met by the roadside. ‘I suppose you know why I'm here?'

‘I've been expecting you.' He pointed to an armchair. ‘In fact I was going to call you later today. Let me get you a drink.' He was still amazed by her youthful and untouched aspect, though helped by the dull light of the day.

‘I shouldn't drink since I'm driving,' she said, ‘but I'll have a sherry.'

He found some Tio Pepe in the cupboard, halfway down and hadn't been used for months: shot a whisky in for himself. ‘Pity you had to come all this way,' for nothing, was his meaning.

‘Oh, I don't mind the drive. The countryside's so pretty around here.'

The fixed smile showed the force of her worry, then was crossed out by a flash of uncertainty. ‘I'm glad you caught me in.' He was, had been about to drive to the pub, anything to escape the weight of the house for an hour.

‘You know what I've come about, I'm sure.'

He sat in the other armchair. Amanda had spent over a thousand pounds having them reupholstered – totally redone – and she had scarpered a week after he had written the cheque. But they were damned comfortable, and the one Laura sat in suited her wonderfully. ‘About Howard, of course. You must be worried. I know I would be. It's a funny situation, and I don't know how I got into it.' He wasn't going to tell her point blank that Howard had to come, or even admit in any way that he was on Howard's side, unwilling at the moment to fight another man's battle, at least directly. ‘How either of us got into the situation I'll never know.'

They had talked it up like a pair of schoolboys, probably suggested by something in one of those ridiculous morse letters. ‘Well, you did, it seems. Howard's deadly serious. He's all ready. I have to stop him, and you must help me.' In the excitement of feeling her task would be easier than imagined she drank her sherry – and a good sized measure he had given her.

The idea of getting her half seas over made him smile, and as if in encouragement he swallowed the last finger of his whisky. ‘I'd like to, but I don't think anybody can.' She indicated no, but he refilled her glass. ‘Sorry, leave it, then. A stray tomcat comes around and I'm sure that if I pour it into a saucer it'll lap it up.'

She was supposed to laugh, but felt no reason to: ‘You're the only one I can turn to. I've no one else,' forgetting the other arguments in her mind before coming down to this.

He put on what Amanda called his ‘irrecoverable silence', knowing they were only at the beginning. Was she trying to beat him at his favourite game of saying nothing for as long as possible? He refilled his glass and she, unaccountably, took a swig at the sherry. So far from the road, the tomb-like quiet of the house was broken only by the tapping of raindrops.

‘I never thought Howard was serious,' he said, ‘but when I knew he was, I put out feelers, to see if someone would let him come with us. Maybe I was too persuasive, though it's hard to believe, but the skipper thought it a benevolent act, to take him. I think that was because he had a brother who was blinded in a flying accident with the Fleet Air Arm in Korea, and he'd often taken him on boat trips. He enjoyed them no end. The men looked after him. They took exceptional care, though he rarely needed it. The various crews thought it lucky to have a blind man on board. A bit of a novelty. Took their minds off the harsh reality of separation from land, you might say. I went on a couple of their trips, and there was never any instance of danger or inconvenience. In fact Old Blind Harry, as we referred to him, always looked – and felt, I'm sure – in absolutely top form when he stepped back on dry land, saying he'd never had a better time in his life. He gained no end of confidence. Movement, coordination – that sort of thing, which can't be bad for a disabled man, if you'll forgive me using the term. He even volunteered for the washing up, and always gave a hand with the sails – though Howard's trip will be on a motor job. He was almost as useful as the rest of us in the end. Mind you, we joshed him around a bit, teased him, but that seemed to please him as much as anything. He took it in good part when one of the men put a sextant into his hand at midday and told him to take a sight on the sun. Made him feel more like one of us, when he was teased. There was the time when we went cruising around the Shetlands and Orkneys, and ended up in Iceland for a week. We had a brilliant time at the hot springs. He particularly took to Iceland because the people were so interested to meet a blind sailor. They were really kind to him.' Especially the girls, they were all over him, he was going to say, but thought better than to add such a touch to his fantasy. ‘He was singing pop songs on the way back. We all were. Getting into Aberdeen was hilarious.'

He went across to a carriage clock on the shelf and wound it as if to bring the tightness of its spring to the same tension as her heart. Tension was good for her, even necessary if she was to have some kind of release. It would do her good. He came back to his chair. ‘Then again, I can put myself in your place, and see how the idea disturbs you. If you and Howard have never been apart, as I understand you haven't, the prospect can't be very appealing. I don't suppose Howard should be allowed to go scot free on such a trip if it's going to distress you. That's the last thing I would like to be responsible for. I've too high a regard for you – and for Howard, come to that – to help him make you in anyway unhappy.'

Surprised by such an easy win, she wished he would stop talking. Another swallow of her drink could do no harm. ‘You're very kind and understanding about it.'

It was wonderful what breathing did to a woman's bosom, at least to hers. Her breasts, even at the faintest movement under her thin blue sweater, were as well shaped as those on a girl of twenty. They positively invited him to touch them. A one-second glance took everything in, and he wondered if she was aware of it. ‘Thank you for saying that, because I know how important it is for you.'