The GI Bride (21 page)

The general delegation meetings were held at
the Chicago Amphitheater (McCormick Place was not yet built), and it was always packed.
We had special tickets to attend the sessions and the Gurleys’ chauffeur usually
picked me up and drove me downtown. The limousine was also sent to collect me for a
private party held in Fred Gurley’s personal railroad car, which had been brought
into the Chicago Stockyards for the Gurleys to entertain in. Many famous people attended
the party that evening; it was all I could do to stop myself staring with my mouth wide
open. I was introduced to the Davieses, who owned the
L. A. Times
; their
daughter Nancy married Ronald Reagan and later became America’s First Lady.

Mrs Gurley told me they were disappointed
that Walt Disney had sent his apologies; apparently, he and Fred Gurley were close
friends, so much so that Gurley had
named one of his trains after
Disney. I never could quite figure out why I was there and felt completely out of place.
The Gurleys were wonderful people and very down-to-earth, but I was hopelessly
embarrassed in their company on one particular occasion. Wayne, who was four or five at
the time, had been invited to come downtown with us in the limousine, along with Mrs
Gurley and me. Out of the blue he started calling Mrs Gurley ‘Grandma’. I
wanted to die, but she roared with laughter.

Later I learned that Fred Gurley had been
one of those who were covering up Palmer’s drinking. Apparently, it had become a
mutual thing: Mr Gurley also had help from Dr H. and the steam baths during the run-up
to and period of the convention. They covered for each other, the only difference being
that Fred Gurley could afford it.

After the convention had nominated Richard
Nixon to run against John F. Kennedy in the Presedential Election, we received a card
from Nixon thanking us for our efforts on his behalf. Palmer was as mad as hell when
Kennedy won that election. He thought Nixon was wonderful and continued to think that
even after the Watergate scandal, which blew up years later and resulted in Nixon
resigning the presidency. For some reason, even though I knew little about American
politics or politicians, I never did like Nixon.

I began yearning for another child and was
convinced that if we had one together Palmer might stop drinking. Surely, I thought, if
he had a child of his own, he would grow up and be more responsible. Perhaps his parents
would be nicer if I gave them a grandchild. They treated Wayne kindly but without
affection. They always seemed a little uncomfortable around us, perhaps because they had
spent so little time being a family in the past. I always tried to give them the benefit
of the doubt, but it wasn’t easy.

Our living conditions had also become an
issue for me, especially when I realized that all of Palmer’s workmates were
living in elegant apartment buildings on Lakeshore Drive or big houses in the suburbs,
while we were in the same basement apartment. I thought that if he stopped drinking and
spending money foolishly, we could pay off some of our mounting debts and be able to
afford a nicer apartment or house. If he was a father, things would change, I felt
sure.

Every month when my period started, I would
be shattered with disappointment. It wasn’t easy to interest Palmer in sex I
supposed because of his drinking. He usually went to sleep far too quickly, often on the
sofa, or simply couldn’t perform. I begged and pleaded with him to stop drinking,
for just a short while, so that I’d have a better chance of becoming pregnant, but
my pleas were in
vain. Occasionally he said he would try, but still he
arrived home drunk each night.

I finally went to my old friend Dr Crown and
asked his advice. He told me we should do a sperm count to find out if a pregnancy was
possible. We already knew that I could conceive. I explained this to Palmer and,
although it was embarrassing, with his co-operation I collected the semen sample in a
condom, where it was secured, ready for transportation. I had to keep it warm, next to
my body, and get it into the doctor’s office right away. We carried it out in a
very contrived way early one Saturday morning. I will never forget that trip downtown on
the bus, with a semen-filled condom under my arm: I was praying all the way that it
wouldn’t burst.

Dr Crown inspected the sample under a
microscope and invited me to look too. He pointed out that there were few sperm and they
were not very active. He did say, though, that I could get pregnant. He gave me some
advice on increasing the possibility of those few lazy little sperm finding their
target, and told me it would help a lot if Palmer were to stop drinking, which he did
not.

I won’t go into detail about the
acrobatics we performed to help steer those tired little swimmers in the right
direction, but you couldn’t do them with grace, especially if you were not in good
physical condition. Often we would collapse in hysterical laughter at least this had
given us something to laugh about together. But something worked because I was soon
pregnant. We were both elated, and even Palmer’s parents were pleased at the
prospect of becoming grandparents.

By then I had stopped working so I
immediately started
on a healthy regimen of walking and exercising
every day in an effort not to gain as much weight as I had in my first pregnancy. I was
also hoping that it would have an effect on the size of the baby. I was not keen on
giving birth to another very large one. I walked miles every day and had never felt
healthier. I would also have been happier, had it not been for Palmer’s drinking,
which was getting worse instead of better, as I’d hoped.

For a while, we’d had a housekeeper
coming in once a week to help clean and do the ironing, but now we couldn’t afford
that and in those days it cost only nine dollars for the day. We had become fond of our
housekeeper, whose name was Mary Butler. Mary was a large jolly African American, who I
think was as fond of us as we were of her. She had been unhappy that Wayne called Palmer
by his first name and nagged him into calling him ‘Daddy Bob’. When I told
her we could no longer afford to have her, we both cried. The following week she showed
up anyway. We were all still in bed and she was banging on the door but Palmer
wouldn’t let her in and refused to allow me to go and talk to her. He was angry
that she had defied his order not to come any more but I believe she was worried about
us: she knew about his drinking and had observed his crazy behaviour. It was
heartbreaking hearing her calling to us, and it seemed an eternity before she finally
left. I truly think she knew we needed her, and I believe she would have worked for
nothing, had Palmer allowed her to come. This proved to be one of the first unreasonable
control issues that was to make our future lives unbearable at times.

While I was pregnant, my friend Mary
Nicholson
started taking evening classes in shorthand and typing at
the nearby high school. I thought that sounded wonderful and decided it might be a good
idea if I checked to see what was available for me. I found an art class that sounded
interesting, and since it took place on just one evening a week, and I was spending so
many evenings alone anyway, I signed up. Mary agreed to watch Wayne for me if Palmer
wasn’t home. I really enjoyed learning something new rather than just sitting at
home wondering when Palmer would appear and in what condition he’d be. One night
as I was getting ready to go to class, he arrived home and was obviously very drunk.

‘Where do you think you’re
going?’ he slurred.

‘Don’t you remember? I’m
taking an art class at the high school,’ I replied.

‘No, I don’t remember. You
didn’t tell me that so don’t lie to me. You’re not going
anyway.’

‘I’ve already paid for it out of
my own money. I have to go. I’m in the middle of a project.’ I immediately
regretted mentioning my own money; I had made it secretly by sewing for people.

‘You don’t have money of your
own. That’s my money you’re wasting. No wonder we’re in debt.’ I
couldn’t believe my ears when he said that. I certainly had a lot to learn about
living with an alcoholic and how they twist things to shift blame.

He staggered into the bedroom and I followed
him, still pleading.

‘I’m not taking care of your kid
while you go off gallivanting,’ he spewed. ‘Now leave me alone.’ He
flopped onto the bed. For a minute, I just stood there, watching
saliva dribble out from the corner of his cruel mouth. At that moment, I hated
him.

I phoned Mary and told her what had
happened. She said I could bring Wayne over there if I still wanted to go to my class,
so that was what I did. I wasn’t going to allow that maniac to stop me having
something for myself.

With Wayne safely in Mary’s care, I
crept back into our apartment and grabbed my handbag, but as I started towards the back
door, suddenly he was there, blocking my way. He grabbed me, and dragged me away from
the door towards the bedroom. There, he tried to lock me into a closet. I think he was
shocked that I fought back and he loosened his grip long enough for me to break away. I
ran for the back door and managed to get outside. When he realized that I had left, he
came after me with an umbrella and began hitting me with it, trying to make me stop. I
just kept running. I was about seven months pregnant and I couldn’t believe he was
doing this to me and, frankly, I didn’t care if he killed me, but I was not about
to give in to him. He finally left me alone and went home. I continued to the school but
was in no condition to go to class and never went back. I sneaked into our apartment
building and went to Mary’s, where I sobbed my heart out and stayed until we were
sure that Palmer was asleep. The next day he claimed not to remember what had
happened.

Shortly after that incident, Palmer
announced that he’d been offered a job as sales manager at the Flamingo Hotel in
Las Vegas, and that he was going to accept it. What he failed to mention was that the
Convention Bureau was letting him go and that he would only be working there until he
had trained his replacement. He
said that the Vegas hotel would pay
our moving expenses and that we could stay at the hotel until we found a place to live.
I was so far along in my pregnancy, and so unsure of Palmer’s behaviour, that I
told him he should go ahead but that I didn’t want to move until after the baby
was born.

In the meantime, Mary and John, who lived
next door, expressed an interest in moving into our apartment when we left. After a lot
of brainstorming, we came up with a plan: when our furniture was put into temporary
storage, Palmer could go to Las Vegas and Mary and John would move into our apartment.
Wayne and I would stay with them until after the baby arrived. Everyone thought that was
a great idea. Palmer would be happy, Mary and John would be happy and I would still be
under Dr Crown’s care. It would also buy me time to decide if I wanted to join
Palmer in Las Vegas.

One positive thing I had managed to do at
that time was join a church. Wayne and I attended a nearby Lutheran church and involved
ourselves in its activities. I had attended a Billy Graham event in Chicago, and had
been ‘saved’, and I was now reading the Bible regularly and doing a
home-study course provided by the Billy Graham Foundation. Palmer made fun of me, but I
ignored his gibes. The church provided me with a sense of security and stability in my
fractured life and I was sure it would give me the strength I needed to keep my marriage
together. I had begun teaching at Sunday school and had fun creating Bible-related
projects for the children in my class. I was especially touched when they brought me
little
presents. Sundays became very important to my sanity. The
church was one place where I felt safe.

Palmer left for Las Vegas at the end of
August 1961, which left Wayne and me sharing what was now Mary and John’s extra
bedroom. We were enjoying the relaxed atmosphere without the constant threat of
Palmer’s behaviour, and Mary and John enjoyed having what we jokingly called a
live-in maid. I kept the apartment sparkling clean and had dinner ready for them every
night when they came home from work. The peace was heavenly, and the laughter a gift. It
seemed like every five minutes they’d have the camera out, taking photos of me and
my giant bump, which they found hilarious.

We received regular phone calls from Las
Vegas and it sounded as though things were going well out there. Palmer must have been
on his best behaviour during the honeymoon phase of his new job. He told me that his
bosses were pleased and impressed with his sales ability and general know-how. In fact,
Palmer was a brilliant young man. He’d had a great reputation nationally and was
highly thought of in the industry until his drinking ruined his career. When he was
sober, he was a different person.

We began hearing of all the celebrities he
was meeting, including many of the big-name stars who were headlining in the shows out
there. Palmer had always been a name-dropper, often exaggerating his connections with
the rich and famous, so we never really knew if he had just passed someone in the
hallway or if he really was acquainted with them. He said he could hardly wait for us
to get there so that we could see where he worked and meet all the
important people he knew. I guess I wanted to believe him.