The Gift in You: Discovering New Life Through Gifts Hidden in Your Mind (17 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE:
{TOXIC DREAMS AS GIFT-BLOCKERS}

Dreams occur during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Changes in your brain are occurring in the neurons as memories consolidate, and across the brain as the thoughts integrate into the network. So essentially, the brain is sorting thoughts.

As you think in your own unique way, you will also dream in your own unique way, which means there are no predictable patterns. With God's help, however, sometimes you can better understand your "gift- blockers" from your dreams. All people dream, but not everyone always remembers his or her dreams.

This is because as you sleep your brain sorts out toxic and nontoxic thoughts in your dreams. Toxic thought clusters disturb the nerve chemistry and electrical-chemical feedback loops of the brain and body, disturbing peace and causing you to "forget" your dreams. I stress however, that no one except you and God can get meaning from your dreams because of the distinctiveness of how you think - your gift.

The process of how we dream is fascinating. We start with NREM sleep where the brain stops processing the outside world and progresses into REM sleep where we process our inner thought life. As we do this, we move through toxic and non-toxic thought clusters with all their associated emotions.
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Dreams involve thinking about abstract ideas that are represented visually, so they can be confusing.

Neurochemically
, when we are awake we have serotonin and
norepinephrine
helping us to line up our thoughts and think logically to process the sensory input coming from the outside world. Then we get bursts acetylcholine as something captures our attention.
⁸

At night-time when we sleep, acetylcholine is active (consolidating memories) and serotonin and
norepinephrine
shut down. It's the firing of
acetycholine
that brings the "strangeness" to our dreams.
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Dreams start when a host of signals fires upwards from the
pons
(part of the brain stem) into the cortex activating memories, but not activating the fontal lobe's ability to understand the memories so there is no reasonable or rational explanation of the mix of memories activated. It appears the really intense memories, the very toxic and very happy memories get a lot of attention in this process.
¹⁰
As the signals move down to the emotional areas, the
amygdala
wakes up the emotional perceptions stored there, creating a busy dream characterized by feelings. The more toxic the thought clusters, the more frightening and anxiety-provoking the dreams become.

Dreams have purpose: Dreams are there to sort our thinking. And when they are recurring this could be an indication of a toxic thought that has not been resolved. Very often we dream issues that haven't yet been resolved, meaning there is something that is not sorted out in your thought life and needs to be faced so it can be rewired.

After studying brain scans, some dream experts suggest that perceptions are processed in dreams in a backward way, that we don't use our higher mental functions in the same way as when we are awake. We don't "see" things in quite the same way when we are asleep as we do during the day. These scans show that the areas dealing with emotion, relationships and survival (
amygdala
) and pleasure seeking (ventral
tegmental
area) are very active, but the frontal lobe that reasons, achieves goals, disciplines and controls behavior is less active.
¹¹
This means we process from concrete to abstract during the day and abstract to concrete during the night.

You may have heard it is better to never let the sun set on your anger (Ephesians 4:26). Brain science demonstrates that it's true.

If you are upset with someone and go to bed angry, it is actually not helpful because you will consolidate that memory into your networks and because it's toxic, it will manifest at some point as a dream. The anger will often come out as part of a storyline of a book you have read or a movie you have seen, but backward because of perceptions being processed in a backward direction in dreams.
¹²

Someone with a very rebellious spirit may have recurring dreams of breaking boundaries and could be represented visually by "I am flying" or other types of boundary-breaking dreams. Or someone may fear his or her ambition is out of control and have dreams of nation conquering.
¹³

An example of this is a recurring dream I have been having for years until I learned that I could start to rewire it. I kept having a dream of someone breaking into my childhood home. It was the same root of fear but three different scenarios, and each time there was a nerve-wracking race to get out of the house away from the attacker or get into the house because the attacker is coming up the driveway or I am lying by a glass sliding door and I can hear the attacker. They were horrific and frightening and I would wake up in a cold sweat each time.

I spoke to my mother about them and apparently when I was very young our house was broken into and I saw the intruders from my window going around the house. It was traumatic for me as I was a young child.

Even now as an adult, I still get traumatized when I recall the dreams. They are much less frequent now, and when I have that dream I know that I need to continue working on rewiring that fear circuit. Because I have this reoccurring toxic dream, I have a toxic fear that is difficult to get rid of.

This is an indirect gift-blocker because it shows me there is a cluster of thoughts with fear emotions intertwined within them that I haven't fully dealt with. This will cause a nagging stress and a nagging anxiety. Any kind of
undealt
with trauma will manifest in dreams in recurring ways. But as I continue to recognize it as fear, I also know that God has given me the opportunity to break free. Sometimes, this is more of a process than others. So, I see great progress and know that one day these dreams will stop completely.

Toxic dreams don't just come from frightening or negative experiences. If you have watched a particularly disturbing movie or heard a disturbing story, very often this will come out in dreams.

Once again, remember, you have a gift that operates when you are awake and asleep. Your unique way of sorting out your thought life in dreams will be your own unique experience, one worth investigating to try to sort out any disturbances to your mind's peace.

That's why we must break the gift-blocker of toxic dreams by:

1. Observing and journaling your dreams to increase awareness.
   

1. Prayerfully asking for the help of the Holy Spirit to tell you what they mean.
   

Toxic dreams can be harmful to a peaceful sleep. But they are useful in understanding that there may be "hidden" gift-blockers that need to be addressed. When you identify a gift-blocker, be assured that you can overcome it; you can walk in your gift confidently into lasting change.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO:
{TOXIC CHOICES AS GIFT-BLOCKERS}

Before the end of today, you will have made many choices from the mundane (what to eat, where to sit, what to wear) to the more serious (what to do about a problem, an issue, a sickness, a child or friend problem, finances, what to do about your life). Choices we make are determined by our thoughts. So the healthier and more submitted our thoughts are to Christ, the healthier our choices. The converse applies as well. The more toxic our thought clusters and attitudes, the more toxic the choices we will make.

No choice stands in isolation. The choice you make was first a cluster of thoughts with its emotions attached, all forming your attitude. Your attitude is your state of mind that influences your choices. A general attitude - you are a negative or positive person; you tend to look on the bright side or dark side of life; you see the best or worst in people first; you first look at what went wrong before you look at what's right and vice versa; you see the cup half full or half empty, and so on. In addition to this general attitude are the individual emotions - attitudes - attached to each of your thought clusters; so you can have a good attitude about math but a bad attitude about history; you can have a good attitude to this person but a bad attitude to that person; you can have a good attitude in one situation and a bad attitude in another.

The bottom line of choices is this: When you walk in the structure of the gift that God has given you according to His will for your life, you are going to make healthy choices. We can identify if we are walking in love or fear by checking our activated thoughts and listening to that "adrenalin-pumping, heart-pounding" reaction we have to toxic thinking. Are you choosing toxic choices over healthy choices? Toxic choices can linger in our minds and our lives, causing us to experience emotions like regret, doubt and especially unforgiveness.

Twelve years ago I had to make a choice, one of the hardest I have ever had to make: whether to stay married.

My husband, Mac, was becoming an alcoholic. He had all kinds of toxic seeds from his childhood, which were manifesting in this toxic consequence. My love for him was so all-consuming that I felt I could not live without him; but one day, after he had driven me and our four children (ranging from three weeks up to five years old), back from a dinner drunk and would not let me drive, I realized I had reached the point of having to make a serious choice. I wrestled with God all night long. I knew I had to trust God.

I pleaded with God to heal him (Mac had been born again a couple of weeks before), telling God I could not live without him and I could help him give up drinking, that he was a great husband when sober and he never hurt us. But I knew God was telling me to let him go and trust Him - whatever that meant. And I knew I had been praying for him for nine years and had four small children.

The next morning when Mac woke up, I made the choice to trust God and, shaking, gave him a letter explaining that I was letting go and giving him to God. In that moment of truth I really thought I would die, because although deep down I knew he would do the right thing, there was still the question: What if he didn't?

Mac looked at me with tears in his eyes and said he would choose God and us over the bottle. He went inside the house and poured thousands of dollars of alcohol down the drain. He stopped drinking that day and has never touched another drink since. 

He filled his bar in our home with spiritual food - Christian tapes and DVDs and CDs of worship music and Bibles and every book he could find about walking the Christian life. Today he runs our organization, and without him and his spiritual covering and love and support, I could not do what I do. He made the healthy choice to sell out to Christ and is the model husband and father, immersing himself in God and the Word. I am so thankful I chose to trust God that day and so thankful beyond words that Mac made the choice he did.

I am sure you have a story to tell about choices you have made. Maybe you have a similar or different story to mine. Maybe you made a toxic choice but now you want to make the right choice. Be heartened; God forgives and He blessed you with a brain that He can rewire, modeled after His own, to help you make the right choices.

That's why we must break the gift-blocker of toxic choices by:

1. Using the discomfort zones to help identify and acknowledge gift-blocking toxic love.
   

1. Using the frontal lobe to stand outside of ourselves and evaluate our choices and the thoughts and emotions they come from.
   

1. Rewiring.
   

1. Never doing this without prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit.
   

Sometimes in the middle of difficult circumstances, it is easy to forget that we have been given a choice. But we have! You have been given a choice about what steps you are going to take. And,
whenu
are not bound by toxic choices, you can walk steadfastly in the gifting God has given you.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE:
{TOXIC TOUCH AS A GIFT-BLOCKER}

Touch is lyrically described as "one of the most essential elements of human development," a "critical component of the health and growth of infants" and a "powerful healing force."

In studies by the late Wisconsin University psychologist Harry Harlow in the 1950s and 1960s, it is the force that cured baby rhesus monkeys of signs of stress, trauma and depression. Baby monkeys were removed from their mothers and suffered greatly. They were fed. They were cared for in every way, except for touch - especially the touch of their mothers. Pretty soon, the devastating affects became clear. They were withdrawn. They were listless. And they were not developing normally. However, when they were restored to their mothers' loving care, they became new creatures. They were curious. They were playful. And they were at peace.

Scientists are still discovering how very important touch is. Jesus, 2000 years ago, touched those He healed when He walked the earth; He held and loved and comforted through touch. A human connection is one of the most important elements in living in community with one another. However, toxic touch turns what is supposed to be a healing and healthy human connection into an ugly area of gift-blocking.

When something as basic as the need for touch - a great hug, a pat on the back, a peck on the cheek - turns into something toxic, toxic seeds and emotions and thoughts will all become part of the reaction.

We all know the stories. There are so many, it's overwhelming how the evil one has distorted touch in the world today. We know how hurtful abuse can be, when touch is harmful. And that is never, ever acceptable. But sometimes we don't realize that another aspect of toxic touch is actually the lack of touch.

In fact, just as inappropriate touch affects our gift, the lack of touch (called "
cutaneous
deprivation") will also affect our gifts through toxic emotions, thoughts and choices. Even physical growth and the immune system are weakened. Research shows that touch- deprivation causes change in the brain (
neuroplasticity
), laying the patterns for aggression and violence.
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There is a hunger more powerful than for food inside of us, we are wired by a loving God for loving touch. So that gentle pat on the hands or the kind tap on the back or the welcoming hug you gave someone today may very well have unblocked a toxic cycle in the brain and held to release the person's gift. We are instrumental in helping heal each other through something as simple as loving touch. In fact, your touch could shift that person's day from a disaster to a success.

I know the joy and peace that I feel when Mac gives me a hug of encouragement when I have been sitting at my computer working hours on end on a new book or a new research project. And when I am feeling down, how a hug from one of my children can lift my spirit. And what about your pet? We have the cutest
Shitzu
who loves to lick - she will come up to you and in joy lick your feet until you laugh and pick her up to love her. This alone releases a
neurochemical
bath that not only relieves tension but activates your gift as well.

Those around you will benefit from the touch as well. Neuroscientists have discovered a very interesting function that neurons play when it comes to human interaction.

We have these amazing groups of neurons in the top and side of the brain (
premotor
cortex and inferior parietal cortex) that get excited and start firing the brain of the person receiving the hug. In fact the mirror neuron firing also happens in the person who made the decision to hug the other person as they identified with their issue and reached out in love.

We are designed for relationships - man is not meant to be alone, so it would make sense to have brain wiring to support healthy relationships. This is also why we love to hear other peoples' stories - the mirror neurons help make this real for us and we learn from each other.
¹⁵

We each have our own natural inner pharmacy that produces all the drugs we ever need to run our body-mind in precisely the way it was designed to run. Of course, prescription drugs have their place. They can save lives. However, they are only a means to an end, and they usually have serious side effects. Good touching, on the other hand, releases the body's natural chemicals like endorphins,
enkephalins
,
oxytocin
and dopamine, setting in motion your love circuits and stopping the fear circuits.

Many animal and human studies show the benefits of touch, not only for depression, but for illnesses that have physical symptoms as well. So, missing, exaggerated, muted or otherwise distorted perceptions and responses become toxic thoughts, and thus affectionate touch is an essential "nutrient" to normal brain functioning.

That's why we must break the gift-blocker of toxic touch by:

1. Using the discomfort zones to help identify and acknowledge gift-blocking a toxic touch . . . is it inappropriate or lacking?
   

1. Using the frontal lobe to stand outside of ourselves and evaluate how this can be changed.
   

1. Rewiring.
   

1. Never doing this without prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit.
   

So healthy touch is one of the physical things you can do to change your mental processes and unblock your gift.